why are these people web-enabled?

Okay, level with me--the point of Facebook is to:

a.) be annoyed by your mother's obsession with getting gifts for Farmville.
b.) learn to hate fish every time you look at your feed.
c.) so people you met before the age of reason, or fuck, the age of puberty, can track you down like some kind of goddamn dark magic GPS, because I refuse to believe anything as beautiful as computers could be responsible for this shit.
d.) ex-boyfriends from non-English speaking countries who were instrumental in your growth and development can friend you. No reason.
e.) a long-lost friend is into otaku-like beliefs but in relation to the Fae (yes, nymphaea1, I am not joking, I have evidence) and sends you pictures (EVIDENCE). Of her wings (NOT KIDDING).
f.) Fundamentalist relatives. I'll just leave that as-is.
f.) give you a glimpse of what hell will be like in terms of population. Yeah, this.

Guess how many of these are happening to me right now?

Okay, showtime. Beat that list. I totally dare you.

Comments

I shit you not:

[2naonh3-cl2.livejournal.com]

1) Two stalkers that I had called the cops on friended me. One from college, one from my IT job who flipped out when I turned him down for a date.

2) People who I have never met, had no mutual friends, and/or lived in another country.

3) Two people who actively tried to make my high school years hell. Including throwing my bookbag full of books into the pond in the front of the middle-school next door.

4) People who I don't remember meeting, but they apparently remember me.

5) People who throw sheep at me--wtf is up with all the FB apps? I don't get them--and have never said a word to me on FB.

6) Someone who criticizes my weight, publicly.

Re: I shit you not:

[seperis.livejournal.com]

....what the fuck?

I--wait, which app is sheep?

Also, you win. Though I will say my Fae-friend does come a close second. SHE LIVES NEARBY AND WANTS TO MEET UP.

Re: I shit you not:

[2naonh3-cl2.livejournal.com]

I wasn't actually sure if the crazy beat out the Fae friend. I mean, none of these people have WINGS. ^.^ Though, really you'd think if I called the cops on you, you wouldn't have the gall to friend me. :( Wtf people?

The "poke" thing in FB, if you upgrade to "super poke" you can do stuff like throw sheep or fist bump or whatever. I really don't see the point. Why friend me if you aren't ever going to talk to me? o.O

Re: I shit you not:

[seperis.livejournal.com]

No, number one alone skyrocketed you. Jesus.

...ooh, poking. Throwing sheep. Whoever designed that, take away their crackpipe, plz.

Re: I shit you not:

[2naonh3-cl2.livejournal.com]

I'm not really sure if I should be pleased that I won...I don't think that I should. :(

The inventing thing...eh, it's the internet, there are some seriously weird characters out there--myself included--but the fact that people on FB seem to adore doing shit like that? So weird.

Re: I shit you not:

[ariadne83]

The "poke" thing in FB, if you upgrade to "super poke" you can do stuff like throw sheep or fist bump or whatever. I really don't see the point. Why friend me if you aren't ever going to talk to me?

Those apps bug the hell out of me, especially because they encourage people to spam. You have to send a certain number of sheep (or fistbumps or whatever) to unlock other items, so it sounds like these people are using you for that.

Re: I shit you not:

[2naonh3-cl2.livejournal.com]

I just...I don't even know...What the hell's the point? What's the point of unlocking all these weird pokey things, and NEVER TALK TO ME?

Re: I shit you not:

[druidspell.livejournal.com]

In addition to throwing sheep, you can also *anally fistulate* someone. Just for added trauma when you log on one day, and someone you haven't seen since you were FOUR thought it would be HILARIOUS.

Re: I shit you not:

[2naonh3-cl2.livejournal.com]

...um...you know...I might actually want to unlock the poking things...just so I can do that to the people who don't ever talk to me. *evil grin* That might just brighten up my day.

Seriously? Someone you haven't seen since you were four? That's a little...um...ew. Sorry.

Re: I shit you not:

[eponymousanon.livejournal.com]

#3-- there's this dude who used to go to the same school as me, and we belonged to the same forum boards. There was this thread which was sort of war-of-the-sexes but all in fun, until he described lowering me into a pit of molten lava and listening to me scream as I burned to death (afaik, we were the only ones in the comm to know each other IRL). We were freshmen in high school. He transferred the next year (thank god!) but, even though I refuse to friend him on FB, is ALWAYS the first one to wish me a Happy Birthday. I feel your pain.

Re: I shit you not:

[2naonh3-cl2.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. That's a horrible thing to say. :( Who the hell thinks like that?

Well the two people who did the book bag thing, they were more passive aggressive...if you count them not admitting to the book bag incident until about 5 years after the fact...the worst I got in terms of verbal interactions mostly were focused on racial slurs, particularly ignorant ones. :/ I didn't really grow up with brilliant kids.