My nephew--has sniffles. I've seen pink cheeks. There's a definite air of Not Perfectly Healthy. I'm suspicious.

I've been overruled in casting him to the wolves to protect ourselves from the hotdog flu, so I want you all to know that I tried to protect humanity and it totally did not work.

[Note: mneiai says: NO! What if that created some sort of super flu? It's already swine-human-bird flu, do you want it to be swine-human-bird-wolf flu??? So please remove "exposing relatives when showing signs of illness" from your Survival Checklist, please.]

By now everyone knows that Texas has the honor of having the first flu-related death in the US, which you know, we reacted to appropriately, by shutting down all UIL events (that's all school related sports and statewide academic competitions) and in Austin, we have school closures as well. We're not overreacting at all.

[Apparently, a school in Austin had a kid that may have a case or something?]

WHO Raises Panedmic Level to Going To Probably Die Soon KTHX so I went to check our trusty Death Map of Encroaching Death to see how close we are to annihilation. As you can see, this is now a Very Special Swine Death Map, as opposed to the one that shows lesser diseases like ebola and polio, which are totally Old News.

I'd like to thank CNN for that very special article Three Twentieth Century Pandemics so just in case anyone isn't dragging out the breathing masks and pulling guns on everyone with a runny nose, they'll get right on that shit.

To say I watch with an eye toward which places I'll be scavenging for goods when civilization collapses does not necessarily overstate the case. I'm thinking the future will need very large LCD TVs and high end laptops. I do not necessarily support future looting, but I do expect everyone to do their part and keep an eye on what will be useful in our glorious new technopunk society. Stockpiling Jolt and coffee would not, I think, be an overreaction to the problem. Also, I'd suggest grabbing a copy of The Stand for useful tips about how to travel during the end of the world. We will need to be able to perform off-the-cuff appendectomies, know how to operate a motorcycle, and be proficient in several types of firearms. And don't go to the crazy white guy in California Vegas, people. Mystical old black woman is the way to go. She told me so last night.

Cthulhu save you all.

ETA: Corrected California to Vegas, as tzikeh knows our survival manual, Cthulhu love her.

Right.

Earthquake in Acapulco, so we have disease and disaster, let's wait for famine. I am placing twenty on locusts, and have started my pre-Thunderdome preparations, which is to make a list of lots of techopunk and post-apocalyptic movies to see what we're up against and what I should be looking forward to. Do we think Bladerunner could be a potential model? If anyone says "A Handmaid's Tale", we are not speaking again.

I have a feeling no one will be attractive covered in dirt and barbed wire, but you know, my standards doubtless will lower once the New Dark Ages come. They'll probably be something like "So how are you with building network accessible caves?" and "Can you hunt because I can't and that's just how it is."

The World Health Organization has raised the alert to DEATH TO ALL CTHULHU DELIVER US, though they are cleverly couching it in less inflammatory terms. Though I do appreciate that last line intoning about the last two great pandemics of 1968 and 1918. Because let me tell you, that is what I need to read right now.

Also, the US is under a public health emergency now. And right now over Texas, there are dark clouds and rain. Possibly these are related. Cthulhu is not pleased.

Okay, does anyone but me keep looking at their conveniently handy copy of The Stand and want to alert anyone who dreams of a.) Scary White Guy or b.) Magical Black Woman to please post immediately? Also, don't go to the Scary White Guy. I mean, in no book ever does that end well.

For current references on the sloping shape of darkness on the horizon like some kind of slow motion George Romero zombie movie, Death Map of Death. Go to the left column, click on check none, then cleck influenza, and stare in wonder at the marvels of technology that brings us the shape of our fate.

You may or may not know that a.) I slept really badly last night and b.) I had a very long day at work. I cannot say I would prefer my future life in a tent city fighting viciously for the last orange and shiving anyone who tries to get my network connection while I'm downloading the last known copy of Dr. Who, but I will say there is a sort of brightness in never having to return to work again.

So, to drag this out again--Your Post Apocalyptic Personal Ad, for when civilization falls. What skill sets are you looking for in a mate (group, commune, unit, etc) at the end of the world, and what can you offer in return? Yes, sex is completely acceptable.