(no subject)

So. It happened. The Sex Talk with Child. fox1013 is easing me through the post-Talk trauma.

Yeah. It didn't go how I imagined it would.



One of my first promises to myself was that I'd be brutaly honest about sex. That means, no matter how much more comfortable I'd be with euphemisms and--you know, moral admonishments--I was going ot be honest. Like, if he asked, when can i have sex, I'd say, well--okay, no fucking *clue* what I'd say, that question didn't come up, thank you God. We'll leave that one. But post-puberty would be part of it.

Forutnately, due to the fact that I immediately block all traumtizing memories, I don't remmbeer all of it, but there were some key points that I think should be remembered, burned into my mind as they are now. This is the short version, because--you know. I was ready. Except not at all.

Me: So, what do you think sex is?
Child: When you put your boyparts *eloquent gesture down* in a girl's parts. *eloquent gesture*
Me: Yeah. Penis. *Child looks at me with pity* Boyparts. Yeah. You got the gist.
Child: But how do you get pregnant?
Me: *blank*

This is where things go fuzzy.

Explaining semen and eggs is easy--in theory. Except I needed context, and you'd think, being pretty much a pornographer, this would not be a problem. I thought about it.

Me: You know those eggs we get at the market?
Child: Yeah.
Me: And that time of the month i get all grumpy and lay down a lot?
Child: Oh yeah.
Me: I have eggs like that. except they are invisible. I mean, you can't see them because they are so small. Women have those. and when they are fertilized, they become babies.
Child: *blank* Eggs are babies?

Oh God.

There was some backtracking, some re-explanation, and some clarification, but luckily, we didn't hit any major moral arenas except my explanation that, as Christians, God kind of encourages us to avoid premarital sex. Most of his interest was in the baby portions of the thing, not the actual sex, so. I'll have a better speech ready so I can completely forget that, too, when the time comes.

However, if Child comes out of this convinced that roosters are somehow involved in the miracle of conception....

Well.

Yeah, I'm not going to think about this for a while. I'm giving myself cookies. I have no doubt this discussion will be revisited very soon, and hopefully, I'll be drinking during that one.

Comments

[devin-chain.livejournal.com]

Daughter asked me about sex when she was *four.* I made her wait for an answer. At seven she told me she learned about it at a sleepover, when her little girlfriend kindly explained how horses did it, and that humans did it the same way. She told me in graphic detail. As to whether she thinks women always get mounted from behind? I didn't ask. I don't think her friend got past the penis going into the vagina.

I told her not to do it until she's at least 18 and in college. I didn't bring up Christianity because I haven't raised her Christian for (don 't laugh) feminist reasons (yes, I'm more committed than I let on *blush*). I told her 18 because sex just feels like way too much to handle emotionally before that time. I don't know whether that's a good enough reason for her not to go for it. She believes me now, but she hasn't hit puberty yet.

Where my thinking gets stupid:
Environmental factors, or "I've lived in this part of the world WAY too long" --
Last night I also told her lots of guys will try to push her to have sex, not because they want to, but because of societal pressure, familial pressure, peer pressure, etc., and that many will feel relieved when she says "no." I hope that's not a complete line of bullshit, but I actually think it's kind of true. At least around here, where we're surrounded by so many sexually repressed Baptist boys. That fear radiates out into other Christian populations as well, but I see it most with the Baptist kids. Sex scares them. They'll go to hell if they do it and don't get married first.

In sum: Their dads will take them to church, the preacher and Bible Study will scare them off premarital sex, and then at home Dad will push, push, push for son to prove he's a man and not a "fag" by getting laid as soon as he possibly can. In an "ideal" situation, boy will try, girl will say "no thank you," and boy will feel he's satisfied both church and home. He won't have to go to hell, and he can tell dad "I tried. She's a 'good girl.'" Dad wipes tear from eye, pats son on head, belches, scratches crotch, beams, and says "That's my boy." *whew* So, boy dodges bullet when girl says no. Girl should say no. Yes, feminism flies right out the window with this reasoning, but feminist mother and daughter live, as you know, in the Bible Belt, where many potential sexual partners (if male) think this way.

I've obviously assimilated WAY too much of their logic. This sucks. I should move. Will see about convincing the Baptist I married. How's Austin these days for escaping Bible Belt nonsense? Still good? Except that still leaves the Baptist in the house. He'd of course have to come with. Fuck.

I also told her I thought lots more guys were gay than let on, and she laughed. She agreed with that one. Not sure why.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Wow. No, that was *thorough*. And a hell of a lot more articulate than I was. Wow. I'm keeping this for future ref.

also told her I thought lots more guys were gay than let on, and she laughed. She agreed with that one. Not sure why.

*snickers* That is *interesting*.

[devin-chain.livejournal.com]

Articulate? Jen! Don't mock me! *snickers back*

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

Dad wipes tear from eye, pats son on head, belches, scratches crotch, beams, and says "That's my boy."

That is quite the mental image there. *g*
I told her not to do it until she's at least 18 and in college.
*nodnod* You get at least the minimum adult societal and mental faculties to deal with it. These were my thoughts on the matter, as a younger adult, and now.

[devin-chain.livejournal.com]

The 18 looks pretty good, but the rest of what I wrote looks ridiculous. I can't believe how much I've learned to accomodate the local Baptist population. Damn. Shit. Fuck.

*goes back to drawing board*

And *hugs* btw.

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* back. Don't worry about it too much. I mean, how different would your advice really be if you were living in a more liberal area? Kids are still under pressure to have sex, though perhaps mostly from other kids, and their own hormones, and may be relieved that they didn't the next day, because of their parents and maybe religion telling them not to.
For me, it would be the little things that I'd want to do and couldn't when I wasn't 18 yet. I couldn't sleep over at the other person's house. Ok, the big things too, like going to the doctor by myself for birth control, that sort of thing (didn't have the money or a driver's liscence until I was 18).