leaping and screaming are highly underrated

Okay, just venting as I need to, IDK, not hate everything except Charles and X-Men.



1.) My middle sister is in the midst of separation from her second husband. Her new boyfriend helped her move out of her and her husband's apartment as they aren't divorced yet. This is pretty much the exact pattern of how she met and married her second husband.

I don't get it.

(It's slightly less--ick--at least to me that the current boyfriend is also a former boyfriend and one of her longest relationships before she married her first husband. He's nice. I just--am not comfortable how she layers relationships. Which is me, not her, and I know this and therefore it's fine. And it's her life and I'm not privy to the details or thought processes or her experiences.)

2.) My youngest sister is still--I have no idea how--involved with her son's father and Future Serial Killer. The one arrested for abusing her. He lives five hours away. She doesn't work and my parents and I pay all the bills and etc and she's carrying on an abusive long-distance relationship.

(I have no less ick. I just do not get this shit.)

OTOH, I think part of it is I just don't get relationships when they feel more like port in the storm or whatever they're doing. The most enthusiasm I can summon up for even dating is short term crushes and only during breaks and lunch at work. I haven't seriously dated anyone in over a decade; oddly enough, right when I started in fandom and suddenly I was interacting with all these brilliant women and writing and after most of my life feeling out of context, interaction with people made sense.

I also started getting friends that didn't fall into two extreme key groups: manipulatively controlling (these people are effortless for me; they tell me exactly what they want and provide feedback regularly that is anything but unclear. No guessing) or terrifyingly easy to order around (this is how I ended up jumping off a forty foot cliff once*). I mean, they were good people (we won't discuss The Apartment of Ferrets During Early Pregnancy Denial; even I can't explain what was going on there), but honestly, it was only sheer luck I didn't fall right into the lap of someone who got off on that sort of thing.

(Retrospectively, looking at the guys I dated, the pattern is really--obvious. I never dated anyone who had the personality type to be controlling. It's weird, because I am attracted to that kind of guy (they say the first step is admitting you have an issue going on there), but even when I was in my teens, I'd go out of my way to argue them into the ground (high school; beat them in testing and math and essays; college, name a controversial subject, I'd drag out that shit and throw it like a bomb until they stomped away. Freshman English and The Great PMS Debate, The Great Drunken Sex Is Rape Debate, The Insert English Topic Here, Every Day was Debate Topic Day- luckily, my professor was a Berkeley grad and apparently this was like home; dearest God what was I thinking), which as you can imagine, did not mean there was dating in my future. And I was always so bewildered they didn't like me. And yet. The ones I did date I never felt the need to prove my metaphorical dick was bigger than their real one. Which hello, it was. Sometimes, I wonder about myself.)

Ignore this, I'm terribly morose; it's been a not great threeish weeks.

* Blue Hole, Georgetown

No, not kidding, there was a forty foot cliff. Blue Hole in Georgetown, forty feet onto water like fucking concrete. I still have no idea how I did that, as I'm terrified of heights, but weirdly, the jumping was as easy as breathing. I landed angled ankle to thigh and it hurt like hell and I was water-bruised from ankle to hip for days, but whatever, I jumped off a forty foot cliff.

(I think it was forty feet. It was actually a long enough delay that I had time to study the water and worry about the inner tube guy that was too close. To be fair, I didn't just run up there and do it; there was a line and I had plenty of time to stand there with my totally supportive friends all saying 'OMG THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING' and staring at me like I was just that cool; never underestimate the power of vanity, ego, and sheer inability to figure out how to climb back down. Apparently, they figured it out after I jumped. Anyoen who lives in Central Texas; the angle looks right to me, but I can't find any direct pictures of the cliff; there used to be tons of pics of people waiting in line to leap.)

This is the only thing I can find that shows the cliff; it's closed now. Youtube: Blue Hole, Forty Feet, It's a Long Way Down



I have no idea what on earth I was doing with this entry. I think I was going to lead into the dark misery that is work, but honestly, that needs it's own entry. Instead, I shall watch vids and Mulan because she saves China awesomely.