Today's poem:
Bright Wings
I was walking in the garden looking for the intermediaries
between me and the clear light. I had left the hose running
much too long. Something was eating holes in the ear-soft
leaves of the morning glories. I saw for the first time
that the neighbor was growing corn - the yellow shocks
were leaning just above the cinder-block fence, and they
looked delicate and scruffy, like city corn, like alien corn,
and suddenly there was so much to be done, so much to
put in order, not the ordinary business of loving and dying,
but the ordinary business that comes bundled with them:
Sunlight behaved perfectly in every corner, the shadows breathed
in their one direction and told stories, our cat crouched in the flower bed
aching to kill something: How do you explain being so convinced,
so utterly taken by the idea that beauty is somehow moral?
I mean in this day and age? I mean now when no one can even get
that equation to hold up? But the ants have formed a black
ribbon that leads to a dead snail. But the Pipers and Cessnas
and Beechcraft are circling and banking for the airport with
so much color and precision. But the dogs two houses down
have heard the mail-carrier's foot, and they have erupted.
This is not the argument I'm looking for. And I have been lazy.
Tangerines and lemons have swollen and dropped from their
impatient branches. They lie among the fern and the vine, bruised
and mushy. They are being swarmed. They are being devoured.
--Frank X. Gaspar
***
Bright Wings
I was walking in the garden looking for the intermediaries
between me and the clear light. I had left the hose running
much too long. Something was eating holes in the ear-soft
leaves of the morning glories. I saw for the first time
that the neighbor was growing corn - the yellow shocks
were leaning just above the cinder-block fence, and they
looked delicate and scruffy, like city corn, like alien corn,
and suddenly there was so much to be done, so much to
put in order, not the ordinary business of loving and dying,
but the ordinary business that comes bundled with them:
Sunlight behaved perfectly in every corner, the shadows breathed
in their one direction and told stories, our cat crouched in the flower bed
aching to kill something: How do you explain being so convinced,
so utterly taken by the idea that beauty is somehow moral?
I mean in this day and age? I mean now when no one can even get
that equation to hold up? But the ants have formed a black
ribbon that leads to a dead snail. But the Pipers and Cessnas
and Beechcraft are circling and banking for the airport with
so much color and precision. But the dogs two houses down
have heard the mail-carrier's foot, and they have erupted.
This is not the argument I'm looking for. And I have been lazy.
Tangerines and lemons have swollen and dropped from their
impatient branches. They lie among the fern and the vine, bruised
and mushy. They are being swarmed. They are being devoured.
--Frank X. Gaspar
***
books
The Jeeves Omnibus Vol. 2:
Right Ho, Jeeves: skipped bc I just read it in another volume.
Joy in the Morning: 1947. Eh. Not his best work.
Carry On, Jeeves: 1925. MY FAVORITE! SO GOOD!
The Best Kind of American: A True Story of Murder, War, and America's Undoing in the Middle East by Kim Ghattas. 2026. ARC. Read twice so I could write a coherent review. This book is a tour de force of investigative journalism, an extraordinary journey covering the last 50-ish years in the Middle East, from the Carter Administration to the current Trump regime. Structured around the murder of Malcolm Kerr, the president of American University Beirut, by Iranian-controlled assassins, and the story of his family, it explores a wildly complicated conflict centered on Lebanon, but involving Israel, Iran, Syria, France, the US, Germany, and others. Hamas, Hezbollah, Islamic Jihad, and various splinter groups are contextualized in their struggle against Israeli and Western powers. Most importantly, Ghattas is unbiased, putting blame where it's due in all corners. Contains multiple murders, kidnappings, hijackings, and episodes of torture -- war on many levels -- but also the search for justice through the courts for the Kerr family. Highly recommended.
The Cloak and Its Wizard by R.Z. Nicolet. 2026. Magical sentient cloak chooses a middle-aged female neurosurgeon as its new wearer. I did not see the superheroes coming and thus did not care...until suddenly I did. The last half of the novel is pretty great, but it takes a bit to get rolling.
Israel: What Went Wrong? by Omer Bartov. 2026. Excellent contextualization of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict from 1948 through the cease fire of late last year. Includes the October 7 attacks & Israel's retaliation. Goes into Israel's lack of a constitution and the consequences of that. Discusses the charges of apartheid, brought by South Africa, against Israel in the International Criminal Court. Finally, suggests 4 different plans for peace between Israel and Palestine. My opinion: Israel desperately needs a constitution, and Bibi desperately needs to spend the rest of his life in prison for war crimes. Which aligns me with Israeli leftists. This is a grim book, but it's relatively short. There's a bibliography, but no notes.
currently reading: The Jeeves Omnibus Vol. 3: The Mating Season (1949) / Ring for Jeeves (1953) / Very Good, Jeeves! (1930).
healthcrap
left hand + wrist still hurt a great deal, so no yarning. Didn't go to yarn group. Have been sleeping really a lot and not getting up until way too late, despite four alarms. Replaced coffee with tea. Sleep disorders suck.
astrology
full moon in Scorpio this Friday just as the protests are kicking off. Later in the day, Mercury conjoins Chiron in Aries. An apt time for airing grievances. A bit more potential for violence than I'm entirely happy with, but I'm hoping for the best.
#resist
May 1: No Kings 4!
I hope all of you are doing well! <333
The Jeeves Omnibus Vol. 2:
Right Ho, Jeeves: skipped bc I just read it in another volume.
Joy in the Morning: 1947. Eh. Not his best work.
Carry On, Jeeves: 1925. MY FAVORITE! SO GOOD!
The Best Kind of American: A True Story of Murder, War, and America's Undoing in the Middle East by Kim Ghattas. 2026. ARC. Read twice so I could write a coherent review. This book is a tour de force of investigative journalism, an extraordinary journey covering the last 50-ish years in the Middle East, from the Carter Administration to the current Trump regime. Structured around the murder of Malcolm Kerr, the president of American University Beirut, by Iranian-controlled assassins, and the story of his family, it explores a wildly complicated conflict centered on Lebanon, but involving Israel, Iran, Syria, France, the US, Germany, and others. Hamas, Hezbollah, Islamic Jihad, and various splinter groups are contextualized in their struggle against Israeli and Western powers. Most importantly, Ghattas is unbiased, putting blame where it's due in all corners. Contains multiple murders, kidnappings, hijackings, and episodes of torture -- war on many levels -- but also the search for justice through the courts for the Kerr family. Highly recommended.
The Cloak and Its Wizard by R.Z. Nicolet. 2026. Magical sentient cloak chooses a middle-aged female neurosurgeon as its new wearer. I did not see the superheroes coming and thus did not care...until suddenly I did. The last half of the novel is pretty great, but it takes a bit to get rolling.
Israel: What Went Wrong? by Omer Bartov. 2026. Excellent contextualization of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict from 1948 through the cease fire of late last year. Includes the October 7 attacks & Israel's retaliation. Goes into Israel's lack of a constitution and the consequences of that. Discusses the charges of apartheid, brought by South Africa, against Israel in the International Criminal Court. Finally, suggests 4 different plans for peace between Israel and Palestine. My opinion: Israel desperately needs a constitution, and Bibi desperately needs to spend the rest of his life in prison for war crimes. Which aligns me with Israeli leftists. This is a grim book, but it's relatively short. There's a bibliography, but no notes.
currently reading: The Jeeves Omnibus Vol. 3: The Mating Season (1949) / Ring for Jeeves (1953) / Very Good, Jeeves! (1930).
healthcrap
left hand + wrist still hurt a great deal, so no yarning. Didn't go to yarn group. Have been sleeping really a lot and not getting up until way too late, despite four alarms. Replaced coffee with tea. Sleep disorders suck.
astrology
full moon in Scorpio this Friday just as the protests are kicking off. Later in the day, Mercury conjoins Chiron in Aries. An apt time for airing grievances. A bit more potential for violence than I'm entirely happy with, but I'm hoping for the best.
#resist
May 1: No Kings 4!
I hope all of you are doing well! <333
Tuesday, April 28th, 2026 09:33 pm
Untamed, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Heaven Official's Blessing, Scum Villain's Self-Saving System Recs
Today's poem:
For everyone who tried on the slipper before Cinderella
after Anis Mojgani and Audre Lorde
For those making tea in the soft light of Saturday morning
in the peaceful kitchen
in the cool house
For those with shrunken hearts still trying to love
For those with large hearts trying to forget
For those with terrors they cannot name
upset stomachs and too tight pants
For those who get cut off in traffic
For those who spend all day making an elaborate meal
that turns out mediocre
For those who could not leave
even when they knew they had to
For those who never win the lottery
or become famous
For those getting groceries on Friday nights
There is something you know
about living
that you guard with your life
your one fragile, wonderful life
wonder, as in, awe,
as in, I had no idea I would be here now.
For those who make plans and those who don’t
For those driving across the country to a highway that knows them
For the routes we take in the dark, trusting
For the roads for the woods for the dead humming in prayer
For an old record and a strong sun
For teeth bared to the wind
a pulse in the chest
a body making love to itself
There is every reason to hate it here
There is a list of things making it bearable:
your friend’s shoulder Texas barbecue a new book
a loud song a strong song a highway that knows you
sweet tea an orange cat a helping hand
an unforgettable dinner
a laugh that escapes you and deflates you
like a pink balloon left soft with room
for goodness to take hold
For those who have looked in the mirror and begged
For those with weak knees and an attitude
For those called "sensitive" or "too much"
For those not called enough
For the times you needed and went without
For the photo of you as a child
quietly icing cupcakes your hair a crackling thunderstorm
Love is coming.
It's on its way.
Look—
--Ariana Brown
*
For everyone who tried on the slipper before Cinderella
after Anis Mojgani and Audre Lorde
For those making tea in the soft light of Saturday morning
in the peaceful kitchen
in the cool house
For those with shrunken hearts still trying to love
For those with large hearts trying to forget
For those with terrors they cannot name
upset stomachs and too tight pants
For those who get cut off in traffic
For those who spend all day making an elaborate meal
that turns out mediocre
For those who could not leave
even when they knew they had to
For those who never win the lottery
or become famous
For those getting groceries on Friday nights
There is something you know
about living
that you guard with your life
your one fragile, wonderful life
wonder, as in, awe,
as in, I had no idea I would be here now.
For those who make plans and those who don’t
For those driving across the country to a highway that knows them
For the routes we take in the dark, trusting
For the roads for the woods for the dead humming in prayer
For an old record and a strong sun
For teeth bared to the wind
a pulse in the chest
a body making love to itself
There is every reason to hate it here
There is a list of things making it bearable:
your friend’s shoulder Texas barbecue a new book
a loud song a strong song a highway that knows you
sweet tea an orange cat a helping hand
an unforgettable dinner
a laugh that escapes you and deflates you
like a pink balloon left soft with room
for goodness to take hold
For those who have looked in the mirror and begged
For those with weak knees and an attitude
For those called "sensitive" or "too much"
For those not called enough
For the times you needed and went without
For the photo of you as a child
quietly icing cupcakes your hair a crackling thunderstorm
Love is coming.
It's on its way.
Look—
--Ariana Brown
*
Since I've recently fallen into Wiseguy, I figured I'd start there with my fanvid recs:
Nights in White Satin by Lynn C and Tashery S (1993)
(You Don't Have To) Play Me Backwards by Gayle F &![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
morgandawn (1997)
Only the Good Die Young bykillabeez & Merricat (2001)
Take Me Out bybarkley & destina (2006)
(inspired bycolls' post in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
vid_bingo, I'm going to make an effort to post vid-related stuff over the next few weeks)
Nights in White Satin by Lynn C and Tashery S (1993)
(You Don't Have To) Play Me Backwards by Gayle F &
morgandawn (1997) Only the Good Die Young by
killabeez & Merricat (2001) Take Me Out by
barkley & destina (2006)(inspired by
colls' post in vid_bingo, I'm going to make an effort to post vid-related stuff over the next few weeks)I'm kinda annoyed that NCIS: Hawai'i only has season 1 on Blu-Ray (season 2 and 3 are only available on DVD for some reason).
I'm almost halfway through season three as of the other day. Unfortunately, I'm not invested in Sam's subplot and I'm annoyed that a bunch of recurring characters aren't going to get any screentime this season, going by imdb (Jane's daughter Julie, Jane's ex-husband Daniel, Jane's love interest Joe, Kai's father Wally, and Kai's friend Hina) and that Jane's son Alex only gets one scene this season.
I have a vague idea for a couple vids, but haven't gotten very far in brainstorming songs for them yet. I might end up making icons for it at some point too.
I'm almost halfway through season three as of the other day. Unfortunately, I'm not invested in Sam's subplot and I'm annoyed that a bunch of recurring characters aren't going to get any screentime this season, going by imdb (Jane's daughter Julie, Jane's ex-husband Daniel, Jane's love interest Joe, Kai's father Wally, and Kai's friend Hina) and that Jane's son Alex only gets one scene this season.
I have a vague idea for a couple vids, but haven't gotten very far in brainstorming songs for them yet. I might end up making icons for it at some point too.
Because I am anxiously avoiding actual adulting by drowning in all things Hollanov, I have:
a) a shitty first draft of a vid - any beta volunteers?
b) half a Rose/Svetlana fic
c) a wacky idea for a Marvel/HR fusion where Yelena Belova and Kate Bishop are heated rivals for the Avengers Hockey League.
d) so many ideas for gif sets - anyone have a good tutorial for making them? My first attempt turned into a vidlet instead.
My creative urges didn't so much wake up as come back to life with a roaring vengeance.
a) a shitty first draft of a vid - any beta volunteers?
b) half a Rose/Svetlana fic
c) a wacky idea for a Marvel/HR fusion where Yelena Belova and Kate Bishop are heated rivals for the Avengers Hockey League.
d) so many ideas for gif sets - anyone have a good tutorial for making them? My first attempt turned into a vidlet instead.
My creative urges didn't so much wake up as come back to life with a roaring vengeance.
Today's poem:
And Then It Was Less Bleak Because We Said So
by Wendy Xu
Today there has been so much talk of things exploding
into other things, so much that we all become curious, that we
all run outside into the hot streets
and hug. Romance is a grotto of eager stones
anticipating light, or a girl whose teeth
you can always see. With more sparkle and pop
is the only way to live. Your confetti tongue explodes
into acid jazz. Small typewriters
that other people keep in their eyes
click away at all our farewell parties. It is hard
to pack for the rest of your life. Someone is always
eating cold cucumber noodles. Someone will drop by later
to help dismantle some furniture. A lot can go wrong
if you sleep or think, but the trees go on waving
their broken little hands.
*
And Then It Was Less Bleak Because We Said So
by Wendy Xu
Today there has been so much talk of things exploding
into other things, so much that we all become curious, that we
all run outside into the hot streets
and hug. Romance is a grotto of eager stones
anticipating light, or a girl whose teeth
you can always see. With more sparkle and pop
is the only way to live. Your confetti tongue explodes
into acid jazz. Small typewriters
that other people keep in their eyes
click away at all our farewell parties. It is hard
to pack for the rest of your life. Someone is always
eating cold cucumber noodles. Someone will drop by later
to help dismantle some furniture. A lot can go wrong
if you sleep or think, but the trees go on waving
their broken little hands.
*
The fifth StudioWorks DVD set was the charm! (Considering this one was mailed in a poly mailer with no padding, I'm a bit surprised it arrived in pretty decent shape, let alone with a disc three that plays fine.)
Stephen Graham Jones, The Buffalo Hunter Hunter: ( horror horror )
T. Kingfisher, Illuminations: ( fun for younger readers )
Dessa, Tits on the Moon: ( poetry )
Cat Sebastian, Star Shipped: ( romance on set )
Nnedi Okorafor, Death of the Author: ( racialized posthumanism )
Kai Butler, Shadow Throne King: ( assassin's need )
T. Kingfisher, Snake-Eater: ( western approaches )
Laura Elliott, Awakened: ( grumpy review of apocalypse premise )
Tasha Suri, The Isle in the Silver Sea: ( excellent fantasy about stories )
Jim Butcher, Twelve Months: ( the saga continues )
Ilona Andrews, This Kingdom Will Not Kill Me: ( isekai done just right for me )
T. Kingfisher, Illuminations: ( fun for younger readers )
Dessa, Tits on the Moon: ( poetry )
Cat Sebastian, Star Shipped: ( romance on set )
Nnedi Okorafor, Death of the Author: ( racialized posthumanism )
Kai Butler, Shadow Throne King: ( assassin's need )
T. Kingfisher, Snake-Eater: ( western approaches )
Laura Elliott, Awakened: ( grumpy review of apocalypse premise )
Tasha Suri, The Isle in the Silver Sea: ( excellent fantasy about stories )
Jim Butcher, Twelve Months: ( the saga continues )
Ilona Andrews, This Kingdom Will Not Kill Me: ( isekai done just right for me )
Monday, April 27th, 2026 06:10 pm
FIC: Close the Distance, Lock Us In (Guardian: Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) [Teen]
Where has the month gone?! All right, a lot of it has gone into writing, but that surely can't be all ... *looks around, waves at everyone* Hi! I'm still here. *g*
Anyway! I wrote longer stories forfffx and highadrenalineexchange, both of which revealed this month, and fffx has already had author reveals. So now that I'm actually posting, of course this is the first thing to post about!
It took me a while to actually settle on what I wanted to write for this exchange. I had another idea that I hope to tackle some day, but I think I picked the right thing in the end! It came together pretty well once I actually decided.
It's Guardian again, canon divergence during the early episodes - set right after the face-stealer case (episode 4) and before the water kidnapping/Butler Wu case (episode 5). Zhao Yunlan gets to interact more closely with the Black-Cloaked Envoy, rather than Professor Shen, and gains some insights. There is coughing up blood and wound-tending and tea and conversation, and all of it takes place in a very constrained space, because I trapped them together. *g*
If you want, there's even a visual reference for the space they're stuck in, because my beta noted that things weren't completely clear, so I made myself a reference for editing purposes. Have a floor plan!
(And many thanks tochina_shop for beta-reading, as usual! ♥)
**
Title: Close the Distance, Lock Us In
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: é•‡é‚ | Guardian (TV 2018)
Relationship: Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan, Zhao Yunlan & Black-Cloaked Envoy
Characters: Shen Wei, Zhao Yunlan, mini-cameos by SID members
Content tags: Episode Related, Post-Episode 4, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Zhao Yunlan & the Black-Cloaked Envoy, Protective Shen Wei, Hurt Shen Wei, Protective Zhao Yunlan, Trapped Together, Black and White Energy, a bit of Hurt/Comfort, Identity Porn
Summary:
The Black-Cloaked Envoy slammed down into the nondescript little flat like a thunderbolt from the heavens, not a moment too soon.
Zhao Yunlan and the Black-Cloaked Envoy, trapped together early on: how much of a difference can it really make? Turns out, a surprising amount.
Anyway! I wrote longer stories for
fffx and highadrenalineexchange, both of which revealed this month, and fffx has already had author reveals. So now that I'm actually posting, of course this is the first thing to post about!It took me a while to actually settle on what I wanted to write for this exchange. I had another idea that I hope to tackle some day, but I think I picked the right thing in the end! It came together pretty well once I actually decided.
It's Guardian again, canon divergence during the early episodes - set right after the face-stealer case (episode 4) and before the water kidnapping/Butler Wu case (episode 5). Zhao Yunlan gets to interact more closely with the Black-Cloaked Envoy, rather than Professor Shen, and gains some insights. There is coughing up blood and wound-tending and tea and conversation, and all of it takes place in a very constrained space, because I trapped them together. *g*
If you want, there's even a visual reference for the space they're stuck in, because my beta noted that things weren't completely clear, so I made myself a reference for editing purposes. Have a floor plan!
(And many thanks to
china_shop for beta-reading, as usual! ♥)**
Title: Close the Distance, Lock Us In
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: é•‡é‚ | Guardian (TV 2018)
Relationship: Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan, Zhao Yunlan & Black-Cloaked Envoy
Characters: Shen Wei, Zhao Yunlan, mini-cameos by SID members
Content tags: Episode Related, Post-Episode 4, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Zhao Yunlan & the Black-Cloaked Envoy, Protective Shen Wei, Hurt Shen Wei, Protective Zhao Yunlan, Trapped Together, Black and White Energy, a bit of Hurt/Comfort, Identity Porn
Summary:
The Black-Cloaked Envoy slammed down into the nondescript little flat like a thunderbolt from the heavens, not a moment too soon.
Zhao Yunlan and the Black-Cloaked Envoy, trapped together early on: how much of a difference can it really make? Turns out, a surprising amount.
Snagged from regshoe:
regshoe:Reply to this post saying 'icon', and I will tell you my favorite icon of yours. Then post this to your own journal using your own favorite icon if you're one of those inhuman things that are actually capable of choosing between(It was so hard to choose an icon for this post!)YOUR PRECIOUS BABIES!userpics.
Okay, crispy rice = pretty good. I tossed 1 cup of cooked rice with 2 tbsp low sodium soy sauce, 1 tbsp of olive oil, 1 tsp of toasted sesame oil, a sprinkling of garlic powder, and 1 diced shallot, spread it on a foil-lined sheet pan, and cooked it at 400°F for 25 minutes. I still have a bunch of rice left, so I might make fried rice tomorrow.
The salad part was less successful. I cleared some stuff out of the freezer - an old bag of frozen corn, a handful of frozen roasted chicken chunks I got in my misdelivered grocery order a few weeks ago - and then I added some toasted sesame seeds, some dry-roasted peanuts, and some arugula. The dressing was lime juice, toasted sesame oil, ground ginger, and olive oil (all scaled down for one serving) - it was ok, but I wouldn't make it again.
The stuff in the salad was mismatched and didn't go well together, which is my own fault, since I didn't really think about anything but the rice ahead of time. If I did it again, I might use shredded cabbage instead of arugula, and leave out the corn and the peanuts. I might also just dress it with olive oil and vinegar.
If I do it again, I will probably eat the crisped rice by itself, maybe with some scrambled egg like in fried rice, and some scallions. And I'd keep the toasted sesame seeds, because those are always tasty.
Here is today's poem:
An old story
by Bob Hicok
It's hard being in love
with fireflies. I have to do
all the pots and pans.
When asked to parties
they always wear the same
color dress. I work days,
they punch in at dusk.
With the radio and a beer
I sit up doing bills,
jealous of men who've fallen
for the homebody stars.
When things are bad
they shake their asses
all over town, when good
my lips glow.
*
The salad part was less successful. I cleared some stuff out of the freezer - an old bag of frozen corn, a handful of frozen roasted chicken chunks I got in my misdelivered grocery order a few weeks ago - and then I added some toasted sesame seeds, some dry-roasted peanuts, and some arugula. The dressing was lime juice, toasted sesame oil, ground ginger, and olive oil (all scaled down for one serving) - it was ok, but I wouldn't make it again.
The stuff in the salad was mismatched and didn't go well together, which is my own fault, since I didn't really think about anything but the rice ahead of time. If I did it again, I might use shredded cabbage instead of arugula, and leave out the corn and the peanuts. I might also just dress it with olive oil and vinegar.
If I do it again, I will probably eat the crisped rice by itself, maybe with some scrambled egg like in fried rice, and some scallions. And I'd keep the toasted sesame seeds, because those are always tasty.
Here is today's poem:
An old story
by Bob Hicok
It's hard being in love
with fireflies. I have to do
all the pots and pans.
When asked to parties
they always wear the same
color dress. I work days,
they punch in at dusk.
With the radio and a beer
I sit up doing bills,
jealous of men who've fallen
for the homebody stars.
When things are bad
they shake their asses
all over town, when good
my lips glow.
*
Saturday, April 25th, 2026 10:54 pm
LW does not have an inlaw problem, she has a husband problem
Dear Annie: I have been married for 12 years to a good man whom I love very much, but I dread nearly every holiday, birthday dinner and casual Sunday visit with his family. On the surface, my in-laws are charming, polished and the sort of people everyone else describes as "so nice." But behind that polished exterior is a steady drip of cutting remarks aimed almost entirely at me.
My mother-in-law has a talent for delivering insults with a smile. She will look at a meal I brought and say, "Well, that's certainly ... rustic," or ask whether I am "still doing that little job of yours," even though I work full time and do quite well. My father-in-law joins in with jokes about how their son "used to eat better before marriage" or how I have "modern ideas" whenever I disagree with them about anything from parenting to politics to how often we should visit.
The comments are always subtle enough that if I react, I look oversensitive. But after years of this, I feel like I am being pecked to death by very well-dressed chickens.
What hurts most is that my husband says, "That's just how they are," and urges me to ignore it to keep the peace. But there is no peace for me. I leave these gatherings replaying every jab in my head for days.
How do I tell my in-laws to stop without blowing up the family? And how do I get my husband to understand that "just ignore it" is not a strategy, it is surrender? -- Bruised by Politeness
( Read more... )
My mother-in-law has a talent for delivering insults with a smile. She will look at a meal I brought and say, "Well, that's certainly ... rustic," or ask whether I am "still doing that little job of yours," even though I work full time and do quite well. My father-in-law joins in with jokes about how their son "used to eat better before marriage" or how I have "modern ideas" whenever I disagree with them about anything from parenting to politics to how often we should visit.
The comments are always subtle enough that if I react, I look oversensitive. But after years of this, I feel like I am being pecked to death by very well-dressed chickens.
What hurts most is that my husband says, "That's just how they are," and urges me to ignore it to keep the peace. But there is no peace for me. I leave these gatherings replaying every jab in my head for days.
How do I tell my in-laws to stop without blowing up the family? And how do I get my husband to understand that "just ignore it" is not a strategy, it is surrender? -- Bruised by Politeness
( Read more... )
Saturday, April 25th, 2026 10:48 pm
LW should've sent this one to Ask a Manager
DEAR ABBY: I'm struggling with what to do about my first job out of college. I've been here for four months, and while I expected a learning curve, I didn't expect the environment to feel so hostile. My boss yells at me across the office for small, easily fixable mistakes. The latest incident involved her slamming her hands on the table several times and shouting, "What are you talking about?" while I was trying to clarify a question. I couldn't even get my words out.
I'm in the second round of interviews for another job with a different company, and I'm torn about what to do. My parents think I should stick it out to avoid being seen as a job hopper. But I feel anxious going into work every day. This environment is eroding my confidence.
Furthermore, I will be moving to a new town with my fiance next year, so I'm wondering if it's smarter to stay for another several months or take the new job (which will be remote, if I get it) even though I'm worried I might not like that one either.
Am I too sensitive? Should I leave a job this quickly, or push through until my move? How do I make the right decision when I feel guilty no matter what I choose? -- CONFLICTED IN NEBRASKA
( Read more... )
I'm in the second round of interviews for another job with a different company, and I'm torn about what to do. My parents think I should stick it out to avoid being seen as a job hopper. But I feel anxious going into work every day. This environment is eroding my confidence.
Furthermore, I will be moving to a new town with my fiance next year, so I'm wondering if it's smarter to stay for another several months or take the new job (which will be remote, if I get it) even though I'm worried I might not like that one either.
Am I too sensitive? Should I leave a job this quickly, or push through until my move? How do I make the right decision when I feel guilty no matter what I choose? -- CONFLICTED IN NEBRASKA
( Read more... )
I made these salt bread rolls today (pic), and they are very tasty, but I think I still like pretzel rolls better, even with the mess of having to boil them before baking. There isn't much I like better than a big old soft pretzel, so pretzel rolls are where it's at for me. The salt bread is good though - very buttery.
I also made rice this afternoon in preparation for making a crispy rice salad tomorrow. I am very intrigued by the idea of crispy rice salad, but I don't know if I will like it in actuality, even though I like all the components I plan to put in it. (I'd also be more confident if every recipe I look at didn't call for a different type of rice. I made basmati, for the record.) I guess I'll report back tomorrow and how it goes.
And it's been a full day of watching hockey, after a long night of watching hockey last night. It's been exciting, but so much more relaxing since my team isn't in it.
And finally, here is today's poem:
Why You Should Never Marry A Poet
by Heather Bell
Think about it - the way that credit cards, bougainvillea,
vacations, dictionaries, the road on the way to work will
all never be enough. The poet wishes
with her deepest bones
and writes that she wishes
she would have killed you
in the supermarket. She wonders why
she ever loved you in song.
She publishes book after book. Each line detailing
how your hair is ugly and monstrous in the morning. And how,
like moss, you cling to her
so piteously.
But you marry her anyway.
and she looks like a roar of snow
in white. You figure she will read a poem about you
that day in front of everyone: her throat
is, after all, a stamen
or matchstick.
But she is silent, says only the I DO's
and a few Bible verses.
The poet loves with a most violent
heart. What you have not known-
she has wanted to tell you the truth
all of these years,
but grew silent as an old lover does
at eighty. There is no way to say
how one loves the ache of your cracked lips,
the heavy belly of your tongue, the years she spent
feeling not loved,
but still loving. Think about it-
the poet is fearful of others knowing and finding your mouth.
She is frightened of you -
realizing you could have been
loved better or harder
or with real words.
***
I also made rice this afternoon in preparation for making a crispy rice salad tomorrow. I am very intrigued by the idea of crispy rice salad, but I don't know if I will like it in actuality, even though I like all the components I plan to put in it. (I'd also be more confident if every recipe I look at didn't call for a different type of rice. I made basmati, for the record.) I guess I'll report back tomorrow and how it goes.
And it's been a full day of watching hockey, after a long night of watching hockey last night. It's been exciting, but so much more relaxing since my team isn't in it.
And finally, here is today's poem:
Why You Should Never Marry A Poet
by Heather Bell
Think about it - the way that credit cards, bougainvillea,
vacations, dictionaries, the road on the way to work will
all never be enough. The poet wishes
with her deepest bones
and writes that she wishes
she would have killed you
in the supermarket. She wonders why
she ever loved you in song.
She publishes book after book. Each line detailing
how your hair is ugly and monstrous in the morning. And how,
like moss, you cling to her
so piteously.
But you marry her anyway.
and she looks like a roar of snow
in white. You figure she will read a poem about you
that day in front of everyone: her throat
is, after all, a stamen
or matchstick.
But she is silent, says only the I DO's
and a few Bible verses.
The poet loves with a most violent
heart. What you have not known-
she has wanted to tell you the truth
all of these years,
but grew silent as an old lover does
at eighty. There is no way to say
how one loves the ache of your cracked lips,
the heavy belly of your tongue, the years she spent
feeling not loved,
but still loving. Think about it-
the poet is fearful of others knowing and finding your mouth.
She is frightened of you -
realizing you could have been
loved better or harder
or with real words.
***
Someone may be selling exactly the backpack I want (they're checking if it's a women's style, and whether it's regular or long torso but frankly I'm on the edge of them, I can take either), at a very reasonable price!
But they're in Vancouver, and saying local pickup only. (Also this is on Facebook Marketplace, and I hate Facebook but oh well.)
But they're in Vancouver, and saying local pickup only. (Also this is on Facebook Marketplace, and I hate Facebook but oh well.)
Does anyone know where I can get a Trinity Santos icon? [eta: icon acquired!]
*
Always need some Dorianne Laux during poetry month, so here's today's poem:
Prayer
by Dorianne Laux
Sweet Jesus, let her save you, let her take
your hands and hold them to her breasts,
slip the sandals from your feet, lay your body down
on sheets beaten clean against the fountain stones.
Let her rest her dark head on your chest,
let her tongue lift the hairs like a sword tip
parting the reeds, let her lips burnish
your neck, let your eyes be wet with pleasure.
Let her keep you from that other life, as a mother
keeps a child from the brick lip of a well,
though the rope and bucket shine and clang,
though the water's hidden silk and mystery call.
Let her patter soothe you and her passions
distract you, let her show you the light
storming the windows of her kitchen, peaches
in a wooden bowl, a square of blue cloth
she has sewn to her skirt to cover the tear.
What could be more holy than the curve of her back
as she sits, her hands opening a plum.
What could be more sacred than her eyes,
fierce and complicated as the truth, your life
rising behind them, your name on her lips.
Stay there, in her bare house, the black pots
hung from pegs, bread braided and glazed
on the table, a clay jug of violet wine.
There is the daily sacrament of rasp and chisel,
another chair to be made, shelves to be hewn
cleanly and even and carefully joined
to the sun-scrubbed walls, a sharp knife
for carving odd chunks of wood into small toys
for the children. Oh Jesus, close your eyes
and listen to it, the air is alive with bird calls
and bees, the dry rustle of palm leaves,
her distracted song as she washes her feet.
Let your death be quiet and ordinary.
Either life you choose will end in her arms
*
*
Always need some Dorianne Laux during poetry month, so here's today's poem:
Prayer
by Dorianne Laux
Sweet Jesus, let her save you, let her take
your hands and hold them to her breasts,
slip the sandals from your feet, lay your body down
on sheets beaten clean against the fountain stones.
Let her rest her dark head on your chest,
let her tongue lift the hairs like a sword tip
parting the reeds, let her lips burnish
your neck, let your eyes be wet with pleasure.
Let her keep you from that other life, as a mother
keeps a child from the brick lip of a well,
though the rope and bucket shine and clang,
though the water's hidden silk and mystery call.
Let her patter soothe you and her passions
distract you, let her show you the light
storming the windows of her kitchen, peaches
in a wooden bowl, a square of blue cloth
she has sewn to her skirt to cover the tear.
What could be more holy than the curve of her back
as she sits, her hands opening a plum.
What could be more sacred than her eyes,
fierce and complicated as the truth, your life
rising behind them, your name on her lips.
Stay there, in her bare house, the black pots
hung from pegs, bread braided and glazed
on the table, a clay jug of violet wine.
There is the daily sacrament of rasp and chisel,
another chair to be made, shelves to be hewn
cleanly and even and carefully joined
to the sun-scrubbed walls, a sharp knife
for carving odd chunks of wood into small toys
for the children. Oh Jesus, close your eyes
and listen to it, the air is alive with bird calls
and bees, the dry rustle of palm leaves,
her distracted song as she washes her feet.
Let your death be quiet and ordinary.
Either life you choose will end in her arms
*
Geoff and I are leaving for the Channel Islands in a week and a half!
It's a little strange and stressful planning a trip entirely on our own! I mean, we had time on our own in Wales after we finished the supported hike, but we expected to be exhausted, so "eh, we'll just noodle around Aberystwyth and visit the National Library" was plenty of planning. Here, though, I keep trying to research specific hikes we could do, and getting overwhelmed by the confusing and incomplete way info is presented. Like, a site just gives a text list of walks, but I want to see them plotted on a map so I can tell where they are relative to where we're staying. An app tells how to get to the beginning of a hike by bus, but gives no information about what buses can get us home from the end. Another site shows walks on a map but says nothing about how to get to them, so I have to have the walking site, the island's bus route map (very schematic and abstract), and Google Maps open to try to cross-check bus routes and stop locations. After a while I just throw up my hands and hope that the tourist info places will have better info on site.
(Ahahahah, I initially typed "better" as "beer," and, well, yes please, that too.)
We have booked a couple of activities in advance. The seabed slopes very gradually away around the islands, so when the tide goes out it goes waaaaaaay out, and we have booked a three-hour guided walk across the exposed sea floor, which sounds amazing; and the next day we've booked a couple hours of guided sea kayaking around the coastline. Other than that, though, we're winging it!
Well, winging the day-to-day part. We have booked our hotels and our ferry tickets between Jersey and Guernsey in advance, because I don't feel comfortable trying to arrange things like that on the fly. And after our hotel snafu in Aberystwyth, I have made sure to directly contact each hotel with a plausible-sounding query ("we'll be arriving before our room is likely to be ready, would we be able to drop our luggage off?" is always a good one) that translates to "please confirm that you have actually received our reservation and planned for our arrival"! Yes, this wouldn't be a problem if I booked directly instead of going through Booking.com, but the fact is that many hotels don't have direct booking anymore; they outsource it all to third parties like B.c.
And of course there's the ongoing uncertainly about the world's supply of jet fuel. Will we be able to get home? Geoff keeps bringing this question up, and saying we ought to look into our options if there's a problem, but he doesn't come up with anything really actionable. Other than exploring UK-to-CA cruises? But I'm like, there is absolutely nothing we can do to affect the possibility of our being stranded for a bit; if British Airways cancels our flight it will be on them to find us an alternate means of travel; it will still be both faster and cheaper to wait for a new flight than to try to sail across; we are fortunate enough to have the ability to absorb an unexpected extra few nights in a hotel if necessary; sweetie, you are stressed about this and you're dealing with your stress by just venting it in my direction, please stop. I mean, yes, it's a stressful prospect (and I acknowledge that the whole goddamn world is a stressful prospect right now and "what if our vacation in a few days longer and more stressful than planned?" is completely a "diamond shoes gave me a blister" problem), but since there is absolutely nothing we can do I prefer not to spend nervous energy on it, thanks.
Anyway, on top of all that hiking, we want to visit some of the Neolithic passage tombs, and also some of the museums of the Nazi occupation. *shiver* And I plan to eat my own weight in seafood, although Geoff won't join me in that. And maybe we will even lounge about!
Whee! and also 😱
The Channel Islands were the runner-up for choice of destination last year, but we decided to go to Wales instead -- partly because we could do a supported hike there. But the hike turned out to be on the verge of too hard for us; apparently we are several years older than we were the last time we did one, which is just unfair. Anyway, this year we're just going to park ourselves in one place -- well, two places, ten days each on Jersey and Guernsey - and do day hikes out and back. Both islands seem to have good bus systems, so we should generally be able to take a bus to a starting point, hike for *mumble* hours, and catch another bus home. And we'll try to do a day trip to Herm, or maybe Sark, but Herm looks more appealing if we only go to one.It's a little strange and stressful planning a trip entirely on our own! I mean, we had time on our own in Wales after we finished the supported hike, but we expected to be exhausted, so "eh, we'll just noodle around Aberystwyth and visit the National Library" was plenty of planning. Here, though, I keep trying to research specific hikes we could do, and getting overwhelmed by the confusing and incomplete way info is presented. Like, a site just gives a text list of walks, but I want to see them plotted on a map so I can tell where they are relative to where we're staying. An app tells how to get to the beginning of a hike by bus, but gives no information about what buses can get us home from the end. Another site shows walks on a map but says nothing about how to get to them, so I have to have the walking site, the island's bus route map (very schematic and abstract), and Google Maps open to try to cross-check bus routes and stop locations. After a while I just throw up my hands and hope that the tourist info places will have better info on site.
(Ahahahah, I initially typed "better" as "beer," and, well, yes please, that too.)
We have booked a couple of activities in advance. The seabed slopes very gradually away around the islands, so when the tide goes out it goes waaaaaaay out, and we have booked a three-hour guided walk across the exposed sea floor, which sounds amazing; and the next day we've booked a couple hours of guided sea kayaking around the coastline. Other than that, though, we're winging it!
Well, winging the day-to-day part. We have booked our hotels and our ferry tickets between Jersey and Guernsey in advance, because I don't feel comfortable trying to arrange things like that on the fly. And after our hotel snafu in Aberystwyth, I have made sure to directly contact each hotel with a plausible-sounding query ("we'll be arriving before our room is likely to be ready, would we be able to drop our luggage off?" is always a good one) that translates to "please confirm that you have actually received our reservation and planned for our arrival"! Yes, this wouldn't be a problem if I booked directly instead of going through Booking.com, but the fact is that many hotels don't have direct booking anymore; they outsource it all to third parties like B.c.
And of course there's the ongoing uncertainly about the world's supply of jet fuel. Will we be able to get home? Geoff keeps bringing this question up, and saying we ought to look into our options if there's a problem, but he doesn't come up with anything really actionable. Other than exploring UK-to-CA cruises? But I'm like, there is absolutely nothing we can do to affect the possibility of our being stranded for a bit; if British Airways cancels our flight it will be on them to find us an alternate means of travel; it will still be both faster and cheaper to wait for a new flight than to try to sail across; we are fortunate enough to have the ability to absorb an unexpected extra few nights in a hotel if necessary; sweetie, you are stressed about this and you're dealing with your stress by just venting it in my direction, please stop. I mean, yes, it's a stressful prospect (and I acknowledge that the whole goddamn world is a stressful prospect right now and "what if our vacation in a few days longer and more stressful than planned?" is completely a "diamond shoes gave me a blister" problem), but since there is absolutely nothing we can do I prefer not to spend nervous energy on it, thanks.
Anyway, on top of all that hiking, we want to visit some of the Neolithic passage tombs, and also some of the museums of the Nazi occupation. *shiver* And I plan to eat my own weight in seafood, although Geoff won't join me in that. And maybe we will even lounge about!