webbing and thinking

Redid my website a little. Again. Because it's not done from the *last* two times I did this. And for some reason, I thought orange was the color to go with.

http://seperis.illuminatedtext.com

Has *nothing* to do with watching season three this week while Child was sick. None.

Anyway, if you wander through, and see any problems, email me and I'll fix.

I've learned many interesting things from watching, and perhaps obsessively rewinding and fast forwarding, some disturbing, some not.

1.) Hunter is not exactly hot, but he is cute. Cute, cute, cute. And fun. And I like him, dammit. A lot.

2.) Like Brian before him, fatherhood softens The Michael's wrath toward Hunter, and it's so cute it hurts. I'm sure this is some kind of lesson, but I'm not sure what it is.

3.) Ted has moments where he is pretty cute. None of them happen when he's having sex. I mean, seriously, none. Not even one.

Those were the big ones. I watched the pilot again directly after ep fourteen and mulled the fact that Then!Brian would think Now!Brian is on a really, really, *really* bad trip. And now I wonder if Then!Brian saw his future up to that ep, if he'd still be tempted by pretty virgin blond twink ass.

It's a *really* weird thought. Completely foreign, even, since I don't usually think that way, but I tried to list out all the ways that Justin's been good for him/to him, balancing out, oh, the trauma of the prom and the guilt and all the annoyances and Justin's dad trying to kill him a few times and Ethan and then getting fired and all the ways he notices his own emotional issues, and you know. Hmm. I'm not sure Now!Brian would make the same decision either, for that matter. Neither Then!Brian or Now!Brian have seen much of the good parts of falling in love--Brian, and Justin to a lesser extent, got all the worst of it, and Brian isn't exactly a cheerleader of love anyway. They might have different reasons for deciding it isn't worth it, but I tend to think that they'd both walk away if they had the chance.

Comments

[jaymalea]

Yes,but now that they've gotten all the bad stuff out of the way, they can experience the truly wonderful power of love.

LaLaLa

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*grins* You are *such* a romantic!

*giggles*

[ranalore.livejournal.com]

Except Now!Brian has had the chance to walk away. He still has it. Hell, he and Justin both did walk away, for all Justin was the only one to leave the room. And what they found was the crap that comes without love is worse than the crap that comes with it. Which isn't exactly a happy thought, but which is about as happy as our boys and girls can ever get. Like the man says, "love is annihilation."

Then!Brian, I am convinced, had a subliminal plan to be dead before he turned thirty. Justin changed that, and Gus changed that, and yeah, Now!Brian's life would probably freak him out a bit. Then again, he chose it, which would seem to indicate he was looking for a reason to abort the subliminal plan.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Except Now!Brian has had the chance to walk away. He still has it. Hell, he and Justin both did walk away, for all Justin was the only one to leave the room. And what they found was the crap that comes without love is worse than the crap that comes with it.

I'm still mulling my reasoning. josselin said the bashing alone would be enough to make both Brian's say no, but all else equal, she wasn't sure, so I'm hmming that, since I conditionally agree.

[ranalore.livejournal.com]

I think the bashing, shown to Then!Brian without any context, would have done it. Now!Brian has survived the bashing, though, and he's still there.

I guess I'm partly confused by the wording of your original thoughts, because Now!Brian is where he is because he chose it. Asking if he would choose differently doesn't make sense to me, because he didn't choose differently. I suspect I'm just not getting something in what you're saying.

Then!Brian, with different knowledge, I agree might not have made the same choices. Then again, he might have, just to show he wasn't afraid or wouldn't be ruled by events that hadn't yet happened or something else equally brash and Brian. I think it partly depends on what you think his mindset was that night, how much of picking up Justin was because Justin was pretty and Brian was horny and how much of it was because Brian was bored and wanted a change, and whether or not you believe he wanted that change to impact his whole life from that point forward. I personally don't believe Brian was looking for True Love, but I do believe he was looking for a change, and not just in his sexual diet. So, yeah, given a glimpse of the future, he might still have walked up to that kid under the lamppost and said, "I can change that."

[beloved4always.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure they'd ever really have the chance. They sort of seem fated to be. Otherwise Justin might have walked in the beginning. During the 1st season, I often wondered if Justin was deeply in love, idiotic, or a masochist - or possibly all three ;D

[seperis.livejournal.com]

He was *soinluvvvvv*. *g* And a masochist. And really, *really* idealistic. I so love him.

Would Brian walk away? Well, maybe so, maybe not.

[raveninthewind.livejournal.com]

I think it could go either way for Brian because his character is contradictory, and many feelings pull him in various directions. He just doesn't let those emotions control his behavior that often.

I think Justin would choose to love Brian if faced with the choice.

[burnitbackwards.livejournal.com]

i think that's a really good insight regarding brian, but i'm wondering exactly what you mean by "had the chance?" are we saying here that brian is so caught up in this relationship that he can't walk away, even if he wants to?

i mean, i tend to think about that, at least, differently -- it's just what love is. there's always the contingent of people that says "love shouldn't hurt!" and those who say, "love is pain!" yes, there have been all these truly awful and painful moments (and long moments, some of them), and yes, sometimes love is something that just happens to you, that you can't help. but being with someone is a choice, and brian isn't and never has been the kind of person to allow himself to be forced into making choices that he doesn't want.

so i guess my point is that i don't think he'd walk away, because even when he has the chance to hurt justin or to walk away completely, he tries to up for it: he takes justin in even after the bashing and after his near-death experience at the hands of justin's father. he lets justin come back, forgives him after ethan. he stays even when justin's opposition to stockwell costs him his job.

we can't always choose who we love, i fully concede, and sometimes the person that we love isn't the person we would have chosen for ourselves (or we wouldn't have chosen love at all), but that doesn't mean we'd give it all up to walk away.

[mintwitch.livejournal.com]

I disagree that Brian wouldn't make the same choices, but I heartily agree about Ted. But Ted makes my heart hurt, always. He's just so very kicked-puppy, that I want to make it better. Poor kicked-Ted.

I found Hunter refreshing, personally.

[rhiannonhero.livejournal.com]

I tried to list out all the ways that Justin's been good for him/to him, balancing out, oh, the trauma of the prom and the guilt and all the annoyances and Justin's dad trying to kill him a few times and Ethan and then getting fired and all the ways he notices his own emotional issues, and you know.

IMO, though, all of those things were actually good for Brian. I'm of the opinion that if Brian hadn't had his world turned upside down in all of these ways, he would have probably fulfilled his mission to be dead sooner rather than later.

I might be interpreting your comments the wrong way, so if I am just ignore this. ;) But, to me, sometimes the most painful things in life turn out to be the best things because they teach you how wonderful everything else can be. Paradise Lost and all that high school English class jazz. The old idea that you can't know joy until you know pain, you can't know love until you apathy, etc.

And, if Brian does find joy in Justin, which I believe that he does, (looking at their reunion in 308 and 309, and really all of S3 after 308, Brian seems at peace and joyful in a way that he never seemed before), then I don't think he'd give that up just to spare himself pain.

Do I think that Then!Brian would think it was worth it? I think that if he got to see both sides of the coin, the pain and the joy, then he'd make the same choice, because it was Then!Brian who chose his way to this particular ending in the first place. There had to be part of him that wanted this life even then--although it probably blindsided him to discover that he wanted it.

Eh. Not sure that I'm making any sense. Words hard.

Have a great weekend!