Okay, I can count on one hand the number of Henry V fanfics I've read in my life, literally. However, this one is a sonnet, which I can count on one finger because holy shit, a sonnet:

Harry Takes the Field by bratfarrar - Henry V - Harry's thoughts before Agincourt and what was before him.

The funny thing is, when I first saw in it in her LJ, I didn't really read she wrote it (because I was just skimming my flist and came back to read it) and after reading it thought, ohh, I like this, I want to use that line for my title--as I needed one for this series--and then read back and realized she wrote it and felt oh so foolish and also holy shit a sonnet. About the spiritual successor of the Black Prince himself and the hero of Agincourt. (First cousin once removed if I remember my Edward III's and Philippa's extensive family tree; that was a lot of sons there.)

(College taught me via the brute force method to appreciate poetry; having to read and write an analysis of one three times a week teaches you to either loathe anything that could rhyme (or rhythm) or love it and if it's the written word, love will win if I kill myself doing it.)

Agincourt is hugely romantic; it's got everything: terrible odds, a single brave shining warrior, do or die, and knowing the history now, a (probably) insane French king, his (possibly) manipulative wife (the reason why Henry VI of England was crazypants depending on if you believe which historian on the relative sanity of Catherine de Valois), and all of English history riding on a single battle fought by a very young king who was truly the only one who believed that he could win.

(I have a very similar reaction to reading about Waterloo, Caesar crossing the Rubicon, and Joan of Arc's entire life.)

Me and Shakespeare have a very complicated relationship: I used to think he was hugely overrated and annoying and it hurts me in various ways to admit now he's not and it actually makes me enraged when anyone says that about him now because wtf it's Shakespeare!!!, which is so lowering you have no idea. It's just masochistic and annoying to feel so conflicted about your own love story with a dead guy, and a little uncomfortable, too.

(Beside the point. It's almost time for my yearly Shakespeare play and I still have no idea which one to throw myself at. I'm thinking Othello at this point; it's nice and obvious and I know the plot so why not? I've been putting it off for some reason, I think Richard III keeps upsetting me.)

I don't know why, but it's weirdly appropriate I'm in my cubicle quietly weeping into my morning coffee about a ship of ships.

SCP 1522: Ships That Pass In The Night

...seriously, wtf Foundation, that was my heart that broke.

(READ THIS. SERIOUSLY. THEY SINK FOR EACH OTHER FUCK YOU SCP I NEED WHISKEY. THEY PLAYED WITH BABY WHALES AND CUDDLED.)

So I am not looking forward so much to like, existence for the months of January through March. Our current build just started prelim testing (testing is now in three separate testing stages, not one, don't ask, it makes me cry) but at the same time we got those assignemnts two weeks ago, we got the ones for the build after that. The one that, I think, is releasing in May.

...it is never a good sign when preliminary assignments go out that early. It is a much worse sign when during that time--preliminary--your assignment list is already long enough to qualify for your normal number of assignments, but you are told that no, it's not done yet. It is a red fucking alert when you are assigned as planner support on two of them along with your other assignments, because the three assignments (so far) is so huge that it will belong to two to three (that's 2 to 3) people and they require support planners.

It is much much more horrifying when the requirements list--that's a list of everything we need to check in this particular assignment in this build--is over 140 pages. Seventy of which are the actual list of requirements to check. Survey says, for one assignment out of probably about 120 to 200 assignments, there will be close to 200 tests.

Context: the build we finished last week had a total of 900 tests in (roughly) 120 assignments (SR or service requests). The largest was far, far less than 200. The most I ever wrote for a single huge SR was seventy (ish) last year in August when I was planner support. It was one of the largest we ever did (this doesn't include automated testing and reports testing, since those are weird adn can have tons of tests but are very short and done in bulk, not by hand one at a time).

Also, I cannot find the Acer tablet or the Lenovo tablets that I wanted to get for Child. He wants a tablet, I will break my credit card getting him one that will make me destroy civilization if he breaks it, and why did they all vanish when I went to buy them? My day, Christ.

So my zen:

Apocalypse Week in The Big Bang Theory updated with a new chapter. How did I not notice this was in progress? My day got exponentially better, though I see 2012 will not go well.

Also, the Christmas Bears are now on display. Pictures are forthcoming. I can now say comfortably I am on my way to being the Crazy Bear Lady, like the Crazy Cat Lady, but I spend less on cat food and they do not mind being stored in boxes, which I understand would not be appropriate for cats.

Whilst contemplating fires and a current ambient temperature that is, I kid you not, below eighty-five--it's really, really disturbing, for the record--I was reading recs off of FF_A and one fic just bothered me. Not in a hostile to the author way, though if this loops much longer it may get there. Mostly it came from a weird, desperately uncomfortable place regarding memory and intent. But a very real part of it comes from a faint suspicion that human beings are only as civilized as they can make themselves appear to be to others, and any bend by others watching them will mean instant!slippery slope toward evil.

Irreversible by Kristina, House, House/Wilson - WARNING: Rape - this is extremely good for exactly the reason I just stated; I am so very, very unsettled. The author set up a situation that I don't even know what how to react to, and best of all, the character personalities are what's killing me. I see an absolute right alternate solution, but not one that either character could in the end live with.

( ETA: One thing I would change )

My lack of shame about this is telling; I seriously love vids made on super popular music. Yes, I know that leads to five billion My Heart Will Go On's, but the thing is, even at the cheesiest level, if they work, I'm so there. Then there's shame, but that's after you're finished crying about the love that never dies.

However, then there are the ones that do really, really, really well. Gakked from fail_fandomanon that always brings the most interesting recs to the yard, because my weakness is vids made to the Fray, and also, Fullmetal Alchemist, which always breaks my heart and never bothers to fix it after.

How to Save a Life, Fullmetal Alchemist

The entire reason I started watching--and perhaps buying the manga--was a fourteen second bit before a commercial on cartoon network or something; no idea now. This is one of the things I'm super fannish about and never want to talk about, because I will cut you if you are negative about one little thing. The first step to not becoming scary is self-awareness; I could be scary for this show. Like, sockpuppet army of righteous defense scary. And I'd also be really bad at it, but you know, I'd try.

(This is one of the many useful things about having a son. No one even blinks if you utilize him at Barnes and Noble to explain why you're carrying a small fortune in anime and give the cashier rueful looks like, what can you do? Yeah, he's getting tired of that. I may need another plan.)

Anyway, the vid isn't everything that ever broke my heart. But it's really, really close. Good timing, good scene choice, fantastic escalation, and more than that, brilliant use of the song as it is and as it could be.

If you don't cry by the second section, you have no soul, okay? Just, I will judge, oh, and how.

Intemperance by basingstoke, Sherlock Holmes movieverse, gen - written in first person John Watson with some of the best use and control of Victorian and first person language I've seen in any fiction, fan or pro. Holmes comes to Watson and Mary for assistance. This is another one that giving away anything more will take away from the reveal of the story, so if you're unsure, please check the headers at the link first. It's not just a unique story, but a unique way of telling it, and in a way that matches the pastiche of the era and the movie very well. And I love how it flows together; the very narration makes it feel possible, likely, and very honest.

In other words, really, read this one.

While I'm here, another couple of recs.

Rough Edges series by basingstoke, Sherlock (BBC), mostly gen, hilarious. First two are also a crossover with Black Books. The Holmes family is hilarious and so very terrifying. And they give their children really unsettling names. Three stories in the series, all awesome.

Pedestrian by vegarin, Sherlock (BBC), gen, set directly before the climax of The Great Game. This is, by far, one of the best John Watson's I've read and he and Moriarty's conversation is a field of landmines and unexpected, shocking insights.

The Paradox Suite by wordstrings, Sherlock (BBC), Sherlock/John - this one has been recced like, half the places I was sent, I think, and rightly so. I just love this for all the views of John and Sherlock and being in love with someone that sometimes who never really pretends he's really human and that's pretty much okay.

wtf universe?

Related to front bezel replacement from my earlier entry. I got the front bezel for the laptop and proceeded to joyfully disassemble Adam. After removing the screws, front panel, keyboard, and starting to take the bezel (framing around the screen) off, I discovered--

--the hinge had snapped completely. The hinge had snapped completely from the laptop cover itself. Which means I need an entire display assembly, minus actual LCD screen, for Adam. And then I lost a screw for the bezel, but whatever. I'm still stuck at how the hell did that snap? And also, seriously?

*sulks* Anyway, since Dell's website is a lot less specific than one might hope on what exactly what comes with their display assembly--and it is also hideously expensive--I ordered from parts-people and will pick it up on Monday and try again. It will be green. I don't know how I feel about having a green laptop yet. It's very disconcerting. Green. Will I even know Adam anymore in green? I don't do well with change like that.

However, now I am nervous. As no longer am I merely replacing the front bezel. I have to first remove the front bezel, then lift the LCD from it, then ease it into the new cover, then cover it with the bezel. Then stick it all back together and hope. Hope a lot. And buy another screw for the bezel. And you know, wonder how it all went wrong.

Breakdown of the horror.

*curls up* Seriously? This is like a judgment or something for saying that I enjoy this sort of thing, isn't it? If I get through this, screw it, I'm totes going to investigate if I can go after the chipset and heat sink. This is my manifesto. Game on.

Rec

I've been basically emailing this one to anyone who knows how to read, as shinetheway pimped unto me, God bless her.

An Inexplicable Occurrence of Angels by stele3 (insanejournal), My Chemical Romance, Gerard/Frank, four parts. It's not a WIP, it's been done since 2007.For the sake of this story--and I am not kidding--I had google and wikipedia open for reference. It was that awesome. And it made me intensely happy which you know what, I really needed. Hence I am re-reading now because I need a serious hit of hope and hilarity and joy and things actually working out and being amazing. Yes, an angel. Yes, in the kitchen. And I just seriously am going to curl up with it again for the sheer joy.

I'm going to sulk now. In case anyone was curious.

We have achieved:

1.) Turkey and deliciousness. My God, the deliciousness. There was corn souflee.
2.) Completed uploading all QAF and all single-entry-in-LJ Merlin fic to Archive of Our Own, link here for those who have really been hating reading in LJ format.
3.) Bought Adam Lambert's album in deluxe, and I kind of can't work out where this is coming from. Yes, I know, astolat, but also, seriously, I listened to him during AI and I liked some of it (I love covers that recreate the original song in interesting ways; I have a playlist that's nothing but covers), and the AMAs were--wow, and the video was amazing, but--okay, yeah, astolat did this. Plus, Whataya Want From Me has been on repeat for about twelve hours now because like I once explained about my dysfunctional relationship with music, only one in ten songs I like and only one in a fuckload more become an obsession that turns into a spiritual journey (fictionally speaking) and hey, this one is it.

I seriously, seriously love this one and For Your Entertainment. They are writing music. They have their own playlist.

Granted, varied with Kelly Clarkson's Already Gone and Daughtry's Life After You and I don't know about anyone else, but I see a pattern here. The only reason David Cook isn't playing is I burned through him writing Merlinfic earlier this year and I haven't recovered from it yet.

I am turkey-enabled and listening to Adam Lambert while re-reading astolat's AIRPS fic. I mean, I'm sure someone somewhere is having a better Thanksgiving, but I cannot see how. I'm not even wearing pants! (I am wearing pajamas.) In bed! There is pie later!

Random recs from the last forty-eight hours of reading.

House of the Living by astolat, AIRPS, zombies. No, really. Zombies. And done so beautifully I kind of hurt from reading it. And really, there should be more fic with Adam armed. Yes, my kinks are not your kinks, but Adam is shooting things and--wait, why isn't this your kink? You are weird.

We Are Not Your Friends (We're Here to Eat You), a fusion of AIRPS and True Blood. This should not work and yet it does and does it well.

Bluebird by basingstoke, Torchwood/Addams Family, Jack/Ianto. Look, I would not steer you wrong. It's everything that Torchwood is in it's craziness and everything that the Addam's Family always has been, no matter how much we didn't know what we were watching before. It's pretty awesome.

Still Life by Jeepers, Star Trek RPS, Zach/Chris. This one is incredibly well written and sharp and sweet by turn. It's one of my favorite re-reads in the fandom.

*settles down with more fic*

There's something horribly sad about my spam for the last year, which makes me wonder if there's something to be said for society being reflected in their spam. Since the economy did its thing last year, my spam is almost exclusively refinancing and stock spam, with a sprinkling of non-sex related self-improvement (white teeth! better bod! new career! Something else!). However, recently, finally, someone asked if I wanted a bigger penis FOUR INCHES IN FOUR DAYS, and that put me in a better mood. Our economy is recovering--we can afford bigger penises. The amount of IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE is also going up, which makes me happy, though admittedly I kind of hope for a hybridized PENIS WILL GROW FOUR INCHES WITH OUR REFINANCING DEAL, and it might even be true if you're in foreclosure. Libidos work better with lower stress.

Gmail and yahoo are exclusive victims of Pfizer drugs, however; for the life of me, I cannot figure that one out. I mean, they're not like, cool drugs or anything. LOWER YOUR CHOLESTEROL WITH DRUGS FROM MEXICO/CANADA/COUNTRY I DID NOT KNOW EXISTED, which really, that is not tempting me to click here. Something that said CREATES TIMESPACE RIP TO GET EVERYTHING DONE EVERY DAY, now that shit I am on. WILL MAKE YOUR BOSS LESS IRRITATING or WILL EXPLAIN HOW TO ACTIVATE VIERA LINK ON TV IN SMALL WORDS, those are some drugs I could get behind. WILL IMPROVE YOUR ABILITY TO DO MATH, get me some of that. FIXES YOUR GODDAMN PERL SCRIPT ERROR. Hell yes. WILL HELP FINISH YULETIDE STORY GUARANTEED WITHOUT SPELLING ERRORS--I have friends who would be all over that. WILL NEVER NEED SPELLCHECK AGAIN fuck yes, please, send me that one, from Mexico or Mars, I am there.

As society continues not to deal with these very pressing issues, no, I am not buying your drugs from Mexico, thanks.

I haven't recced in a while, but I want to toss this one out: And Play a Favorite Song by linzeestyle, AIRPS, Adam/Kris. Linzee's style is usually faintly melancholy (to me), which isn't at all a bad thing, but this one surprised me with a richly detailed, complicated emotional landscape that tipped over toward hope and the wonder of falling in love in all the ways it can be terrifying and amazing both, realistic and carefully optimistic. Even if AI isn't your thing, in the end, it's two people who in love, uncertain, terrified, and in the end, joyful.

I don't walk out of many stories feeling this good, but this has been a multiple re-read that never fails to make me happier than I was when I started.

Now must go and check on children, as Child and Niece are tying each other to the exercise bike in a series of ever more complicated poses that make me wonder if they have bones. Niece is a stick and Child is--well, not a stick at all, to put it bluntly. And yet.

So it's not rare that fic can keep me up reading all night--see July, Due South, and my lack of many conscious memories of that month--but I can say it's pretty freaking rare in a watch-only fandom where my highest expectations amount to watchable and will Jack and Ianto get naked?

(svmadelyn found it and is like I AM READING A LONG MPREG. I am like OH MY GOD HOW BAD. Then there is silence and she says THIS IS GOOD. And I asked for a link, because, well, this is Madelyn. Yeah, exactly. But she was right. She was understating the case dramatically.)

Get Loved, Make More, Try to Stay Alive by dsudis, Torchwood, Jack/Ianto

This is how I will rec this: if you have seen the show or have read a decent summary, or have seen a livejournal entry on Torchwood, or in any way participated in fandom and therefore have been exposed to fannish osmosis, you will be fine, because really, who doesn't know who Jack Harkness is? Tibetan monks, that's who. And he probably slept with them, so you know, even they know.

This is awesome. It is long and plotty and time-travely without being hideously hard to follow (this is beautifully easy to follow) and the author states it's less than nineteen percent mpreg, which is true, as by word count and being five in the morning, new levels of bizarre obsessive compulsive behavior are achieved, I calculated it to 18.19% mpreg (YMMV), and even if you hate mpreg, you cannot hate this, because that would be like hating puppies. Puppies in a field of daisies. Puppies running to you in a frenzy of love in a field of daisies. And these puppies are hypoallergenic, just in case you have allergies. So are the daisies.

( spoiler for fic! but tiny one, and without context, so deeply uninteresting to anyone but me, who feels glee )

So short version--if you like to read, this is something you should read. Did I mention the length of time to wallow? Lots of time.

And that is my rec, and I'm honestly shocked this is mostly within the boundaries of the vaguely internet-standards of grammatically correct, which are low standards indeed. Good fic puts me in a very good mood And doubtless a deeply grumpy one when I have to get up early for router diagnostics and small random related children screaming about. That will be fun. And totally, totally worth it.

Okay, before I forget, because I'm *so* behind in reccing it's ridiculous.

In The Fullness Of Time (The Shores of Lost Carcosa Remix) by synecdochic - SG1 by way of Robert Chambers. Now why I'm reccing this.

I have a serious weakness for well-executed pastiche--for that matter, any kind of stylization when it's done well. Syne pulled the formal first-person of twenties horror (and you know who else wrote like this? Lovecraft. Yes). This is good and I was utterly thrilled to give it a look over because this isn't a style that's seen anymore outside of pastiche. The story is good and solid and I'd recommend on its merits, but even if I didn't like the story, I'd recommend it anywa for the mastery of this particular and demanding style of writing.

Even if you have no interest in SG1, Phillips, or horror, read it for the delicate attention to language, the careful formality of the prose, and the weaving of horror to the cusp of drama but never quite touching. Syne skillfully uses the formality to increase the peripheral of horror, the things that seep through the edges of reality, paying careful attention to setting and a very modern character. The rhythm gets to me; reading it out loud is almost surreal, this feeling of being in a very dark New England in a very old house with something far more ancient than Time surrounding you.

As a fanfic, it's Syne, so it goes without saying that it's good. As an exercise in style, it's close to flawless.

Dear reader, I dreamed, and knew myself to be dreaming; the carpet upon which I trod was thick and luxurious, my feet sinking into it with every step, its warp and weft reaching for me even as I stepped upon it; the walls of the corridor in which I stood were papered richly with an ivory and silken damask, upon which were drawn, not roses, but the unlikely choice of cabbage-flowers. In the distance I could hear the rustle of voices, paper-thin and indistinct; the clatter of glassware punctuated the disjointed threads of music arising from the string quartet whose presence could not be seen, only assumed. The music crept outward, filling my ears, so subtle it was barely audible and yet so compelling it crept into my thoughts and nested there, as though it sought to carve itself a corner of my mind. In the way of dreams I could not now name you the air they played. I only know it for the sense it left me, edgy and nervous as though it were a knife's-edge danger; it took me some moments to identify the cause, the lead violin racing ahead of the other strings by half a step, leaving discord in its wake.

Try reading it out loud. Seriously.

Coming briefly out of hibernation of low grade misery for two things:

1.) Fortunate Son by astolat, AIRPS, DC & DA, gen, okay, seriously, I am now insisting on official codes be announced by someone, somewhere, that everyone obeys. I LIKE USING SINGLE OR DOUBLE LETTERS PEOPLE. Whole names != zen.

Also, so adorable and involves my sixth greatest fear, air travel. Yes, I do have a list. No, I will not share. Just--there are reasons I am to a.) be extremely sleep deprived or b.) have dental work before getting on a plane. All of them involve flames. I did not even start to twitch. Read now, plz.

2.) Due South, first season, third disc, with second season arriving today. In a variety of ways, I really want Fraser's boots. I want him while in them, too, but I seriously seriously want those boots. They're amazing! They protect the leg from mud, you can run in them easily, and they clean up fast. How the hell do we not have some of those.

How the hell does he run like that for ten million miles?

Also, RayV's (did I write that correctly?) "I have a total mancrush on this hot mountie" could not be more obvious if he gave it out as a card. I bet he does. Luckily, he doesn't have to all that often. Fraser's obliviousness to women actually beats Sheppard's. I honestly believe that if they were the last two people on earth and were both given sex pollen causing uncontrollable lust and locked in a small, comfortable room with two beds, they would still somehow not have sex on the strength of sheer obliviousness. That's--that's impressive.

They might not even get off. They'd worry it wasn't polite. Well, Fraser would. Sheppard would contemplate having to bare skin in front of other human beings and find this deeply traumatic or something.

I'm really tempted to do an episode by episode reaction post, but a lot of it is my absolute amazement that these are some of the most cliched plots ever and they are still utterly transfixing and feel completely new every damn time.

3.) Random Note: Child started watching and was pissed when I told him there were only three seasons. He's three episodes behind me; he was up until God knows when last night finishing the second disc. I've decided to save me and him some time, I'm going to auction him off to anyone who has a child of the vaguely appropriate age for a betrothal. His dowry will include four gamestations (by that time, I will have a Wii and X-Box and every game console ever), a laptop, a desktop, and a metric ton of dinosaur books, books on robotics, books on genetic engineering, books on snakes, and a terrifying predilection for waking me up to ask seriously if he cloned a small herbivore, if that would be okay to keep.

Have raised alert to Orange for the backyard. I saw him digging a hole and then quickly covering it up again. So freaking do not want to know, you have no idea.

Gakked from slodwick:

Ritual Habitual by popcornleader. I'm also stealing the text of her rec:

HOLY. SHIT.

Seriously, that's all I can say -- this video is SO FREAKING AWESOME. It's a Supernatural constructed reality, and it's basically flawless It's twisted and dark and violent and so well done, it gave me chills and had me gasping at the screen and I couldn't love it more IF I TRIED.

Watch it. SRSLY. *flails around*

Yeah, seconded. I haven't been that creeped out since War Drums. Beautifully done.

So. When you know you are in a new fannish zone place. Older recs, probably not anything that everyone hasn't seen before, but mmm. Fic.

Angle of Vision by z_rayne and libitina - Scanners II/Thoughtcrimes. I totally blame this on thefourthvine's rec for the fact that I am now seeking out these crossovers. And samdonne's Thoughtcrimes fic. This? Was hot. And a new and interesting way to have a threesome and a genderfuck. Life good.

Confidential Information by yin_again - Thoughtcrimes/Boa Versus Python. I seriously love this. Makes me purr.

I have a *tag* for this stuff now. God.

So. If you like me, you will rec to me. Please?

I am packed, mostly. I have Child packed, mostly. My coat is drying, becaus I haven't actually used it since Vancouver two years ago. Chid's new coat is dry and in the garage so he can't destroy it before we leave.

I'm *packed*, except for electronic equipment that doesn't get packed until morning, because really, I can't be that organized or I'll forget to wear shoes. Yes. I have done that. Or wore two different shoes. It's--odd.

Also, tornado warning in central Texas? Okay, not fair. We had all weekend to have violent storms. Not on the freaking night before I leave.

And to round out my weird complaints, a few nights ago I was going over my flight info and Tara asked me when my flight left on Thursday, so I went to check and Jesus and God, I booked a sixy forty-five am flight. I have no idea how I even managed that.

*****

Recs.

Man, Interrupted by samdonne, Thoughtcrimes - I'm not sure what to do with this. I don't know the show other than by the synopsis samdonne provided. It was *good*, intense and richly charactered and satisfying. And I liked reading it three times. And it made me smile at the end. I need to contemplate feedback that's more than "Pretty" one day.

*****

( odd mood-thing going on )

In short--I have every intention of forgetting something vital, becuase I am way too ready.

Child felt poorly, so stayed home today. Weird side note: I am apparently most inspired to write apocalypse-fic while I'm at work.

That is funny. Admit it. That's *hilarious*. I'm sitting there in my cubicle writing stuff like this:

Dean hasn't seen a calendar in years; he knows the seasons by the movement of the sun, the feel of the earth shifting from warm to cold. The world tastes like September, and Dean remembers west Texas in flat land stretching in marker-thick strips of vivid brown and black, the yellow tops of maize waving in pre-autumn winds, threshers moving complacently through the fields with drowsy men in hats waving at the road. He remembers green and gold fields of cows placid under the sun, half-year calves running on the outskirts of the herds. He remembers these were what he saw between jobs, lives being lived that had nothing to do with creeping twilight and sleeping only behind salt circles and ritual wards.

*****

Words, words, words

One of the things I perenially repress and encourage is my sheer love of building pictures through words. I fight it off for periods of time I like to call phases of insanity, because going too deep that way ends you with stuff like Flight, which I leave up at my website as a constant reminder never to let my passion for overwriting overcome say, writing an actual story.

*eyes it* I swear, I'd use that sucker as a teaching exercise in everything you should never do in writing. Right up there with writing about sex without once ever letting the reader know anyone was having sex and not just a really intense acid flashback.

I was thinking about how I tend to categorize writers into fairly distinct camps. These camps--or you know, groups, what have you--have less to do with fandom, skill level, ability to punctuate properly, or even style. It's--hard to explain except by this idea that there are some writers, good or bad, who write from a place I can comprehend and some from a place I can't. It's a style thing, but it's also something else entirely. It's almost like the equivalent of realizing that your light spectrum isn't theirs. It's has nothing to do with intrpretation of canon, characters, pairing, or even tone of the story, because all of them have and did and will write my OTP at one time or another. It's something they bring into the fic that's more than I didn't see it before they wrote it; it's that before they wrote it, I never knew it was there. More than even that, there is no way as my mind is shaped that I could have seen it. I guess it may have a lot to do with style, but it's more than even that. They're seeing a world I don't, and I can't, not until they show me. And they see it in a way that I never could.

I'm trying to put together a short list of writers and fic that gave me this start of shock, but putting it in words is a lot like trying to describe a visceral reaction--I can't explain my claustrophobia, just tell you it's there, and it will make me go nuts in fairly short order. I can tell you they blew my mind writing the most mundane things in such a way that I saw a brand new world, but honestly, that sounds creepily like some kind of orgasmic-religious experience.

Okay, got one. Below the cut.

( basingstoke, 3jane, kharessa, rachel sabotini )

When I think of Jane St. Clair's Tom Paris in Kiev, I sometimes think of John Sheppard in America. Seventeenish, after Rodney brought him back and brought him up and couldn't let him go. Awkwardly antisocial and still filled with memories he only finds in his dreams of alien skies and worlds his feet have never stepped foot on. Of people that are growing to be more memory than reality when Atlantis went silent one horrified day and Rodney broke down in his office when John came home from classes.

When they told Rodney that the gate wouldn't engage and Atlantis was lost to them.

I think John took it badly.

One: I stayed home from work today for no reason. Apathy combined with a distinct level of stress is not good. I have a *twitch*. Seriously, so not joking here. Beneath my left eye, some little, tiny, invisible muscle starts jerking and continues for hours. I have no idea what to make of this development in my life.

Two: My sister and her husband are not getting a divorce. Again. Yay? I'm thinking, if this all falls out like it should, in the next few months, I will personally call Jerry Springer. Cause drama like this shouldn't be kept in the family. The mocking potential is enormous.

Three: Also, John Schneider appeared in a country music vid. And he was hot. In a suit. All good hair and I need a *therapist*. Cause man. So very wrong and so right.

Four: I so love HP. I do. I do. I take back my twitching about Draco, by fifty. Since God alone knows when I'm updating my recs page, tossing in these here so I don't forget them from among the Smallville stories. From various people on my friendslist, svmadelyn and cjandre and a desperate trip through the Silverlake archive. I feel like a junkie. A really, really strange junkie.

Friend Like Me by Lady Vader
When Draco rewrites history. This is such a wonderful Draco, aching and angry and too jaded to believe anything, even in his own stories. Even there, he can't get a happy ending. Second person POV, but it immerses you so *much* this way. If ever a story was created that justified the use of second person, this one does.

Home for Wayward Elves by Eolianbeck
H/Hr/D, this wonderful, rich Hermione voice, post war. Where all things are possible. What really annoys me was she showed me this one before she posted it, and I loved it, and remembered it, except I kept forgetting to add it to my recs page, cause I'm a big idiot. There's not really much I can say about it other than Hermione was fascinating, and so was the new world after the war through her eyes. And happy! So happy.

Misanthropy, Lycanthropy, And The Pursuit Of Knowledge by Halrloprillalar
I just love how low-key this is, all the way through. Subtle, even. And I love Remus/Severus, so there you go.

Of Cloaks and Daggers by Rowan R
Severus is convinced Remus is out to kill him. Albus is going to get a hernia at the rate he's going. And everything is just funny. Don't bother with worries on characterization--it is just too damn much fun to read.

The Other Side by Ethrosdemon.
Paydirt! Harry is so *crazy*. I mean, in the fifth book, you kind of think that his sanity is slipping free--God knows, at thsi point, he could kill everyone he's ever met and still get out of a murder convinction--but wow. The rage. The helplessness. The way fate should always be bitchslapped around a few times. Draco's a mystery, but I can see him getting tired of Riddle's craziness compared to Harry's. At least Harry's, he can control. Or at least really enjoy the ride. I am happy. I am content. I am an OASIS of joy and rapture. This is as good as chocolate chip cookies. Seriously. So damn *good*.

I am sending her feedback as soon as I can do it without offering up organs for something else. Something with Harry ruling the world with an iron fist with Draco telling him how to do it right. Could I be more happy? No, I could not.

Take It And Like It by Sara
Mmm. Sex magic. It's my happy place. Why isn't there more sex and blood magic, darn it? Those are kinks from back in the day I was still a wee Jenn writing Phantom of the Opera sequels demonizing Raoul and bringing the Phantom back from the dead for smutty interludes with Christine.

Third Time's the Charm by Helen
There is too much to love about this story to really go into it all. It's Lupin/Severus, which, if I was ever to get into HP fandom, would be my pairing of choice, it's snarly and defensive and a little snarkily bitter, as only very good and familiar old enemies turned allies can be, and it's a freaking *amazing* Snape that is canonesque *and* extremely likable, and hell, that's like finding an intact snowball in hell, you know? Much love. Backdrop of Draco/Rob only makes it all that much more fun.

Trade by Aja
The summary is probably better than any explanation I could give, really. I love it. I love the dark edginess, Harry's desperation and hurt, and he and Draco together. It's like magic, except it's not.

Cookies for everyone!

You should read this.

Put You Half To Sleep by callmesandy, Smallville/Roswell.

She said: Sean/Lex. Awwwwwww, the only entry on this list that could not in any way be described as a hit, especially since the only people who loved the story beta'ed the story. But it's a best of to me. It's quiet and bleak and still vaguely sort of hopeful.

I whore for bleak futures, you know. Roll *right* over. I also whore for Lex, but that's kind of a given. It's not the future that's become so sad, but the person that chose to live it. My Roswell is years old and only a season and random eps, but this resonated with me. Plus, you know. Roswell/Smallville. Does any crossover in history, besides, say, X-Files, make so damned much sense?

You should really read it. And you could leave her feedback here, too. It's beautiful.

Because it just amuses me a lot

I was thinking, and perhaps murmuring in a slighly tipsy haze, how much I'd like Clark/Max.

I mean, I really would. In a very weird way, because visualizing a first time with the two of them would be an exercise in a comedy of epic proportions for observers. I mean, they both have that dark, brooding, mysterious, cute, vaguely depressed, very hot thing going on, and that fetish for bland brunettes is there (though I *liked* Liz, so there). And they both--I mean, imagine the negotiations required just for a kiss. I mean, they aren't the type to just jump the other. Oh no. There would be strange, surreal, not entirely clear conversation beforehand while they blushed enough to set things on fire.

I mean, apart from Clark's heat vision.

It would happen over a game of parcheesi. Slowly. Very freaking slowly.

I amuse myself in a variety of freakish ways.

I think these are the only Roswell fics I ever read, come to think, at Disquieting Muses. Maria/Michael. I think jengrrrl sent me to the messageboard she was posting at for them. Well, her and Elizabeth at Ficorama, but really, who doesn't read Elizabeth? *happy sigh*

Visitors is still my favorite.

I need to do some re-reading.

Updated recs page at http://seperis.illuminatedtext.com/recs.html. It's not all of them, but it's all I could find in fifteen minutes in my LJ, which is all I allowed myself.

And a few new ones I haven't recced before.

Recs

HP

Remedial Potions by Lupercali. Wow. Proof that whining gets you what you want. Lupin and Snape and Sirius, and a love story inside a story that was almost love but couldn't be. Snape is beautifully drawn, and I love the outsider look at the Lupin/Sirius pairing. They're all still young and screwing up and still not quite the people they'll become, but they're so close you can see the echoes. Lupin is equally entrancing in his youth and innate calm that, God, he has to need with Sirius. It's gorgeous. Just absolutely spot-on gorgeous.

QaF

I actually cant' remember if I recced these, though I know I did the one for Julad. But you know, it's a great bit of fun. So. Doing it again.

Physics, Groceries, and the Homosexual Agenda by mintwitch. Oh, this is funny. They go shopping. They meet someone. And Brian is high. And Justin really *does* perform on demand. And did I mention how damn *sharp* the writing is? Because it is.

Busy Week on the Fridge by Julad. Where fic is art and it's so good and so funny. Brian and Justin communicate in the language of shopping. Hehe.

Once Upon a Time by juteux. Wow. Daphnefic. I love when authors remember Daphne's around, and this bittersweet look at a post-third season grocery shopping and an unexpected sight just hurt so much. Not only her bitterness for Justin, but for herself. Highly recommended.

Productive. That's me. *happy*

Now have to go find the *rest* of them. I really, really need to be more organized.

Nothing new with the file cabinet.

Recs

Scrabble Fic by josselin. Heh. Brian and Justin play Scrabble. Cuteness. Very.

Re-Rec

Because I can. I really have nothing better to do. Isn't that just sad? To be creative about it, one per fandom I've been monogamous with.

Queer As Folk

The Color Series by Triskyfic -- see, I did this one an injustice the first time I read it and again when I recced it. I still have problems with the way she themes throughout with color, but that's a personal quirk, and the more I read it, the less I notice it, because it's good. I'm especially attracted to the past/present/future mix she does--you'd think it would be confusing, and it *is*, but in the addictive, right way it's supposed to be. Teasy-like. It's extremely solid, and it's fun, and kano may be my new favorite word.

Smallville

And Dark Our Celebration Was by Hth. See, this is where it's nice when one gets perspective after short periods of time hiding from one's home fandom. I really, really hated this story in every way that can be considered a positive--beautiful writing, dark in that hopeless, deathless way that's like you need to talk yourself off a ledge after, but subtly so. Kind of like an ice pick to just left of the heart, so to speak.

It's hard to explain.

"I don't call it sleeping with you. If this is what you consider a perfectly acceptable sexual encounter then I have to say, I don't think much of the quality of people you've been dating lately."

I just love that line.

*grins* I think I may re-read Immortality next. For those unfortunate few who remember my temper tantrums after *that* one was released, feel free to send scathing email about being discreet in public. God, I miss Grail muchly. *sighs*

Annnyway.

X-Men Movieverse

One that isn't on my page, one that is. Vic gets short-shifted from me most of the time--I *know* her and therefore, the entire contempt of familiarity kicks in, but this is one of my favorite stories by her and in retrospect, one of my favorite re-reads in X-Men, it's so damn timeless. And reminds me I have thirty eight X-Men stories i've kept meaning to add to my page and never have. Crap.

A Harbor in the Tempest by musesfool -- there's a lot to like about this story that has nothing to do with its genealogy, and five pages in, you know it's Casablanca With Mutants, so just go with it. The movie is classic, the story is too. As a mutant-world safety zone, with Logan the cynic and Jeez, poor Jean, it starts off clean and keeps going. Vic does immaculate prose, so you really can just get yourself lost in the story. And you may think you know it, but trust me, you don't. Read it.

A Place by Sandra. I have this hope that I'll run into her again cross-fandom, which considering the rate LJ spreads, possibly isn't too far in the future, or so I can hope.

There's a place.

A place where an old man's voice isn't whispering tenderly when she quietly grieves. Where she can run and the voices aren't shouting after her, in her, telling her there are starved, scared wolves lurking in those dark, hushed forests.

Most writers can't pull off rhythmic, stylized stories brilliantly. Hell, a majority can't pull off readable grammar, but that's not the lecture for the evening. This story is the one, single, shining reason why I actually still believe that any subgenre of fiction can be done brilliantly, because this is one of the most beautiful single pieces of fiction I've read in my life.

I'd quote more, but frankly, there's no way to do it and make it nearly as perfect, as shattering, as it does when read straight through. And that would be *now*, because seriously, this is why X-Men was my addiction for over a year and why I can quote by memory from this one. It's *good*.

Star Trek: Voyager

Ah, I miss you sometimes.

Mirror Images by Dave Rogers. See, I still get chills from re-reading this one. It's simple in-canon fic--gap filler, if you will, reaching across from Vis a Vis through Demon, and for perfect capture character, there's nothing better in the fandom.

Wordlessly, she stood up and strode into the office, where the E.M.H.
sat quietly and discreetly. Tom's mirror image could not hear what
passed between them, but she was back in minutes.

"Listen, whoever - whatever you are." She spoke rapidly, in short,
clipped sentences. "She won't know about the Maquis. Break it to her
gently. Help her through it. She won't know about the Hirogen. She
doesn't need to. And she won't know about Steth. Don't you *ever* let
her find out."

"I don't understand." His face was frowning, but his eyes were bright
with hope.

"The Doc's beamed a sample of my DNA to the surface. She'll be waiting
for you."

"B'Elanna, I...", he stammered, jumping to his feet. "Why? I thought
you hated me?"

"I do." She turned away. "But not that much."

Gets me every time.

What the heck. One more.

Comicdom

And think, I know *nothing* about the fandom or the canon, but whoo, this story...

This Is How by Siarade. Again, when style is done well, I'm pretty much an easy lay, kay? Non standard use of timeline, which I applaud muchly, lovely pov, and this beautiful, intnese examination of grief.

When you talk about the dead, about dead things, talk with someone who knows. People who don't know can't talk about the dead. They expect death to be a jump from alive and vital to cold and empty. Not even a jump; that implies movement, when they expect it to be a snap ì once one way, now the other, a momentary switch that has no levels or gradation.

And the eternal seconds of watching someone die.

Why This Sudden Backtrack

seemag asked what stories scarred you (in a good way), and mentioned Iolokus, which to go with it, HELL YES, but since I wasn't ever even within a breath of being intimately involved with that fandom, I think of it differnetly from a fandom I wrote and participated in. Just the depth of commitment.

Scarring though. That's a weird one. And also kind of funny, since jaymalea asked me last night what my favorite slash story was and I couldn't tell her.

( story blatherings )