Am now on The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club but only because I'm in a novel place not a short story place so jumped Book 4 (Lord Peter Views the Body).

This is actually not a problem?--but a thing that comes up every so often in professional fic; short stories, even the best ones, do not generally give me time to immerse when I feel the need to vacation there. The only person I can think of that doesn't have this problem--with caveats--is Stephen King because generally a.) he's probably the best ever at making a character in under five hundred words and b.) fuck knows where this shit is going and I'm Ride or Die.

However. This doesn't happen with fanfic. Yes, I prefer long fic (>50K, pref >100K) but in general it takes me a thousand words to complete my dive and honestly, a decent writer can do it in probably 500 words and doom me.

You're thinking, well, yes, that's your fandom--ah, no. During certain bleak moments in my life I was hitting rageprufrock's back catalog of some Canadian??? series on a boys' private school????? No idea, but about three hundred words, I was committed and read them all and suffered for one almost having to not go to McGill except he got to somehow?? (and looked up McGill as well. It's a private college). Before you think "okay, that's an elite fanfic writer thing", no, I've gotten mistakenly--so very mistakenly--in ways I regret every time I close my eyes--into badfic against my better judgement because they learned the five hundred word trick and I'm trapped in horrified reading of things that require trigger warnings and maybe a competent therapist to mediate the discussion and we are so not talking about it.

(This does not refer to to that one I talked about involving six characters all played by two actors in multiple separate media including a made for tv movie about a real life serial killer brought together into a murdery five/sixsome bloodsport thing with claws and gods and ironic justice (sort of). That shit was fucking awesome and that reminds me its time for my annual re-read of that series. Yes, series.)

It's like this; the difference between X Professional Writer and DarthVaderLovesKenny2312 is the former I may and probably will read all their fantasy series but probably won't really care about their literary fiction about professors and dogs and playing piano in the suburbs whatevers but the latter, I may very well read a Star Wars/South Park crossover even though I hate South Park because I did like their Sheppard/Ronon fic back in the day. And if they start writing The Room/Goodfellas, I'll probably at least check it out warily.

Why, I'm going to guess: much like any creature, profic (with amazing exceptions) is really good vicadin and fanfic is straight-up fentanyl--(baby, we went beyond China White years ago and into the synthetics)--and this particular lab rat is now accustomed to getting one fuck of a hit from their reading material. The sheer amount of fanfic means I can find something tailored to my taste and better, most fanfic writers are super fast at picking up and learning exactly how to apply those delicious delicious patches to our quivering flesh (fentanyl, I mean. What did you think I meant? Because probably that, too).

It's only in retrospect that a.) this is obvious and b.) kind of incredible.

Think about it. Online, with only the power of feedback and breathless adulation, we can train hundreds of thousands of people to produce regularly and consistently exactly what we want to read in exactly the format we want to the point we will read shit we don't even really know the canon for and not really care. And there is so much of it we can actually say "well, just the ones where Kenny tops" and that will happen. What I can't tell you is what exactly that is. We can train writers to do it; I was trained, you were trained, all of us were trained. But what specifically it is, I'm not sure, but it works.

(It's not just a question of access and availability and amount; I own everything by Georgette Heyer except her mysteries because I bounced hard. (Maybe after Peter Wimsey I may go back and try again.) A fanfic writer that I like has to hit one of my hard 'no's' before I walk and they have to kind of jump on that button. A fanfic writer that I love has no 'no's'; they have a 'short delay before I give up and go back'.)

Yes, I was doing some cleaning today, why do you ask?
alyndra: (let me read)

From: [personal profile] alyndra Date: 2018-12-12 02:51 pm (UTC)
I will fucking third this. :P

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  • If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers
    . -- Unknown, on feedback
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  • That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex...
    Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
    -- pricklyelf, on why Lex goes bad
    LJ
  • Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
    -- Teague, reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones"
    LJ
  • Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
    Jenn: Because you are an addict.
    Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
    Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
    Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
    Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
    -- hwmitzy and seperis, on bead addiction
    AIM, 12/24/2003
  • I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
    -- anonymous, on terrible writing
    AIM, 2/17/2004
  • In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
    -- silverkyst, on wtf
    AIM, 3/25/2004
  • Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
    Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
    -- eleveninches and anonymous, on things that are disturbing
    LJ, 4/2/2004
  • silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular genetics.
    silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
    silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
    Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
    -- silverkyst and seperis, on more wtf
    AIM, 1/25/2005
  • You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
    -- Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years
    LJ, 3/15/2005
  • Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
    -- Summerfling, on shower sex
    LJ, 7/22/2005
  • It's weird, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
    -- revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit
    LJ, 2/7/2006
  • Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
    -- cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny
    LJ, 4/13/2006
  • Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
    -- deadlychameleon, on class
    LJ, 9/1/2007
  • If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Fan Fiction is John Cusack standing outside your house with a boombox.
    -- JRDSkinner, on fanfiction
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  • I will unashamedly and unapologetically celebrate the joy and the warmth and the creativity of a community of people sharing something positive and beautiful and connective and if you don’t like it you are most welcome to very fuck off.
    -- Michael Sheen, on Good Omens fanfic
    Twitter
    , 6/19/2019
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    -- Jenn, traceback
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