(no subject)

So. It happened. The Sex Talk with Child. fox1013 is easing me through the post-Talk trauma.

Yeah. It didn't go how I imagined it would.



One of my first promises to myself was that I'd be brutaly honest about sex. That means, no matter how much more comfortable I'd be with euphemisms and--you know, moral admonishments--I was going ot be honest. Like, if he asked, when can i have sex, I'd say, well--okay, no fucking *clue* what I'd say, that question didn't come up, thank you God. We'll leave that one. But post-puberty would be part of it.

Forutnately, due to the fact that I immediately block all traumtizing memories, I don't remmbeer all of it, but there were some key points that I think should be remembered, burned into my mind as they are now. This is the short version, because--you know. I was ready. Except not at all.

Me: So, what do you think sex is?
Child: When you put your boyparts *eloquent gesture down* in a girl's parts. *eloquent gesture*
Me: Yeah. Penis. *Child looks at me with pity* Boyparts. Yeah. You got the gist.
Child: But how do you get pregnant?
Me: *blank*

This is where things go fuzzy.

Explaining semen and eggs is easy--in theory. Except I needed context, and you'd think, being pretty much a pornographer, this would not be a problem. I thought about it.

Me: You know those eggs we get at the market?
Child: Yeah.
Me: And that time of the month i get all grumpy and lay down a lot?
Child: Oh yeah.
Me: I have eggs like that. except they are invisible. I mean, you can't see them because they are so small. Women have those. and when they are fertilized, they become babies.
Child: *blank* Eggs are babies?

Oh God.

There was some backtracking, some re-explanation, and some clarification, but luckily, we didn't hit any major moral arenas except my explanation that, as Christians, God kind of encourages us to avoid premarital sex. Most of his interest was in the baby portions of the thing, not the actual sex, so. I'll have a better speech ready so I can completely forget that, too, when the time comes.

However, if Child comes out of this convinced that roosters are somehow involved in the miracle of conception....

Well.

Yeah, I'm not going to think about this for a while. I'm giving myself cookies. I have no doubt this discussion will be revisited very soon, and hopefully, I'll be drinking during that one.

Comments

[linzeestyle.livejournal.com]

:facepalm:

Oh, you definitely deserve cookies. I never actually got the Sex Talk - my parents were afraid of it. I do, however, have vivid memories of the So You're Going Through Puberty talk. I was led out on a walk with promises of ice cream and suddenly we were talking about uteruses (uterii?) and body hair and I've repressed most of that one, actually.

:offers you a big plate of chocolate chip:

Linzee

[seperis.livejournal.com]

God, I remember by the time my mother got to the sex talk, I was stashing Virginia Henley romance novels under my bed, toatlly "oh yeah, I so got this down". *grins* The puberty talk was, oddly enough, at school. They managed, and this is a feat, to have an hour long discussion about periods, with diagrams, without ever explaining what the hell they were talking about. It was impressive. I still remember going home to my mother and asking her what vaginas has to do with tampons. The look on her face entertains me to this day.

I never actually got the Sex Talk - my parents were afraid of it. I do, however, have vivid memories of the So You're Going Through Puberty talk. I was led out on a walk with promises of ice cream and suddenly we were talking about uteruses (uterii?) and body hair and I've repressed most of that one, actually.

*collapses* Uterii? I LOVE IT!

And wow, that would have sent me into new arenas of denial to forget. *hugs you* You are brave.

[linzeestyle.livejournal.com]

The puberty talk was, oddly enough, at school. They managed, and this is a feat, to have an hour long discussion about periods, with diagrams, without ever explaining what the hell they were talking about. It was impressive. I still remember going home to my mother and asking her what vaginas has to do with tampons. The look on her face entertains me to this day.

Oh, man - our "sex ed" in elementary school was hillarious, if disturbing. They managed to have three hour-long classes that would supposedly teach us All We Needed To Know, and they did it without actually saying "penis," "vagina," or "intercourse." I left pretty well convinced I would start spontaneously spurting blood out of everything from the waste down at any moment (I was ten), and that babies could be concieved through not having a nuclear family. Or...something. Mem'ries.

Linzee

[isilya]

What's scary is we have a patient with two uteruses (and another patient with two seperate vaginas, actually).