these are the times that try a fangirls' soul

So like the bulletproof kink, I have the vid-equivalent of bulletproof music; there are some songs that no matter how crappy the vid, I will watch them to the bitter end because the song or performers speak so well that for me, the vid has no choice but to be meaningful, which can end with me watching a lot of AMVs of obscure anime tearfully finding meaning in long shots of unnaturally beautiful, expressionless characters whose names I can't even pronounce, but I feel it okay?

Then sometimes, just sometimes, a vid defines the perfect way the song should be vidded and no other vid can ever ever ever match it and I am so fucked, because that song is now off-limits and I want to ban anyone from ever using it again. And yet, i keep trying, which is why I have watched no less than twenty vids set to How to Save a Life and hate all of them, because they'll never be as awesome as that one FMA one, dammit. Even if, you know, some of them are amazing.

It's also been taken down because youtube is evil, and thank God I officially download anything I like immediately.

My sulking is very fandom-oriented.

Child

There comes a time in every parent's life in which they feel the universe seem to expand before them, timespace opening like the petals of a flower in the sun and eternity residing deep within.

My son asked me for fanfic recs.

I had five minutes and a fucked up internet connection, and he requested in two fandoms: SGA and Torchwood. And I said, oh.

For Torchwood:

I gave him dira's Get Loved, Make More, Try to Stay Alive: I wanted a clean intro to Jack/Ianto fanfiction and an introduction to mpreg that won't traumatize him, and something well-plotted and well-executed and long enough to hold his attention. It also has a kid, and Child loves kids like whoa. This one seemed perfect, as it's one of my favorites.

For SGA:

The Retrograde Series by ltlj: this is the fic of my dreams, the Stargate Atlantis I wanted and everything about my fandom I love. To be more, to be better, to fight because you can't afford not to lose.

Qui Habitat by miss porcupine: this is the fic of my mind, politically complex combined religious fanaticism, rebellion and the unending and inexplicable hope that Stargate Atlantis is, and the complexity and well-plotted arcs it should have been. To be all and everything that you are, to fight because winning may not be certain, but losing would mean the end of everything.

Written by the Victors by cesperanza: this is the fic of my heart, what Stargate Atlantis could have been, secession and creating something new on the battered remains of what was. To be more than you thought you were, to fight because it's the right thing to do.

Your Cowboy Days Are Over by samdonne: this is the fic of my soul. It shook me and stole sleep and changed not only how I saw Atlantis, but how I saw the fandom that grew around it. To fight, to sacrifice until there's nothing left to lose, to bend and break and still get up again, because that's who you are and will always be.

I wanted to offer him the best of what media fandom in LJ has been and is and will be, livejournal's media culture and the house styles, the underpinnings of slash fandom, the writers who I felt encompassed so much of what makes fandom such a huge part of my life, the stories that could only be written in the fandom they were in and redefined them for me; it's a pretty good start.