maybe you had to be here to see the expression on his face

So granted, this is going to prove my unfitness for a parent, but just go with it.

Today, Child got beat up by a girl.



So here is the story as told to me, since I was left out of the mess as my mother picked him up and found out the story.

Apparently, Child was with some friends and a girl that hates him. Yeah no clue why. Anyway, there was blah blah blah and then the girl sniped at Child, and Child said (badly quoted):

"You are going to lose DPS points for missing materials for forgetting your brain."

And this, to me, is the most hilarious joke in the history of the world. DPS points are what you get for forgetting stuff or doing something wrong at school and I--feel so bad, yet I really love that joke.

So yes, after five minutes of laughing myself sick, then I found out that apparently, this enraged the girl past reason, so she climbed on a chair and kicked him in the chest (just below and to the right of the breast bone). It knocked the air out of him and his friends took him to the nurse, where the nurse reported it, because God knows Child can't bother himself to do anything like that and I probably wouldn't have found out otherwise until he was like, thirty or something). By the time my mother arrived to pick him up at the end of the day (this seems to have happened really near the end of the day), there were three student statements and a plan of action. They were efficient.

(I swear I checked to see if there was bruising. He's fine, but sulky.)

Anyway, for the joke he got lunch detention (which is fair) and the girl is suspended for two days. I hugged him and told him I loved him, then promised to record this here and the joke so he can use it again, since it's been proved effective, and I've done my duty.

(Actually, he wants to make sure celli and taraljc and svmadelyn and talitha78 know so they can coo at him or something.)

...this shouldn't be as funny as it is, but every time I calm down, Child sets me off again.

Comments

[cofax7]

Heh.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I'm still trying to find the properly horrified expression.

[lexstar29.livejournal.com]

I'm really kind of laughing too! Your kid sounds very cool!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

IT's funny! I mean, bad, whatever, but God.

[winterlive.livejournal.com]

start saving for the wedding right now.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I'm kind of morbidly curious about that.

[boochicken.livejournal.com]

Erm, aren't crushes manifested by inexplicable hatred and violence at a certain age?

[seperis.livejournal.com]

...I mentioned that to Child once. He didn't go for my throat? But it was a very close thing.

[littledrop.livejournal.com]

Hee. Child = awesome. *g*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*g* He pleases.

[chopchica.livejournal.com]

I love your kid.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

He is in fact awesome.

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

Oh, Child!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*grins*

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

I join in the cooing. And let it be known that when using a Class 3 Joke, to do so from a reasonably safe distance. Or learn that thing where you grab your attacker's foot and flummox them.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

We have to discuss the distance from attacker thing soon.

...i keep laughing at that joke. I feel like such a loser.

[jujuberry136.livejournal.com]

Your kid's pretty awesome ;)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

He totally is.

[djinanna.livejournal.com]

>>(Actually, he wants to make sure [info]celli and [info]taraljc and [info]svmadelyn and [info]talitha78 know so they can coo at him or something.)<<

Child not only is awesome, he has good taste.

Also, I also think the joke was v funny - but am horrified that evil girl-child not only kicked him but got up on a chair to do so. There's a level of premeditation there that just doesn't exist with a swift reflexive kick to the shins.

Also also, good on Child's friends for taking him to the school nurse.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

He's not tall-tall but relatively so. I kind of wish I could have watched this to get the order of events. That's kind of dramatic, tbh. *shakes head*

He has *very* good taste. *g*

[shinetheway.livejournal.com]

[giggles like mad]

You're the coolest mom ever. [grins]

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I know there is a life lesson here I am supposed to be teaching him, but I can't get beyond giggling and asking if she's an ex-girlfriend. I am so going to hell.

[cat-77.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's being a mom of a little boy geek type thing, but I find the joke hilarious and the rest kind of adorable. Not that he got kicked, because that had to hurt, but that his friends took care of him and everything and that he's still proud of what he said.

In a flip of that, my eldest (who's about the same age) got saved by a girl. A bully was teasing him on the bus for being a chess geek (surprisingly, he was okay with the whole "two moms" thing, but not chess). We asked if his younger brother helped out, who immediately jumped in with "No, Hamzado kicked his ass!" We said Hamzado must be a really nice guy. Youngest broke down laughing that Hamzado was a girl. In full traditional dress with a hajib and everything. And she handed the bully his ass on a platter. Eldest was perfectly fine with this. :)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

This. All of this.

Also, Hamzado is freaking awesome. *glee*

[mklutz]

Okay, I just have to say that I enjoy stories about Child more than almost too many things on my flist, and this is pure gold. Tell Child he is brilliant, and I hope he takes over the world with laser beams and say, attack sharks or something.

[slippery-fish.livejournal.com]

Don't forget the cloned dragons...

[ellixis.livejournal.com]

Child is amazing.

[tex.livejournal.com]

Dang, he got detention for that joke? Wow, it's hardcore up there, huh? ; )

[aelora.livejournal.com]

I had to read this to the hubby in the car on the way home (surprise snow - the drive took forever so it was time to scan the flist...).

Kids. You can't make this stuff up!

[tricksterquinn.livejournal.com]

That's amazing. One of the things about parenting I've learned from Living With A Kid is the difficulty of "appropriate" responses. I swear, when I have kids, I'll never get past the reflexive laughter to, like, attempt role-modeldom.

Also, that's awesome.

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

When my sister tells me about stuff my niece has done, I can't help but laugh. Which makes me ask her how she keeps a straight face in front my Niece. My sister's response was "it takes practice."

[norah.livejournal.com]

*COOS*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Srsly. If I could stop giggling every time it's mentioned, I'd totally be doing that. And yet. I giggle.

[kernezelda]

I tell you, reading your and Child's adventures is always a highlight of my day. You two are just. so. cool. And adorable, even. :)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I admit, today has been a Very Good Day.

[crystalheaven.livejournal.com]

Your child is amazing.

Just wanted to point that out to him. Not that he probably didn't already know that. *grins*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

He's doing Dance Dance Revolution 2 right now to beat my score while glowing that other people think he's cool.

I don't even know what I'm going with him when he's a teen. God.

[marthawells.livejournal.com]

Hee!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*grins*

[cereta.livejournal.com]

Your kid = awesome.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I admit, this will help make up for his teens.

this shouldn't be as funny as it is

[mustangsally78.livejournal.com]

Oh no. It's pretty fucking funny.

He's going to marry her, srsly.

Re: this shouldn't be as funny as it is

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I am totally going to read this entry to them both when he brings her home on a date. It will make my year.

[lillian13.livejournal.com]

I am so glad your Child and my friend's Child do not go to the same school. They'd gang up and take over the world.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Honestly, his inherent laziness is the only thing saving us all.

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

Fantastic story. I think I love your kid.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*g* He's pretty fun.