thomas the tank engine by edgar allan poe - what the everloving fuck

Sharing pseudo-childhood trauma, one cartoon at a time.

Scroll down to Thomas the Tank Engine

You might think the plotline there sounds vaguely familiar--and horrifying. Read the full plot summary here. I'll give you a minute.

Okay.

Does this remind you of:
a.) The Cask of Amontillado (Wikipedia Cliff Notes)
b.) Why are you doing this? Does my insomnia make you happy? (secret answer: yes, of course it does)
c.) ...did that guy seriously say "always and always and always"? Also, fuck you, Seperis.

Anyone else see his terrified eyes over the edge of the brick wall as he slowly runs out of steam and, cold, alone, and helpless, is unable to even scream out his horror?

Dear UK,

...what do you mean he deserved it?

love,
Seperis

You're welcome.

Comments

[majoline]

I did not even need to click on the link because that was a childhood trauma of mine. The funny thing was, my grandmother gave me an illustrated child classic version of the stories of Poe at the same time another relative gave me a bunch of Thomas the Tank Engine picture books.

Guess which one gave me nightmares? Yeah, the one where the bricking up was supposed to be a good thing to do.

[seperis]

Honestly, Poe traumatized me less for that very reason. Crazy evil as opposed to bricking is a good thing? What the hell?

[majoline]

I have no way to even explain the whole of the Thomas the Tank Engine books. The engines are always worried about being replaced and used for spare parts or being melted down and are horrible to each other.

They're basically dystopian horror for children.

[seperis]

...see, I never read them and holy God am I glad about that. I just--*hands*

[majoline]

Be glad. They terrified me in the worst way.

[seperis]

Adding -- illustrated classics? My grandmother got me a million of the child versions of classics, which had an Poe anthology of this, The Tell-Tale Heart, and something else I don't remember. The books were about half the size (dimensions) of regular books. Even there? Could not get through Moby Dick.

[majoline]

LOL. The illustrated classics are the only way I made it through Heidi. I have yet to make it through Moby Dick. Billy Budd is way better if you absolutely need to read something Melville.

[laurajv]

The Thomas stuff is HORRIFYING. My son loves it but it's like this awful wallow in coercive, psychologically violent parenting.

[seperis]

I am so glad this wasn't available where I lived when Child was younger.

[niqaeli]

Yeah I -- vaguely remembered that and remember thinking it was creepy.

I also read the bits about the UK narration vs. the US narration and holy shit UK what is WRONG with you. No wonder they changed that shit, that's like the cherry on top of the horror sundae. D:

[seperis]

*hands* The "I think he deserved it, don't you?" just--are you serious?

[kass]

We've actually argued that Thomas lives in a totalitarian dystopia many times, in our house. (Remember we have a 3 year old who loves trains; we watch a lot of Thomas.) We have a running joke about the train who shows up trying to unionize all the other cars, and suffers a mysterious accident, and winds up sunk in the harbor of Sodor Island.

(Yeah, I don't know. This is how we entertain ourselves. We're also writing, in our heads, a story where one of the Kai-Lan characters has mafia connections. Our brains, let me show you them.)

[seperis]

*g* Fanpeople families - MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!

[grammarwoman]

The Thomas phase in our household was thankfully very brief, which made my mom sad, because you can get Thomas merchandise everywhere and for everything.

Did you know US narration was provided by George Carlin and Alec Baldwin? I'd have loved to hear the outtakes.

[seperis]

GEORGE CARLIN I KNOW. I want those outtakes now!

Why Thomas the Tank Engine is Teh Evol

[legionseagle]

While I realise this is going to sound totally nuts I objected violently to letting the step-kids have access to Thomas not just because I regard it as some of the most class-stereotyped gender-essentialist party political shit going (the character of the "Fat Controller" was expressly brought in to ridicule the post War Labour nationalisation of the now-bankrupt post-War previously private railway infrastructure) (which it is, but then so is much classic children's literature) but because the Rev. Awdry managed to depict the change from steam to diesel in British Rail in the early to mid 1960s in terms of the Holocaust (no, really; the "breaking yards" near York became Belsen and Auschewicz in his imagination) and his writings on the subject were so impassioned that diesel engine drivers received death threats. Working men doing their jobs getting death threats because their engines were powered by something that meant they didn't have to have someone risking a hernia every day of his life to power the bugger! Oh, the horror!

Sorry to be so impassioned, but TTTE is as vile as anyone claims, and then some.(Apologists for the series claim it is valuable as a learning tool to those on the autism spectrum. I'd add, "It's probably particularly valuable for those who'd like a side of psychopathy with their autism.")

Re: Why Thomas the Tank Engine is Teh Evol

[seperis]

Actually, I was wondering how accurate the cracked analysis was in regard to the switch from steam to diesel as a political and social tool, so thank you; you confirmed some of their explanation of what made it sketchy. It made sense to me--especially after reading episode summaries which were, well, what the hell--but I wasn't sure how much I was convinced beforehand.

Rev. Awdry managed to depict the change from steam to diesel in British Rail in the early to mid 1960s in terms of the Holocaust (no, really; the "breaking yards" near York became Belsen and Auschewicz in his imagination)

I really have no idea what to do with that. Dear God. And now The Tank Engine of Amontillado there makes far more sense.

and his writings on the subject were so impassioned that diesel engine drivers received death threats. Working men doing their jobs getting death threats because their engines were powered by something that meant they didn't have to have someone risking a hernia every day of his life to power the bugger! Oh, the horror!

Depressingly, that is hideous and probably inevitable given the time period and the rate of progress. And what is wrong with people continues.

[fox1013]

Shining Time Station was my favorite as a kid, but I saw the US version, so apparently I was spared years of trauma! Way to go team censorship for once, I guess.

Also it was narrated by Ringo Starr. I refuse to believe anything was a bad decision when he told you to make it.

Who Are You?

[pudacat]

Okay, who are you, or who have you introduced to "Cracked" in the pat few monthes? "Orange Eyebrows" showed up in the forums shortly after you started linking that site. Are you her???? A published writer of erotic M/M stories???? Is she you(not if she's in England), or Rage, or Xanthe, or some other fanfic writer I worship, but don't know whre they live, in general????? Enquiring minds want to know, dammit! (Or at least find out where to purchase her writings. She's awesome.)

Re: Who Are You?

[seperis]

I've posted about cracked for a couple of years.

"Orange Eyebrows" showed up in the forums shortly after you started linking that site.

While I have no idea what forum you're talking about, I can pretty much guarantee it's not me.