From OTF Wank on Journalfen:

Okay, so the salon article was what killed me really. Better Yet, Don't Write That Novel by Laura Miller <--This Is How to Miss the Point Dramatically, and With a Lot of Words, Perhaps More Words Than Necessary, Really. Learn Brevity, Thanks.

Pop quiz:

It was yet another depressing sign that the cultural spaces once dedicated to the selfless art of reading are being taken over by the narcissistic commerce of writing.

Does this mean:

a.) buy my books and tell me I'm smart!
b.) sales are falling.
c.) ...sorry, what cultural spaces doing what?

Trufax: I may or may not have been part of the movement that destroyed reading cultural spaces. I won't like, admit this, but, okay, there was this whole "compare and contrast the cultural relevance of American Psycho with Moby Dick" one night in the Cultural Reading Space Room because let's face it, in the end, it's all about Moby Fucking Dick, and why use a less hackneyed comparison? And who doesn't love curling up on a stormy evening with a blanket to re-read that bit of poetic mastery of graphic sexual violence performed with everyday props with prose of the exquisite blandness of non-steel cut oatmeal, unsurpassed even by de Sade, who it cannot be said did not have a hard-on for female torture and sexual mutilation (and how!). Okay, I was napping, but they got to the rat/ham-and-cheese (could be one or the other, I was napping in the Cultural Literary Osmosis Corner, maybe a sandwich was involved?) thing and oh, I was like, I'm so burning this cultural space.

Every nano story destroys another cultural space. I laugh as I watch them die. This is why there aren't any. Destroyed so well that even now, I'm not sure what they are.

(This may tie into my very early exposure to literary criticism which was when I read my first review of American Psycho that managed to be very positive and spoke of it being engaging and possibly pushing the boundaries but never mentioned anything actually contained in the novel itself. Let's say my first read of that ended very quickly and with surprisingly abruptness. I've kind of never forgiven the literary community or pretty much the entirety of anything published in New York for that. I will drag this experience out every chance I get. My God, why.)

In other news, received a phone call today to tell me my child is going to another country this summer and I'd missed my appointment to get the arrangements in order. The words "my child is what and where, wait, what?" were said, because I'm sure this is pretty obvious, but I had no idea. I'm going tomorrow to--get the arrangements in order. Child is bemused that I'd want to be aware he was exporting himself; I'm just trying to figure out what exactly will make July of next year a bad time for him to be in the country. There aren't any new holes, but there's a rope draped over the back fence that's tied to a really sketchy tree. Beyond the fence is a fairly steep drop to a dry creek. It looks obvious, and yet....

How's Turkey on extradition? Just curious.

If he had a passport right now, I'm fairly sure I wouldn't know about this until he got back. Extradited? Something.

From the discussion here at sf_drama, context at bad_service screencaps here.

The discussion circled around one commenter in the original post stating that if a woman touched her belly while pregnant she'd grab her boob (paraphrased).

I'd started reading this with a Well, that was really inappropriate to do that (the boob grabbing), but you really shouldn't touch someone without permission, but you know, I was there like, when I started reading comments and the original entry and by the time I commented, I was kind of advocating for a knee-to-crotch, because this is really bothering me.

I think mostly because a.) my initial reaction was to kind of hierarchy the tit above the pregnant belly, and b.) a lot of the comments were suddenly just really horrified at the idea of boob-grabbing, but not so much with feeling up someone's pregnant belly. And I actually don't hierarchy like that with my body; when I was pregnant, I was draconian about bodily privacy. Actually, I was a lot more then than I was before or am now.

I had so little of my body that was mine then; I had doctors and nurses and family and stirrups and ultrasounds and I had to drop and spread my legs in the end every goddamn week to check for effacing and dilation and I hated it, I hated it. I'm not terribly modest like that (for those who have seen me at VVC, I am not one with the modesty), but pregnancy isn't like normal life. My entire body was given up to developing Child and there was nothing that happened to it that wasn't in the view of the entire goddamn world. If I felt better cutting all access to it that wasn't medically required, then that's what I was going to do. I'm not sure that helped per se, but it sure as hell didn't make things worse.

Thing is; when I go clubbing or to a bar or a dance or a restaurant and a guy I don't know grabs me because he is just that into my parts, I'm kind of okay using my knee or my hand to shut down that shit. (This has never happened with a girl that hit on me. They always ask. Even drunk, they always ask. I was once literally floored by that; wait, you want to know if I am okay with this? Really? Like, without a knee being involved? Revelation. YMMV.) I'm not picky on how; it does depend on how surprised I am, since my natural conditioning is to let it go, but surprisingly enough, if I don't have time to think of my social conditioning to be nice and allow it, I won't be nice. And in general, at least theoretically, most people think that's an okay reaction.

You know, here is where I'd usually say, but still, grabbing someone's boob for touching your belly is bad, but--I'm not, because I am seriously not comfortable with the idea that my tits are more sacrosanct that my hypothetically pregnant stomach, and one is unwelcome and wrong but retaliation to grabbing a tit is sexual assault. Which--no. Fuck that.

I think I understand the tone argument from the other side; I'm really disturbed that the tone seems to loosen up what should be absolutely proprietary restrictions on my body. Part of me thinks this comes from perceived power--woman to woman--because I'm not sure that if a guy came up and felt up my belly people wouldn't be cheering for a knee-crotch. If I'm okay with someone kneeing a guy for being appropriate--and I am--I can't tell why I shouldn't at least technically be okay with boob-for-belly being a proportional response. And as it turns out, I really am.

Continued from my earlier entry on the the banning of a con member from WinCon and the explosion that occurred.

Comments in the JF post here are adding more information in comments, so check back regularly for updates.

For anyone who has been skimming and is getting the impression this is just another fannish wank, this really, really isn't. I'm not the only one that went to flock when I started reading to get a better idea what the hell was going on and decided to post publicly after it went up on Unfunny Business. This isn't fannish gossip as usual; I didn't come out of this boggling about the wankiness of fandom, because this is not fannish wankery.

I'm going to go to something that's lingered with me, though, about safety in fannish spaces like cons and the people that run it.

The Concomm's actions are important, above and beyond a simple ban, in placing a line down about what is and what is not appropriate at the private con they are running, and even more importantly, they've set a standard on an issue that for a lot of us feels hazy and uncomfortable to have to think about.

A lot of us attend cons regularly, and a lot of us do this at these types of cons without really thinking through "what do I do if x goes wrong" or "should I say what happened at y that made me uncomfortable?" This is not something I've thought consciously ever, but I think I've always thought subconsciously when I go to VividCon, and when I went to ConText, that if I went to the organizers or any of the volunteers, I'd be listened to, and helped as best they can do, and more importantly than those things, that I'd be safe when I did so. Not because some of them were friends, but because by their actions in open fannish spaces I knew they were the kind of people that did value the safety of the women that attend, that respect their boundaries, that would listen.

I don't attend the megacons for a lot of reasons, not least of which is that I'm really spoiled by the ones run by women in fandom, by the certainty that safety, security, and openness are the rule and not exception--and while this public explosion was horrific, it shows Wincon's Concomm personifies those traits that all of us, I think, really want at a place that intersects our fannish lives and real lives.

For people who have been wary about going to these conventions, or after reading this feel more wary, these kind of actions on their part are a sign of how hard they work to keep these spaces as safe as possible, and that they'll listen and act when necessary. To me, at least, Wincon is on that list of cons that are places it's safe to allow that intersection to occur, that it's safe to attend, and I think they've proven beyond a shadow of a doubt this is a good con to attend, where those who run it are willing to enforce that safety and security for its members.

That may have been overlooked a little in the entirety of this, but I'm hoping that much does get across; they made a judgment call on behalf of the safety and security of their members, and they made the right one.

ETA: One day I will not have an entry without an eta. Maybe.

Con-space, comfort levels, transgression by merryish (in my defense, I just read this) with some thoughts on female oriented spaces and how harm doesn't have to be intentional to still be harm.

ETA 2: Two more extremely relevant links in this:

Here, thenyxie's 2008 roommates speak out.

Here, thenyxie attempts an apology.

ETA 3: Posted by cesare at UNF:

Brihana25 on the pressure put on LJ regarding the original anonymous accounts of the women affected, along with the threat that LJ would be compelled to release the IP numbers of those same women.

I have no idea how to even think about that one for a while.

ETA 4: thenyxie has frozen her entry, so comments aren't visible. Screencaps can be found here at Unfunny Business.

All links are also up at the post at Unfunny Business as well.

From Fandom Wank on JF: Drama at Wikipedia

Okay, since I don't participate in the wiki community like, at all, this is all new and fascinatingly convoluted information and also, kind of hilariously appropriate. My understanding of the situation is pretty much as the article states, and I was totally grooving the outrage and community standards and 'think of the children' (I am saying, people who say that really need to like, stop thinking of other people's children. I find this creepy.) and I hit this and it's totes relevant to my interests.

I'm not sure you need too much context, but this is in a discussion of founder Jimbo Wales doing a unilateral mass delete of what he considered pornographic images that started in this thread.

It still works, it's just harder. And I'm totally with you on the
second point. Jimmy got a needed process started. Could he have
started it a different, less dramatic way? Probably. Would that have
been better? Probably. As effective? Probably not. If you're
looking to masturbate, Commons is among the best, most available, and
easiest to navigate sources of material there is - the community can
fix that and decide as a whole what to do, and should, but maybe Jimmy
is playing the maverick and providing a giant leap toward that
discussion.

~A - link

*rubs forehead*

Okay, I know, this wikipedia thing is a big deal and blah blah blah and I'm only about three-quarters through the entire wank, but I had to stop there and boggle. For the record, if you're getting off on wiki commons pictures, for the love of God, what the hell are you using google for? The internet is for porn! As Al Gore, God, and many heavily invested porn companies will assure you. With pictures. Not like it's hard to find.

Also, this is kind of fascinating wank for anyone who ever goes to wikipedia, so you know, I am not being entirely representative of the entire situation. I am just saying, wow. Unless that's like, your kink, which I am totally not judging but admittedly it would be a first to have 'must jerk off to wikipedia', you know?

Carry on.

I'm actually supposed to be working. As one does.

Instead, from sf_drama:

The Rogue Knitter

God, what I wouldn't do for a cool title like that. I am possibly the Rogue DDR3 Addict, because that shit is like, dance until you lose the ability to see straight or um, walk.

We need a Rogue Knitting Gang, sweatering trees for Justice in various colors to match the season. In trendy scarves. Wielding giant knitting needles, even.

Pretty Women Can Be Hard to be Friends With by Jessica Wakeman. Wait! Don't click yet! Do me a favor; take a second and guess the location and time period of the first anecdote that was the beginning of this woman's journey observing the savage pretty girl in her natural habitat before realizing the creature would never be civilized, and with a heavy heart, has returned to us to share her hard-earned wisdom.

If you said High School, congratulations! We have achieved Mean Girls IRL in an article linked from CNN. This would be offensive, but honestly, I spent most of the article casting the characters for the upcoming remake of Mean Girls.

So I think we can safely state that this article is probably one of the most beautifully orchestrated to pander to pretty much every negative stereotype there is and reinforces "Nice Guy"ism with a matching "Nice Girl"ism. As a bonus! It highly encourages equally degrading positive sterotyping. And also, people are fat once you get to comments. Because God knows, you can't leave out weight. There's always a danger someone might not remember it.

I do not say men are all over the idea of pretty privilege and how those bitches are totes acting like they are better than everyone (him) (except the ones that fuck him; they are awesome), but that's because that would be like saying water is wet.

The water is very, very wet.

Comment Samples:

This Expresses My Manpain in Blank Verse, Woe, Woe, Woe - I'll bet that the women in the article treats the regular guy on the street the exact same as the way her hot friend treats her.

This is what regular guys deal with all day long at work, social events, in line at a restaurant. Women in general think they have certain privilege over men because they have a patch of hair between their thighs. What goes around comes around, enjoy your depression!

( not just men! yet the rhetoric can be so very similar.... )

Now, I'm pretty sure I am being petty and hypocritical, because it's not like I haven't trotted out some of that when I was younger, and maybe after, and maybe every goddamn time the female geek stereotype shows up, and random other occasions that I want a hit of self-esteem and skinning another woman to get it seems pretty darn justifiable. And if I don't say it, I think it.

While I was sitting here, working myself down from a case of self-righteousness, I realized I was humming Avril Lavigne's "I Want to be Your Girlfriend". Taylor Swift's "You Belong to Me". And you know, I'm going to mock, but it's not like I don't know that I don't own a single song that celebrates the friendship between women, and I can't even name one.

So. I want a drink.

ETA: Comments have recommendations of songs that celebrate relationships between women, and the truly awesome kiezh has several linked in this comment.

ETA 2: rhea314 here has a list of songs, and a mediafire link here.

boggit links here for another.

Below cut, accumulated song list from comments. That is many songs.

( music! friendship! girls! )