(no subject)

So. It happened. The Sex Talk with Child. fox1013 is easing me through the post-Talk trauma.

Yeah. It didn't go how I imagined it would.



One of my first promises to myself was that I'd be brutaly honest about sex. That means, no matter how much more comfortable I'd be with euphemisms and--you know, moral admonishments--I was going ot be honest. Like, if he asked, when can i have sex, I'd say, well--okay, no fucking *clue* what I'd say, that question didn't come up, thank you God. We'll leave that one. But post-puberty would be part of it.

Forutnately, due to the fact that I immediately block all traumtizing memories, I don't remmbeer all of it, but there were some key points that I think should be remembered, burned into my mind as they are now. This is the short version, because--you know. I was ready. Except not at all.

Me: So, what do you think sex is?
Child: When you put your boyparts *eloquent gesture down* in a girl's parts. *eloquent gesture*
Me: Yeah. Penis. *Child looks at me with pity* Boyparts. Yeah. You got the gist.
Child: But how do you get pregnant?
Me: *blank*

This is where things go fuzzy.

Explaining semen and eggs is easy--in theory. Except I needed context, and you'd think, being pretty much a pornographer, this would not be a problem. I thought about it.

Me: You know those eggs we get at the market?
Child: Yeah.
Me: And that time of the month i get all grumpy and lay down a lot?
Child: Oh yeah.
Me: I have eggs like that. except they are invisible. I mean, you can't see them because they are so small. Women have those. and when they are fertilized, they become babies.
Child: *blank* Eggs are babies?

Oh God.

There was some backtracking, some re-explanation, and some clarification, but luckily, we didn't hit any major moral arenas except my explanation that, as Christians, God kind of encourages us to avoid premarital sex. Most of his interest was in the baby portions of the thing, not the actual sex, so. I'll have a better speech ready so I can completely forget that, too, when the time comes.

However, if Child comes out of this convinced that roosters are somehow involved in the miracle of conception....

Well.

Yeah, I'm not going to think about this for a while. I'm giving myself cookies. I have no doubt this discussion will be revisited very soon, and hopefully, I'll be drinking during that one.

Comments

[drkcherry.livejournal.com]

::cutting and pasting for when my soon to be 9 y/o daughter asks me::

It was easier with the 13 y/o, I had a 'How to tell your kids about sex' book. Written at their level. Damned if I know where that book is now.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Just--the egg thing? Went really weird places. I don't even remember how I pulled teh conversation out of a bestiality abyss, but whoa.

It was easier with the 13 y/o, I had a 'How to tell your kids about sex' book. Written at their level. Damned if I know where that book is now.

Yeah, it's time I went shopping and got a book. I so thought I could do this on my own, but man, thinking like an eight year old boy? Not as easy as I thought. Witness the chickens. Fear it.

[viggorlijah.livejournal.com]

It is just - and they will pick public places to suddenly ask "What's a period? Can I have sex with a boy?"

I feel like I'm glowing bright red with embarassment while explaining matter-of-factly about things, but my husband claims I look totally calm during the discussions.

It's afterwards that I lie on my bed and hyperventilate.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I'm impressed with you. Honestly, if this had been in public? I have no idea what kind of horror I would have unleashed on the poor kid.

I'm one with the hyperventiliating, though. Whoa.

[kernezelda]

O. M. G. Poor woman. I remember almost nothing of my mom giving me the talk when I was a kid, just that there was a book with pictures and it all sounded kind of messy.

*sends you a plate of chocolate macadamia nut cookies*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*takes cookies and breathes* It could have been worse. I just keep thinking that I could have handled it better if I hadn't tried to use chickens for comparison.

*hugs warmly*

[linzeestyle.livejournal.com]

:facepalm:

Oh, you definitely deserve cookies. I never actually got the Sex Talk - my parents were afraid of it. I do, however, have vivid memories of the So You're Going Through Puberty talk. I was led out on a walk with promises of ice cream and suddenly we were talking about uteruses (uterii?) and body hair and I've repressed most of that one, actually.

:offers you a big plate of chocolate chip:

Linzee

[seperis.livejournal.com]

God, I remember by the time my mother got to the sex talk, I was stashing Virginia Henley romance novels under my bed, toatlly "oh yeah, I so got this down". *grins* The puberty talk was, oddly enough, at school. They managed, and this is a feat, to have an hour long discussion about periods, with diagrams, without ever explaining what the hell they were talking about. It was impressive. I still remember going home to my mother and asking her what vaginas has to do with tampons. The look on her face entertains me to this day.

I never actually got the Sex Talk - my parents were afraid of it. I do, however, have vivid memories of the So You're Going Through Puberty talk. I was led out on a walk with promises of ice cream and suddenly we were talking about uteruses (uterii?) and body hair and I've repressed most of that one, actually.

*collapses* Uterii? I LOVE IT!

And wow, that would have sent me into new arenas of denial to forget. *hugs you* You are brave.

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth?

I thnk he's way less likely to have sex with a rooster than to be convinced that eating scrambled eggs is cannibalism.

*helps! in a way*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

My God.

I didn't think of that!

[disprove.livejournal.com]

*laughs* This reminds me of the time we had this hours-long classes about sex ed and all we got from them were these blown-up posters of the most horrible diseases one can get if one is sexually active (and careless is what they most certainly did not emphasize). I was completely grossed out. Want to see dripping pus-like liquid? Here ya go! How about red throbbing pieces of contorted flesh? Comin' right up! How 'bout fungi? How does fungi sound to you? And so on and so forth. I think they were deliberately trying to traumatize us. Not exactly subtle, our school.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

oh God.

I'm surprsied you made it out of there without vowing chastity.

*shudders* we had a similiar graphic discussion on LSD. I still rmemgber the guy who cut up his face to feed his dog bit. Didn't *stop* me from trying, but I remmeber making sure that no one had a dog nearby so I wouldn'tbe tempted.

Ah, school.

Trienne Explained Sex at Age 10

[trienne-hovus.livejournal.com]

Reader's Digest, of all things, had a thorough, well-written, and illustrated article about sexual intercourse that I got my hands on and read when I was about 10 (this was a VERY LONG TIME AGO). I was enthralled with the mechanics, not so much interested in the sex part.

I was *so* enthralled with the mechanics that, on a drive to somewhere with a friend of mine, in her parents' car, with both her parents in the front seats, I told her all about it. Even used, IIRC, the correct words (vas deferens, ejaculation, vagina, cervix, etc.) Her parents were... well, 'floored' is a polite way to put it :)

You might try something like that. Little boys, esp., like mechanical stuff. (I'm a girl, but I've always been a little wierd.)

Re: Trienne Explained Sex at Age 10

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Wow. Okay, that would hve been useful.

I was *so* enthralled with the mechanics that, on a drive to somewhere with a friend of mine, in her parents' car, with both her parents in the front seats, I told her all about it. Even used, IIRC, the correct words (vas deferens, ejaculation, vagina, cervix, etc.) Her parents were... well, 'floored' is a polite way to put it :)

You might try something like that. Little boys, esp., like mechanical stuff. (I'm a girl, but I've always been a little wierd.)

You have a good point. He would probably really *get* it from a mechanical perspective, now that Ithink about it. thank you! now I jsut need to find teh right book. Or that article.

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

However, if Child comes out of this convinced that roosters are somehow involved in the miracle of conception....

Well, you know...cocks!

[/bad joke]

Meanwhile, I can't remember *not* knowing about sex. In fact, my parents (mom, mostly) were the sex talk agents for the neighborhood when I was growing up...all the other parents sent their kids over to our house for The Talk.

(...and for what it's worth, I think you did great - even though I was laughing - because, you know, you didn't send him to the neighbors!)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*snickers* I was lucky I didn't call my sister and make herdo it. She was fabulous explaining pregnancy to him--not how you get pregnant, but how babies are delivered. Terrifying for me personally, adn also, flashback inducing, but man, he got it downn. I think he explains to people at school about birth adn delivery.

*darkly* Laugh it up. Jsut wait until the RoosterBoy articles start appearing in the Enquirer or something.

*shivers*

[pickinguproses.livejournal.com]

We also used the chicken egg thing. I got pregnant when my youngest was almost 3, and we were really open about what was happening, explaining things as he wondered about them. I told him that my ovaries are like egg baskets, and "when it's time" (we skipped the details there) an egg will hatch in my uterus and a baby will come out and grow, blah blah blah. Of couse, we are vegans and don't eat eggs, so we refer to eggs as "baby chicken eggs" anyways. Therefore, my eggs became "baby anna eggs." (If/when he has a sister, he wants to call her Anna.) We looked at lots of books showing the egg getting fertilized, so he knows what sperm are, and knows that daddies have something to do with them, but not the pivotal "moment." He hasn't asked yet, which is just fine. ;)

And he's another one who likes to bring up this stuff in line at the grocery store. And since we only use the real names for body parts, we get some looks... This one time, shortly after he witnessed the birth of his little brother (he was 3 at the time) we saw a pregnant woman at walmart, and while she and I were talking babies I notice him kinda tipping over, trying to look up her. I yank him away but he's already asking her when her baby's going to be born from her vagina and telling her not to worry about blood on the baby's head because you can just wipe it off. Omg, kids.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh man, the *public*. *feels for you* The worst Child ever did was during my sister's pregnancy, annoucing at a mixed family gathering she'd be having a baby from her vagina, demonstrating his lessons. That was plenty of trauma for me.

This one time, shortly after he witnessed the birth of his little brother (he was 3 at the time) we saw a pregnant woman at walmart, and while she and I were talking babies I notice him kinda tipping over, trying to look up her. I yank him away but he's already asking her when her baby's going to be born from her vagina and telling her not to worry about blood on the baby's head because you can just wipe it off. Omg, kids.

*collapses and dies* Oh *God*. Well. At least he was being, you know, helpful. Wow.

[teneagles.livejournal.com]

My Sister tells me these books are quite good and helpful:

Where Did I come From? (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0818402539/qid=1111038257/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/102-9468438-5624163?v=glance&s=books&n=507846) by Peter Mayle

From Diapers to Dating: A Parents Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1557044260/qid=1111038535/sr=2-3/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_3/102-9468438-5624163) by Debra Haffner

It's So Amazing! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0763600512/ref=pd_bxgy_text_1/102-9468438-5624163?v=glance&s=books&st=*) by Robie Harris

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Ooh, thank you! I'm taking a printedlist of every book anyone mentions to the bookstore to do an evaluation. Or heck, just lay them all out and let Chld pick one that interests him most.

[obsidian-rai.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Man, I feel for you. I can't imagine having to have that talk with a child, let alone my own.

I was never given the sex talk. But that's probably because I knew what sex was far earlier than I should have. But, eh, that's a long story. Anyhow, I have a feeling I'll be laughing about the eggs for a while. *grins and hugs* But certainly not at you. I've heard and seen so much worse. Your explanation was pretty intelligent. Hee.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*giggles* I just hope it was comprehensible.

[suzvoy.livejournal.com]

You know, it sounds to me like you did a pretty damn good job :) *hugs*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Just wait until the Enquirer or the Star has the first stories about the Famous Rooster Boy or something.

*chews on nails* It could have been worse.

[astrea9562.livejournal.com]

Ok, I'll admit to the giggle fit - sorry! *g* But it does sound like you did damn well for round one. *crosses fingers for when he comes back with, 'yeah, but what about...?'

{{{hugs}}}

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, I'm waiting for that. His favorite words are "But if" and "what about". I'm so not kidding.

Alcohol. Alcohol would be good here.

[squiddle.livejournal.com]

My mother was devious. She left her Sidney Sheldon books around the house for me to find. Sex talks in school involved the tampon company lady simulating a penis with a test tube.

Don't suppose Sidney Sheldon would work on boys, though.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*giggles* That is a good approach.

Though the tampon lady bit is pretty much traumatizing me by proxy. Wow. *shivers*

[lainy122.livejournal.com]

*tries not to die laughing*

Dude, your tyke is too damn cute *g*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Him's is precious and nervewrecking as heck.

*grins*

[out-there.livejournal.com]

*giggles a hell of a lot* Oh, well, I'm sure it could have been worse Jenn. A lot worse.

I can't remember being told about the birds and the bees, but that's because I was pretty young at the time, like four or five years old. because Mum was pregnant with my little brother, she used that as a way of teaching me (and I got a pretty book. I cannot emphasise the importance of teaching kids that if you need to learn about embarrassing things, check out books. Answers to many things can be found in books -- also porn, which in hindsight, I'm still glad I got hold of when I was 12. It was much better, and safer, to read about all this pornographic, extremely graphic sex scenes than to get interested in exploring it.).

Apparently, a few weeks after we explained where babies came from, I got curious. Mum's explaination that the "mummie and the daddy lie down together" stuck in my mind, so when Mum and Dad lay down for an afternoon nap and closed their bedroom door, curious little 4-year-old Annie snuck out the front door, around the side of the house, to look in my parent's window. Luckily, they were just napping, and Mum heard the front door close behind me and was around to get me really quickly.

That prompted the discussion about how sex was a special *private* thing, only shared between two people. You know, not a spectator sport.

...

And, after sharing that, and thinking about my slasher ways, I'm thinking I really haven't changed that much.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*giggles a hell of a lot* Oh, well, I'm sure it could have been worse Jenn. A lot worse.

I guess I could have passed out in shock halfway through the chicken bit. *ponders*


That prompted the discussion about how sex was a special *private* thing, only shared between two people. You know, not a spectator sport.

*snickers* Imagine that.

*snort*

[cjandre.livejournal.com]

But have you had the masturbation conversation yet?

Six-year-old-girl - looking up as mom checks on her in the bath: "Hi, Mommy! Did you know when I do THIS-(Demonstrates techniquie in the bath) it feels really good?"

Mommy, flummoxed: "Um, yeah it does doesn't it..."

Six-year-old girl grins madly: "It feels even better when I think about boys!"

Mommy: *gasping fish interpretation, mouth opens and closes but nothing comes out until finally...* Well yeah, but just remember it's kind of a private thing, so save it for in the bath or in your bedroom by yourself, okay?

Six-year-old girl: "Oh, okay." *goes back to playing with mermaid barbie in socially acceptable ways*

Re: *snort*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*pales*

oh. dear. God.

*hyperventilates*

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

Heh. Well, only later did I find it odd that my mom gave me the talk in the car on the way to the psychiatrist's office (possibly because I didn't know it was a psychiatrist - just some guy who played with puppets - yeah, I know, I know). In her defense, I asked, but it wasn't like it was the first time I asked. It went something like this.

Me: Okay, so, the sperm is the male part and fertilizes the egg. But how does it get there?
Mom: (explains)
Me: Ewwwwwwww.

There was some discussion after that about uterii. Ew. I was 8 years old. I did not end up discussing this with the psychiatrist, as he was male.

I second the recommendation of "Where did I come from" It's got somne hilarious discussions of tickly bits.

[luthorienne.livejournal.com]

"Where did I come from?" I asked at the dinner table one evening when I was five.

"You popped out of a rose," my grandmother said fondly.

And I won't even tell you what my father's comment was, but my mother punched him on the arm.

[youdbesurprised.livejournal.com]

Firstly, my many sympathies and great respect to you. I think one of the reasons I'm so terrified of having kids is having to explain the miracle of life.

I just did a whole load of research on available sex ed resources for parents (for a school thing) and would be glad to email you the list. It's both websites and books.

Drop me a line at my username at gmail dot com if I can be of help :)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

A list? really? Send! Please! Esp websites--I am way to web-dependent for my own goodthese days.

Thanks!

[freakily-sticky.livejournal.com]

hee! when i was 7yo, i asked my parents what fertilization was, and they were all, "in plants?" and i was all, "no, in people!" but i don't actually remember them telling me about it. i more remember the scarring demonstrations that i accidentally walked in on at the ages of 5, 10, 15 and 18.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh man. *twitches violently* That. No. I think I did once? But I still am not sure and am sooo glad to keep it taht way.

*twitches more*

[callmeri]

Had to jump in and say, I feel your shame pain. I did the "monthly-friend" talk with my daughter (almost 9) last month, and Christ, I was more embarrassed than she was. And though I always swore I'd be the coolest mom ever, I botched it beyond belief.

I'm with you. Next time, alcohol must be involved. :-((

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

And though I always swore I'd be the coolest mom ever, I botched it beyond belief.

*nodnodnod* I was *sure* it would be so easy-- I write this stuff! I am cool! I am hip! So did not work out.

*sighs and passes the wine*

[devin-chain.livejournal.com]

Daughter asked me about sex when she was *four.* I made her wait for an answer. At seven she told me she learned about it at a sleepover, when her little girlfriend kindly explained how horses did it, and that humans did it the same way. She told me in graphic detail. As to whether she thinks women always get mounted from behind? I didn't ask. I don't think her friend got past the penis going into the vagina.

I told her not to do it until she's at least 18 and in college. I didn't bring up Christianity because I haven't raised her Christian for (don 't laugh) feminist reasons (yes, I'm more committed than I let on *blush*). I told her 18 because sex just feels like way too much to handle emotionally before that time. I don't know whether that's a good enough reason for her not to go for it. She believes me now, but she hasn't hit puberty yet.

Where my thinking gets stupid:
Environmental factors, or "I've lived in this part of the world WAY too long" --
Last night I also told her lots of guys will try to push her to have sex, not because they want to, but because of societal pressure, familial pressure, peer pressure, etc., and that many will feel relieved when she says "no." I hope that's not a complete line of bullshit, but I actually think it's kind of true. At least around here, where we're surrounded by so many sexually repressed Baptist boys. That fear radiates out into other Christian populations as well, but I see it most with the Baptist kids. Sex scares them. They'll go to hell if they do it and don't get married first.

In sum: Their dads will take them to church, the preacher and Bible Study will scare them off premarital sex, and then at home Dad will push, push, push for son to prove he's a man and not a "fag" by getting laid as soon as he possibly can. In an "ideal" situation, boy will try, girl will say "no thank you," and boy will feel he's satisfied both church and home. He won't have to go to hell, and he can tell dad "I tried. She's a 'good girl.'" Dad wipes tear from eye, pats son on head, belches, scratches crotch, beams, and says "That's my boy." *whew* So, boy dodges bullet when girl says no. Girl should say no. Yes, feminism flies right out the window with this reasoning, but feminist mother and daughter live, as you know, in the Bible Belt, where many potential sexual partners (if male) think this way.

I've obviously assimilated WAY too much of their logic. This sucks. I should move. Will see about convincing the Baptist I married. How's Austin these days for escaping Bible Belt nonsense? Still good? Except that still leaves the Baptist in the house. He'd of course have to come with. Fuck.

I also told her I thought lots more guys were gay than let on, and she laughed. She agreed with that one. Not sure why.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Wow. No, that was *thorough*. And a hell of a lot more articulate than I was. Wow. I'm keeping this for future ref.

also told her I thought lots more guys were gay than let on, and she laughed. She agreed with that one. Not sure why.

*snickers* That is *interesting*.

[luthorienne.livejournal.com]

You did this much better than my mother did, bless her heart. In an effort to figure out how much I already knew, she asked ME to explain it to HER, and laughed uproariously at my reply. I can't remember now what I said, but it must have been pretty far out in left field, because she could barely get herself under control again. I was mortally offended. She's apologized profusely, several times over the years, but the pleas for forgiveness are always slighly marred by the fact that she starts laughing again every time she thinks about it.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing* Now I want to know how you answered!

*still giggling*

[emrinalexander.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

No, no, I'm really not laughing at your pain, really, it's just now I'm picturing your son at school going to his bud "Man, did you know our Moms had us by LAYING EGGS?" And this other poor kid going home and saying "Child's Mom says you had me by laying a huge egg - where did you nest?"

And then you get this phone call from Friend's Mom "What the hell are you talking about with the chicken eggs? My kid wants to know if he gets to help his wife build the egg nest?"

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh God, that is so going to happen. You know this, right? I am going ot have the entire PTA after me with, like, pitchforks or whatever they carry these days, protesting my corruption of sex ed.

*buries head in hands* I am going to breathe now.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

[laughing so hard]

Thanks to the Miracle of Kid Magazines, the kidlet was introduced to the idea of cells at about the age of three, when we read her a story about how people get sick. The whole babies thing is so much easier to explain if they already know what a cell is!

How old is the child?

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*g* He's eight. Cells? Would have helped. I feel like at this point, i should send him to Biology Summer Camp or something and spare myself the trauma.

*bites nails*