(no subject)

So. It happened. The Sex Talk with Child. fox1013 is easing me through the post-Talk trauma.

Yeah. It didn't go how I imagined it would.



One of my first promises to myself was that I'd be brutaly honest about sex. That means, no matter how much more comfortable I'd be with euphemisms and--you know, moral admonishments--I was going ot be honest. Like, if he asked, when can i have sex, I'd say, well--okay, no fucking *clue* what I'd say, that question didn't come up, thank you God. We'll leave that one. But post-puberty would be part of it.

Forutnately, due to the fact that I immediately block all traumtizing memories, I don't remmbeer all of it, but there were some key points that I think should be remembered, burned into my mind as they are now. This is the short version, because--you know. I was ready. Except not at all.

Me: So, what do you think sex is?
Child: When you put your boyparts *eloquent gesture down* in a girl's parts. *eloquent gesture*
Me: Yeah. Penis. *Child looks at me with pity* Boyparts. Yeah. You got the gist.
Child: But how do you get pregnant?
Me: *blank*

This is where things go fuzzy.

Explaining semen and eggs is easy--in theory. Except I needed context, and you'd think, being pretty much a pornographer, this would not be a problem. I thought about it.

Me: You know those eggs we get at the market?
Child: Yeah.
Me: And that time of the month i get all grumpy and lay down a lot?
Child: Oh yeah.
Me: I have eggs like that. except they are invisible. I mean, you can't see them because they are so small. Women have those. and when they are fertilized, they become babies.
Child: *blank* Eggs are babies?

Oh God.

There was some backtracking, some re-explanation, and some clarification, but luckily, we didn't hit any major moral arenas except my explanation that, as Christians, God kind of encourages us to avoid premarital sex. Most of his interest was in the baby portions of the thing, not the actual sex, so. I'll have a better speech ready so I can completely forget that, too, when the time comes.

However, if Child comes out of this convinced that roosters are somehow involved in the miracle of conception....

Well.

Yeah, I'm not going to think about this for a while. I'm giving myself cookies. I have no doubt this discussion will be revisited very soon, and hopefully, I'll be drinking during that one.

Comments

[pickinguproses.livejournal.com]

We also used the chicken egg thing. I got pregnant when my youngest was almost 3, and we were really open about what was happening, explaining things as he wondered about them. I told him that my ovaries are like egg baskets, and "when it's time" (we skipped the details there) an egg will hatch in my uterus and a baby will come out and grow, blah blah blah. Of couse, we are vegans and don't eat eggs, so we refer to eggs as "baby chicken eggs" anyways. Therefore, my eggs became "baby anna eggs." (If/when he has a sister, he wants to call her Anna.) We looked at lots of books showing the egg getting fertilized, so he knows what sperm are, and knows that daddies have something to do with them, but not the pivotal "moment." He hasn't asked yet, which is just fine. ;)

And he's another one who likes to bring up this stuff in line at the grocery store. And since we only use the real names for body parts, we get some looks... This one time, shortly after he witnessed the birth of his little brother (he was 3 at the time) we saw a pregnant woman at walmart, and while she and I were talking babies I notice him kinda tipping over, trying to look up her. I yank him away but he's already asking her when her baby's going to be born from her vagina and telling her not to worry about blood on the baby's head because you can just wipe it off. Omg, kids.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh man, the *public*. *feels for you* The worst Child ever did was during my sister's pregnancy, annoucing at a mixed family gathering she'd be having a baby from her vagina, demonstrating his lessons. That was plenty of trauma for me.

This one time, shortly after he witnessed the birth of his little brother (he was 3 at the time) we saw a pregnant woman at walmart, and while she and I were talking babies I notice him kinda tipping over, trying to look up her. I yank him away but he's already asking her when her baby's going to be born from her vagina and telling her not to worry about blood on the baby's head because you can just wipe it off. Omg, kids.

*collapses and dies* Oh *God*. Well. At least he was being, you know, helpful. Wow.