There's something horribly sad about my spam for the last year, which makes me wonder if there's something to be said for society being reflected in their spam. Since the economy did its thing last year, my spam is almost exclusively refinancing and stock spam, with a sprinkling of non-sex related self-improvement (white teeth! better bod! new career! Something else!). However, recently, finally, someone asked if I wanted a bigger penis FOUR INCHES IN FOUR DAYS, and that put me in a better mood. Our economy is recovering--we can afford bigger penises. The amount of IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE is also going up, which makes me happy, though admittedly I kind of hope for a hybridized PENIS WILL GROW FOUR INCHES WITH OUR REFINANCING DEAL, and it might even be true if you're in foreclosure. Libidos work better with lower stress.

Gmail and yahoo are exclusive victims of Pfizer drugs, however; for the life of me, I cannot figure that one out. I mean, they're not like, cool drugs or anything. LOWER YOUR CHOLESTEROL WITH DRUGS FROM MEXICO/CANADA/COUNTRY I DID NOT KNOW EXISTED, which really, that is not tempting me to click here. Something that said CREATES TIMESPACE RIP TO GET EVERYTHING DONE EVERY DAY, now that shit I am on. WILL MAKE YOUR BOSS LESS IRRITATING or WILL EXPLAIN HOW TO ACTIVATE VIERA LINK ON TV IN SMALL WORDS, those are some drugs I could get behind. WILL IMPROVE YOUR ABILITY TO DO MATH, get me some of that. FIXES YOUR GODDAMN PERL SCRIPT ERROR. Hell yes. WILL HELP FINISH YULETIDE STORY GUARANTEED WITHOUT SPELLING ERRORS--I have friends who would be all over that. WILL NEVER NEED SPELLCHECK AGAIN fuck yes, please, send me that one, from Mexico or Mars, I am there.

As society continues not to deal with these very pressing issues, no, I am not buying your drugs from Mexico, thanks.

I haven't recced in a while, but I want to toss this one out: And Play a Favorite Song by linzeestyle, AIRPS, Adam/Kris. Linzee's style is usually faintly melancholy (to me), which isn't at all a bad thing, but this one surprised me with a richly detailed, complicated emotional landscape that tipped over toward hope and the wonder of falling in love in all the ways it can be terrifying and amazing both, realistic and carefully optimistic. Even if AI isn't your thing, in the end, it's two people who in love, uncertain, terrified, and in the end, joyful.

I don't walk out of many stories feeling this good, but this has been a multiple re-read that never fails to make me happier than I was when I started.

Now must go and check on children, as Child and Niece are tying each other to the exercise bike in a series of ever more complicated poses that make me wonder if they have bones. Niece is a stick and Child is--well, not a stick at all, to put it bluntly. And yet.

This is the most awesome Nigerian email scam letter ever, as it is set in London in Shrewsbury--Shrewsbury!--and is about orphans.

I love my spam sometimes.

( beloved, really )

The best part was the barren-women. Really.

Spam Report

The halcyon days of Paris Hilton sex tape and penis enlargement spam seem long over; today, we are trapped with Sam's Health Insurance and random health care spam. That's got to mean something, when sex spam loses out to health spam. Very sad.

Though one weird one tricked me by actually having the pseudonym of a fannish acquaintance. I am bitter.

Note on grocery stores the weekend before Thanksgiving--dear God. Dear, dear God.

The Spam Report

My breasts and theoretical penii are no longer the object of enlargement. The New Blus is Seeking Other Promiscuous Singles, Tired of Cold Girls..., Lookng For a Hote Date and several variations thereof--sex-dating, sex-friendship, basically, the porn-only dating service. It started refreshing, but seriously, at three months running? Not so much with the interesting.

Though I am vaguely amused that tweaked out twinks now appears in a lot of subject lines, along with the usual virgin frat boys giving it up for rush. Sadly, this does not, at first, make me think spam, but ooh, someone wrote QaF fic! Then I remember that no one yet has titled anything like that and I get sad, because that would be a kick ass title.

Segue Into....

I've become worried, also, that 'tricking', 'twink' and 'twat' have moved into my active vocabulary list. It was weird enough during X-Men when I started calling everyone 'sugar'. But you can get away with that. I'm in Texas.

But really, there is no logical explanation for those three.

Interesting verbal footwork must occur when you call a coworker a twink.

"What?"

"Twinkie! I want a twinkie!"

"Uh huh."

Yes, that's my idea of verbal footwork. I will never win awards for thinking on my feet.

*sighs*

Everyone is waiting for The Letter at work. It's to tell us where we will be once the transition of us into the new agency comes--to wit, employed or on the other side applying for food stamps. I'm not worried, mostly because I'm working on my pores and fine lines are the enemy I've been watching too many commercials about skin care. Or way, way, way too much Brian. It's entirely possible.

Exfoliating is my friend, though, as a scary number of products seem to suggest. At this point, I'm looking at sand speculatively, thinking of how much cheaper it woudl be just to get a lot of it and roll around in it for a while.

Oh God, I am bored.

Acutally, no, I'm avoiding my friendslist desperately. Everyone, except me and a shepherd girl in the hills of Tibet, is spoiled for 4.13 and 4.14, and I don't trust her and think she may have a screener hidden under her mattress. I realized my will was fading when I was reading obscure meanings into the way people phrased their intro to the spoilers.

I have a terror of it going bad. This is leftover from Smallville, where every time something good happened to Lex, you just *knew* that the world was going to end, figuratively. And frankly, Joss Whedon's shows didn't help with this one, and that was the literal version. Something will happen, and I will be writing long, long, epic Ben-hate fics, to soothe my ravaged feelings and because, frankly, it would be fun. Ben gets eaten by killer turtles! Ben falls loses all the money for rent and then they are almost evicted and he tries to die until an angel--no, wait, I know that story and it ended all schmoopy. *crosses off the list*

I'm really, really tempted to write end of the world QaF fic. What, other fandoms get to do it! They get apocalypses and demons and mutants and really cool special effect-type deaths and world-destroying disease. I see no reason not to send the entire cast to a nice refugee camp, where Brian trades sex for black market moisturizer and works out how to make condoms out of tree bark and bubble gum in his spare time.

...that's about as far as I got with this idea, it being Brian having sex for goods, which would kinda be just a really, really long PWP with creative sexual aids, but still. I could think of something.

I could.

WiP Community

Isn't it cool?

coowipp, the community to join to encourage you to finish your WiPs. I keep staring at it, thinking of all the brave people who are just committing themselves to finishing, and me, looking at my WiP and thinking, oh. God.

Maybe?

( hmm )

*corrected for season numbers.

I'm sorry to say, I haven't been keeping as close track of the rises and falls of spam types as I used to do in days of yore.

In recent weeks, a rise in "strait boyz get curioz" has cropped up at rather refreshing intervals, beating "britny and pariss hilton with barn animals" and "grow your breasts 2 cup sizes!!!1!" with a big phallical stick, and no, I didn't mean that the way that sounded, though I think I read that as a spam header once. I have to admit, I'm wondering when my spam profile shifted, since the viagra ads have taken a serious upswing, to the point where they are outnumbering even the poor Catholic schoolgirls and their desire to be spanked for their naughtiness. Who have inexplicably dropped of the radar. Huh. And here I thought that one would never end, especially after that December run of four a day. Happy holiday cheer and all.

It's kinda weird. Mortgages are at all all-time low, the offer for herbal ecstacy seems to be down to less than twice a week, and no one is offering me cosmetic surgery or oral pleasure these days. I mean, don't get me wrong here, it's not like I'm mourning the days when I was *promised* multiple orgasms or unlikely Bahaman cruises or the hopes of FFF breasts, but still.

I'm no longer offered business partnerships in shady enterprises involving the Samoan islands and bank notes, no one is telling me anything about spiritual enlightenment through herbal drugs, and depressingly, I haven't been offered a larger penis in *weeks*, but a lot of people would love to point out the drunk frat boys offering their asses for alcohol.

You'd almost think someone was reading my webpage. *marvels* Go spammers! I'm officially impressed. I mean, disgusted and appalled and sickened too, and all that. Sickened. But nice job!

In theory, I should have my sense of humor back. I'd like to thank rhiannonhero for vidding "Acid", which pretty much required me to download the song, memorize, and then sing, off-key of course, as often as possible. It helps if I keep my headphones on. She and altricial are responsible for most of my musical downloads recently. It's like the most depressing playlist in history.

I have this insane urge to do karaoke right now. It's kinda scary.

I'm looking at cars and digital cameras. The car to choose is much easier, all things considered--there are entire books devoted to telling you what sort of vehicle you should own, and I'm leaning toward a 2001 Kia Sportage right now. Oh, not for any *good* reason, either. Oh no. Because it's *so cute* and there's this fabulous deal on one in San Antonio. I printed it out and taking copies to Dad and Uncle the Mechanic, since I'm not a complete idiot and I'm letting them do the final approval stuff. Well, assuming the bank loans me money. I mean, these days, anything could happen.

The camera thing is more tricky. I have no idea what is actually practical. Asking Grandfather is just a bad idea. He's a professional, so his idea of necessary and mine are like, polar opposites. His idea of use and quality minimums start around the thousand dollar range for *basics*. I printed out a ton of stuff from Dell--all I want is functional, interfacing decently with my computer, and easy to fit in my backpack. Hardy would be good, too. And works. And won't cost as much as tuition.

Finally have answered about a third of the email I rescued from my web filters earlier this week and am feeling more than a little triumphant. In that vaguely dull way of knowing that wow, I really need to clean my filters more. Or start adding to the exceptions list again, though it takes forever and a day. I bulk foldered it all with the idea of sorting it out and answering it immediately, but that didn't pan out. Gah.

What I don't get is, the subject line 'sparks' is a red flag, but the subject line 'want to please your woman' is NOT? Okay, what on earth is this program EVALUATING with? And dear God, a good red flag is anytime the email addy is a superrandom set of numbers and letters, so why on earth doesn't it check that out?

There's this chance I'm going to get penis envy soon, just on the principle that at this point, if I have to get these emails, I should damn well have one of my own.

And who, exactly, do these people think they are fooling? Does ANYONE look at an ad that says 'cumming girls and farmyard animals XXXX' and say, wow, I should go see this, especially since you filled my inbox with thirty of these in the last two days! Even if I were a fancier of unusual sexual antics involving in rural life with multiple orgasms and bad spelling, I would completely and totally hate them for doing this to my inbox and find other purveyors of antics who don't spam.

Does ANYONE click on the links or read these things? And if there are people? Can we have them removed from the net on the principle that they are too stupid to be trusted with a computer and are ruining the inboxes of the world?

And how many people did I just offend with that one? *grins*

I've been comtemplating hopes that the end of Season II will lead to a nice Clark meltdown. Discussion with latxcvi and CJ have both been interesting and informative, since both are a hell of a lot more analytical than I am in making good conclusions.
( clark in need of prozac )
Watched Armageddon and cried again. Marveled at the intense slashiness of Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis, and why, God, why did he have to die at the end, because this movie is like slashcentral, what with the use of phallic guns during a fit of intense jealousy (oh come on, really, who bought that he was worried about his daughter's virtue?), obvious displacement of feelings for the father onto the daughter, and canonical declarations of love. And the crying. Which somehow, Ben makes look intensely sexy and I have no idea why. My God, man, stop whimpering on the floor there and get your boyfriend back before he dies!

Yet he never listens, no matter how often I tell him to do that on the TV. Stubborn little bastard.

I keep coming back to this movie and think, why don't I write in it? Then I remember. Because he's dead. Dammit.

i find it infinitely disturbing that in the SAME BATCH OF SPAM, I was asked if I wanted to be more popular with women, wanted a larger penis, and wanted larger breasts.

The sad thing is? Technically, all of these COULD be useful, as I have sucky social skills, I lack a penis, and my breasts--well, less said about the measurements there, the better.

Hmm.

I just want to meet the person who gets all three of those and thinks, wow, someone knows me VERY well. Just so we can chat.

I see the bi-minute RPF debates are going strong on my friends list. As I got to see them played out last night in chat (and let me tell you, there's nothing more generally strange than watching otherwise friendly, normal people who get along fabulously suddenly turn into public school-class debaters, though now I'm sympathizing with those who have to watch me and Liv debate Jonathan and Clark over and over *g*), I'm skipping the LJ versions and cuddling all sides equally, because frankly? Could so care less. I'm sure this shows some lack of ethical fiber on my part, but glass houses, stones, oh look, is that lightning? According to recent survey, fifteen year old Clark getting nailed by Lex is vaguely running the line in pedophilia and I was getting Clark seriously, seriously laid this time last year without benefit of birth certificate. So. Heh.

Me? I got Switch to read. RivkaT has me all atizzy and glowy. And I am currently reading a story that is so--mindboggling that I'm riveted. Thank you, Erica.

Anyway. My fannish place is happy. And I have coffee. Away, badvibes!

Recs:

Switch: A Comedy of Terrors by Rivka T. Oh, I recced this? Go figure. Let's do so again, because really, this sucker rocks beyond my ability to articulate. I am so in love it's scary. So. Damn. Good.

And lines like this.

Lex stood in order to circle him, looking at his pearl without price. Clark shifted on his feet. He wasn't used to people looking at him so carefully. Even Lex had tried to keep the obsessive stares to a minimum when Clark was looking back. Now he was fulfilling a well-tended fantasy, albeit under unanticipated circumstances: to have Clark pacing around him, watching him like a hawk watches a rabbit. That it was him in Clark's body, rather than Clark himself, was a disappointment, but he'd always known that it would take a serious disruption in the space-time continuum for Clark to return his interest.

Or a body that was wired to do boys and girls. And, what do you know, Clark was now in possession of one of those.

So that was what was going on in Clark's head. The flush extended to the back of his neck. Lex wanted to bite it.

Plus? Lex's blank horror at being turned on by Lana. People, this is classic stuff. Seriously so.

Also by rivkat, War Games (or some name similar), which is--mindbending in a seriously good, creepy way. Or that eternal question, personal sacrifice against personal integrity, how far is too far, and well, you'll see.

Frozen by Pun. Mm. Happy post-Skinwalker. Revelation, of a sort, explanation, and some solid characterization going on. I liked how Lex came out here, and I love how Clark was characterized. So definitely read.

Edges of White by Nitelite. This was--so sweet. Christmasy snugglefic, Lex-returns-fic, and I encourage the non-abuse of Lex very highly. It will leave you squishy and looking for hot chocolate.

Playing House by dammitcarl. Wow, that was--melancholy. And very real. AND very lovely.

pearl_o accosted me with this one, too.

Untitled by rageprufrock. Funny and surreal and so cool. And--still very funny. The ultimate triangle of Lex/Clark/Superman. VERY good stuff.

Other Generalized Rambling:

Almost done with bonibaru's birthdayfic. One section to go. It's light sillyfic from the Happy Place, so please God, don't let her be expecting the next War and Peace out of me anytime soon.

Also? An amazing thing happened.

I'm almost caught up on answering feedback (LJ stuff is still pending free time). I'm one third done in sending it. Am I shocked? Yes. I think I scared someone by replying to their feedback like, five seconds after sending it, considering my usual thing recently is to folder it and hope for free time. This does not count everything that's still mixed up in random folders from my program problems a couple of months ago, but I'm actively sorting through and pulling stuff, so--shocky people have been going, huh, she's NOT a total bitch ignoring me.

What, me, sensitive about the recent feedback debates? Whatever makes you think that? *grins*

Further musing from the Happy Place:

No, I am not on drugs, it's just--you know, inexplicable good moods? Yes, I know, they never last, and by nightfall, I'll be dark and depressing and more than a little on the edge of bitter, so don't worry. Just--it could be the fact that I have COFFEE finally, and my blood's getting resaturated after a dark, endless sixteen hours without it. Withdrawal's a bitch.

I just--FINALLY got to read some posts on my friendslist, and thamiris and latxcvi just rocked in their analyses of Insurgence going on, which you know, ouchouchouch, but also, denialfic? I'm on it.

rivkat and I had a little chat about dark Lex--you know, the Lex that's going to bathe in blood, lead toads to fall from the sky, bring on teh apocalyse AND wear bad seventies era white suits, which really, in the scheme of things, that last thing is far, far the worst....

( dark!Lex, cackle, mwah, whatever )

Tomorrow I finally get to catch up on my het reading, thank God. I do read it. Just you know, not often, but Liv has some Chloe I missed and Hope has a couple I foldered for a rainy day (it's cold here, so sleety day, perhaps). My toes are cold and will remain so until March.

Right, anyone actively interested in that? Probably not.

I was thinking of doing one of the many surveys floating around LJ, except there's an uncomfortable part of me thinking, I've done some of these before. Multiple times. Sometimes, I even bore myself.

Oh, right. This is interesting.

musesfool discusses the BBC article on fanfic here. Here's a thought. When people want to write articles on fanfic, why don't they get someone who KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT to write it? I know, this is mostly done for sensationalism, kinda like a zoo -- SEE THE STRAIGHT WOMEN BIZARRELY WRITE ABOUT GAY SEX! (and other things but these aren't as weird) LOOK AT THE MONKEYS! *sighsighsigh* I didn't have these kind of issues when I was a het writer. Now I read these and wince, then think, hmm, do I write for some good reason or because, seriously, Lex naked covered in whipped cream really IS the highlight of my artistic sensibilities?

*blinks, smiles, blinks back into reality*

Well. If The Great Masturbator was used in my art class as an example of revolutionary (retroactive? Oh damn, I SLEPT a lot during that class) art, then by God, the whipped cream Lex can, too. I just don't provide visual aids. Though God know, I'd be happy to see them.

Anyone?

Yep. I should get off now. Caffeine-sugar highs are dangerous animals.