there is historical precedent for this

I'm still mulling how to write up Teen Wolf 2.12, since my initial reaction was two days and two nights of growling whenever I remembered it and freaking everyone out but Child, who would answer with a bitter grunt if he was in the same room (I don't think Child is telepathic, but I won't say I haven't been pricing a diy Faraday cage for my room, and possibly a helmet of some kind).

Teen Wolf is a milestone in our fanparent/fanchild relationship, in that we are in a non-closed canon watching new eps as they air followed by arguing to the ground everything that happens. At first, I felt a kind of warm satisfaction--this must be what it's like to live with another fangirl!--but then I realized why perhaps my (secret) ambition to one day open a fangirl commune might have drawbacks in that, and maybe this has happened to someone, but in times of high stress (Derek's manpain), time loses meaning when you really want to talk about, well, Derek's manpain.

To start with: this actually happened. However, dialogue is paraphrased.



Three fucking AM in the morning (note: it was dark outside and sometime after eleven but before dawn; I default to three for dramatic purposes), I get woken up with a strange, tingling sensation that I've developed ever since Child first related his ambition to clone me (note: see child tag); sitting up, I stare in horror at dark shape standing in the middle of my room and well, I don't scream, but that's because I've just had confirmation that I was right, something evil is watching me sleep every night, so ages four through now are now experiencing vicarious satisfaction and everyone who ever told me how there is nothing that will get you when you're alone at night in the dark were so fucking wrong. Also, terror.

Then I recognized the particular slump of shoulders and, faintly, the aura of satisfaction, and sighed.

"Child."

"I had a nightmare," he tells me, flipping the lights on and looking surprisingly stoic for having such a heart-pounding terror that he fled to his mommy for comfort; he's also still in yesterday's cargo pants and a superman shirt that is suspiciously unwrinkled. "Why didn't Scott trust Derek?"

One of the many advantages of being a fangirl is we train ourselves to keep the equivalent of near-encyclopedic information on all our fandoms past and present, including major/minor pairings, and character issues. Even sleep, terror, and utter and complete bogglement that this is my life does not overcome that kind of conditioning. Also, we have been co-ranting about this for like, three days, so.

"Are you practicing being a creeper?"

Child looks shifty.

The entire performance art aspect hits me all at once. "Are you practicing being Derek?"

Child looks much shiftier, and I kind of sympathize, because since his BFF went home, there's really no one he can work on his ability to look like a serial killer anymore who will appreciate the work he puts into it (note: when they do it together, it's like having a premonition of America's Most Wanted). When school starts, he'll have his entire Magic: The Gathering circle to help out, but in general, only my niece is around enough for them to practice together well enough to pull off a really unsettling Bonnie and Clyde routine. I'm not saying this is healthy; I'm saying, it's funny as hell.

"I thought you were awake." He waves at the TV, which to be fair is mid-season in Teen Wolf season two, which in my defense I left on because I couldn't be fucked to find the remote control to turn it off before falling asleep.

"But you saw I was asleep," I answered and Child pulled out his future serial killer smile before he starts laughing. And at that moment, I realized what this was, and I'm about to admit something very unparental and very wrong but really hilarious.

A few weeks ago, there was a thing, I was in a bad mood, and also, Child Did Something, don't even remember what it was. I might have--allegedly--circled the house, opened his window as slowly and gratingly as possible, and then stared at him while he was reading until he looked up, saw me and maybe kinda screamed. My niece may or may not have been alerted to coming events and was available to giggle hysterically. I may or may not have actually laughed hard enough to rupture something.

I possibly deserved this.

Child says: "I win."

Then, "So why didn't Scott trust Derek?"*

And as a true son of a fangirl, he kept his priorities in order.

(* For the purposes of this entry, I'm really paraphrasing, because it was actually more a speech. I sent him to bed before he could get too far in, but let's just say his Derek's Manpain Is Very Manpainy, Oh Woe ruminations are pretty recognizable. He actually uses the word manpain. Repeatedly.)





I have had very bad week at work, a shitty month, and this year has so far proven it has no intention of improving.

About sixteen years ago, I was pregnant, had yet to tell my parents, and was varying between a state of denial so strong I'd forget for days what was happening to me and suicidal when I had to think about it. I was cutting myself in my room after work because I was working retail and would see people with babies and I'd get hit with the nightmare that my life had become.

There is a part of me that wants to go back and drag me out of bed and use my powers of time travel to open livejournal and show me the child tag and make me read it, because of all the things I was afraid of, I was most terrified, most horrified, most disgusted by my own utter certainty that I wouldn't love him, that I couldn't. And I would tell me:

--in one year, you will be taping a toy to Child's foot so you can finish your homework on child psychology and realize he's way ahead of the curve on recognizing cause and effect.

--in three years, you will explain the workings of the conspiracy Mulder is fighting against in exhausting detail while he chews on the strings of your sweatshirt.

--in six years, you will watch Child building what appears to be a dirt castle in left field during his t-ball game.

--in nine years, you will attempt to give a sex talk that will require you to later assure him that humans do not build nests or lay eggs.

--in eleven years, Child will tell you how he wants to clone you and the Crocodile Hunter.

--in sixteen years, Child will scare you the fuck to death and you will control yourself until after he's gone before laughing into a pillow.

You may fail at parenting, granted, but loving him was never going to be a problem at all.

Comments

[princessofgeeks]

you are amazing.

[seperis]

The weird thing is, back then, I kept thinking of all the ways I couldn't possibly do this. It didn't occur to me that he'd change me into someone that could.

[princessofgeeks]

*nods*

I planned my kids, but omg I had no idea, really, what I was getting into. I had no idea how they would change me, or what they would shape my life into. No effing idea. And no idea how hard it would be, or where I could possibly get the motivation to do something so hard.

But you love them so much that you just do it. At least that's how it was for me.

Thanks for the post.

[miella]

This is lovely. I kind of love the you-and-Child stories.

[seperis]

*G* Thank you.

[neotoma]

--in nine years, you will attempt to give a sex talk that will require you to later assure him that humans do not build nests or lay eggs.

Wait, really?! How did that even come up in your attempt at a sex talk? Enough that Child got the impression that are oviparous?

Also, it would be very convenient if humans were like alligator or megapodes and babies could be trusted to dig themself out of the nest and kind of take care of their basic needs right off the bat...

[seperis]

Short version; while trying to be very frank and open and everything, I may have accidentally made a (in retrospect) terrible analogy to chickens and eggs for visualization of the subject matter purposes. I ended up on AIM with fox1013 so they could talk me down from my certainty my child was going to think people built nests and laid eggs.

[synecdochic]

i dunno, i think you're the very opposite of failing at parenting.

[seperis]

I have to admit that the 'not a serial killer' goal seems to be on track, which makes it much easier to deal with 'will not make room less a toxic wasteland' being an utter failure to date.

[synecdochic]

Eh. Clean rooms are overrated, but you're raising something very much like a functional human being, which, yanno. Gold star!

[scy]

<3s.

Considering I've had the same rant? And more frustratingly, with roomie, who refuses to WATCH TW?

And well, Juls and Niq, of course, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN.

Also: <3s.

You two should come and visit.

There are fields, animals, and stuff.

[seperis]

*laughs* Ranting is good for the soul.

[dreamatdrew]

Oh, Child......

Jenn, you may be a non-standard mother, but a bad one you are not.

[green_grrl]

You have a live-in fangirlboy to flail with and Derek cosplayer. Your life is win!

[everbright]

RE: clean rooms - this will generally get cleared up the first time he lives in the same house with someone who doesn't clean. See: Me living with my father, ages 16 through 18.

You and Child have an amazing relationship. You raised a decent human being worse most expensive addiction is a trading card game; that totally counts as a credible effort. *hugs*

[out_there]

*all the loe in the world for this*

[zee]

My HEART. ♥ ♥ ♥ Jenn. ♥ ♥ ♥

[taraljc.livejournal.com]

I ♥ your offspring.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*grins* He still asks when he can see all my friends again.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

I love you two. I really do. <3

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*g* Thanks. It's been one of those weeks, months, and years. Honestly, even with the heart-stopping terror, that was kind of the best part of this week.

[elandrialore.livejournal.com]

You may fail at parenting

Uh, I beg to differ here, you clearly win.

[delle.livejournal.com]

I agree - as a mom of three, you ROCK at parenting.

[macbyrne.livejournal.com]

You are my standard of parenting. I hope to hell I can live up to the example you set. Both in the loving, and the fan-parenting. *bows at your feet*

[pi]

This utterly made my day. I had to explain to my mother why I was laughing out loud at the internet. Unfortunately she doesn't get the fandom thing and didn't really understand it, but this is just lovely. <3s

[metaphortunate.livejournal.com]

Oh, I love this.

[suzvoy.livejournal.com]

Hearts. HEARTS.

[firefly1311.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I will show this to my daughter (15 years) who thinks boys lack the gen to understand fans (mothers)! You rock!

[droolfangrrl.livejournal.com]

The terror that one will complete FAIL at parenting knows no bound. Mind you.I was fine during the pregnancy and fell apart when confronted with "OMFG IT'S A LIVING BREATHING LITTLE PERSON!"what was i thinking i can't even keep a plant alive! With bonus help from a post partum hormonal spit storm that was like wow, what a mess.

Glad it all worked out for you and child. :)

[nimnod.livejournal.com]

Lovely =)

[tricksterquinn.livejournal.com]

Oh, you two do delight me so! Say hello to Child for me. I miss both your smiling/hilariously scowling faces more than a little bit.