So went to see that today and just--did not expect it. The trailers really did not prepare me for it.

Short version: yes, go see it right now.

( the king is dead, long live wakanda, spoilers )

No period romance watching is ever complete until you watch Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Is it a masterpiece of cinema? Groundbreaking in reinterpreting the role of women in nineteenth century Britain? A fascinating dip into the culture and psychology of Regency-era zombies? Perhaps the greatest piece of media ever created on earth?

My opinion is yes; if you think otherwise, you're wrong. You're very wrong and must be put right one way or another by God.

If you're on the fence, though why I have no idea, but here's why you need to watch:
( there's a zombie church )

I rest my case.

A very satisfying ending.

( interesting )

This is a cut to avoid boring everyone with five year old movie thoughts.

( heh )

Okay, so the trailer for the Joker movie (Joaquin Phoenix) is totally not what I expected.

Joker

the worst part about having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don't

This can't be as good as it feels like it might be.

I am rewatching Venom and for the life of me, I can't figure out what they thought they were making or if they knew all along it was a romcom.

I thought people were exaggerating, and no, not even a little.

Petals on the Wind trailer, sequel to Lifetime's Flowers in the Attic, oh hell yes.

Shame is for those who didn't secretly read these during class during formative junior high years.

In my heart of hearts, I don't believe Vin Diesel has ever been in a bad movie. His very presence in it raises, refines, polishes, and perhaps one might even say transitions it into something transcending the mundanity of coherent plot and narrative flow. You can't think of his movies as movies in the general sense--like French surrealism or Japanese horror or Oliver Stone on higher quality drugs before the abyss that looked into us all in Alexander, which was like watching eight millimeter film weeping it's pain onto the screen before our terrified eyes in hopeless misery for mercy and knowing it will never, ever, ever get it because they left their king in Asia, it's--Vin Diesel. There will be film classes one day, American Vindieselism, where they examine The Fast and the Furious and weep for the complexity inherent in Pitch Black's subversion of many, many, many important things, so many I don't even have time to write them all, which--and this is totally a coincidence....

Riddick: Rule the Dark

His eyes stare into my soul whispering how many creative ways he'll kill things in the dark. And I say, "Yes, this."

...it doesn't hurt that Katee Sackhoff and Karl Urban are saying, "We kill things, too." Because yes.

You're welcome.

300: Rise of an Empire - THE TRAILER!

This post is related to my post, 300: rise of an empire - i try not to hope too much because seriously, awesome.

Going in:

1.) everyone will be pleased to know that shirts do not dishonor the wondrous chests and offend our eyes by hiding them in their muscular glory. And everyone still wears kilts. Because the gods back then were very awesome and give us nice things. Some have now added decorative leather straps. What the hell are they trying to do to me here.
2.) Xerxes codpiece. Also, Xerxes jewelry is--okay, personal confession; I love the look and could happily watch Xerxes towering above everyone and looking wrathful for like, two movies. Maybe three. Also, and this didn't occur to me before; is he supposed to be an actual god on earth and not just in his own (truly attractive) head and among his people? Because just gonna note; rising out of the water like that? I could be converted.
3.) Artemisia? Is gonna cut all the bitches. Her navy can of course take notes; they'll need them later.
4.) Greek horses do not know they can't walk on water and are offended when water disagrees with them. And then walk on it anyway. I want one of those horses.

...I'm sure there's a plot? Whatever. Soothe yourself with the running and jumping. There's a lot of running and jumping. And Artemisia's relationship with her bow and sword.

And also, funny:

Phantom - an American submarine captain! A leader of a rogue KGB unit! One is played by Ed Harris. The other is played by...David Duchovny. In so, so, so, so many ways, I want to see this.

...was the end of X-Files too long ago to get a kick out of Mulder the rogue KGB agent instead of the rogue FBI agent?

The Frankenstein Theory - which is, what if Frankenstein were non-fiction and Mary Shelley was writing like, a true crime novel? Which actually kind of really works for me.

Fast and Furious 6 - please let this be everything I have ever dreamed of. Super Bowl Spot (now with youtube links!), Slightly different theatrical trailer

Avengers midnight showing with Child tonight! School is every day, but midnight showings are forever = geek parenting 101.

In honor of Avengers: 6 Ways Iron Man Is Objectively Better Than Batman complete with fairly traumating pic of poor, poor Captain America. Dear God, why.

6 Classic Kids Shows Secretly Set in Nightmarish Universes

I have never felt less hopeful for the future. I mean, even Scooby. Even Scooby.

For anyone interested in upgrading to an SSD, Newegg has OCZ Agility, 120 GB on sale for $114 ($99 after MIR). I'm only using a little more than half of mine for my OS and all my programs and program settings, so if you use two hard drives, this is a primary will totally change your life.

For reference, this is the model I ordered for svmadelyn and for my server to take over as primary hard drive. Server is also getting a major RAM upgrade finally before I upgrade the OS sometime this month due to weird speed problems I've been having.

I feel very good about the world atm.

So norabombay is responsible for my next credit card statement due to overuse of Amazon and iTunes because in a fit of what I thought was sympathy post-Sherlock, she introduced me to Grosse Pointe Blank since I hadn't seen it (don't judge), and I'm happier, but also, poorer trying to get the soundtrack by piecemeal since it's not downloadable as a whole and where is Blister 2000 anyway?

That I'm listening to Guns N'Roses Live and Let Die with no sense of irony hurts me dreadfully. Then again, I get to hum happily to myself whenever there is shooting, and there is a truly satisfactory amount of shooting. Happy.

ETA: This movie isn't on bluray? What kind of sick world do we live in?

PS: Okay, that's it, this is a night of Steve Wariner music and pre-ordering The Fray's new album. Between Sherlock and the vast betrayal of bluray technology, I really have no choice. And I'm downloading the two singles now. That is where I am. Even though I am not sure The Fighter really expresses my pain sufficiently. Or Heartbeat.

So I forgot the reason I am always vaguely uncomfortable with Wuthering Heights; I always imagine I really don't like Heathcliff, and that's a lie. Heathcliff is the goddamn gothic Count of Monte Cristo and hey, I approve of revenge. I appprove of epic revenge. I also approve of enjoying it, but Heathcliff did not get that part right so oh well.

I really can't be fair about this one because the thing is, it's like, IDK, the perfect heist. Complicated, strategically planned long-term revenge wielded with exquisite timing for a perfect trap shutting slowly, painfully, inevitably over the victims as they watch in horror is hot.

Heathcliff's biggest advantage as he is, in all actuality, a goddamn woobie--and I do not use that term lightly, or ever. His life sucks. Everyone who should care about him? Sucks. He gets flogged and hurt and loses his bff soulmate and God knows what he had to do in those three years of his disappearance. His second biggest advantage as a character is that unless he was murdering puppies (I do not put this past him, or drowning kittens), everyone else is so unsympathetic that you don't actually care if they didn't really didn't quite earn Heathcliff's hatred. Because again, they suck.

(Except Hareton, who is awesome, and Young Catherine, eventually, when she stops being shouty.)

( spoilers for hardy adaptation )

You know, and I say this with deep romantic love, Rochester is a creepy creepster who is creeping creepily. Just. For the record. Oh my God his creeping over Jane. How did I forget how unearthly unsubtle Rochester is? He's not even goddamn trying not to be creepy.

Christ, man, just get a fucking sign that says "I HAVE A CREEPY SECRET WHILE I CREEP OVER YOU, JANE."

"Poor and obscure as you are", how did I completely block out this?

Jane Eyre version with Michael Fassbender, which just makes it weirdly appropriate. It's like, Magneto in the nineteenth century whose mutant power is Creepiness. Creepneto. IDK. And also, not genocidal. I mean, I assume, but I've forgotten a lot of the book, so maybe he leads some kind of--yeah, no idea.

Suffice to say, Creepneto is freaking me out badly.

Oh, strangulation in the church. That's--what the hell.

Wait, I'm about to meet the wife. This is terribly, terribly disturbing.

To reward myself for not sinking into despondency when, of course, I did not get interviewed for either of the jobs I applied for, Child and I saw X-Men First Class at teh midnight showing.

...yeah, fuck the job, holy shit. That was amazing.

Going to bed now for another glorious day of testing. So worth it.

Okay, pleeeasse do not read this if you liked it a lot, because I hate fucking with squee as squee is fun and awesome and you should do that!

( spoilers: really need to get this out )

Please don't hate me?

You know, any review I do at this point is kind of the equivalent of guh, yes, this, guh. As one does when one falls on top of awesome and just grovels in it.

Thsi is written in one fell swoop. I know I missed a ton of stuff, but you know, I can totally meta on this for weeks.

Most of this is subject to change. In about a week, after I've read more, I'll probably have some caveats.

( prenotes: the kelvin )

( prenotes: timespace theory )

( star trek reboot: it's a wonderful life, if you think about it )

Okay, I cannot stop watching the new(est) Star Trek trailer. I have this strange, sick feeling I am going to like, cry in the theatre just seeing the credits or something. I mean, it's not like this would be a surprise.

For the five people who haven't seen it yet Go to Trailer 3.

Just. I mean. Why the hell isn't it May? Why isn't it May?

(Also, after describing the current story I am working on to niqaeli, she was silent for like a full second before gleefully shouting "IT IS LORD KING BAD FIC" and yes. Yes, it is. And it is like, eleven thousand words of it. There's a very real part of me that really thinks I could totally get someone pregnant just to see what would happen.)

The Stanford Prison Experiment, coming to a theatre near you. Eventually

...okay. I'm officially more excited about this than Star Trek and Watchmen combined. I mean--*flails*

Need trailer now.

From eleveninches

Trailer for Cthulhu.

*conflicted*

On one hand, Lovecraft! On the other, Tori Spelling. On the third, some creepy moments. On the other, oh my God what the hell did you hybridize this into? On the fourth, Cthulhu.

*face buried in hands* It can't be as bad as the fishy people one on sci-fi channel that I had to watch, had to because it was Lovecraft even though it looked more like low-rent Texas Chainsaw Massacre without involving Texas or a chainsaw and did involve people with tentacles in a way that was not hentai and more's the pity. Because when you actively hope they're going that way for the sake of the plot, something is wrong.

...maybe it is a weird apple joke?

Goddamn Chris Carter. I do not trust you. I do not believe you. I know you will fuck me over.

And I will watch anyway.

The meaning of fangirl: will watch even while holding a spork, buy even when hating the credit card bill, and love even when they totally screw it up.

I miss Mulder and Scully. I really want to see what happens next.

Seriously. Dammit.

I'll be here, aware of my enslavement and not even caring because Oh. My. God. X-Files. Hell and yes.

Wow. Let me just say regarding Caspian.

Not only would I hit that, I'd take it home and keep it. God. Even his voice. Seriously. Wow. I mean--he's pretty. But when he opens his mouth or picks up a weapon, I mean, God. Damn.

( spoilery )

Did I mention Caspian's voice? Again. Can we get more of these? I seriously, with no exaggeration, would listen to him recite the alphabet for the rest of my life.

ETA: Caspian's accent is Spanish. I would like to personally thank the nation of Spain and its historical countries for this. A lot.

Finished The Bourne Ultimatum. God.

My points of pondering are as follows; I think for me, a lot of movie watching is also a screening and interview process with an eye to the future. That being, the end of the world.

So I was thinking when I first ruminated on this that he's just that damn hot. But there's also this, and it hit me abruptly while considering the future Zombie Rebellion. It's not just the god-so-hot, or the guns, the blowing up things, the competence or the edge of barely leashed rage--it's my instincts and my ovaries. They look at him and say this man will be an excellent provider after the apocalypse. There is a very good chance you will survive.

Because I will be honest with you all; the day I have to hunt for my own food is the day you watch me starve to death. Let's make no mistake here; I can probably shoot it. And that is as close as I will get to it after. I have skillsets I think are valuable on the post-apocalyptic market (When I am told to run away so people with carbines can handle the zombies? I do. When someone says, lock yourself inside and don't come out! I will do so. I can get bloodstains out of almost anything (don't even ask), I can in fact hit a target with both gun and arrow (I ask you make the target larger than a peanut, though), and I can ice skate and snow shoe (should the apocalypse come with an ice age), and given materials, I can build things and fix things provided I understand what they are supposed to do (no, seriously. I can. It's not really useful right now; but when the zombies come? I will totally be. Just make sure you have duct tape around, plz).

No, seriously. It's like McGyver, except, well, Matt Damon, but you know, when you are looking for a mate at the end of the world, you really are going to want to go with someone with some kind of vague sociopathic disorder (so they will shoot the scary people for you quickly and efficiently and not worry about all that moral blah blah blah) or you are left to worry you will be someone he considers scary, or that they are really hungry and haven't seen any mutated deer for days. See how that works? You want someone who can get the electricity back on and fix your car and then when you are kidnapped by the zombies, will totally kill all of them to get you back before a nice lunch of canned beef in the special radiation proof fortress he built out of branches and leftover gum.

I'm not sure how you'd place an apocalyptic want-ad for this, though. I mean, I don't know about the rest of you? But I feel like just in case the zombies (Cthulhu, Ori, Lilith, First Evil, Wolfram and Hart) rise up against us, there should be a plan in place.

So now that I have totally made no sense: what would you list in your post-apocalyptic personal ad? (Let's pretend the Zombies don't touch the internet; Zombies need bad porn too. Please God, let the zombies like the internet).

My zen can be found in Pride and Prejudice.

I went on a minor shopping spree on Amazon, and I was saving this for my days off, but--ohh. Mr. Darcy. *Swimming*. In his trousers and shirt, even! No boots! No coat and hat! No cravat. That is totally the Regency equivalent of naked with leather straps and a whip, you know?

It's weird how your standards of sexy go through a time warp in five hours of viewing a movie where no one makes physical contact with the opposite sex. Unless they are married. Or Mr. Collins. Whose very existence explains why this rule should be enforced draconically.

Okay, I'm a little punchy. I have to work four hours Ssturday, too, and just thinking about it makes me need another shot with my DVD player.

( swimming! really! )

(a)...end of Titanic. Right, I know, I'm just a prostitute for the entire industrial-entertainment conglomeration that runs the world and Leonardo di Caprio is the antiChrist, but I. Don't. Care. Watching large ships go down while musicians keep playing and all those people dying? I get a flat thirty minutes of pretty much relentless crying.

Moments that are the whimperiest.

Old people in bed, waiting for the water.

Two kids in bed, waiting for the water.

Captain with his steering wheel, waiting for the water.

Musicians playing, waiting for the water.

You see a theme here?

Though there's this one unintentionally, I'm sure, break-moment where this lady slides on her stomach ALL the way down the Titanic's deck and instead of weeping for her death, I stop and wonder how many splinters she got in her stomach and how uncomfortable that must be right before going on to a watery grave. It's bad enough to drown in freezing water, but imagine all that salt water in those open cuts, stinging! *shivers*

(b) Armageddon. I'll say it before, I'll say it again. The eternal love of Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck's characters is liken unto Romeo and Juliet, but without everyone dying and a lot less in the way of sex. If that entire death thing wasn't hanging over my head, I'd be all over them. Stupid reservations regarding undead sex. Bah. That entire damn movie is a river of woe for me. From the second they start boarding the ship until Bruce dies in a flare of white.

(c) Tarzan, Disney version. I don't even want to hear it. The song and the parents building their little house--gets me EVERY time. I'd blame Elton John and hormones, but I've watched it too many times to keep that kind of excuse on hand. And the mommy ape! Come ON.

(d) Pearl Harbor -- see, prostitute for the entertainment industry, I am totally their market. But all those people banging to get out of the ships? Roosevelt standing up to make the speech at the table? Gah. Hurts.

(e) Anytime I re-read Winston Churchill's speech regarding how England wouldn't ever give up during WW II, and the really embarassing part is, that one happened the first time in class, which got me no points with anyone.

(f) Buffy fifth season finale. Spike's expression. Buffy's speech while falling. This perfect second when you give up and let go. Last ten minutes, I and the kleenex are one. Still does it to me, even now. I was still crying on AIM while chatting with Lena.

(g) Smallville, Ryan dying by inches in that bed.

(h) End of Darkstar's "Save the Last Dance for Me". Every. Fucking. Time. You'd think by now I'd be desensitized, but oh no. Dammit.

There, I've embarssed myself enough for one day.

Rec Correction

Maps and Legends, the wonderfulness that I was assured is finished and being polished AS WE SPEAK, is by Rachel Anton and Laura Blaurosen. My apologies. My only excuse is that I was so desperately grateful for readability I dind't pay attention to, you know, the authors.

To The Siamese Twins, I'm fixing that thing with the link, I swear. See below for explanation on why I haven't yet. *hugs* I'm so sorry.

Bored Out of My Mind

I considered redesigning my webpage again, but then I forgot the new password for the main directory, and I hate editing in WS_FTP. It hates me and also adds little blocks everywhere and everything is in a big paragraph instead of being spaced out correctly. Hate that. And I have actual editing to do! I do!

*sighs* However, I can still uplaod and download without trauma, so....

( cover! yay! )

Recs

I'm still working out the good/bad manners of vid reccing. Feel free to tell me to take it down if you're just terribly uncomfortable.

66 by sisabet. If I could literally boil down everythign I love about QaF into less than five minutes of images, this is what I'd use. It's fantastic.

Battleflag by sisabet. Again. See above.

Fast As You Can by silviakundera. Yep. Took me two days to make it download and my computer cooperate, and I won't waste energy explaining my hatred of my monitor for making everything os damn dark, because completely worth it.

Keep Me by silviakundera I want this song, dammit. Must look. Pretty. The cuddliness is unending.

Eleventh Hour by Mesa. I could swear I read it before it was recced by someone here, but I cant' be sure, and it was good, good, good. Love Justin. Just love him.

isilya gets creative as hell. Justin is thinking along with Michael. Short, sweet, and *true*. Hurts. I'm okay with that.

Whining

Slowly but surely, I'm trying to work my way through Across the Pond. I have a system to keep the trauma to a minimum. If the summary tells me the plotline and ending, I skip. If there is any kind of virtual giggling, I skip. If the title makes me roll my eyes, I skip. Basically, my MO in the SSA and Level_Three.

Now, that's level one sorting. Level two is usually where I get trapped and frantic, because once I start reading? Can't stop. Train wreck in progress? Can't stop. Turns suddenly Brian/Michael with rugrats and a picket fence and pet dog unexpectedly? Can't stop. Have to read to the bitter, bitter, bitter end, and this could be (i) on 'things that make me cry ridiculously'.

And by the way? Nestle Treasures? The way to enlightenment. Especially the coconut ones. I at least ten pieces further into enlightened *right now*.

Hmm. I need to make more icons. Soon.