the necronomicon should not be a style guide

For those souls that do not have svmadelyn friended, you may not know about, wait, let me quote:

Through the magic of the internets, we can track any kind of pandemic and watch doom crawl slowly toward us!

With you know, the Death Map of Death Disease of Death With Added Google Alerts!, which is apparently how we can indeed watch our deaths approach slowly. Like that book? About how a nuclear war happened and people on this island are watching the fallout approach, slowly? And it's like, the entire book is watching it coming and possibly people having death-affirming sex. Pearl? Stupid Depressing Fucking Book of Inevitable Misery? That title seems too long, but I'm pretty sure it's more accurate than the original.

I never read that one, but my parents had that one and Exorcist near their beds along with Outbreak, so it's not like I didn't know from an early age that in some way, there would be an apocalypse like a cafeteria choose-your-own-main-dish-of-death. It's soothing. As inevitable things are.

Here's the thing--swine flu. I'm sorry, on my death certificate will not be swine flu. Assuming we have those and aren't simply living in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome-style structures and burning our dead outside the settlement while praying to the Elder Gods for succor. That part actually worries me--right, no religion is perfect, but I've had nights I've seriously worried post-apocalypse that worship of Cthulhu could rise and have you seen their pantheon? I don't think it's a good idea to bring the Elder Gods into this. Their communions aren't symbolic. And Cthulhu has skin care problems.

This stuff keeps me up at night, people. Promise no human sacrifices to the Elder Gods. Especially not of my swine-flu-infested corpse. Though it would serve you all right if you did and got swine flu and died. So really, that's punishment enough.

....I've read a lot of HP this weekend.

Comments

On the Beach by Nevil Shute

[gem225]

That is the book of which you speak. I HATE THAT BOOK. My babysitter read it and I looked at it too AND IT'S IN MY HEAD FOREVER NOW. *shiver* And then I watched the movie because it had Anthony Perkins (who looks like the guy in my icon, yes he does!) and Fred Astaire in it! Am I deranged or something?

I know that I will die. I get that. But I don't want to die of swine flu. There, I have said it. It is done.

It's possible that I should not be posting on the Internets right now. *sigh*

*hugs*

Re: On the Beach by Nevil Shute

[damned_colonial]

You know, I rather liked the book. I read it at YA age, around when I was reading "Z for Zachariah" and all those other Cold War post-apocalyptic dystopia stories, and it rather worked for me. Plus, where they go sailing, down round Frankston, has family connections for me.

I can think of worse ways to spend the end of the world than sailing on Port Philip Bay. Though possibly not with swine flu.

Re: On the Beach by Nevil Shute

[seperis]

*sends hugs* That book is--eww. No.

[damned_colonial]

I believe the book you are referring to is Nevil Shute's "On the Beach", set in my hometown (Melbourne, Australia). The film version starred Fred Astaire and Ava Gardner, who notoriously made the comment (while filming on location) that they'd come to the right place to film a movie about the end of the world. The movie also involves terrifying mis-use of the song "Waltzing Matilda". NOT SEXY, is all I'm saying.

[seperis]

...Waltzing Matilda? Oh dear God.

[mrshamill]

I swear on little gods and fishes you are the ONLY person who could make me laugh at apocalypse. Which is probably a good thing. I mean, I got chewed out at Temple today for admitting I hate (and I do, I really, REALLY HATE) those fucking carpenter bees (hey, even Buddha had his moments of weakness, you know he did) so laughing at apocalypse? Sounds good to me.

Considering I work at a medical office that caters to really old people, I don't doubt I'm on the... well, not front line, but not too far off it either... I'll just be over here, contemplating my mountain climbing trip in Antarctica.

[seperis]

My end of the world party will be so seriously awesome. I'm going to find every single drug they warned us about and try them all. Except acid and PCP, because life will already be a hallucination, really. But yes. All of them. AND MAKE NEW ONES. Child has a chemistry set and I will have motivation.

There will also be beer and wine coolers.

[ratcreature]

...o_O!

You know, as far as pandemics go I'll still take the flu (even a bad one that comes with lots of pneumonia complications and more deaths than the usual flu strains) over one of those scary diseases that have you bleeding from everywhere and kill 30% or more. And not even that kind of disease managed to wipe out civilization when Europe had people dropping like flies with appalling regularity back in the Middle Ages, when they first got the plagues and nobody had any resistance. Granted, that's still not exactly reassuring on a personal level, and back then they had this understandable fascination with the apocalypse and such, thought it was the end times and it led to upheaval and long term changes and what not that the population was reduced so much, but I don't think there were human sacrifices. Well, unless you count progroms because they wanted to blame someone for bringing the plague to them and needed a scapegoat, I guess. :/

But I don't think Cthulhu worship lies in the near future.

[seperis]

So you say now. But then we're all living outside Thunderdome and praying for Cthulhu to smite our enemies, so you really can see why I have to start now heading this kind of disasterous religious choice off at the pass.

[swordage]

I want to laugh whenever anyone starts panicking about this swine flu. I've been into bird flu for a looong time now, and it's so much scarier. Anyway, things you should know:

The US death rate for this swine flu is 0%. The Mexican death rate MAY be .07%.

These "new" cases are from 2-4 weeks ago. It's over. Swine flu already happened. I'm pretty sure I had it. It wasn't that bad.

The CDC is conservatively encouraging people to wash their hands and if they get sick maybe they should see a doctor. So uh. That's what they always say. About everything. It's not a big deal.

The media panic is deliberately taking statements like "this has the potential to be pandemic" and ignoring the second half of the sentence that says "because any human-transmissible disease technically has the potential to be pandemic."

If you're still freaking, feel free to ask and I will soothe as best I know how. Of course I'm still convinced this is the forerunner to our death by bird flu, but I delight in that idea, so uh. I can be soothing about swine flu, at least! :D

[sami]

WHAT

SEE A DOCTOR IF SICK

WASH YOUR HANDS

WHAT IS THIS SCAREMONGERING

WHY NOT JUST ISSUE HAZMAT SUITS IF THAT'S GOING TO BE THEIR ATTITUDE

scuse me, I need to get out my guns so I can shoot any pigs or flu viruses that head my way

THAT'S RIGHT VIRII

TAKE A HOLLOWPOINT RIGHT IN THE NUCLEIC ACID AND SEE IF YOU STILL FEEL INFECTIOUS AFTER THAT

[digitalwave]

I think that I read On the Beach at about the same time I read Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank when I was a young teen. I must have been going through a particularly apocalyptic phase right then.

Of course, it was about then that we lost my older brother in Vietnam so that probably explains it. He was a Huey copter pilot and was killed on a mission in Laos when we weren't even supposed to be there.

That's way too much TMI, huh? I probably shouldn't be commenting so late at night.

*hugs*

[chrissie-m.livejournal.com]

"And it's like, the entire book is watching it coming and possibly people having death-affirming sex. Pearl? Stupid Depressing Fucking Book of Inevitable Misery? That title seems too long, but I'm pretty sure it's more accurate than the original."

On the Beach? by Shute? I read that as an impressionable pre-teen.

I, also, pledge not to die of swine flu. Unless, of course, TPTB change its name to something more, I dunno, graceful? Impressive?

[seperis.livejournal.com]

On the Beach? by Shute? I read that as an impressionable pre-teen.

I just read the back cover and was traumatized for life.

I, also, pledge not to die of swine flu. Unless, of course, TPTB change its name to something more, I dunno, graceful? Impressive?

Less pork-related, yes, that would be good.

[dissident.livejournal.com]

These kids at a high school less than 5 miles away from me were diagnosed with the swine flu. Ugh.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*winces* I've eben reading up about it. It's freaking me out a bit.

[miss-porcupine.livejournal.com]

Heh. I pretty much get to look out the window. (Want to get personal space fast? Start sneezing in the paper goods aisle at the supermarket across the street from ground zero...)

Personally, I'm not panicking until I see dudes in hazmat suits at my front door. But I look forward to freaking out my co-workers tomorrow.

(I went to Toronto during the SARS scare. Got a cold from the airplane. Told everyone it was SARS. Was believed.)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

(I went to Toronto during the SARS scare. Got a cold from the airplane. Told everyone it was SARS. Was believed.)

*falls over and dies laughing*

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

That sounds like "On the Beach", a depressing book and an even worse movie.

I'm not worried about the swine flu. Global warming, though - that scares me!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

This. That book. WHY WOULD SOMEONE WRITE THAT?

[trobadora]

Stupid Depressing Fucking Book of Inevitable Misery?

DO NOT WANT OMG.

I never read it - hearing about it was depressing enough! :(

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I KNOW. ALL I READ WAS THE BACK COVER.

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

It is so obvious why you and madelyn are friends.

And really? That's all I have to say, I think! *g*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

We do get along well. *thoughtful*

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

Everytime I hear of a new worldwide problem, I hear R.E.M's "It's The End Of The World As We Know It" running on my mental jukebox and I have to hum along. This week seems to have it on endless loop. And I am with you on the issue of swine flu. Really. Can't the PTB's find a better name?

~L

[shinetheway.livejournal.com]

Leonard Bernstein!

SIV sounds a little better I suppose.

[prettybird.livejournal.com]

That map is the last thing I need.

Oh look, there's been 8 cases down in Brooklyn Heights...and I have to go down near there tomorrow to pick up kittens.

*twitches*

Re: SIV sounds a little better I suppose.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Isn't it comforting we can watch death coming? It's like being trapped in Friday the Thirteenth forever.

[cpt-untouchable.livejournal.com]

Thank you, so much, for my first gigantor belly laugh of the day. ♥ Still giggling.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*bows* I am glad I brought happiness to the apocalypse.

[bluemeridian]

I vote the Apocalypse waits until after I've got at least some of this year's garden harvest in and canned, in which case I'll feel reasonably prepared. Although we are going to have to steal a couple of horses from somewhere... *mentally tallies up horses within a few square miles*

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

You do that too? There is this huge hay barn like place about 5 miles up the road from me. It is very comforting.

~L

[tricksterquinn.livejournal.com]

I have nothing to say on account of no brain, but I'm going to sit back over here and grin my face off watching you.

Because the show is awesome.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Admit it, you are just waiting for my spectacular break from reality.

[cat-77.livejournal.com]

I know it's heartless, but I keep seeing all the updates and can't help thinking, "I've seen this one!" It's like a bad sci-fi thriller where the moral of the story is something like man's hubris shall be taken down by that which they think of as the lowest animal (which I would think would be a rat, or possibly squirrel). This is of course, preferable to the ones where the moral of the story is something like eat your beets because, really, what if you don't like beets?

Er, long night. Suffice it to say, our family is boning up on the proper ways to sacrifice to The Old Ones as I type.

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

I see pork futures dropping on monday.

Remember this: In the short story "To Serve Man"? The original aliens had porcine features.

Culling the herd, I tell you.

[thearchpoet.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. This is like the 5th entry I've seen in 3 days about how dying of Swine Flu would be more humiliating and evil than like, just dying. And it's still making me laugh so so hard.