seperis | books: edenbrooke by julianne donaldson

Edenbrooke: A Proper Romance by Julianne Donaldson - imagine, if you will, Jane Austen if she couldn't write, had very little taste, no sense of Regency propriety, a heroine that did nothing but blush and look embarrassed, and a hero who was just a dick. Not an evil dick, but a petty, irritating, 'teasing' dick and the wordplay, if you even can call it that, is simplistic, mind-numbing, and almost painfully like watching paint dry, except in that case, you get the benefit of a painted something, but in this case, not so much.

It was that bad. The only reason I am even mentioning it is that it has unsettlingly high reviews and I know enough people on my flist like Austen to sometimes feel a little nostalgic desire for the genre. This is not it. Also, I'm grumpy, because I read the sample and feel tricked, because the heroine upon meeting the hero immediately becomes even more epically boring than I thought possible.

I had no idea what a sense of relief I'd get from reviewing something on amazon. That was very emotionally cathartic.

Quotes

If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers
. -- Unknown, on feedback
BTS List
That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex...
Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
-- pricklyelf, on why Lex goes bad
LJ
Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
-- Teague, reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones"
LJ
Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
Jenn: Because you are an addict.
Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
-- hwmitzy and seperis, on bead addiction
AIM, 12/24/2003
I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
-- anonymous, on terrible writing
AIM, 2/17/2004
In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
-- silverkyst, on wtf
AIM, 3/25/2004
Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
-- eleveninches and anonymous, on things that are disturbing
LJ, 4/2/2004
silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular genetics.
silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
-- silverkyst and seperis, on more wtf
AIM, 1/25/2005
You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
-- Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years
LJ, 3/15/2005
Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
-- Summerfling, on shower sex
LJ, 7/22/2005
It's weird, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
-- revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit
LJ, 2/7/2006
Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
-- cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny
LJ, 4/13/2006
Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
-- deadlychameleon, on class
LJ, 9/1/2007
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Fan Fiction is John Cusack standing outside your house with a boombox.
-- JRDSkinner, on fanfiction
Twitter
I will unashamedly and unapologetically celebrate the joy and the warmth and the creativity of a community of people sharing something positive and beautiful and connective and if you don’t like it you are most welcome to very fuck off.
-- Michael Sheen, on Good Omens fanfic
Twitter, 6/19/2019
Adding for Mastodon.
-- Jenn, traceback
Fosstodon, 11/6/2022

iI notice that several Amazon reviewers praise it for being "clean".

...that explains a lot.

Favorite review:

If you love Jane Austen, and sometimes have a hard time reading her books, this is the regency romance for you!

Is it a little weird, do you think, that the three "Editorial Reviews" are from the wives of authors?

Is it a little weird, do you think, that the three "Editorial Reviews" are from the wives of authors?

I AM SHOCKED.

I feel it's wrong to take satisfaction every time someone marks my review as helpful. I saved ~~seven~~ eight souls!

edited at: Date: 2012-08-13 01:25 pm (UTC)

Sounds like a terrible book. Sorry you read it! At least you helped others to avoid it.

Sounds relevant:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/best-book-reviews-money-buy-131408538.html

* The ones that say that this book is the best thing since sliced bread, so refined, so romantic, good for one's figure and muscle tone...

As opposed to the flames the other not so positive review got (which read like they had been written by the author herself: the sock puppet was so emotional about it all)

books: edenbrooke by julianne donaldson

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About all those other reviews, the glowing ones*

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