(no subject)

Did you ever enjoy thinking about a story so much you just don't want to write it because it will never be as good as it is in your head? (And also in your head, no one can criticize your characterization?)

I have two like this that I keep rewriting and expanding in my head all the time. And it's fun, because the inner editor who says stuff like "Oh Jesus Christ, what the fuck is that? You can't do that! Wait, didn't you do that already? Oh, that's just stupid." just cannot get in here. I can wallow.

The embarrassing part is this isn't even kinky stuff. I mean, no one is tying anyone up with piano wire and telling someone to call them daddy--this is fandom. Smut doesn't embarrass me. Unless My Little Ponies are involved in vague-non con with Rodney's hand, I'm cool. (This is not a challenge, people.) Melodrama does. Because, it's totally true, my inner writer is a sixteen year old girl who writes in sparkly pen "I want to marry John Sheppard and Benton Fraser when I grow up!" in purple ink. So sure, bring on the electrodes and implanted torture devices and what have you, but watch me squirm when I write domestic contentment.

My current mental epic is Fraser and Ray raising Fraser and Victoria's daughter, with like, hijinks and running across the border and kidnapping and lots and lots of shooting and whatnot.

*sighs*

Continuing Adventures in I Am Never Going to Finish a Story Again:

Frobisher and Ray on time and distance

"How's Fraser?" Ray asks quickly. Frobisher's nuts, but Ray has a weird feeling he's nuts in that way that's like Fraser's nuts. Just--escalated. Weirder. Interesting. Ray puts down his cup, wondering if Fraser had fucked up his sense of normal so much that Frobisher doesn't seem all that weird.

"Benton? Good boy." Frobisher smiles fondly, and Ray has this irresistible vision of Frobisher patting Fraser's head and calling him a good boy for bringing in a murderer. "Been rough, huh?"

"'S okay," Ray answers warily. Frobisher's just sitting there, all crazy and happy and not telling him a goddamn thing. "You letting him go soon?"

"Ah." Frobisher scratches at his chin. "Well. As you know, Muldoon's capture is quite an achievement. For the RCMP--"

"RCMP got nothing to do with it." In fact, Ray would say that the RCMP had shit to do with anything Fraser had done in the last few years. In *fact*, if they asked Ray, and Jesus he wishes they would, *he'd* say the RCMP hasn't done shit *for* Fraser, period.

He just can't imagine saying the word 'shit' in front of this guy. It's like sitting with his grandfather, if his grandfather had been a Mountie and seemed permanently stuck at "happy". Which Laz Kowalski had never, ever been by any stretch of the imagination.

And wait, the guy had avoided the question. "Where's Fraser?"

Frobisher hesitates. That can't be good. "We've offered him leave," Frobisher says, and it wasn't Ray's imagination at all; Frobisher *here*, no matter how much he acts like he's on another planet half the time. "He's insisting on returning to duty and his new assignment."

Ray's stomach clenches. "So he's transferring?" He can't hide the crack in his voice and doesn't bother trying to. "No exile no more?"

"He's been offered whatever post he wishes to take." Frobisher clears his throat, like maybe he realizes he's not being weird anymore. "Of course, he's been thinking it over. Despite circumstances, there are still some--hard feelings regarding his actions in pursuit of--"

"The killers of his father, whom he brought to justice," Ray drones, hands clenching on the cup. Dief growls softly against his knee. "For which the Mounties fucked him over and left him to die in Chicago. Which is what you do when someone does their job."

Frobisher's eyes narrow. "That, Detective, you do not need to argue. Not with me."

Ray blinks. Something old and raw stares back at him for a second, and he abruptly remembers what Fraser had said about him and Robert Fraser. Partners. Friends. Something even time and distance couldn't touch. Robert Fraser's been dead for nearly five years, but for this man, it's as close as yesterday, a hurt that maybe ain't never gonna heal.

*mulls* I need to check my canon for the series ending. Oh what a hardship that will be.

Comments

[lomedet.livejournal.com]

I don't usually do this, because I think demanding things of writers is rude, but you seemed to be expressing some insecurity in your post, and so, regarding both the snippet you posted (OMG SO MUCH LOVE FOR YOUR RAY AND FROBISHER) and the Ray-Fraser-and-Victoria's-kid idea:

yes, please. Might we have some more?

[solar-cat.livejournal.com]

^ This is exactly what I wanted to say, but phrased better than I could do it. So.

AGREED.

[cat-77.livejournal.com]

Unless My Little Ponies are involved in vague-non con with Rodney's hand, I'm cool. (This is not a challenge, people.)

*blinks innocently*

Everything's a challenge. Besides, we already went the Care Bear route, why not MLP's? Just what would Rodney do to figure out why the bluish one has a ZPM on its ass?

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*whimpers*

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

This is not a challenge, people.

You know, it might be better if you just picked up the red flag and started waving it maniacally. Same result, just faster!

Also: I want VERY MUCH to read that fic, yes. I am hesitantly dipping toes in this fandom and yes. A lot yes. And the Victoria's kid thing, too. YES.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Give a toe, lose a leg, so not kidding. I have no idea what happened during the month of July but there was a *lot* of dS fic involved, I can tell you that.

*wide-eyed shock*

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Did you ever enjoy thinking about a story so much you just don't want to write it because it will never be as good as it is in your head? (And also in your head, no one can criticize your characterization?)

I have three words for you: sekrit incest baby

Of course, I wrote a version of it anyway, but it's not the whole story that was in my head.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*grins* Okay, that acutally makes me want to write it. A little. Cause if I remember correctly, incest baby rocks.

[ratcreature]

Did you ever enjoy thinking about a story so much you just don't want to write it because it will never be as good as it is in your head?

Well not with stories so much, but I do it with drawings *all the time*. I have a list of drawings that I imagine in really great detail in my head, but I know they'd never look like that if I brought them to paper. There's like the Bug!Sheppard h/c piece, and some thing with Steampunk!Rodey in a Victorian Atlantis lab with a ton of steampunk gadgets, and another AU picture with John as Athosian.... There's a couple of Dresden Files illustrations, some scenes from the books, one of that a kind of comic page, and another that puts a kind of slashy twist on Dresden and Ramirez preparing for battle. There are some more, and in other fandoms too, like I have a couple for Nightwing and one Batman kind gauntlet porn? well not really but there's zooming on the gauntlet in my head...but yeah, I do that. Though it doesn't automatically mean that I never try to draw it, I sometimes had imagined a picture in my head only for two years or so, and then still drew it. Obviously it never lives up to how cool it looked in my imagination. :/

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*nodnodnod* Exactly!

[tex.livejournal.com]

Oh, dang, I'm sorry you're not going to finish that. It's lovely. I miss those guys -- they'll always have a place in my heart.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I want to marry most of them or at least conduct wild affairs. And by them, I mean, Frasr and RayK.

[kristiinthedark.livejournal.com]

I need to check my canon for the series ending. Oh what a hardship that will be.

Seriously. Every time I read your posts on dS, I have an urge to pull out the dvds and start watching random episodes. That doesn't upset me AT ALL.

And I would love to read this complete story, but the little snippets are fun, too! Excellent Ray characterization. *nods*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I'm iffy on dialogue. He's so distinctive on one hand--on the other, no one sane can read dialect for long without trying to destroy the book. (Ask me about Bastard Out of Carolina and its influence on my X-Men fic, *shudders*) So--yay! But also, gah. I think I correct him more than any character I've ever tried to write.

[gblvr.livejournal.com]

I *always* have a story running in my head -- sometimes I let them out, and yeah, the result is usually not as good as it was in my head....

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*nodnodnod* Yes. But they are so fun while mentally building.

[viggofest.livejournal.com]

Totally on board with the secret fear of fail. In my head they all sound perfect and complex and exciting. But if I ever took the time to write them out, I just know they'd be greeted with "Uh, deus ex machina much?" So I don't ever risk it.
But sometimes my head feels so full of all the details that I consider carrying around a tape recorder and then paying someone else to do all the miserable typing.

And, uh, can I just say I really hope you don't feel this way about your SGA/au with John as the undercover agent? Cause I'm living day to day for that story!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Rentboy is already out there. Though a part of me thinks maybe I *should* have left it in my head.

[lurkmuch.livejournal.com]

Did you ever enjoy thinking about a story so much you just don't want to write it because it will never be as good as it is in your head?

That is my approach to vidding. As in, I don't...but the ones in my head are so shiny.

Boys with a baby and shooting is made of win. (And I know this because season 5 of SGA is demonstrating that visibly. See? Proof!)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

This is true. *mulls* Babies are of win.

[lovelokest.livejournal.com]

It fills me with great glee that you're writing dS! dS - the little black dress of fandom (used to be Krycek, but I think the GTO mugged him in a back alley)

I always have a story or two running in my head and usually, they are pure crack and crossovers (c'mon, doesn't everyone want to see Methos on Atlantis? Or Napolean and Illya? Ray and Fraser?)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*dies*

Oh yes, the cracky crossovers. Those. Yes.

[linzeestyle.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, yes. I have an mpreg in my head that will never leave it because it's just so shameful -- I feel like my entire fannish career would be tarnished if it came out of my head, so instead it just lives in there making me happy while I sit in traffic or serve people fast food.

Unless My Little Ponies are involved in vague-non con with Rodney's hand, I'm cool.

I can't stop trying to imagine how that would go down.

Linzee

[seperis.livejournal.com]

It's kinda stuck in my head too. After the Care Bears, pretty sure something in me broke.

[mary-russell11.livejournal.com]

oh, come on!!! I mean, I'm glad that la-la land apparently abides in your mind...along with ponies.....and stuff(don't really wanna know*whispers*) but really, teasing people with those kind of plots...c'mon *begs shamelessly* you know you want to.....it'll be sooo good...just write ittttttttttttt *says in her best LOTR Gollum-voice* everyone who reads your fics knows to expect anything and your brain would have more room for new fics if you'd just right this one down....y/y???*peers at you hope fully, batting her eyelashes* c'mon...Fraser obsessing over proper baby food and Ray being even more neurotic...see??the story writes itself.*points*

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

I have THREE Stories like that, two of them Checkmate. :sigh::

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's story's awesome, and visits with Frobisher never get old.

[nymphaea1.livejournal.com]

Did you ever enjoy thinking about a story so much you just don't want to write it because it will never be as good as it is in your head?

Dude, I write like 99% of my stuff in my head. This is partly because writing shit in my head is easy to do while stuck at a lab bench waiting for my reagents to thaw or for the silver stain to finish or the 800 other things that require my presence in the lab but not my intellectual engagement. But it also means I can skip all of those inconvenient things like "common sense" or logical flow. If I just want to skip to the emo port without properly setting it up, I am perfectly free to. If I just want to see RayK dressed up as some internationally feared crime lord in fancy duds and an attitude, I totally can. It doesn't have to work for anyone but me. And I get to not write all of those boring scenes you need to do to get to the part that interests you.

It's an all around win.

Except in the fact that this is precisely why I only finish approximately one story/decade.

[fyrdrakken]

And also in my head I can wallow in the self-indulgent batshit without having to do the hard work of "justifying" it into something I would be willing to share with readers. Yes. All the freakin' time, every fandom I get into, is the great wanktastic personal-fanon epic that I sometimes can break bits out of into actual self-contained stories if I'm very, very lucky. DW is unique in forcing me to rebuild from almost-scratch with every shattering jossing finale -- it's not that I can't happily go with my own private AU in which the new season didn't happen, it's that I wind up getting so caught up in how things should have ended that I drop the last model in favor of a new one...

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Did you ever enjoy thinking about a story so much you just don't want to write it because it will never be as good as it is in your head? (And also in your head, no one can criticize your characterization?)

Oh hell yes. But I find fandom is very enabling, because as soon as I share the "Oh, man, this would be ridiculous but the thought is making me smile" thought, someone sneakily starts suggesting that they'd like to read just a little of it, and then suddenly John's teaching Rodney to dance.

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

OMG Ray, Frobisher, yes, yes, yes!

ahem.

...and I kinda love the Ray & Fraser raise Fraser's daughter by Victoria idea, too. There's another story out there where they get together (platonically! because they're idiots who don't yet realize they're in love!) to raise Fraser's son by Victoria, and eventually they duh! realize they love each other (and btw, Ray falls in parental love with Fraser's kid.) If I remembered the author I'd send you a link. I think she did a wonderful job of playing it sweet-but-not-too-sweet, and the kid was realistic and the whole fic was really quirky and fun.

I know yours would be, too. ::flutters eyelashes:: perhaps under flock, where the Cruel World wouldn't see?

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh, you know me! I'd do it like, melodramatic and angsty and with some kind of weapons involved.

God, I am tempted.

[grammarwoman]

Did you ever enjoy thinking about a story so much you just don't want to write it because it will never be as good as it is in your head? (And also in your head, no one can criticize your characterization?)

Not that you need any sort of affirmation at this point, what with all the "yea" votes above, but yes. Oh GOD yes. To my eternal shame (and Google Doc's, where all my notes go to live so they're not cluttering up my head), yes.

[grey-bard.livejournal.com]

On the other hand, perhaps you could write scenes from that universe? Like, you don't want to commit to the whole story which has bits that you don't think would live up to the one in your head, but you could still share snippets and fun moments from these happy!domestic!verses.

But, you know. I think a lot of us would enjoy the whole thing and take it on its own terms. I'd wager there's a large readership for cheefully over the top domestic snuggliness!

[mercurydraconix.livejournal.com]

oh my god. i .. missed this? somehow.

I don't know how, but you're making me respect Frobisher. Also, you're making me wonder if he and Robert Fraser were... close. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

...and now I think I have to bleach my brain free of a naked Leslie Nielson.

[janne-d.livejournal.com]

Your little dS snippets are such a tease - I really hope you keep going with some of them outside of your head sometime.

[kkpixie.livejournal.com]

*squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* *chokes* *ded*