so why not liveblog my reading? i never promised to be interesting, you know

Why I probably should never consider a career in finance.

While reading House of Cards by William D. Cohan:

By page 83:

seperis: Oh, this is sad.
seperis: [paraphrasing from book] Paul Friedman was exhausted, emotionally and physically. He took the train to his house in Scarsdale, at the end of a cul-de-sac. He collapsed in bed with the help of an Ambien and hoped to get some sleep. It was seven thirty. "At 9:15, I'm asleep and I hear knocking. Susie come upstairs and says "Timmy Greene is on the phone for you". I say, "He's on the phone for me now? What day is it?""
seperis: He's a Bear Stearns exec and has been awake since Wednesday.
seperis: And this is Friday night.
seperis: He says "get the lawyers involved" in a deal with JP Morgan.
amireal: That sounds about right
seperis: And Timmy said that the lawyer had taken a sleeping pill beforehand.
seperis: And fell asleep during the conversation.[end paraphrasing from book]
seperis: Who had also been awake since Wednesday.
seperis: No the fuck wonder Bear fell.
seperis: THEY TRIED TO SLEEP DEPRIVE THEIR EXECS TO DEATH
seperis: Jesus.
seperis: I can't even conceive of these numbers. 400 billion in assets.
Just all non-liquid.
seperis: *blank*
amireal: This is partially why I freaked out with Disney buying Marvel.

By page 99:

seperis: Okay, if I'd been Bear Stearns?
seperis: I would have damn well bankrupted and collapsed the system.
seperis: But I like to blow things up.
seperis: *grins*
amireal: heh
seperis: Okay, definitely.
seperis: I would hold my finger over the nuclear option.
seperis: Possibly just to see who blinked first.
amireal: I think it would matter how much I wanted to hurt people
seperis: *Thoughtful* I would not be good at stock broking, but I would be awesome during Mexican standoffs.
amireal: Or if I was in a mood.
seperis: ...we're both in moods a lot.
seperis: Maybe we should join Wall Street.
amireal: Hmm
seperis: *mulls* We could collapse the finanical district during our next periods.
amireal: it's possible there would much damage
amireal: or we'd end up supreme overloards
seperis: Show them what's too big to fall. Let's test that shit.
amireal: Chase? WHO NEEDS CHASE? Come on fuckers, play ball.
seperis: Two dollars a share? Bring that shit, baby. Game on.
amireal: We could collect stock in companies relating to basic elements. Like Diamonds. Or silicone.

And this is why amireal and I aren't allowed to work with money. Ever. Because we would collapse the financial world the next time Arthur pisses me off during Merlin. Wow, could you imagine what would have happened when SGA got canceled?

amireal: MAYBE CNBC CAN BECOME OUR SLAVES

But I'm tempted.

ETA:

Okay, wow.

p.136

This is from Moldaver, a Bear Stearns exec, to Jamie Dimon, CEO of JP Morgan, during a meeting between the execs and Dimon. Live, if you will.

Quote:

"I've heard some people refer to this as a shotgun wedding," Moldaver said. "I wouldn't use that term. I'd cll this a shotgun wedding to a rapist. Yeah, yeah, the girl was lying there naked on the ground when you found her, that's true, but you did it anyway."

This was before the deal was altered to $10 a share. I am trying to figure out how you shout that kind of analogy and not, you know, herniate something.

Comments

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

Wow, could you imagine what would have happened when SGA got canceled?


::shudders with that feeling you get when you had a close call::

[seperis.livejournal.com]

It would not have been pretty. REDEFINE GREAT DEPRESSION GODDAMMIT.

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

We'd be in bread lines, twittering.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Twitter is the cockroach of the tech world. We may not have broadband, but by God, there will be Twitter.

[amireal.livejournal.com]

Then the boys at bridge would say something stupid and I'd deepl encourage a Twitter IPO and well, you see where I'm going.

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a sound plan to me.

~L

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

I can honestly say that the thought of the two of you on Wall Street is not freaking me out. Because you *cannot* be any worse than some of the morons who are currently there. And if nothing else, you would make much more sense and have a better brand of insanity to preach.

So there.

~L

P.S. CNBC would so be your slave.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

We would have fun doing it, at least. I mean, right before we were assassinated? Bring it, bitches. I'd buy a nice suit and have that sewn on the back.

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

YOu would indeed. And hey! The mess would make more sense than what we have now! Plus! There would be less of the brain dead moron brigade in charge. Because I *cannot* see you standing some of the guys who made those decisions.

~L

:: Rooting for seperis & amireal for financial heads of business. :: Because I believe that these ladies can actually balance checkbooks.

[cat-77.livejournal.com]

As someone who works in the financial district (well, Bankruptcy for one of the big banks, but close enough), I beg of you, join us. TAKE THIS MOTHER DOWN.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

IT could only end ina drinking problem. I mean, not for me--this would be my twenty-four/seven party, man--but for someone. Me: BUY EVERYTHING! EVEN SHITTY THINGS! TOO BIG TO FALL MY ASS, BEYOTCHES. COME AND GET ME BERNANKE!"

You see how this would be a hilarious disaster. "WAIT LET ME GET MY CALCULATOR. WHAT IS MARK TO MARKET AGAIN?" Though reading about it possibly is the funniest shit ever.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Distaster? True. Hilarious? Abso-freakin'-lutely.

*awaits the collapse of all financial systems*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*amused* I love my flist. *hearts*

[rensreality101.livejournal.com]

Seriously -NOTHING- you guys do could be worse than the mess we have now.
My husband works for a bank that was recently snagged by the Fed. Due to a lawsuit agaist the bank by some stockholders, our 401k (which contains no bank stock)is in limbo. Indefinitely. We can't touch it, it isn't making any money...and no one will give us a date when we will have it back.

But while our (and other employees) money is unavailable, the CEO took an early retirement a few months before this went down and is happily enjoying all his money.

If you can bring disaster to the actual people responsible I say "Power to Seperis! Power to Amireal! All hail the new overlords! ;)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Seriously? Just reading this book makes me wonder why things don't fall apart a hell of a lot more.

My husband works for a bank that was recently snagged by the Fed. Due to a lawsuit agaist the bank by some stockholders, our 401k (which contains no bank stock)is in limbo. Indefinitely. We can't touch it, it isn't making any money...and no one will give us a date when we will have it back.

Oh my God. I'm so sorry! That's--indecent. Just--no. Argh, I'm so sorry.

[tricksterquinn.livejournal.com]

I have just spammed this and your entire Adventures in Gambling series at the boy, because I do not know what his response will be and that seems hilarious. Thought you might like to know. ;)

Also, we should make a date to huddle together in hatred of the world soon. Because why not. And cuz I miss you. (though how we'll do that may be difficult due to my magical SECOND broken laptop power cord - this one lasted a whole week. Sigh.)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

This weekend? *hopeful*

I have just spammed this and your entire Adventures in Gambling series at the boy, because I do not know what his response will be and that seems hilarious. Thought you might like to know. ;)

Liveblog his mockery, plz? *g*

[tricksterquinn.livejournal.com]

Ooh, hopefully. I'll ask the boy if I can borrow his laptop for purposes thereof. :) Maybe while he's at the Magic pre-release and therefore unavailable anyway.

Oh man, I better hear ALL about it or I'm gonna be so disappointed! :D :D :D

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

You know. I go to college recruiting fairs. You know who the financial sector recruits? Humanities and Social Science majors with high GPAs and business majors. So, basically, people who are likely to end up hating their jobs because they'd rather be writing or looking at artwork in Europe, and people who spent most of their college careers drowning their brain cells rather than developing critical thinking skills (business majors tend to party. A lot).

And a few very smart and insightful statisticians that never become very powerful because they're not taught to "lead" the way business majors are.

That about sums it up from an academic standpoint.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

That makes a weird sort of sense. A sad, weird sort of sense.

[shrewreader.livejournal.com]

Srsly? You'd never make it, you're too risk averse. 'No, you -NO- can haz those cheezburgerz! You'll have a heart attack and crash Long Term Capital Management!!!'

Which -- when it crashed? 11 years ago? ALSO because of derivative instruments (like credit default swaps?) had 1.23 -trillion- dollars in liabilities on its books. (assets, about $300 bn)

And that was the -second- time in the last 20 years.

First? Mexico, 1992-1994. That one brought down the PRI. And most of Latin America.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Srsly? You'd never make it, you're too risk averse. 'No, you -NO- can haz those cheezburgerz! You'll have a heart attack and crash Long Term Capital Management!!!'

*FALLS OVER* I JUST READ ABOUT HOW BEAR STEARNS REFUSED TO HELP WITH THE BAILOUT.

I'm totes risk adverse. STEP OFF FROM THOSE TOXIC MORTGAGES!

[shrewreader.livejournal.com]

Meant to conclude with Peter, Paul & Mary: "when will we ever learn?"

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

It's interesting. They had the woman in charge of TARP oversight on Jon Stewart a few months ago. She made a lot of sense. After 1929, a crapload of governmental oversight was put into place to prevent things like mortgage trading (a separation of lending and investment institutions, for example, which was recently rolled back). Every time the oversight gets rolled back, there's a cycle of boom and bust. The Savings and Loan crisis in the early 90s was preceded by the passage of the Depository Institutions Deregulation and Monetary Control Act and the Garn-St. Germain Depository Institutions Act. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savings_and_loan_crisis#Imprudent_real_estate_lending).

The point she made was that governmental oversight is vital to long term investment security. Without it, you have cycles of boom and bust, and good luck pulling out of the market at the right time.

[shrewreader.livejournal.com]

Yes: and if we weren't so damn fast to dismiss Lord Keynes as 'silly' and 'market restricting' we'd have -avoided these.-

Stupid Chicago school. Bloody Friedman.

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

Regulation is definitely not more expensive:

http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/visualizations/the-billion-dollar-gram/

[lurkerlynne.livejournal.com]

Funnily enough, I was listening to someone on the radio t'other day saying that companies with females at the top (especially CEOs) are the ones that do best, as in the only company in France last year to make a profit had a female in charge.

We are, apparently, better at cooperating and are by and large risk averse for either good or bad. There's something like a 44% increase in profit when there's womenz in charge.

HA! Take that, menfolk!

Also, I support the two of you taking over Wall Street, since the pile drive into the ground will be completely deliberate and not the result of "I want MONIES!".