a lament, on the universe, and forsooth (forsooth! wtf?)

Trufax. I am losing my contractions again.

Many moons ago, due to years of essay writing (which discouraged contraction use), everything I wrote was almost disturbingly formal, but in a very awkward way. I'd broken the worst of the habit by my fourth month in fandom because nothing beats reading your own porn dialogue coming out as a cross between Beowulf Does Dallas and Travails of a Misunderstood Penis on Crusade (Abridged) to really bring home no one should sound like that during sex. But let me tell you, dragging out your Mallory and your Canterbury for, of all Godforsaken things, research just totally brings it all back and I spent a lot of time find/replacing last night when all my dialogue was uncontracted and then going back to twitch myself into some kind of fit when I unironically had some kind of thing going on that sounded like I was trying to channel Cicero by way of Hustler. And I hated Cicero the first and only time I read him. I also don't remember any of it (I do not pretend I can read Latin. Maybe he's more interesting in his native tongue? Could happen), but I'm suspicious when "and showeth to me your manhood" starts creeping into my brain as a reasonable thing and making me want bleach like whoa. Also, showeth is not a word. I have no fucking clue where that's coming from. Maybe the land of badfic.

Also fighting off the urge to use "verily", "yea", and "forsooth". Forsooth, for the love of God. Forsooth.*

This just cannot end well, can it? It's not even pretentious. It's sad. It's really, really sad.

Seriously, if I pull that in a fic, mock my ass. God knows I'm getting worried now what I'm actually not noticing that should die in a fire.

*page ten. Totally unironic. Someone take away my Book of the Courier or this is going to just get worse.

Comments

[green-grrl.livejournal.com]

Dude, just watch Merlin canon. The fuck if they talk that way on BBC!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I KNOW. I CAN'T HELP IT. It's like some dark, mysterious badficness is taking over my fingers and forsooth.

*curls up*

[2naonh3-cl2.livejournal.com]

I'm going to assume that the reason why you're reading that stuff is due to Merlin fanfic...if only because Merlin seems have to eaten up the rest of the fandom world. -_-;;; My one statement, is this: Merlin uses modern day slang--case point, Merlin asks Arthur if he's been "sacked"--so, I don't think people will be very nit-picky if you were to use contractions. >.< <3

[seperis.livejournal.com]

You and I know this. My brain just really wants to destroy my life.

*sniffles*

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

:: Snicker :: Somehow I can see one of your charaters (John or Rodney) trying to talk like that and keep a straight face while there partner is tossing the house looking for the pods. Really, really funny.

Thanks for the giggle.

~L

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*dies* It would be funny.

[twistedchick]

Cicero is not really more interesting in Latin (had to translate him for a *very long* year); he just *thinks* he's more interesting. Throws in weird bits of phrasing, odd figures of speech just to be cute. I wish that, at the time, I'd had a Rodney McKay in the class to make appropriately snide and snarky comments that would be completely relevant.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Rodney in any class would make it better. I'd have killed to have him in Lit I.

[fairlyironic.livejournal.com]

Actually, I would totally read porn written in formal, middle-ages English. It's hard to find something to make a porn scene unique, this would be one of the ways that it could be done. And it would be *funny.*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

By unique, you mean terrifying, yes?

...okay, and funny too. Totally.

[annaalamode.livejournal.com]

Trees are purple and grass is orange in the land of badfic. Everyone is high all the time and ice cream cones are free. It's not a bad place to visit. Just don't stay too long.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

IT CLINGS TO YOU AFTERWARD.

[transtempts.livejournal.com]

*smirks*

Hast thou read thy Shakespeare of late, fair lady?

*ducks flying fruit*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

MY LOATHING IS LEGION.

[shinetheway.livejournal.com]

I sympathize, I do--except I started laughing so hard I snorted diet coke when I got to "Beowulf Does Dallas" and so the rest of your lament was somewhat wasted on me. Anyone who can write this entry should have no problems writing anything else in the world. (Also, forsooth, I think it would be cool as hell to read a slash story written like that. Yea verily.)

I have a tendency to get lost emotionally when I'm writing, and get increasingly florid and overdone--to the point recently where my beta had to gently remind me that no, it's actually NOT in character for Arthur to weep like a ten-year-old girl, even if he's a tormented soul etc.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I have a tendency to get lost emotionally when I'm writing, and get increasingly florid and overdone--to the point recently where my beta had to gently remind me that no, it's actually NOT in character for Arthur to weep like a ten-year-old girl, even if he's a tormented soul etc.

God, this. I get lost in atmosphere, to the point where betas have asked "is there a story here anywhere? Very pretty though!" It is--something.

Yea, verily, seek the hidden burrows of his delight, forsooth. For thou art fair and thy arse be comely. Shoot. Me. Now.

jeebus lavery, I love you so much..

[katelennon.livejournal.com]

I wish I could tell you why, but I just do. I think this post is probably going to the top of the list.

Just so you know.

PS, I would love to read Beowulf does Dallas, feel free to enslave me yet again..

Re: jeebus lavery, I love you so much..

[seperis.livejournal.com]

If I do, I will cry a lot. I mean, I hope I cry a lot. I hope I don't list it as OMG MY MASTERPIECE.

...God, I could. This could happen.

[littlemousling]

Cicero's content is no more interesting in Latin, but his rhetoric, exclusive (mostly) of meaning, is pretty interesting if you like that sort of stuff, and it's largely lost in English.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

That would explain my initial reaction. I had a lot of "nice word choice" moments more than "my universe is rockethed".

[out-there.livejournal.com]

You're writing Merlin, aren't you? Despite the modern dialogue/humour/characterisation of that show, it still seems to tap into all those old legends of Arthur when all spoke in Ye Olde English.

Weird, but it seems to happen a lot.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Pretty much. I hear Arthur, I flashback to Ye Olde Days and it's so bad. Reading it is worse. I can only mock myself so long before I become immune to it and start to think, yea, and thou shalt taketh his member into thy mouth. Or something.

*twitch*

[manderkitty.livejournal.com]

Cicero by way of Hustler?

I think my brain just broke a little. And the classicist inside is crying out for something, anything, to make him more interesting.

(Although his vague accusations of incest can be amusing)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Can you imagine Cicero's House of Pornography? Very erudite, deeply meaningful, with lots of carefully choreographed positioning. I wonder if everyone orgasms in perfectly grammatical Latin?

[dragojustine.livejournal.com]

Maybe he's more interesting in his native tongue?

Nope. Seems plausible, but no.

Sorry. I am laughing WITH you, I swear. You crack me up.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*sulks* I can tell. I feel like writing it now just to punish fandom. VERILY STICKETH THY MANHOOD WITHIN HIS SECRET SHEATHE. But you know, scarier.

...really am attracted to verily now like whoa.

[jade-dragoness.livejournal.com]

Do not fret fair lady. Thy mastery over the quill upon the page of the digital is renown throughout the internetland.

Should thy seeketh to fare with a lack of contradictions, you would have my sword.

Now, part of me desperately wishes there was an international talk like a knight day. =D

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh hell yes. WE NEED THAT.

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

"Beowulf Does Dallas"

I GUFFAWED at the first lines of your post. Aw, Jenn. ♥

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*sad* Ye Olden Blowjob.

[manderkitty.livejournal.com]

Go read any of the British translations of Catullus. Learn to be dirty and erudite at the same time!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I am on this, if for no other reason than the words dirty and erudite look great together in a sentence.

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

nothing beats reading your own porn dialogue coming out as a cross between Beowulf Does Dallas and Travails of a Misunderstood Penis on Crusade (Abridged)

I WOULD READ THAT. Sounds excellent to me!

Tangentially related, I had the joy of reading a translation of some Middle High German erotica. It was HILARIOUS. Trees laughing appears to be an orgasm metaphor.

(er, hi, random popping up out of the blue- kayloulee linked me, fyi)