the new martyrdom for the middle class

Etiquette Hell, where I am currently reading about the seemingly common form of wildlife known as the Bridezilla.

Okay, even stripping away exaggeration, classism (you can kind of see that coming when the writer uses the words 'prestigious' with 'college' and 'tacky' with 'decorations', at which time I settle in to contemplate how snobbery seems to increase in direct proportion to how much one's husband is making), and what seems to be, in some cases, deeply seated personality disorders....

I give up. Do weddings really drive people crazy? I can do a ninety percent bullshit deduction and still be absolutely terrified of anyone engaged for the rest of my life. I pasted it to adannu (and boy, I wonder if she's speaking to me, we were both reading it as of seven this morning with a sense of disorientation. ), and what actually strikes me the hardest (hence my blankness), is that (almost) everyone writing in is just really, really stupid.

Here is the Generic Bridezilla Victim Profile--

1.) Asked to be part of the wedding, then beaten directly after while the bride yells MY DAY MY DAY MY DAY and then orders everyone to not get pregnant and searches out hideous dresses that could actually make burqas make a big comeback.

However, this is okay. The bride is stressed and OMG IT IS SUCH A HONOR.

2.) Hand tatting the bride's veil while she tries to strangle her directly after hand writing in calligraphy a thousand invitations on home-made paper made from extinct trees the OP chopped down and processed herself OUT OF LOVE.

(If you know what tatting is, you just winced so hard your fingers slid over the keyboard. Because only a masochist would try that. My mother, accomplished in some of the finest handwork I have ever seen and used to sell her extras, tried to break her tatting needle thing. We are lucky we do not own a smelt or something.)

However, this is okay. The bride is tired and OMG IT IS SUCH AN HONOR.

3.) Is not invited to any of the parties/some of the parties/all of the parties but expected to bring many gifts/one expensive gift/money. And is insulted/derided/mutilated with a ritual knife if these demands are not met.

However, this is okay. OMG IT IS SUCH A--really? I--don't know why, really.

4.) Spends thousands of dollars on airfare and hotel rooms, spends a week decorating for entirety of the wedding with handcrafted and professional level decorations without complaint, negotiates between wedding party, family members, and guests like a nuclear winter in the Middle East is on the line, and holds the bride while she cries because one ribbon is one tenth of an inch shorter than it should be. Then the bride drops her from the wedding party because at the weekly bridesmaid weigh-in, she has gained an ounce.

However, this is okay. Did I mention personality disorders?

5.) They go to the morning/afternoon/evening wedding where there is crappy food/minimal snacks/no food/poisoned kool-aid. Everyone stays.

No, really. And help clean up afterward.

OR

5b.) Is literally sent to the kitchen like a re-enactment of Cinderella to act as the entire wedding guest list's personal servant. There may be spitting involved, but oddly, no singing mice or glowing godmothers.

However, this is okay. Does anyone see a pattern?

6.) No one, other than the victim, sees anything wrong with this.

However, this is okay. Fuckall if I can figure this one out.

7.) Victim is accused by friends, family, guests, random passers-by on the streets, and during three separate seances of not being supportive of the bride.

....yeah.

8.) The bride does not send a thank-you note.

NOW SHE HAS GONE TOO FAR.

I'm serious. I--wait. I missed one.

9.) She's still a good friend!/At my wedding, she had better be a better bridesmaid!/She has turned everyone against me and I cut myself at night!/I married much better and she has forty-five kids and is divorced!/MY HUSBAND MAKES MORE MONEY! (there are a startling number of 'we are poor now (no comment) but that is because we are in college of course getting really awesome degrees' bridesmaids; strange.)

*hands*

I really can't even think of a conclusion here.

Comments

[mrshamill.livejournal.com]

Do weddings really drive people crazy?

Short answer, yes. Long answer takes longer than my Mucinex-addled brain can formulate, but suffice it to say that we paid for our FUCK YOU MOTHER SIMPLE AND EASY wedding ourselves specifically so that we'd avoid the bridezilla nonsense, skipped the pre-parties, put a FUCKING GORILLA ON TOP OF THE HOMEMADE CARROT CAKE WEDDING CAKE (my best friend, a chef, catered the wedding as a gift to us for just the cost of the food, he made the cake himself and crashed the tiny little biplanes into the homemade cream cheese frosting beneath the gorilla that had a little bridal veil on its head and was clutching a tiny blond groom in one hand and mom refused to eat any of it), told my two bridesmaids to just find simple, fall-colored, knee-length dresses to wear, and I STILL ended up in tears at the rehearsal. Blessings on my Gramma, who knew what I wanted and just stood up at the end and busted the damn 'receiving line' up.

So. Yeah. They do. ::hack::wheeeze::

[amireal.livejournal.com]

This sounds similar to what my sister did, only my mom was totally for it, cheaper to make dinner for 10 people, buy some flowers and decorations and have a wedding at the house than to actually do the traditional stuff with a caterer and stuff.

[mrshamill.livejournal.com]

My kid? She's eloping. I'm going to forbid her from doing so in order to guarantee it.

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

Ow. Babe, that sucks. Have you forgiven your mom yet?

~L

P.S. Are you feeling any better?

[mrshamill.livejournal.com]

sigh You don't forgive the wind for knocking your house down, it's pointless. She's just who she is. And no, I'm a right mucus factory tonight, my fever's been spiking all day and I'm grumpy. Blech. Have to go into work for a bit tomorrow too, but I'm not staying.

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

Ouch. That isn't all that cool at all. Wow.

I am hoping that you get better soon and that your fever goes down too.

:: hugs ::

~L

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*winces*

OTOH, your cake? Awesome. Seriously. Seriously. Awesome.

[mrshamill.livejournal.com]

It was the most awesomeist thing ever, esp since mom hated it. If the internet had existed, it would have been the star of YouTube. And when I got preggers, it showed up on the cake for my baby shower in a tiny, paper-towel diaper.

[fyrdrakken]

That is awesome -- even better than the cake toppers at my Dad and Stepmother #3's wedding, where on top was the groom fleeing the bride and the next level down was the bride dragging the groom by the back of his tuxedo jacket. (Best of all was that it was a mistake by the bakery and not actually their cake, so it was a total delightful surprise to us and then the cake toppers were able to be recovered by the bakery in time for use at the wedding of the people who had actually specially ordered them.)

[bruinsfan.livejournal.com]

(my best friend, a chef, catered the wedding as a gift to us for just the cost of the food, he made the cake himself and crashed the tiny little biplanes into the homemade cream cheese frosting beneath the gorilla that had a little bridal veil on its head and was clutching a tiny blond groom in one hand and mom refused to eat any of it)

HMOG, that is the most awesome wedding cake in human history! Did you get plenty of photos?