seperis | this is strangely predictible

winterlive has strangely mesmerizing powers of persuasion. Apparently I am watching Teen Wolf, and I'm not sure how this happened.

In other news, work hates us all, but nicer, I belatedly finishing registering for VVC, and apparently will also be attending Adacamp in DC (with travel!), which is really awesome except seriously, I have no idea why they accepted me. However, a suggested panel there is about the Imposter Syndrome, which I probably need to attend immediately.

I'm also staring blankly at 168,000 words of SPN Dean/Castiel fic that does not seem to be like, stopping. Sadly, even unfinished, it officially is ten thousand words more than the longest thing I ever attempted to write, and that fic took me a year to finish altogether. I find it really uneasy-making that this is only three months in and the bulk of the major arc is still Out There Somewhere. I blame season seven canon for giving me ideas.

I'm also contemplating an entry that will include What and What Not To Say to the Grieving Family, because I'm suddenly like, really thankful for platitudes--dude, platitudes rock. You know what rocks less? Creative extempore notions of comforting people. Dude, platitudes are platitudes for a reason; trying to be creative when sharing loss ends up with some people three minutes later still untangling what you said and kind of freaked out by it.

For the record, what to send would be deli platters. Just for the record; sandwich, fruit, adn cookie trays rock. My team at work went all out and dude, there were like, three kinds of croissant sandwiches and piles of cookies and fruit. I still kind of think this should be on some kind of list somewhere for people to reference when you're making a Flowers versus Flowers decision.

In Judaism, you don't send flowers when someone dies. So we got so many fruit baskets when my brother died, it was ridiculous. And sandwich trays, too, and other things, but the fruit baskets. All stuffed with boxes of tea biscuits.

However, the most useful thing anyone did for us that entire awful week was buy us groceries. Spaghetti, Cheerios, milk, orange juice--basics, things we ran out of and couldn't get to the store to get and so on. So my belief now si that if someone close to me has a death in the family, I will buy him or her groceries, because you can only live on sandwich trays for so long.

Which is all to say I'm very sorry for your loss, and I hope you are doing relatively okay.

I have heard people say this about buying groceries before, and I think it's brilliant. Though I'd also be afraid of buying my staples rather than theirs... which is not a good enough reason not to do it.

Thank you very much!

Deli platters? I have to admit that wouldn't occur to me. Here people don't send anything to the relatives, afaik, only condolence letters or cards. At least we didn't get any food or flowers when my father died recently. Flowers are only send to the funeral (unless people ask for donations or such instead).

It was honestly one of the best things we received. I'm making a note of it as a really good idea.

We had some flowers at hteh funeral and that came to our house, too.

Yep, I just wanted people to say something nice but not personal and then move on...

Regarding the platters, this advice also holds true for giving birth. No, although kind, to cuddly toys, yes to things I can eat so I don't have to cook :)

*NODS* When my middle sister had her second kid, I came armed with one stuffed animal and two slices of cheesecake from teh cheesecake factory. I think between all the family, she didn't cook for a week or two at least, and her husband at the tiem did hafl the cooking anyway.

I'm looking forward to seeing your story, and I've also been thinking of you and your family these past weeks, and what you've been going through. I wish you peace; may your father's memory be a blessing.

Thank you for both. *hugs*

Yay for the cons! Adacamp is especially awesome -- I hope you have a great experience.

The bit about sending food to a grieving family is really, really smart. I hope things get easier for you all relatively soon.

I was up late rereading War Games and loving all of it all over again. Looking forward to new fic from you. :)

Thank you!

If this one ever ends, I will be so relieved. I forgot--again--what it was like to have a story riding you day and night like this.

Yay Vividcon!

And yay deli platters.

Totally both! *g*

I'm sitting here at Con.txt missing you and just thinking about you and what happened. Having just gone through it, all I can say is I'm so sorry, and I send long-distance, heart-felt hugs. Hang in there, sweetheart.

Thank you so much. *hugs*

*hugs*!

*hugs back*

My brother in law just died quite unexpectedly and all I could think to do was buy groceries (things that are easy and yummy to eat), clean her house, and fix her toilet seat. :/

Dude, those are magic, trust me. Possibly teh best thing ever. (especially teh toilet seat. I have had bad toilet seats before.)

I"'m so sorry for your loss.

Dude, platitudes are platitudes for a reason; trying to be creative when sharing loss ends up with some people three minutes later still untangling what you said and kind of freaked out by it.

Precisely. And sometimes it gets way too long, and turns into a monologue on this person's pain, which- no. On the other hand, when the platitudes start to get spiritual and such, that can still end with people freaked out by it.

*hugs* Thinking of you, hon. And you're right: platitudes and practicalities are best. When my dad died, the best things my friends did for my family were to bring food and clean my mom's house. It was comforting in a way I can't properly verbalize. Hang in there.

Sorry.

Er, for?

Adding: I was referring to some comments at work and at the memorial service last weekend.

edited at: Date: 2012-06-16 09:48 am (UTC)

I sent a note yesterday and was afraid I totally over-shared.

Nope! I just am behind in answering everything; it was fine. I posted about the specific comment that you already saw. *g*

http://fuckyeahslothwatch.tumblr.com/

PS TEENWOLF HAS PWNED ME SINCE LAST SUMMER TELL NO ONE! SHHH!

edited at: Date: 2012-06-17 08:51 pm (UTC)

There should totally be some sort of reference, and also which platitudes not to utter under any circumstances (at least to me,not unless you want a black eye, a theological discussion at top volume, or be set on fire.)

The best gift anyone gave us, when my dad died, was the idea to when folks would tell stores about him to us, was to ask if they could write them down and send them to us. That and good food.

I remember what all this felt like, and things will be interesting as your family readjusts, and you'll get to know one another in different ways. Be good to yourself. ::big hugs and love::

Thank you, hon. *hugs*

I'm super excited you'll be in DC! We should coordinate hanging while you're in town. I'm so excited to see you!

Honestly, What To Say And When (And What Not To Say, Like, Ever) would probably be really useful for a great many people. I'm sorry some people are freaking you the hell out. ♥

I'll email you the exact dates; I think it'll be a Sunday-Wednesday, but I need to check the leave schedule to be sure.

Sweeeeet. I glanced at the conference dates already. :D

You'll not be needing anywhere to stay, correct?

Apparently I am watching Teen Wolf, and I'm not sure how this happened.

yeeees! :D i love everything u've ever written so, yeah, just the thought that since u're watching u might someday write something in that verse has me smiling in happiness.

I'm also staring blankly at 168,000 words of SPN Dean/Castiel fic

*glee* i don't know how frustrating it is for u as a writer but, well, it exists, and one day it'll b ready for me to read so u know...i'm shallow that way :D

thank u for every story u've shared so far, and have a safe travel
e

edited at: Date: 2012-06-16 05:37 pm (UTC)

*g* I'll be happy if when I post someone wants to read it. Seriously, my estimates on length keep going up, and I'm going to have to break it into chapters at least so as not to terrify everyone.

oh i don't know...i think there's a rather large amount of people who like long stories just fine :D and would read it regardless of chapters or not (though chapters do make it easier to remember when u left off so i am humbly asking for chapters if possible)

Oh god, the shit people will say. Platitudes, at least, are safe and bland.

*nodnodnod* They are nice white noise-ish; I know exactly what to expect! Originality can be okay, but can also be terrifying. *g*

Oh thank God, I'm not the only one watching Teen Wolf. Why is it so insanely silly yet incredibly engrossing???

I blame Stiles.

Dude, I have no idea.

STILES. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

TEEN WOLF!!

I mean, yeah, I'm, uh, kinda watching that, too.

Once, when we were grieving, a neighbor came to our doorstep, said "I'm so sorry for your loss" and handed me a chocolate bundt cake. Somehow, it was the perfect thing.

I am very sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you a chocolate bundt cake.

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