if wishes were horses, i'd just need one horse.

I need to...vent. But I have a feeling that if I start now, it won't stop until the end of time and creation. And yet.



1.) A new job opened in my unit. It's a promotion. I have seniority and experience and I should definitely be in the running if not get it altogether and I know I won't be. And yet I will still humiliate myself by applying. Because that's fun for me.

2.) For the next big build, I was only assigned two program modifications to plan and am assisting on another one in planning. I have a few less tests. One of the mods is tiny. The second mod I'm planning and the one I'm assisting on are the same thing and massively huge. But I don't know if the size justifies the fewer tests or if they're like, cutting my workload which only sounds nice until you realize it's because they think you're incompetent. Which--I have no idea. I mean, I can't tell. The alchemy of the assignment list is a mystery to me.

3.) At some point, I lost patience with paranoid girlfriends and paranoid boyfriends and paranoid SOs. I am not interested in your boyfriend, brother, sister, or SO; tbh, I cannot remember their names. I just like to talk to them on break. I am not a supermodel and honest to God, I barely qualify as not a visual atrocity most days. What. The. Fuck?

Seriously, my life is a fucking flashback to not being picked for kickball every goddamn day. It's like being a metaphorical leper. And it's not like I am famous for having rock-solid self-esteem or like, confidence, so fuck everything.

4. - 6.) Family (not Child; Child continues to be awesome and evil)

You know, vacation may not be a good thing for me; I come back in a fantastic mood, refreshed and ready to go and then...this. I suspect--just a bit--that I kind of fail at life. This is not, I think, a new thing.



If you were wondering why I am posting less? Yeah. This is why.

Comments

[nagasvoice]

Good luck on the promotion, interviews etc.
And the workload thing always worries folks where I am, too--does that mean they're going to move me somewhere else? Are they cutting back on positions? Are you going to loan me out to somebody else doing gawd-only-knows what?
Or are you so efficient you've worked yourself out of things to do and tey're scrambling to give you something more to do??
Yeah, been through all that, without me realizing what was coming down the pike at all. But then, dummy me, I have my head down at that grindstone most of the time, I'm not keeping up with local gossip anywhere near well enough.

[everbright]

The world, it is made of suck.

*hug*

(Being jealous of third parties (you) is ridiculous. Go be mad at your SO!)

[scy]

*hugs you*


Tell me again why we didn't become sheep farmers?

[cplberen]

Okay, so the plan was to offer up a distraction/smile. I was going to point you at a couple of surefire guaranteed-to-make-you-smile-under-any-circumstances stories, the ones I always dig out when life just will not get out of the crapper. They are... Job Orientation and Tale of the Sea Serpent.

Of course my sister pointed out that You. Wrote. Them. *sigh*

So, I offer up my surefire fallback smile: the podfic of Fireball, by shaenie (who is not you), because there is nothing not fun about this story. http://audiofic.jinjurly.com/fireball-audiobook

Hoping that it at least provides a brief period of blissful mcshep au distraction.

[out_there]

*hugs*

And if it helps, you sound very overworked so hopefully the cutting back workload is just them eventually figuring out that constantly-overworked isn't a good way to manage staff.

[lastscorpion]

There, there. Good luck with everything!

[vito_excalibur]

Oh god, work politics. They are the WORST.

Do you have any allies you could check in with for confirmation or denial about your suspicions of evil?

[concinnity]

Dear Seperis. You are awesome. We know it. You know it. If the work peeps don't know it, fuck them. Time for new job searching? Hugs and hugs, C.

[colourful]

I can only stress that!

[alwayswondered]

So, hey, I only subscribe to your journal and read your public posts so it's not like I know you. But I still think you're cool, and I'm sorry you're feeling crap.

Good luck with the promotion application. I hope things get better for you.

[artisan447]

So. I'm another who you won't even know, but I also think you're cool and miss your posts when they're not here. :)

(and in a weird kind of way I think anyone who is actually a real person pretty much fails at life almost all of the time, so that means you're actually doing it right *hugs*)

[fyrdrakken]

I would say, apply for the promotion, yes, but also do a bit of jobhunting on the side. See what your options are. Have a fallback position. That kind of thing.

[daria234.livejournal.com]

Hugs.

Here's to less stress and more fun

[sffan.livejournal.com]

Ugh. Just, ugh. I'm sorry.

duuuuuude.

[honoria.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[gem225.livejournal.com]

You deserve that job, and I hope that somehow you end up getting it.

Family. OMFG. Yeah. They can really do it to you. So sorry.

*big big hugs*

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

Do they think you incompetent or just because you aren't an ass kisser?
Sorry work isn't better. :(

[kernezelda]

From what you talk about here, there is no way on this green earth that you can be called or even considered incompetent. Screw 'em! You are awesome!

[hollyxu.livejournal.com]

I hope you get the job!! I'm so sorry work is sucking right now, hopefully it will get better.

*hugs*

[jamesinboots.livejournal.com]

Fuck everything, indeed. I feel kind of the same way regarding vacation - coming back to reality is such a letdown after feeling great and refreshed. :-/

*hug hug*

[shinetheway.livejournal.com]

[hugs you so tightly]

And for the record? I think you're a supermodel. :)

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

Hugs hugs hugs many many hugs.

[taraljc.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight*

[jacquez.livejournal.com]

I feel like there ought to be some kind of HULK SMASH twitter stream for messy lives, like Feminist Hulk, but instead, like COWORKER HULK.

P/A BITCHERY OVER TOP OF CUBICLE? NOT COOL. HULK SMASH!!

[lillian13.livejournal.com]

If taking an evening out away from family and work will help, let me know!

[thearchpoet.livejournal.com]

*waves*

So uh, I don't know exactly what you do programming wise but I work with a lot of tech start ups and they are constantly on the hunt for talent. If they aren't realizing how talented you are at work go take a look around because I bet there are people out there who will. (People paying top dollar.)

[suzvoy.livejournal.com]

*cuddles you*

[lurkerlynne.livejournal.com]

I have homemade Irish Creme and look! an extra jug. ::hands over::

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

You know, this is awful, this is SUCK but in a strange way, it also made me feel a bit comforted because I get this shit at work, too; have been getting it for 15 years, bleurgh, see unqualified morons promoted to insane positions specially created for them and watch them fuck up entire departments; inadvertently find out that people who are junior and hired 1 year ago earn much more than I do and generally note a glass ceiling for women operate everywhere. Meh.

I keep telling myself: I'm employed! That's the bottom line!

:-

[lebannen.livejournal.com]

Hey! I got promoted to a position created especially for me!

... and by giving me more days work in my contract, they put me on a lower daily rate than not just my (senior-but-sort-of-equal) collegues, but also the guys I was supervising. Fun, huh?