because summaries amuse me

Have you ever noticed, when someone is trying to describe a fanfic story they read and want to find again, that it usually sounds absolutely ridiculous? Every time someone says "I'm looking for this fic where blah blah blah happens", I wince, because even if your name is Debchan, Pru, or Te, the story still sounds freaking bizarre when described.

Anytime you try to distill something down to below twenty words, something's gotta give, but I've noticed it gets worse when it just keeps *going*. And you read the summary and think, oh God, that sucks, who would *write* that and then, like, an hour later, someone says "Ah, it's X's story Classic Fic #1" and you pretty much just choke.

Someitmes, you get as far as the hemlock when you realize, Christ, that's *your* story.

So. Test your SV knowledge. See if you recognize these fics. See if you recognize *your* fic.

Disclaimer: We like these stories. We love these stories. We *rec* these stories. We might have even written these stories. We chose them pretty randomly. It scares me I actually have to write this, but there we go.

seperis, rageprufrock, and cjandre collaborated in the atrocity. It was fun.

1. The story where Clark and Lex glow whenever they have orgasms, but only if Clark's knees are tickled.



2. So, like, after the season finale? Clark is all, OMG RED METEOR ROCK -- what do you mean it's call Kryptonite? U R SOU KRAZEEE -- and Lex is all DROWN. But then like, NOTHING happens for like sixteen bajillion pages and Clark gets back home and is all DOOM and Lex is all STILL DROWNED. And then nothing happens.



3. It's the first season and Clark and Lex play a really weird drinking game and then have sex with, like, no lube. Or really *little* lube. And then sort of angst, but not really.



4. The one with the Greek myths and the meteor shower in the garden



5. So like, in teh future Lex is all OMG I'm the PRESIDENT after he went all homeland security code red when the aliens hit. And like, he and Clark are all NOT A THING anymore cause Clark was like SKI TRIP LOBOTOMY HAHA and then Lex was like SHIT WOMAN -- DUMPS YOUR ASS. But then Superman is all OMG OVAL OFFICE BLOWJOBS. WE R SOU MONICA!!1! and Lex is all DAMN and they are like OMG BACK TOGETHER MFEO.



6. Clark, like, watches Lex sleep, and people die when he does, and it's really, really creepy.



7. There's like, two Lexes, and both of them like Clark but only one of them is real and they call the ship Bessie and stuff, and it's soooo cool.



8. Okay, so Clark's on meteor rock and he and Lex have like, lots of sex, and it's really rough, and Lex is okay with that except he's not, and he's kind of all banged up, and Martha's really, really nice to him afterward and stuff.



9. Clark woke up and didn't want to be gay AND an alien, and it broke him.



10. Clark has to get fucked or he is in serious pain.



11. The one where Clark has to raises his egg all by himself.



12. The one where Lex goes completely crazy and wears this kryptonite bracelet that controls Clark and is all nice to Lionel and stuff and then decides that being crazy is okay. I think.



13. OK, so Clark's like OLD now. And he's like, losing his powers and stuff and then ALL OMG CAR CRASH. But then Lex is like OMG BOYFRIEND R U ALRIGHT OMG??!1! And Clark is like WTF but there's this girl and a biting fish and some baseball and stuff. Then they have sex. and OMG CLARK CALLS HIS MOM FROM BED HAHA WHAT A DORK!!1!



14. Lionel dies, Lex gets really pissy, and Clark has to babysit him.



15. Lex totally disappears and Clark finds him living in a village. They talk alot. Also? Lex is dying. And they have sex.



16. Clark and Lex get in a car. And have sex. A lot. Oh, and sleep. But mostly have sex. AND OMG THERE IS A BOUNCY ROOM THING AT A FAIR! And then an ocean, AND MORE SEX.



17. OMG SO THERE'S WEED -- and then Clark and Lex have SEX. A LOT. ON A FLOOR. And then ON A COUCH. And BUY PEANUT BUTTER. And then HAVE SEX. And then HAVE MORE SEX.



18. Okay, they have a car accident and then there are these killer cows, then Clark and Lex have sex. And then get weird. And then they talk. And make out a little.



19. OK, so there was this chick who wrote this fic, right? And it's all about Clark and Lex being all *BUTTSEX* in the future. But then Clark's all OMG IM NOT GONNA DIE (whiny bitch) and then he's all OMG *RUINS LEX'S LIFE* And then all of fandom was like *KILL* and then like *SLIT WRISTS*



20. The one with the cherries and then Lex tries to drown himself and Clark totally saves him.



21. Lex kills everyone Clark knows because he's all gripey that Clark won't date him. And they have sex.



22. Clark finally loses it as superman and lets Lex do all his thinking and fucking for him



23. OMG so this one is written all old timey and Clarks all I'll DETECT UR ASS BABY and Lex is like SOMEONE IS EATING MY MEAT only like, not like that. And Clark is all WELL I'LL ROAST YOUR BEEF and Lex is like DOOD.



24. Lex and Clark get trapped in a car and it's like, snowing and stuff and then Clark says, body heat! And then they have kind-of sex.



25. Clark decides to act like a teeage girl with a mojor crush in order to get Lex's attention. It works.



26. So Lex is all OMG CASSANDRA'S BRAIN IS LIKE CRACK and goes all SHOOTS UP. But then he's like WHACKO FUCKJOB and Clark is all WOAH and the Kents are all WOAH and Lex is all WHACKO and then Clark is like LEMME SHOVE MY TONGUE DOWN YOUR THROAT MKAY and Lex is like NO DOOM BWAH and then Clark is all MUAH and then WOAH THEY SAVE THE WORLD.



27. Clark is such a slut he gives up his powers as a penance.



28. The story where you learn like 50 different words for Penis.



29. Lex meets his future self and the future self dresses *really* well and says, don't be bad in the future! And he says okay. And he's not.



30. So Clark starts like, sleepwalking, right OR LIKE OMG NO -- he's all sleepFLY coz he's LIKE CLARK AND OMG TW IS SOOOU HOT and RIGHT INTO LEX's BED OMG. AHAHA.

Comments

[aerye.livejournal.com]

Y'all are evil. Just saying.

I think this one is my favorite.

The one where Lex goes completely crazy and wears this kryptonite bracelet that controls Clark and is all nice to Lionel and stuff and then decides that being crazy is okay. I think.

It's that "I think" that really does the trick.

[j-bluestocking.livejournal.com]

I know. I laughed my ass off when I read that.

[juno.livejournal.com]

I only recognize about 3 of these, but I will bet that I have read all of them. And liked them. No, I could not tell you the names of any of them - I am like that. If I wrote them, I would not be able to tell you the names (I am pretty sure that I have not written any of them, mostly because I have never written fic of any kind) Right now I am losing my mind because I have saved a fic - on my hd - and want to reread it and the only thing that I can remember about it is that Clark asks Lex to wear a dress. One line is all I remember.

[svmadelyn.livejournal.com]

I've read all of these stories. I like that I can recognize most from these descriptions. They're quite concise, really.

17 is kind of familiar.

And it's really hard to tell which descriptions are Pru's. *grins*

[rageprufrock.livejournal.com]

You suck and I hate you.

[mz-bstone.livejournal.com]

hmm

Some of these might fit more than one story. Two could, possibly, be applied to ones I've written, but then again, they could apply to others.

Number 7? Heh. I KNOW that one. Eager for the next bit. Others? I'd have to search for titles.

y'all are crazy, but in a nice way.


B

[j-bluestocking.livejournal.com]

SKI TRIP LOBOTOMY is a great name for a band.

I'm amazed at how many of these I recognize, as through a glass, darkly.

[rivkat.livejournal.com]

I feel proud to have inspired such a stroke of genius. I'll have to figure out how to work the band "Ski Trip Lobotomy" into a story.

[cleverpoison.livejournal.com]

Heh. So I recognize a few of these but can't remember the titles, except for #16, which is "Sleep While I Drive" by, uh, you. =P And #24 is "Let It Snow" by Debchan, and I really love that story. Heh.

[juteux.livejournal.com]

I've never read a SV fic in my life but now I REALLY WANT TO!!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

This is how we get people into the fandom. Right here. *eg*

[kallipoe.livejournal.com]

3. Kid's Game by Te. God, I love that story.

Fun!

7. The Identical 'Verse by Lanning Cook

8. Incarnadine by RivkaT

13. Interstitial by Punk Manuverability

16. Sleep While I Drive by Jenn

20. Apocrypha by Thamaris

There are a couple I recognize but can't remember the names of.

Like, I think...

[morudai.livejournal.com]

I know what #1 is. I got that one right off.

#11 sounds familiar, but I'm probably not thinking of, like, the right one.

*cracks knuckles* Bring it on, baby.

[nifra-idril.livejournal.com]

1. What You Want by The Spike
2. Pru, you've been eating sugar. I can tell.
3. Kid's Game by Te
4. Your mom.
5. I...it's either Incardine or Ruet Caelum by RivkaT. It's by RivkaT and I love it. But I forget the name.
6. Damascenes by Te
7. The Identical Series by Lanning
8. I know I've read it but hell if I know what it's called or who it's by. I'm filing it under your mom again.
9. I dunno, but it's a whole category unto itself.
10. Along Came a Spider by Thamiris
11. Friends and Family by Henry Jones Jr.
12. Mercy by Koi
13. Interstitial by Punk
14. by Te
15. I think it's by Sarah T. but I wouldn't testify to it in court.
16. Sleep While I Drive by YOU, and oh we loves you, precious. Yes, we does.
17. This, Too by you and my other favorite crack monkey, Ms. Pru.
18. Your mom.
19. Pru. Step. Away. From. The. Sugar.
20. Apocrypha by Thamiris
21. It's by Shallot. I know it's by Shallot. I think it's called Waiting For Yes?
22. I...dunno.
23. White Lightenin' by Rosesmove
24. Ice by Merry Lyne
25. ....Orbiting Series by Rhiannon?
26. The Butterfly Effect by The Spike
27. Opposites and Choices series by Wendi
28. The gods have yet to reveal the answer to this one.
29. Prophet of Eden by Destina
30. Crack, Pru. That's what your on. Lots and lots of crack.

Re: *cracks knuckles* Bring it on, baby.

[rageprufrock.livejournal.com]

I hate you almost as much as I hate Jenn, who SERIOUSLY TRICKED ME INTO DOING THIS. She was all, "Pru. Write fic summaries. As a TEENY BOPPER." So I was like, "Um. OK." And I did and --

...Shit. God I just proved a point no one had even MADE yet.

If you'll excuse me, I'll be weeping for my chances of ever being published. KTHX BUY!1!1!!

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

Are we allowed to actually, like, guess in the comments here? Or is that, like, not done?

Numbers 1, 2, 5, 7, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 19, 20, 24, 25, 26, 27, 30 are some of my favorite stories, after all.

[cjandre.livejournal.com]

Guess! Guess!

[alethialia.livejournal.com]

Funniest. Thing. Ever.

::adds to Memories:: In fact, this one gets a section to itself because it's just that hilarious.

All wonderful stories, too.

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

...What worries me is that more detailed explanations, and in fact, the fics themselves?

Rarely do the fics sound less ridiculous than these summaries.


It's days like this that make me wish I had a Smallpets icon.

[destina.livejournal.com]

Ah-hahahaha!! I recognize several. Including mine. *g*

[serrico.livejournal.com]

Oh, dude. Duuuuude. Summaries, yes. And the fun thing is--if I'm remembering the ones I recognize correctly--there's very little mislead in these potted recaps.

Which just makes them funnier.

My favourite summary is #9, just because. It's so *concise*.

[morudai.livejournal.com]

I'm sure that #1 is CJ's "Golden".

But I think #9 is one of hers too. Hmm.

Hey, like, at least there isn't one about Clark having like 2 penises and OMG going totally freaked about it.

[cjandre.livejournal.com]

hee! yes yes there is - but I didn't include that one - even though i thought of it - because it is too easy to figure out! I't not like anyone who's read it is going to forget it! LOL

because you wanted me to play

[barely-bean.livejournal.com]

Ok, Jenn, this is as good as I could do without actually going back and finding things. Now I go to bed.

1) Golden

2)Burn? Pru, hunny, where the hell do you have this archived?

3) Kid's Game

4) The Perseids

5) Presence of Fire

8) Incardine

13) Interstitial

14) Wasteland (that's a great concise summary btw *g*)

16) Sleep While I drive

18) The Road Home

19)Immortality

20) Acrophya (as I spell that incorrectly)

21) Waiting for Yes


23) Metropolis Confidential

24)Ice

26)The Butterfly Effect

29)Prophet of Eden

30) Freud

[jaymalea]

I'm late to the party, and nifra idril already guessed most of the stories that I know, but I'm pretty sure #18 is Karma Demands by Shrift.

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

Hee. This is fun. And how about that one where Clark compares things to pastries and he's a zucchini pie but it's not phallic much?

1. Golden
3. Kid's Game, by Te? There's drinking, but I didn't pay attention to the lube.
7. The Identical series, by Lanning Cook
10. Sadly, I can't narrow this down. The Krypton-Farr I think has appeared in multiple stories.
13. Interstitial
14. Closer, by Te
15. Yep. Read this. There were citrus trees and it was in Morocco. Older story. Can't remember the title.
16. Sleep while I drive, Jenn
17. OMG PRU, it must be "This Too".
24. I just re-read this story the other day and I still can't remember the title.
Okay. I looked. It's Ice, Meredith Lynne
26. The Butterfly effect?
28. Last Buns of Krypton
29. And there's a particle accelerator and sex, but not at the same time, and Lex in the future talks about fucking Clark.

Heh. I could probably get a few more, but these come to mind immediately.

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

I know fifteen was by Sarah T. I just can't remember the name.

[kaia-mariacle.livejournal.com]

Wait, wait.

What about the one where Clark is like, so jealous, because Lex is gettin' busy with some female? Oh, and then they have hot, sweaty, man-luurve?

Er, man, do I make a sucky teeny-bopper. Is it because I don't emphasize my words enough? Or my complete lack of exclamation?!

*ponders*

Still, thanks for the laugh.

[jaymalea]

Well, you know. I was wrong. Shrift's was the one with the green chicken and the car, not the killer cows. My bad.

[merryish.livejournal.com]

Hee! I love this game. =)

[thamiris.livejournal.com]

Bwhahahaha! Too much funny. Hurts.

And I want to post this on ClarkLex if only to stop the virus that is people asking for stories. *g*

[ladysorka]

Hmm, okay, let's give this a shot. Was even a good girl and didn't look at comments. *g*

1. Golden. I think it was called Golden. Don't remember who it was by, though...

6. I completely remember this one. Just... not the title or who it's by. Er...

7. The Identical Series, by Lanning

13. Interstial, by Punk

15. I think it took place in a desert...

16. Sleep While I Drive, by you

18. Karma Demands, by Shrift? Maybe? That one had the giant chicken, but I think it also had the killer cows. But there was a second story that also involved a car accident and possibly cows, which I'm not thinking of. The author's name started with an 'M'. I think.

24. There are two snowed-in stories, and I always get them confused. It's one of them.

26. The Butterfly Effect

27. ...Wendi's series? Whose title is completely escaping me.

29. Prophet of Eden

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

18. Don't forget about the squished oreos. The oreos are very important.