government intervention made sexy

Because if we cannot laugh at an economic death spiral, we cannot laugh at anything. Spoilers for the economic crisis! In case you were waiting for the coming movie.

Government Seizes WaMu and Sells Some Assets

That'd be Washington Mutual, for those like me who said "Who the fuck is WaMu?" We have learned today that WaMu--okay, seriously, say that out loud, it rocks--WaMu is, and I quote, "the giant lender that came to symbolize the excesses of the mortgage boom".

Now, being most of us bloggers and writers, we all have to take a step back and admire the language.

seperis: I love how they use the word "seized".
svmadelyn: I know!
seperis: I SEE ARMIES OF ACCOUNTANTS SNATCHING LAPTOPS FROM CEOS!
svmadelyn: I have this mental image
svmadelyn: of them--YEAH
svmadelyn: boots tumbling down the stairs
seperis: AND THROWING PAPERS OUT OF FILE CABINETS
seperis: AND GRABBING RIFLING EXECUTIVE DESKS IN SLEEK BLACK FITTED JUMPSUITS

Carrying number two pencils, sharpened. As musesfool once remarked to celli, and this is a paraphrase, if you can't kill your enemies with a sharpened number two pencil, you don't deserve to be a CPA.

They are stabbing. And they like it.

The federal goverment has never been so hot. Seize more assets, baby. Bring it on.

In other news, JP Morgan is marrying any trollop it can get its hands on (seriously, does anyone else notice the language being used? Failing companies == ruined women in need of rescue; it's hysterical. The dowries are terrible; we must be doing this old school) while the Papa Feds apparently hold a shotgun to their back during the wedding.

Oh come on, like we all aren't wondering when economics, like physics, became a weird and kind of disorienting bdsm scene. I, for one, stare blankly and try not to rewrite this entire thing into an epic h/c fic, because I think it would make more sense that way. Or at least give me great personal amusement, the way my 457 account totally is not in a variety of ways.

For anyone who wants the short and simplified version in day by day format: The crisis: A timeline.

I love the fact that I can examine this from a narrative perspective far more easily than from a personal one. Financial death spiral. That's just beautiful.

ETA: Government Bailout in Disarray! - in the movie, I want Paulson played by Al Pacino. For the irony factor.

*lies down* Fuck retiring like, ever. The sheer entertainment value almost makes it worth it.

Comments

[svilleficrecs.livejournal.com]

a) Scary as fuck, yes.
b) They're commonly known (even in their commercials) as WaMu, not WuMu.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Crap, miswrote. Fixing!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Fixed! WaMu. WaMu.

I have never heard them refered that way. Every time I say it, it makes me happy.

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

I love this post so much. Ruined womenbanks! Searching for virtue in a cruel, cruel world!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

It is. I can't get over the way they frame all of this; it just makes me giggle inappropriately.

[blueraccoon.livejournal.com]

...WaMu is my bank...

or should I say was?

[svmadelyn.livejournal.com]

*tilts head* I'm gonna go with was.

But who can really say. *slides you popcorn bucket*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*winces*

You know, what kills me, is that the board and teh CEO didn't even know they were sold off before it was done. I didn't know that could happen. Though I guess it falls under bank regulations.

*boggling*

[chopchica.livejournal.com]

Same.

At least we moved the checking acct out of there a bit ago.

I keep looking at the website to make sure my savings are still there.

[arboretum]

dying, no, I totally agree, that article is way more exciting than any article about the economy should ever be.

seized!
secretly dispatched!
private meetings behind their backs!

it is basically a big spy thriller blockbuster waiting to be made.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

We need casting. I think the actors from Godfather are our best bet, personally.

I'm still getting over the board and CEO didn't even know they were sold! I mean, imagine waking up to that!

It's so freaking surreal. I'm hooked. It's must-see TV.

[jade-dragoness.livejournal.com]

*wibbles* But WaMu is my bank.

*eyes narrow* What have they been doing?!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

....see, that's the sort of thing these articles should get around to telling us more about!

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Oh, great. That's one of my banks. I was hoping Wells Fargo would buy it, but I hate Chase Morgan.

*starts a run on my local bank*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*sends hugs and support*

[aud-woman-in.livejournal.com]

in the movie, I want Paulson played by Al Pacino

It will, no doubt, be an HBO movie, and Kevin Spacey will go about with his head half-shaved during the 6-week shoot.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh I like this! I wonder if we could get a fangirl to write the screenplay!

[ratcreature]

JP Morgan is marrying any trollop it can get its hands on

That makes you want to place bets whether in the end there will be only one, like in a Highlander knock-off death match scenario. Though I'm really starting to wonder how this concentration and these take-overs will play out in the next boom/bust cycle, even if all were to go relatively well in the end with this one. From what I understand part of why it is worse than with previous bank collapses like your Savings&Loans(?) scandal that gets referenced all the time, it's because the banks have gotten even bigger, so the losses are larger and harder to manage when they fail, and now they grow larger still?

More drama to look forward to in the next severe banking collapse scheduled thirty years from now, I guess.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

You know, there *should* be bets placed on this; it's not like there's anything else we can get out of it.

I was thinking of this growth of superbanks, too. Not comforting at all.

[ladyoflisquill.livejournal.com]

Spoilers for the economic crisis! In case you were waiting for the coming movie.

::SNORT::

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I don't want to spoil anyone!

[boji.livejournal.com]

So am I the only one who thinks this might de-evolve into a horror flick - with the dollar bleeding out on the floor - and the urbanized living in Japanese style net rooms? (http://www.smallhousestyle.com/2008/09/15/cnn-video-small-spaces-for-japans-net-room-refugees/)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

...okay, i just had a fit of claustrophobia. *WIDE EYES* NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

[leupagus.livejournal.com]

OK, can anyone write a fic where Rodney is WaMu and John is JPMorgan? I can't decide if the government should be the Ancients or the Wraith. Ronon Security, Inc. took over Ford Holdings! Teyla Mutual, Inc. has a strict environmental policy! Weir and Company went bankrupt and was bought out by Carter Investments, which was then bought by Wolsey Limited, Inc!

IT COULD BE SO AWESOME.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*awed* That--that's inspired.

[dragojustine.livejournal.com]

seriously, does anyone else notice the language being used? Failing companies == ruined women in need of rescue; it's hysterical. The dowries are terrible; we must be doing this old school

*dies laughing* I am going to be hearing the ruined-women framing of this WHENEVER I watch the news now. You just made my political investment SO MUCH MORE entertaining. Thank you.

*gigglesnerk*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

IT MAKES IT SO MUCH LESS TERRIFYING AND SO MUCH FUNNIER! Poor WaMu, dress all torn, with Daddy Feddy gettin' her hitched up before she ruins the economy her reputation!.

[fyrdrakken]

It's been too long since I read anything of PJ O'Rourke's, so I can't quote his lines about combat accountants now when it would actually be semi-relevant. (Actually, I just googled, and while I turned up a chapter of his book that includes a couple of usages of the phrase, I think it must have been the reference to same in a dedication or another chapter that really made an impression on me.)

[fyrdrakken]

Oh, and your description reminds me of my fave bit from any Monty Python movie, "The Crimson Permanent Assurance" at the start of The Meaning of Life. Because I just can't get over the reimagining of a stodgy old British insurance company as a crew of financial pirates...

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

I so want to see Economic!Crisis The Movie.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Maybe a musical? *speculative* So there could be dramatic crying during the dancing.

[ariadne83]

Ha it's like a Monty Python movie come to life, complete with swashbuckling accountants and CEOs being stabbed with letter-openers "It's fun to charter an accountant and sail the wide accountan-cy..."

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Monty Python goes with everything.

[tonicollins.livejournal.com]

I always called it WashMut simply because I never liked 'em. *g*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*giggles and giggles*

[teenygozer.livejournal.com]

As usual, Monty Python got there first:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KX61PUZ3xkI

[nacbrie.livejournal.com]

This post is made from so many kinds of awesome. We hear all these things about "$700 billion bail out" and "JP Morgan blah Fannie Mae blah McCain and Obama debate blah meltdown blah Paulson blah", but it's not our pensions. It's nice to put it in a format I can understand: bad romance trope! With spies! And Al Pacino!

Then again, we did go from 6% growth last year to -0.5% this quarter, so perhaps we should be more worried...