So a thought:

I threw a fit about strikethrough, boldthrough, et al, I have migrated like a drunk bird to better and worse platforms, I have mourned the loss of fannish history and I'm pissed at Tumblr because holy shit it's like no one remembers this shit never ever works out well.

But.

( it's six in the morning wtf )

Right. I--knew this? Kind of.

ETA: Whoo, totally missed this, I apologize. This may be triggering for disability issues. No one's complained yet, but they'd certainly have the right to.

( should have seen that coming, and yet, I didn't )

Picking up a thought from about three different conversations:

I wonder if it would be worthwhile to have a panel on warnings, not just common triggers, but the historical perspective on them as vehicles of exclusion in fandom and how they've changed in meaning and reason for existence. A lot of perspective on them during the debates the last time and now is still shaped by when they were used against slash or against certain types of fic, vids, etc. And I didn't know until some discussion enlightened me on this that VVC was at least partially founded on a period of time when warnings themselves were used to exclude, not to facilitate inclusion.

Now, we use warnings to make things more inclusive to other fans, but there was a time they were a form of social control, and it could be institutionalized in ways that marginalized.

In all the debates, I really didn't know that as more than an abstract thing, and when I was in Smallville, there were still slash websites under password and some authors requiring direct contact via email for their fic because that was the only way they felt safe. I mean, I feel as if I should have guessed that one.

Anyone have more information on that? I get the impression this was also an issue before regular 'net access as well and that it might have come from cons originally, but a complete perspective would be interesting to know about and read. A lot of discussion during these two debates makes a lot more sense if the original purpose of warnings was to restrict access and exclude certain groups of fans entirely.

And when I say, "I wonder if it would be worthwhile", I mean, "Please yes one day let's do that?" Any con; just someone take good notes and post them so I can read about it.

You know that dream you have about being naked suddenly and everyone is pointing and laughing? Yeah, I never had one of those. Wait, this isn't me being smug about my lack of nudity in dreams here; I am saying that with that entire surgery coming up, one of my big terrors seems to be that under the influence of post-anesthesia and painkillers I'll like, come to my journals and post something insane and friendship destroying.

(I'm sorry; are you judging my fears? Step the fuck off.)

This is haunting me; I was up in a cold sweat recently trying to work out an exit strategy. Because I'll be honest with you here; I won't even try the surgery/painkiller defense if I post something crazy. I'll be like, in metaphorical Burma or something with a new name and deleting every reference to Seperis the fanfic writer I can find while trying to find some kind of interest in Pokemon or anime or something that no one who knew me would be around. Possibly on ff.net.(God. I like anime, but not like that. This is so depressing. Do I need to learn Japanese and embrace loli? I suck at languages.)

But I did work out a plan. Here's how it will go.

1.) Wraithbait. Get the few fic there.
2.) Take out my webpage in a fell swoop.
3.) AO3 next. I'm being subtle.
4.) The dS archive and the trek archive I put fic in.
5.) Diaryland.
6.) Dreamwidth; now my plan is coming into focus!
7.) Livejournal!

Then I realized that I didn't even hit the fucking tip of Seperis' digital footprint.

Insanejournal, Journalfen, Metafilter, Vox, Fanlore, The Remixes, several messageboards, a few blogs, all my cowrites that other people have archived, dear God the mailing lists.

Because there is still the SSA that isn't self-archiving, Trekiverse, PTCollective, WolverineandRogue archive, some other--archives?--and like, I had this open archiving policy for a while and I fall on top of my fic in obscure archives all the time (thanks! I'm glad you liked it! Maybe tell me next time though? Just so it's not quite such a shock to see my name pop up in like Archive of Obscurity I Have Never Heard of Before?), and then there's the fact I used Jenn pretty interchangeably on my fic with Seperis before I switched full time to Seperis--seriously, that was because I was lazy and it was easier if everything matched and seemed less confusing to people, and I get that, too many names--and then there's usenet and that's goddamn eternal. Cockroaches and the usenet archives will survive the apocalypse. And then.

Then there is google.

Dearest God there is google. There is yahoo. There is wayback machine. There is every comment I have ever made. Icerocket, ljseek, bloglines, rss feeds, and that's when I realized that IRL I could vanish a lot easier and with fewer traces than Seperis can. I could get away with a new identity in a new city easier than I can on the internet.

I feel a fetal ball position coming on.

....God, that doesn't even include my email addresses. And Facebook. And MySpace. My AIM, YIM, GCHAT, ICQ (I don't even know the password to that anymore!). And I--don't know what else?

Right. People.

See, that's where I'd actually need that obscure area that no one who has ever met me ever goes; it's not that I'm so unmistakable people might guess on a comment. It's more I'm stupid and I see like, IDK, scy and be like "HEY THAT IS LIKE THAT FIC YOU WROTE THAT I LOVED ABOUT X," and she's like "OH MY GOD I NEVER POSTED THAT AND ONLY SEPERIS EVER SAW IT"--that is the kind of stupid shit I'd do. And not just once, mind you. No. I am not subtle in my stupidity. I mean, I want to say that it's my so-strict ethics that keep me from using sockpuppets and anonymous--no. My so-strict ethics developed from my fail to pull that shit off. I tried--once--in a flamewar ten years ago and I made a mess of it. And that's with like, seven other people telling me what to do.

And fact; I have posted pics, some of you have met me, vacationed with me, let me sleep on your futons with long metal bars through the bottom of them (no names or anything), got drunk with me, and probably would be a little suspicious if a strangely familiar person showed up at the con as YouDontKnowMeReally548 with an eerily familiar vocabulary in too-tall heels clutching a laptop and trying to look like I'm trying really hard to totally not know anyone, you know? My first vodka, just take me for a cigarette and I'll tell you pretty much anything you want to know. I may also want to cuddle; it happens.

(Also. I could be wrong, but I imagine a couple of people who have my mother's phone number just might take advantage of that fact. And by a couple, I mean; wait, why did I give people my mom's phone number?)

There's so much history, and it's not that I didn't know that--it's that I didn't know it like this. I don't blink when someone calls for me using Seperis at a con or out with fangirls; there's five pronunciations and I answer pretty evenly to them all (I'm textual; I have no idea how it's pronounced. I made it up! Then I found out it's an actual legit surname in Serbia circa 2004ish and I'm scared to find out what it sounds like). Half the people I talk to probably have forgotten my name is Jenn. Online, in fandom, in fandom spaces, I don't answer to Jenn as fast as I do to Seperis.

I don't have a problem with that, actually. It's mine the way my birth name isn't.

So this may be more complicated than I originally thought. Yes, I get that not-posting during this hypothetical anesthesia/painkiller crisis is a potential solution, but come on. If I'm going to post crazy, you think I'm going to like, ponder whether or not I should post?

I need to rethink my exit strategy. Maybe while eating this convenient Kit-Kat.

Okay, so, day three of Adam Lambert is awesome, which--okay, the thing is, I have been reading AIRPS since like last year because well, that's what astolat was writing and seriously, and what was I supposed to do, exert myself for entertainment? This is why I have an flist! To bring the entertainment to me!

Speaking of, quick rec from American Idol 7 RPS, and I say this with complete honesty, if you like to read, that's really all you need to read this one.

Real Forever If by astolat, David Cook/David Archuleta. Okay, I want to give a concise explanation of why I love this, but it comes down to, I really, really liked the blend of reality with a single radical difference that's handled in stride, and this single radical difference is not only cool as shit, it's unbelievably hot and involves pseudo-collars. Just, and I do not say this lightly, read it, if for no other reason than to watch the seamless handling of worldbuilding through show, not tell. And because it is hot like burning.

Right, Adam.

( i went shopping on Black Friday; of course I'm going to ramble and make no sense )

Speaking of, Easy YouTube Video Downloader 1.8 is pretty much perfect for all your download needs. 2.0, however, had 720p and 1020p HD and the HD is, to my eye, fantastic. I think the audio may not be as great, but I couldn't tell last night since I didn't have my headphones and laptop speakers aren't ideal. It won't, however, put the extension on when you download to HD, and that was a fun and frantic ten minutes tracking down the correct extension for importing to premiere (avc, btw), though it will play in avi just fine. It also does FLV, 3GP, MP3, and MP4, all of which I think are identical in quality to the original--at least, I didn't notice a glaring difference and my computer screen is HD. Again, I can't verify how the sound is--laptop speakers--but I have no real complaints so far. The interface will appear on the youtube video page beneath the URL link and imbed links, and you can pick which you want. HD downloads a lot slower, but MP4 can be done in under three minutes.

Seriously, if someone know about this and didn't tell me? I am going to be so put out.

That Atlantis the prison colony idea is lingering.

*frowns*

I mean, I could see it. The worst criminals are sent to the planet of Atlantis in the far off Pegasus galaxy, and there's international spy and espionage expert Dr. Elizabeth Weir, notorious for her extremely bloody coup of South America before she was finally captured. There's Dr. Rodney McKay, physicist and bomb expert, brilliant and unstable, who blew up a populated solar system and built the first ZPM bombs against Geneva conventions (plus, his habit of killing his staff when they piss him off), and Dr. Carson Beckett, who was convicted of crimes against humanity for human experimentation and cloning. Ooh, and John Sheppard, former black ops military assassin and mass murderer (or serial killer, or both), sociopath and weapons expert, who used the first ZPM bomb to level Afghanistan and make it unfit for human occupation *ever* and a free agent who takes assassination contracts for fun. Ford, his drug-addicted second in command with a gift for torture. Bates and Lorne, John's favorite henchman who are all about the mass death and destruction. Zelenka this sneaky engineer who used to help Rodney cover up his crimes and does other brilliant, horrible things. And they all meet at Atlantis and it is totally True Love Foever. Cause they are totally like, huh, we could rule this galaxy. And kill lots and lots of people.

Oh *wow*. Could you see them taking over Atlantis from poor, poor Sumner? *Man*. John would totally get on wavelength with the violent warrior Athosians led by Teyla, and Elizabeth would lead them to a takeover of the Pegasus galaxy. And all the prisoners are given to Carson to cackle over madly and Rodney's all, when do I get to play with bigger weapons? LEt's try for something *galaxy-breaking* and everyone lives happily ever after. And then they decide to conquer the Milky Way.

Maybe Ronon could be like, the last freedom fighter with the sad little Genii behind him, which of course is so sad because Rodnney's like, can I blow it up, and John's like, can't I go in alone with a couple of knives and a rifle, and Carson's whining, but I need more people for my iratus bug experiments! And Elizabeth ruffles all their hair and says indulgently, sure, we can do *all of that*. And bring me Kolya's head on a platter. And pick up some milk on the way home.

*sighs wistfully*

It would happen like that. It would totally happen like that.

Cut for--well, I'm not sure, but it seems polite when discussing what your kinks are. I have no idea why. Hmm

( ten kinks plus one bonus kink! )

And skipping bullet-proof kinks--I'll get back that one. I know I have a list somewhere and I want to see if it still holds true.

Now for something different.

Topic #3 - rivier asked for "Fandom, please, because today I'm full of feeble fannish love. Can you list a few - maybe seven? I like that number - moments in anything you've had fannish love for, where remembering them in public makes you smirk in ways you wouldn't want to have to explain to a stranger? Not porn, necessarily, not anything ground-shaking. Just the things that bring a smile to your face when you think about them. The "that's my show / film / boys..." feeling.

Ooh, pretty, thank you!

Okay, seven.

( fannish love, one through four )

Okay. *cracks knuckles*

Topic One: amireal suggested bagels and cream cheese.

My response: Yum?

Topic Two: _minxy - Bore me about badfic. Tell me what needs to happen to make badfic readable, and what takes it into 'oh god, no!' territory, and when it becomes so bad it's sporkable.

and

eretria - Well, since you already offered: Badfic.
Your top 10 pet-peeves in fic.
Your top 10 bulletproof kinks in fic.

Ooh, my favorite topics!

( badfic, boredom, and the way to the stars, 1/2, numbers one through five pet peeves )

I went through and put my fannish essay-ish things in to my memories folder, which was kind of fun and kind of bizarre and kind of fun, since apparently, I get *really* energetic sometimes. I like ideas. I tend to wax lyrical on ideas and concepts and fandomy things. But I tend to only post when the ideas get a personal face.

Also, anyone notice I've lost even the most basic ability to give decently organized thoughts? It's just sad.

( mutterings and mumblings )

For those who volunteered to beta-look at the page I'm building, give me a couple of days. Katherine's working on an image theme for it, which is going to completely change the layout, and okay, css is *crack*. I keep wanting to fondle it and do subversive things with it. I'll post a link as soon as we've redone it. God, I hope this works.