seperis | my spam is better than your spam

This is the most awesome Nigerian email scam letter ever, as it is set in London in Shrewsbury--Shrewsbury!--and is about orphans.

I love my spam sometimes.

From: Lady Rebecca Thatcher.
No:36 Old Shrewberry Street,
London England.

Beloved,

I am Lady Rebecca Thatcher, suffering from cancerous ailment.I used to be
married to Sir Jeremy Thatcher an English man who is dead and resting
peacefully. My husband was into private practice all his life before he
passed.When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of Twenty
Million Pounds (20,000,000.00 Million Great Britain Pounds Sterling),which
were derived from his vast estates and investment in capital market with
his bank here in UK.Presently, this money is still with the Bank.

Recently,my Doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to the
cancerous problems I am suffering from.Though what bothers me most is the
stroke that I have in addition to the cancer.With this hard reality that
has befallen me, I have decided to donate this funds to you and want you
to use this gift which comes from my late husbands hard work to fund the
upkeep of widows, widowers,orphans,destitute,the down-trodden, physically
challenged children,barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely
handicapped financially.I took this decision because I do not have any
child that will inherit this money.

My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation.Please assure me
that you will act just as I have stated herein. Hope to hear from you
soon. You can contact me through my personal email address

[email addy was here]

Stay Blessed as you carry out this humanitarian task.

Sincerely yours

Lady Rebecca Thatcher.

The best part was the barren-women. Really.

Bwah! No, my favourite part is the way they say 'million' three times when trying to convey that it is shit loads of cold hard cash, yo. 'Twenty
Million Pounds (20,000,000.00 Million Great Britain Pounds Sterling)'

So... how much was that?

Also, 'who is dead'. Woe! She just had to rip that bandaid off, huh?

It's all very tragic and wealthy. *wipes tear*

I almost want “It's all very tragic and wealthy” to be my livejournal name now.

Oooo, me too! Perhaps we could organize as a group, much like the barren and the genuinely handicapped financially.

OMG, you have a Life icon! Now we must organize!

I have four Life icons.

::is smug::

I also got Lady Rebecca's letter in my e-mail today.

::remains smug...and barren::

edited at: Date: 2008-10-24 03:46 pm (UTC)

He was into private practice. Like being into BDSM or something.

*snicker*

Well, only one of them doesn't have a safeword. *g*

Harsh. :D

OMG awesome scam.

*runs to SPAM mailbox to see if she got one too*

IS IT NOT? I FEEL SO HAPPY.

I love how she specifies that her dead husband is resting peacefully. None of that inappropriate zombie activity on Lady Rebecca Thatcher's watch, thankyouverymuch.

I do like the emphasis. Just in case anyone was worried about how his remains were feeling.

My favorite part was that she had to specify that the dead husband was British, as if the "Sir" weren't enough.

I love that terminal cancer isn't enough--what bothers her the most is "the stroke that [she has]." Way to lay it on thick, Lady Rebecca.

*giggle* My thought exactly.

(All responses to this post & the spam itself are making my day a whole lot brighter.)

I was hoping for smallpox. *sighs*

I have a variation on this one! The subject line is 'From MRs Irene Hanff' and it goes

Hello,
Greetings to you and God blessed as you read this mail. I am the above named person undergoing medical treatment now. I'm sneaking out this message to you because the hospital will be mad if they found out about this. And uptill now my Doctors still havent found any physical reasons for my condition as of yet i decided to contact you. I was married to Dr.Berger Rystom Hanff a multimillionaire cocoa marchant for over 6 years before his untimely death in the year December 2000 . We were married for 25 years without a child. He died after his relatives poisoned him to death and take over all his assets.. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child out side my matrimonial home When my late husband was alive he make a secret deposit of $20 Million (Twenty Million U.S. Dollars) with one finance/security Company in Europe. Presently, this money is still with the Security/ Finance
Company.Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next three months due to cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a foundation or better still an individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want you to use this money to fund orphanages, widows and other good charity deeds. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health, and because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Finance/Security Company in Europe. I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the original- beneficiary of these funds. I want you to always pray for me.. My happiness is that I lived a life of truthfulness. Please always be prayerful all through your
life. Understand that we must keep this contact as secret as possible, that way we can be focused on the fact that you have claimed the money successfully and commence on what we have discussed. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a reliable individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.
Remain blessed.
Mrs.Lisa Irene Hanff

Until recently I got no spam at all and I was feeling somewhat left out, but I am suddenly inundated with phishing expeditions.

...oh beautiful. *awed*

Oh, wow. I love how she's sneaking the letter out of the hospital. The doctors would be mad if they knew!

Oooh! I'm 'genuinely handicapped financially'! Gimme! *g* Deserves points for the bad grammar alone. Lovely spam.

Beautifully bad. But she's an aristocrat! See the name?

I got that one too this morning. It sounded so refined. Not just "Shrewberry". "OLD Shrewberry."

You know those fakers hanging out at New Shrewberry and all. Posers, all of them.

lol...So she is having a stroke currently? How nice of her to take the time to finish writing the email.

THINK OF THE BARREN-WOMEN!

ROTFLMAO
I got a variation on this once and laughed so hard.

Barren-women indeed. *L*

What are they barin? And would I want to see it?

I am curious about how to identify the people I should help. Advertising for the barren-women and down-trodden. Hmm.

ROTLFMAO

Yeah...put it on Craigslist. See how many takers you get.

OMG it's from Becky Thatcher. Where's Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer?

I didn't even realize that! IT ALL MAKES SENSE. This is Huck's idea!

I am the barren-woman, gives to me this monies, please, in British Pounds Sterling? Yes?

I'm sorry, you do not seem barren enough. Plz to be providing documentation and also, bribes.

Aw man, now I'm jealous! I didn't get that one, and I'd love to support the orphans and barren-women...

And the down-trodden, too, although I am somewhat at a loss as to how I will identify these individuals! LOL

I am wondering about that myself....

I never get awesome spam. My spam is normally offering me Viagra or a Masters degree for 5 bucks. Which is a pretty tempting offer ;).

Cancerous problems? Heeee.

I like that he's dead and resting peacefully. That's one of those phrases that I look at and think, OK, one or the other, really, but then I think, well, no, if being dead means you can rest peacefully, maybe what they're saying is that he's dead and they chose to let him rest in peace, as opposed to lashing him to a merry-go-round for all eternity. Something like that.

Have you seen the Princess Leia Nigerian spam letter? It's quite good (though apparently just a big dumb fake, and not like this letter that is certain to net you millions of millions).

"We know he's resting peacefully because we mortgaged the servants' quarters to the Church to pay off his time in Purgatory..."

I think this begs for a Nigerian email scheme challenge; it's already Harlequin enough--genteel impoverished ladies; wasting diseases and strokes; vast inheritances (from private practice and cocoa merchanting, no less); evil relatives and scheming doctors; the downtrodden, etc. . .All we need is a governess and a large manse and we're all set.

I am a poor spinster living alone with my cats in the wake of retinal surgery condition and possibly a barren-woman with orphaned half-sisters (or is that half-orphaned sisters?)

Do I qualify as financially handicapped?

Pls rush reply; sight 80% restored and coming back fast.

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