Okay, when I joke about protective hysterical amnesia after reading certain fic?

That is real!!!!!

Or so a chat a year ago seems to imply, when I was like "I HAVE READ THIS THING WITH ****-***** and there was ** ****** **** and OH MY GOD I WILL NEVER BE CLEAN AGAIN.

And she shows me a conversation....

(wait. I need to take a minute.

....

Okay.)

A conversation. Where we. Talked. About. This. Story.

I'd poll on my rapidly degenerating cognitive processes, but it would be far too depressing.

Right. Onward to other things.

Links

amireal mulls fic tropes: make that *a* fic trope - There needs to be more coming out fic. This used to be a BIG THEME a few fandoms ago, but themes, as we know, come and go. Today it's wings, a few years ago it was pretending to be gay FOR THE GOOD OF THE UNIVERSE.

So I crave old themes in my new fandoms. Mmm. Coming out fic.

I don't just mean "We're gay now!" fic. But-- John is accused of murder and Rodney is his alibi! Only it was night time and they were sleeping together!

Or or! John and Rodney are trying to live their lives after atlantis and they run into parents/siblings/exwives/old classmates etc!

I really like the murder one. Or ooh--both of them accused. Or Rodney or John accused of fathering some alien savior!

Seriously. Where the hell are the saviors? Considering worship of the Ancients? There should be holy born kids already.

(it's already been a long day. I woke up late. My shirt is not dry. It happens.)

Random Questions

There was this fic. Not the bdsm ones. It wasn't in SGA. But it was this entire universe that was gay. And--that probably hits a lot of stories, doesn't it? *sighs* I think this one was possibly in Stargate SG1--i read it, er, about five years agoish.

Random Recs

Extremes by Melanie. Star Trek: Voyager, Paris/Torres, Paris/Kim, Paris/Torres/Kim.

Okay. When I say "gay-making environment", it sounds silly, but this one is kind of cool. They go to this planet, where--okay, I'll quote.

"I went to the Captain to ask permission to ask to study your people," he
informed them. "You're fascinating. You have the same outward appearance as
Earth Humans, but certain factors about you-"

The Pagenisians nodded knowingly and Wani interrupted him. "It is the fact
that our entire population is homosexual."

"That always is of great curiosity for any off-worlders," Sno chimed in.

"Well, it *is* rather unusual," the EMH admitted. "Homosexuality exists in
our home quadrant, yet only on an individual to individual basis, not an entire
planetary population. The closest there is to it is a small number of species
that are androgynous. However, all of them have been androgynous since their
species began to evolve. At least, as far as we have been able to discover. We
don't have any species that exclusively are homosexual. And according to the
Captain, your people were *heterosexual* until forty-seven generations ago when
everyone made a conscious decision to become homosexual? We have never
encountered a culture like yours before. For centuries, scientists have been
attempting and failing to explain, in scientific terms, incidents of
homosexuality in *individuals*. In an *entire planet*, that's more complicated.
It is quite the mystery from a sociological as well as biological point of
view."

The authors' website is down, and I couldn't find it in Trekiverse (which granted, is not the most easily navigatable archive in history), so used wayback. It does make interesting use of the Prime Directive. This also qualifies as literally the first slash story I ever, ever, ever read. Yes. I remember being very surprised.

If anyone has an alternative link, I'd love a better one.

Hmm

I should do work at work today. Let me consider this thoroughly.

ETA

God Chosen by cat_77 - IT IS SO AWESOME! HOLY BORN KID! IN ROBES! AND STUFF!

Here, ninety-one listed found individuals, many still missing or presumed lost. A few stories, a lot of websites.

Finished updating to current, I think. I need to go back and double check all the comments, so more people have been added to the listing. I keep having this half-desire to build a database--yes, you can stop laughing now--to keep track of those who move between fandoms via their lj names and hook up all their former fandoms and acknowledged pseudonyms. A fannish registry, if you will. Oh! I could extend it to X-Files and other older fandoms! I could build a website for it all! And then I remember I'm lazy and would need to buy a new domain to house it all.

Fannnish project. I said I wanted one. *shakes head* I can't even think of what kind of script I'd need to run it.

But.

I spent the last week making a mental list of people I've missed. Pre-Smallville. Two link game can get me to any SV person I would want to find, possibly less. QaF--probably two links at most with most I like to keep up with. Movieverse--mostly I think I can find everyone, or know who to ask to find them, or conversely, I desperately want to forget them. Some--hmm. Some I know are gone for good--and let me tell you, nothing is more depressing than writing the line "presumed left fandom". Some don't claim that name or fandom or those stories, some stories are taken off the net and gone forever, some are around but I just haven't found them yet. It's weirdly unsettling. Koi and I were once talking about archives that seem to stand forever--Trekiverse, Gossamer among the oldest--and how they could vanish in a freaking *lightning storm*. Okay, yes, I know most servers are better protected than that, but still. EMP pulse. Yes, most are backed up in more than one place--I still have the entire XMMFF archive zipped into a corner of my harddrive. But go with it.

I have this entire depressingly nostalgic post stuck somewhere in my folders--I have a folder of posts I will never post, and considering you've seen what I'm willing to post publicly, that's really saying something--that's all about the vague sense of displacement at the realization that a part of my first fandom is completely inaccessible right now due to the loss of the people I first looked up to, waxed eloquent on feeling rootless, and possibly mourning how it's differnent than it was back in teh days of mailing lists.

I'm waiting on permission for one story still on another author, so I'll start with D'Alaire.

Recs

Irremission and Avalar by dalaire, Paris/Torres, multiple pov. The first one is written in a way that, if you've read my story Gladly Beyond, you'll say, Ah, this is where she got it. Yes, this is where I got it.

Irremission and Avalar are a Voyager AU, change point set pre-Voyager, rich use of original characters and some of the best world building ever.

D'alaire was the first Voyager novelist I read, the first I loved, the first I couldn't get out of my head. She was exactly what I wanted to be as a fannish author and she's stood the test of time that I can read her now and still love her fic. Extremely character-driven plot, and character-centric plot. Extremely, *extremely* detailed world building. But this isnt' her best work.

This is.

The Word Painter

Paris/Torres, AU, changepoint season two, 2.4 MB

It's long. This is a three or four day read. Well, I read it as it was being posted, but. Yeah. It's there in everything I rec, everything I read; everything I have ever loved in fic comes from here. All my taste was formed in this novel, what I ask of a good author, what I ask of a great author, what I expect of good worldbuilding, of a good AU. Every story I've read in seven years--seriously, it's July, I just finished my seventh year in fandom--is put up against this story as the example of how it's done. None have ever transcended it. samdonne is the first to equal it in sheer scope. It's amazing. For me--and I was just finishing my first year in fandom when I read it--it was the ultimat example of an author taking the source text and transcending it.

It's stuffed full of OCs that are fleshed out and utterly real. She built an entirely new *civilization*, complete with a complete *culture* and sent our characters in, and it's a mystery that isn't a mystery at all. It left me breathless and hurting and happy. And I read it so many times I have parts *memorized*. And I still love it to distraction. It's still my standard in worldbuilding, in OC creation, in culture building.

I am talking about this way too much. Yeah. I don't care. It's breathtaking and it's everything and it makes me feel like I'm in Voyager again the first year and reading this and thinking, this is what I've been waiting for. This is why I'm *in* fandom. This is why I'll stay. I want to read these, write these, *be like this*. Have a mind capable of creating something this utterly mindblowing. Hone myself until I'm capable of doing something close to this good.

I'm still getting there.

Nothing new with the file cabinet.

Recs

Scrabble Fic by josselin. Heh. Brian and Justin play Scrabble. Cuteness. Very.

Re-Rec

Because I can. I really have nothing better to do. Isn't that just sad? To be creative about it, one per fandom I've been monogamous with.

Queer As Folk

The Color Series by Triskyfic -- see, I did this one an injustice the first time I read it and again when I recced it. I still have problems with the way she themes throughout with color, but that's a personal quirk, and the more I read it, the less I notice it, because it's good. I'm especially attracted to the past/present/future mix she does--you'd think it would be confusing, and it *is*, but in the addictive, right way it's supposed to be. Teasy-like. It's extremely solid, and it's fun, and kano may be my new favorite word.

Smallville

And Dark Our Celebration Was by Hth. See, this is where it's nice when one gets perspective after short periods of time hiding from one's home fandom. I really, really hated this story in every way that can be considered a positive--beautiful writing, dark in that hopeless, deathless way that's like you need to talk yourself off a ledge after, but subtly so. Kind of like an ice pick to just left of the heart, so to speak.

It's hard to explain.

"I don't call it sleeping with you. If this is what you consider a perfectly acceptable sexual encounter then I have to say, I don't think much of the quality of people you've been dating lately."

I just love that line.

*grins* I think I may re-read Immortality next. For those unfortunate few who remember my temper tantrums after *that* one was released, feel free to send scathing email about being discreet in public. God, I miss Grail muchly. *sighs*

Annnyway.

X-Men Movieverse

One that isn't on my page, one that is. Vic gets short-shifted from me most of the time--I *know* her and therefore, the entire contempt of familiarity kicks in, but this is one of my favorite stories by her and in retrospect, one of my favorite re-reads in X-Men, it's so damn timeless. And reminds me I have thirty eight X-Men stories i've kept meaning to add to my page and never have. Crap.

A Harbor in the Tempest by musesfool -- there's a lot to like about this story that has nothing to do with its genealogy, and five pages in, you know it's Casablanca With Mutants, so just go with it. The movie is classic, the story is too. As a mutant-world safety zone, with Logan the cynic and Jeez, poor Jean, it starts off clean and keeps going. Vic does immaculate prose, so you really can just get yourself lost in the story. And you may think you know it, but trust me, you don't. Read it.

A Place by Sandra. I have this hope that I'll run into her again cross-fandom, which considering the rate LJ spreads, possibly isn't too far in the future, or so I can hope.

There's a place.

A place where an old man's voice isn't whispering tenderly when she quietly grieves. Where she can run and the voices aren't shouting after her, in her, telling her there are starved, scared wolves lurking in those dark, hushed forests.

Most writers can't pull off rhythmic, stylized stories brilliantly. Hell, a majority can't pull off readable grammar, but that's not the lecture for the evening. This story is the one, single, shining reason why I actually still believe that any subgenre of fiction can be done brilliantly, because this is one of the most beautiful single pieces of fiction I've read in my life.

I'd quote more, but frankly, there's no way to do it and make it nearly as perfect, as shattering, as it does when read straight through. And that would be *now*, because seriously, this is why X-Men was my addiction for over a year and why I can quote by memory from this one. It's *good*.

Star Trek: Voyager

Ah, I miss you sometimes.

Mirror Images by Dave Rogers. See, I still get chills from re-reading this one. It's simple in-canon fic--gap filler, if you will, reaching across from Vis a Vis through Demon, and for perfect capture character, there's nothing better in the fandom.

Wordlessly, she stood up and strode into the office, where the E.M.H.
sat quietly and discreetly. Tom's mirror image could not hear what
passed between them, but she was back in minutes.

"Listen, whoever - whatever you are." She spoke rapidly, in short,
clipped sentences. "She won't know about the Maquis. Break it to her
gently. Help her through it. She won't know about the Hirogen. She
doesn't need to. And she won't know about Steth. Don't you *ever* let
her find out."

"I don't understand." His face was frowning, but his eyes were bright
with hope.

"The Doc's beamed a sample of my DNA to the surface. She'll be waiting
for you."

"B'Elanna, I...", he stammered, jumping to his feet. "Why? I thought
you hated me?"

"I do." She turned away. "But not that much."

Gets me every time.

What the heck. One more.

Comicdom

And think, I know *nothing* about the fandom or the canon, but whoo, this story...

This Is How by Siarade. Again, when style is done well, I'm pretty much an easy lay, kay? Non standard use of timeline, which I applaud muchly, lovely pov, and this beautiful, intnese examination of grief.

When you talk about the dead, about dead things, talk with someone who knows. People who don't know can't talk about the dead. They expect death to be a jump from alive and vital to cold and empty. Not even a jump; that implies movement, when they expect it to be a snap ì once one way, now the other, a momentary switch that has no levels or gradation.

And the eternal seconds of watching someone die.

Why This Sudden Backtrack

seemag asked what stories scarred you (in a good way), and mentioned Iolokus, which to go with it, HELL YES, but since I wasn't ever even within a breath of being intimately involved with that fandom, I think of it differnetly from a fandom I wrote and participated in. Just the depth of commitment.

Scarring though. That's a weird one. And also kind of funny, since jaymalea asked me last night what my favorite slash story was and I couldn't tell her.

( story blatherings )