seperis | oh spam, you hurt me

Spam Reports

I've taken a philosophical approach to spam in the last few years; instead of looking upon it as a clogging waste of my bandwidth and space, instead, I gaze upon it as a virtual finger, if you will, on important topics I should be watching for. While some might be, oh, petty, we all have to remember that without spam, we never ever would have truly understood the power and artistic merit of the Paris Hilton sex video.

So. Examining my filter.

Spam One
Computer Software

My Reaction
While I appreciate the convenience of being emailed on software I cannot live without, and the unbound creativity symbolized by your non-Webster spelling choices, I think for now I'll continue my crazy idea of getting my software from places I can be relatively sure will not cause my computer to die, die, die a tragic, blue death of dieness. Kthx.

Spam Two
Russian language spam

My Reaction
I do feel bad for them; I just don't see a huge segment of people outside Russia who have achieved sufficient Russian fluency to leap, leap, leap for small penis ads in the Cyrillic alphabet. I kind of want to email them one day and get a translation, though. It's a mystery forever; what did it say? Was it Paris? Was it penis implants? Was it important stock info? I will never know.

Note to spammers: try Spanish. I am pretty sure I can identify all genitalia in Spanish on sight.

Spam Three
Penis/Breast/Body Part enlargement

My Reaction
Seriously. Have you read anything on asstr.org, mcstories, or nifty? Those are the people you need to talk to. Try the Gay: Authoritarian and MCStories: Growth of Body Parts. I'm pretty sure that section alone turned off any desire I would ever have to do any kind of change to any part of my body ever. One minute, you are getting breast enlargement: the next, you are a Thai hooker with ladymales because your husband is evil.

(Seriously. So recommended. If nothing else, it is always fun to look in shock upon grammar of Babelfish translation quality and be awed that fandom can write about Clark's glowing self-lubing ass and penis and *still* come out ahead in quality. Also educational.)

(oh, please, like most of you don't have it bookmarked.)

And...that is all. No wait.

Thank you to whoever sent the virtual gift! Turkey! ADORABLENESS TIMES FIVE!

Quotes

If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers
. -- Unknown, on feedback
BTS List
That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex...
Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
-- pricklyelf, on why Lex goes bad
LJ
Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
-- Teague, reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones"
LJ
Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
Jenn: Because you are an addict.
Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
-- hwmitzy and seperis, on bead addiction
AIM, 12/24/2003
I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
-- anonymous, on terrible writing
AIM, 2/17/2004
In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
-- silverkyst, on wtf
AIM, 3/25/2004
Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
-- eleveninches and anonymous, on things that are disturbing
LJ, 4/2/2004
silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular genetics.
silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
-- silverkyst and seperis, on more wtf
AIM, 1/25/2005
You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
-- Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years
LJ, 3/15/2005
Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
-- Summerfling, on shower sex
LJ, 7/22/2005
It's weird, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
-- revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit
LJ, 2/7/2006
Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
-- cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny
LJ, 4/13/2006
Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
-- deadlychameleon, on class
LJ, 9/1/2007
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Fan Fiction is John Cusack standing outside your house with a boombox.
-- JRDSkinner, on fanfiction
Twitter
I will unashamedly and unapologetically celebrate the joy and the warmth and the creativity of a community of people sharing something positive and beautiful and connective and if you don’t like it you are most welcome to very fuck off.
-- Michael Sheen, on Good Omens fanfic
Twitter, 6/19/2019
Adding for Mastodon.
-- Jenn, traceback
Fosstodon, 11/6/2022

asstr.org

OMG! I thought I was the only one ~~traumatized by~~ ~~lobotomized by~~ ~~horrified yet fascinated like a deer in a headlight sort of way~~ who ever read this site!

*grins* Yes. Yes. Yes. I totally own to it. It's--once you go in and dip a toe, you are stained for life. And totally addicted.

You are addicted! Like, if you're having a bad day? You think, "I'll just go read something at asstr.org and TOTALLY realize I don't have it as bad as the twins who are forced to have sex with each other by their fourth grade teacher...who just happens to be their father's mother's sister AND their father's mother...all while their father's fixing supper for The Clan."

*despairs that fic will NEVER leave my mind*

oh spam, you hurt me

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