(no subject)

So. It happened. The Sex Talk with Child. fox1013 is easing me through the post-Talk trauma.

Yeah. It didn't go how I imagined it would.



One of my first promises to myself was that I'd be brutaly honest about sex. That means, no matter how much more comfortable I'd be with euphemisms and--you know, moral admonishments--I was going ot be honest. Like, if he asked, when can i have sex, I'd say, well--okay, no fucking *clue* what I'd say, that question didn't come up, thank you God. We'll leave that one. But post-puberty would be part of it.

Forutnately, due to the fact that I immediately block all traumtizing memories, I don't remmbeer all of it, but there were some key points that I think should be remembered, burned into my mind as they are now. This is the short version, because--you know. I was ready. Except not at all.

Me: So, what do you think sex is?
Child: When you put your boyparts *eloquent gesture down* in a girl's parts. *eloquent gesture*
Me: Yeah. Penis. *Child looks at me with pity* Boyparts. Yeah. You got the gist.
Child: But how do you get pregnant?
Me: *blank*

This is where things go fuzzy.

Explaining semen and eggs is easy--in theory. Except I needed context, and you'd think, being pretty much a pornographer, this would not be a problem. I thought about it.

Me: You know those eggs we get at the market?
Child: Yeah.
Me: And that time of the month i get all grumpy and lay down a lot?
Child: Oh yeah.
Me: I have eggs like that. except they are invisible. I mean, you can't see them because they are so small. Women have those. and when they are fertilized, they become babies.
Child: *blank* Eggs are babies?

Oh God.

There was some backtracking, some re-explanation, and some clarification, but luckily, we didn't hit any major moral arenas except my explanation that, as Christians, God kind of encourages us to avoid premarital sex. Most of his interest was in the baby portions of the thing, not the actual sex, so. I'll have a better speech ready so I can completely forget that, too, when the time comes.

However, if Child comes out of this convinced that roosters are somehow involved in the miracle of conception....

Well.

Yeah, I'm not going to think about this for a while. I'm giving myself cookies. I have no doubt this discussion will be revisited very soon, and hopefully, I'll be drinking during that one.

Comments

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

However, if Child comes out of this convinced that roosters are somehow involved in the miracle of conception....

Well, you know...cocks!

[/bad joke]

Meanwhile, I can't remember *not* knowing about sex. In fact, my parents (mom, mostly) were the sex talk agents for the neighborhood when I was growing up...all the other parents sent their kids over to our house for The Talk.

(...and for what it's worth, I think you did great - even though I was laughing - because, you know, you didn't send him to the neighbors!)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*snickers* I was lucky I didn't call my sister and make herdo it. She was fabulous explaining pregnancy to him--not how you get pregnant, but how babies are delivered. Terrifying for me personally, adn also, flashback inducing, but man, he got it downn. I think he explains to people at school about birth adn delivery.

*darkly* Laugh it up. Jsut wait until the RoosterBoy articles start appearing in the Enquirer or something.

*shivers*

[norah.livejournal.com]

My younger brother is fourteen years below me, so when he hit puberty, I got the job. Carefully selected books, a pop quiz on some tricky stuff to puncture his know-it-allness, and we were in business. The best part was when he and his little friend were getting quizzed by me and I ask them, "Oh yeah, you know so much? What's the clitoris?" and my brother looks blank but his little friend pipes up "It's that thing where you hit it and she goes WHEEEEE!"

I like to died from laughing.

[touchstoneaf.livejournal.com]

i know you don't know me, but i am going to save that quote for posterity. *joins you in dying laughing*

kids are so DAMN brilliant.

i got voted in to give my bro the sex talk too, since i was, what? 5 yrs older, and our dad was too chickenshit to do it himself. and i figured, in this day and age, kids know more than we do. So i just said, "okay; what do you know, and what do you WANT to know; and would you rather i just suggested reading material?"

it turned out much of what he knew of sex came from loacating and watching "Basic Instinct" when the 'rents were out of the house. *sigh*

it lead to a decent discussion, actually, since i was closer to a peer than a parent (not that i didn't half raise that kid).

what fun. the thought of doing it for my own kids sometime fills me with both fear and joy.

[jack-pride.livejournal.com]

Yes! That was our house. I can't remember any Talks, I just always seemed to have up to date information. I can't figure out how Mom *did* that. (I'm stil "the sex friend" who everyone talks to about sex.)