my continuing love affair with buffy the vampire slayer

I am always vaguely amused that my One True Fandom is also the one in which I have never been tempted to read or write fanfic for (with one exception, below) and I rewatch yearly at minimum. That being Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which premiered on WB and I was channel surfing and caught it at the end of episode one and thought you know, this sort of reminds me of the movie that had Dylan from Beverly Hills 90210 in it and then credits rolled and I felt very goddamn awesome about my deductive skills. And then I fell in love.

It's also the one fandom I refuse to read meta on, write meta on, or even discuss with anyone outside of carefully screened people who love it like I do, because everyone has their personal fandom of max crazy and this is mine. I'm also weirdly protective of season six, which I can't explain in any logical sense because I didn't even like half of it, but I kind of lose all perspective when anyone critiques it and want to crush things. So you know. There is that.



Eps watched this run:

Season One:
The Pack - the one and only time I found Xander insanely hot. Just. What the hell, Xander. It wasn't him being a dick, which did nothing for me and I cheered as Buffy kicked his ass. IT was the sniffing and the pack thing. Which should have warned me what I'd end up writing in SGA and Merlin that involved smell, pack, sniffing, and um, cannibalism. Yeah. This is where it started, right here. Goddamn Xander, the pack, the sniffing, and well, eating the principal.

Season Three:
The Prom - just the ending. I loved the school giving Buffy the adorable umbrella. I tear up every time.
Graduation Day Part I and II - the students all go to war! And the mayor's life dream was to turn into a giant snake. I'm glad he had that before he was slaughtered. It's nice to know some dreams really do come true.

Season Four:
Hush - I have wanted to watch for awhile, but timing is everything, that is, getting Child to watch with me. That freaks me the hell out still. THE GRINNING. THE STRAIGHTJACKET HENCHMAN. The legit scariest ep of Buffy I ever watched.
The Yoko Factor - the awesomeness of the gang dealing with all their issues from the whole year.
Primeval - the entire ep, but especially the union spell so they could take out Adam. Scooby soulbonding never goes out of style.

Season Five:
The Body - really should have thought that one through more before watching. Stopped early.
The Weight of the World - Buffy angst is my favorite thing ever.

Season Six:
One More, With Feeling - I watch this like, several times a year straight through. There is nothing not perfect about this ep.

Season Seven:
Lessons - just love
Same Time, Same Place - if there is intensive Scooby bonding, I am there. I love this ep.
Help - this one always breaks my heart a little.
Selfless - Anya's angst. Seriously, my love for Anya is unending and I haven't quite forgiven Joss for letting her die in the finale and Andrew live, because Andrew is freaking Jar Jar Binks and why does he survive?
Him - there is nothing more hilarious than Willow about to do a sex change spell on RJ. I mean, I kind of wish she'd gone through with that, just to see what happened next.
Showtime - for the huge drama of Thunderdome
Touched - for Buffy/Spike bonding and drama.
End of Days - For same, plus my love for Faith is very much here.
Chosen - because it's perfect

Upcoming is The Gift, which makes me cry a lot, every time, and 1-10 of season six. I kind of have to work my way through those interspersed with other eps. And season 5.1, Buffy vs Dracula, because Xander as Renfield never gets old like, ever. And then I cheer myself by watching the Faith episodes of Angel to see Faith beat the hell out of Conner, because there is nothing more satisfying than seeing the most irritating teenager in history get beat down for like, two entire episodes. Then probably an end of season six run up from Tara's death to Evil!Willow.

I continue to absolutely hate Andrew with all my being and still do not get why he was even there, why he survived, or well, why he even existed. I mean, why not Jonathan, dammit? HE AT LEAST HAD A HISTORY WITH BUFFY THAT WAS NON DOUCHE AND THEN HE REDEEMED HIMSELF AFTER BEING A DOUCHE. I liked Jonathan. I would not have resented Jonathan taking up valuable air onscreen.



And because I like to mix it with vids, vids!



Teenage Dream, Buffy/Spike

Without You I'm Nothing, Buffy/Spike - the vid of Buffy's self-hatred. It just breaks me.

Say When, Buffy/Spike - the vid of Spike and Buffy's tragic love, because I love the mirroring in this one

You Found Me - All - probably my favorite Buffy vid ever. It's the Scoobies and their tragedies and their friendship and kind of everything I love about the show in a Fray song.

Crawling, Faith - Faith's rise and fall and rise and everything in between.

Not Enough, All - kind of the opposite of You Found Me - it's all the angst and pain and hopelessness and the fact they can't even stop to grieve

Blurry, Buffy/Angel - a really intense look at Buffy/Angel and the just--gah. Doomed. So very doomed.

It's The End of the World As We Know It by Luminosity and Kamil, All - it's the end of the world like a lot in Buffyland.

And three I can't find online and so uploaded to Mediafire for download. The first was removed from youtube, the other two predate youtube.

Running Up That Hill, Buffy/Spike - I am really into their tragic relationship, okay? Format: mp4, plays with VLC and pretty much anything

I Remember, Buffy/Angel - seasons one and two following the tragic course of their relationship and the song is perfect. Format: rmvb, plays with VLC

Without a Sound, Buffy - gorgeous Buffy vid, I think season one only, maybe season two as well. Format: mpg, plays with VLC



During the premiere of The Gift my hysterical sobbing led a friend on AIM to desperately send me fic to read, even though at the time I read no Buffy fic for above reasons, but she promised I would love it and also, it would motivate me to stop crying before my eyes were too swollen to avoid questions at work the next day on what the hell happened to me, on the off-chance I was able to ever stop crying and there was doubt that would be possible.

(Seriously, I sobbed on AIM, I sobbed off AIM, I sobbed until page two of The Heart's Filthy Lesson and then there was awesome fic and then I read spoilers for season six and sobbed only when people mentioned the episode in my presence. People stopped doing that fairly quickly, which is probably the reason I can still see.)

The Bowiebharata by rivkat and mustangsally78, Spike/Buffy - The Heart's Filthy Lesson was sent to me in PDF, but for Serious Moonlight, I had to patiently collect email posts on glass_onion one at a time, format them, and set them lovingly into a word document I still have and both were printed out tenderly and placed in a binder and protected fiercely, as this was before I had broadband and kindles were still science fiction. Then there was Changes, and then Buffy Summers and the Spiders From Mars, which added in so much delicious pastry as a major plot point that it's kind of my platonic ideal of the perfect fic now.

Historical Note: When rivkat started writing Clark/Lex in Smallville, I spent quality time wondering if I could actually unconsciously bend reality to do my bidding, because rivkat was writing Clark/Lex and my life was perfect. I have not yet discarded this theory, but mostly because I keep thinking if I wish hard enough, there will be one more Bowiebharata post-season seven sent to me from an alternate universe or something. This could happen.

Comments

[hypertwink]

I remember being so enchanted by this but being laughed at by my officemates because how can anything good be named 'BtVS'? But I endured and even converted my boss into being a fan.

Hush. Once More...OMG, The Body. I can't watch that without crying, and everyone reacting so differently. I think the worst cry for me was when Anya started ranting.

[seperis]

Dude, I know. GOD THIS SHOW.

[annaalamode]

I will defend S6 because Tara is the awesomest in everything (besides her wardrobe).

[seperis]

I'm still not over Tara being replaced by Kennedy.

[annaalamode]

Kennedy was far from my favorite character probably because she was hella annoying. But Tara! Tara was the best character in the history of that show!

[seperis]

I loved Tara. I remember when I first realized she and Willow were in relationship territory and squeeing at the TV. Their three episode breakup was so well done and gutting as hell.

I still get shaky over her death.

[dorkpie]

Sorry to butt in but in re. to this: I still get shaky over her death, ME TOO. That left such an impression on me, and it's one of my favorite tv show moments even though I can barely bring myself to watch it.

[seperis]

Dude, not butting in!

It was so unexpected. Like Buffy's mom's death in a way (though we'd had some eps before that worrying about her life), but even more out of nowhere three quarters of teh way through the ep. I mean, you could not see that coming.

[venetia_sassy]

The Body - oh god, that episode. I think it was Anya who wrecked me the most. How many times did this show make me cry? The Gift! Becoming! So much sobbing!

I was listening to the Once More With Feeling soundtrack not long ago. I may have to play it again tonight (Mum likes it too!)

I used to be able to quote vast amounts of BtVS dialogue. I may have drifted in and out for the last few seasons but I was right there for the finale. So much love.

[seperis]

THE GIFT BROKE ME.

This show is just so amazingly well done that I still kind of boggle at how many monster of the week episodes were still fantastic and rife with awesome personal moments and continuity.

[rivkat]

Aw, I'm blushing! Also I'm sad because Mediafire removed Running Up that Hill, a song that can never be vidded enough.

[seperis]

If you want to see it, I can put it in my dropbox under another name for you to grab? I really love it.

[rivkat]

That would be awesome! rivkat at gmail.

[seperis]

Email sent. Tell me when you've grabbed it so I can remove it. For some reason, I"m vaguely paranoid about this vid now.

[malkingrey]

I love the The Bowiebharata as well -- though I find I have to regard the fourth one as taking place in a sort of AU to the first three, because it was written after the season six watershed, and attempted to work in (versions of) some of the events of that season, and the result doesn't quite fit with the tone and trajectory of the first three fics.

And I'm with you on season six in general: painful to rewatch in its entire sequence, but full of individual standout episodes.

[seperis]

The fourth ended up being my favorite, for length and for the loads of layered plotting. I do see what you mean by tone, but it did--for me, anyway--follow the spirit of the first three, though admittedly the jump between the end of Changes and beginning of Spiders took some adjustment.

I also loved the appearance of a Big Good whose powers were focused on creating lots and lots of semi-ordinary good that seems to be entirely about making life better in general for people. Rick just worked for me. The struggles of the personal affecting the political--or the slayage--was an interesting positive contrast to the idea that you're supposed to be able to separate the good of the mission from the self, and to hell with the self.

Season six had so many great eps, but all together it's like staring into the abyss and then realizing you're sliding down the side of it.

[grammarwoman]

I get it, I do. Buffy is My Precious, and I can only have conversations with people who feel the same intense affection for it.

[seperis]

THIS. I love Buffy. I loved her from the first ep, and I am completely overprotective of her awesome.

[stultiloquentia]

Oh my god, The Bowiebharata! What a nostalgia trip! Thanks for the vids, also; I have a huge jossverse vid collection, but I don't think I've seen even one of these. \o/

[seperis]

*glee* Glad you enjoyed them!

[harpers_child]

i am totally unobjective about btvs. its ... buffy summers was a grade ahead of me in high school. that's the most succinct way i have of putting it. i had a line from graduation day as my quote in the senior edition of the school newspaper. i once threatened to break up with a guy because he didn't respect the sanctity of new buffy night. even though i own the cubes i still refuse to get rid of my recorded-from-tv vhs tapes.

first fandom where i talked to other fans. i don't have coherence talking about this show.

[seperis]

*nodnodnod* This. I almost judge people who don't like it; I don't get how that's possible.

[out_there]

BtVS is still the fandom of my heart, although I do rewatch AtS and Firefly too. But BtVS is my go-to sick-day-in-bed comfort show and there are certain episodes I've rewatched many times for that reason

Hush - So creepy. So awesomely creepy. But there are bad charades, and doodled staking plans and Giles finally getting some (because that man really deserves it).

Bad Moon Rising - Because, oh, Tara! I loved Tara without limit and that episode hits one of my bulletproof kinks of sacrificing your own wants for the sake of seeing the person you love happy. Plus, there's Oz and Willow being wonderful and then heartbreaking; there's Willow coming out to Buffy, and Buffy being a bit wigged but still totally there for her friend. It's the perfect mix of heartbreaking and happy-ending.

The Body - It's so sad, but when I'm feeling horrible it works for me. There's so much genuine caring between the Scoobies adn such a realistic portrayal of grief.

Other favourites would have to be "Once More With Feeling" (still so awesome! And cool enough you can see the trend of musical episodes that happened to other shows afterwards) and ... hmmm, the finale to s4 where they all dream (I love so much of that; it's fascinating.).

The Pack - the one and only time I found Xander insanely hot.

I am absoltuely with you on that one. There's a shot of him in the courtyard, and it's the stalking movements and the sharp smile and the dangerous eyes... it does things to me. *fans self*

For vids, my favourite Buffy vid was "Coin Operated Boy" (a Buffy/Riley vs Buffy/Angel vid), but that's closely followed by "Transparant" (Willow angst) and "Some Fantastic" (Xander and his lovelife failures).

[seperis]

There's a shot of him in the courtyard, and it's the stalking movements and the sharp smile and the dangerous eyes... it does things to me. *fans self*

That so much. And leading the pack around just--guh.

[dorkpie]

I have so many opinions and feelings about Buffy. It arrived in my life just when I needed it to, and I still love it immensely regardless and in spite (sometimes even because) of its flaws.

[seperis]

So very much. FEELINGS. SO MANY FEELINGS.

[msilverstar]

Never watched it before, but now am watching with my tween daughter and finding it fascinating!

[seperis]

Me and Child rewatch together. It's fun since it came out the year he was born and while I"m sure he doesn't relaly remember the first three seasons, I remember even at two and three I'd scoop him up for Buffy and we'd watch teh eps together.