seperis | child in review

Amazon, in a cheering turn of events, emailed me to cancel my order for Breaking Dawn so as to reorder it and get it on Saturday. This is pleasing to me in a variety of ways, not least of which is I get to have my fix of Epic Teenage Vampire Romance conveniently on Saturday evening.

I'm weirdly apathetic today. Granted, it's been an exciting week and all, which makes sense, but there's also a dim feeling of "do something".

However, in Daily Oversharing.

How to Torture Eleven Year Old Fanboy Sons Who Won't Give Back Your DVDs

1.) Flatten his hair down when he isn't paying attention, remark how much he looks like Kowalski in Asylum.

2.) Tell him he's grounded from participating in the Mars mission in 2025.

3.) Tell him you're not sure about Jacks' feelings for Ianto.

4.) Tell him Buffy doesn't like dinosaurs.

How He Will Enact Revenge

1.) Calls you to the living room saying his stomach hurts during the part in Anaconda 3 where that guy is being eaten by the snake.

2.) Announces he wants to become a Republican.

3.) Comes into your room every five minutes to show you a new balloon he's filled with a different not-air substance while you are reading porn. Specifically, stuff involving whips and some kind of electrical device.

4.) Continues to deny knowledge of where dS season two is, despite the fact the box is on his desk sans disks.

*sighs*

Most recently, he wants to get a myspace. My sister has one for her eldest daughter (age six) that is locked to family and close friends. My entire family is on myspace, including ex-BIL, ex-BILs ex-gf's, my other sister, her ex-boyfriend, and a variety of people who make me faintly nervous. Which is why I am here and never ever there.

So he wants a myspace. I ignored him due to a.) age restrictions and b.) there really isn't anyone in his age group on there and c.) the layout offends my aesthetics in so many ways. The third time he asked, I finally cut a deal--he would bring me notes from the parents of his friends that had the kids' usernames and permission, and I'd set him one up. I'm curious if he'll follow through with it when school starts. I'm not entirely sure he actually wants one--I get the feeling this is the beginning of a bargaining session of some kind.

He has also been banned from a small local amusement park for crashing bumper cars. To say I am proud is an understatement. This is mostly because apparently, my offspring shares my lack of grace and my ability to crash into things. I mean, there was a reason my frat tried very hard to give me the official nickname of crash.

Very apathetic. I'm even listening to A Perfect Circle and I got nothing.

He has also been banned from a small local amusement park for crashing bumper cars.

But.... isn't crashing the point of bumper cars?

My elder two have MySpace pages. But they're college age. My youngest (not-quite-15) does not have one (yet). And the Daughter has - I assume, from lack of activity, as I occasionally stop by their pages just to ~~snoop~~ check on things) moved to Facebook, which makes me feel a *little* better as it offers better lock-down protection. Or at least I think it does. MySpace... I'm with you. It's ugly and nearly impossible to read, let alone navigate.

That. I've been passively going through some of the social networking sites to see which I should get him. But myspace is just--no. I hate reading in it and it's flashy and ugly and *ick*. *twitch*

Yanno, I could add a cutting remark here, but it's just too easy, and I've never been one to kick somebody when they're not only down, they're down under a kid's shoe. At least mine was female, and by eleven was writing slash.

HE WROTE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET FANFIC TWO YEARS AGO!

HA!

:: stares at the parental one-up-manship :: And I keep thinking that I *want* kids? I must be crazy.

~L

Well, SHE WROTE A FIVE CHAPTER INVADER ZIM FANFIC WHEN SHE WAS NINE! AND SHE TRANSLATED TOLSTOY INTO PIG LATIN BEFORE SHE WAS BORN!

I love you, but you are really insane today. Go eat your cake.

~L

I blame the cleaning fumes. I just don't do that very often and they go to my head. ;-)

I blame them too. Now I know I gave you a triple layer, dark chocolate cake with milk chocolate ganache frosting. Have a piece.

~L

LIAR HER TONGUE WAS NOT DEVELOPED ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THE PIG-LATIN DIALECT PRENATALLY.

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHEN ALL YOURS WAS DOING WAS SHOVING HIS PINKY UP HIS NOSE AT THE TIME WHILE MINE WAS WRITING SYMPHONIES HA!

I would like to say that reading your accounts of child-raising makes me so, so much less terrified about one day having children of my own. I have no real idea about your personal/familial situation, but whenever you say stuff like, "I had to armwrestle my child for the Due South DVDs, and I totally won because I'm twice his size, I rule," I think that maybe it would be OK for me to have kids one day, too. Because I've always gotten the impression that you had to be v. serious and hypersensitive and humorless to have children, and if you weren't, you were a Bad Parent.

But you are so clearly planning on, I don't know, putting a dead fish in the back of your child's car the first time he takes a girl out so that he won't get any ideas about backseat shenanigans, and when he comes home all mad, you will completely pretend you didn't do it and blame it on one of his friends. And I mean that as a compliment! It's like you've managed to hold on to your awesomeness even while reproducing. I didn't think that was possible before.

*G* Actually, I'm playing his ultrasound for his date before they leave. If anything will turn off even the hope of getting any, it's watching the pen show his various parts while I gush about his excellent bone structure. He knows it, too.

...but now, I think the fish sounds really good. *marks down*

To be honest, he's a good kid, and he's easy. Now teenage years are going to be the trick. *winces*

And thank you. That's one of the nicest compliments anyone has ever given me. Honestly.

No, that's what the completely naked baby pictures are for, though those work better for females than males. I've got a good one of my daughter buck-naked on her changing table, grinning a mile wide with both feet crammed into her mouth. Solid gold, right there.

Having kids will be the hardest, most gut-wrenching, saddest, most rewarding, happiest and heart-breaking thing you'll ever do, but it's worth it. I love my kid to distraction, even when I want to change the locks on her.

We spent an evening with friends when they were expecting their son, discussing the problems our children would have with rebelling against authority.

I mean really, the normal avenues are part of our standard home life. Punk music is a solid chunk of mommy's library and if he chooses to go the eyeliner and black fingernail polish route, well, he can borrow mine. When he decides he wants a tatoo, the deal is that yes, he can, but mommy and gramma are getting the same one in the same place at the same time ("How sweet! Family Bonding!"). That oughta kill the urge.

On the other side of the family, his Daddy's the athletic type as well as a gun-toting Republican and if he wants to wear pastels and play tennis, good, he and his cousins on that side of the family can make a day of it at the country club, maybe hit the driving range in the evening.

And we all play D&D. Not only would we cheerfully encourage mad science, his father would go with him to buy an extra bottle of Diet Coke and pack of Mentos and I'd be delighted to help diagram time travel devices on posterboard for science fair projects.

The poor kid's going to have to get really creative to rebel when he's a teen, I'm afraid.

*dies laughing* Yes, this. He'll have to *research*. I love it!

So...how much encouragement (baked goods, financial, or otherwise) would it take for you to write up "The Chronological Guide to Raising a Proper Fanboy"? You know, with timelines and age suggestions as when to tease with Star Wars, and segue into Buffy and BSG?

Mine's almost 4, and he's all over the classic Disney (Lion King, Little Mermaid) and Pixar (Monsters Inc, Toy Story 1 & 2, Finding Nemo [not Cars, yet, because we're afraid of the merch monster still lingering in stores]) oeuvre. I am positively jonesing to start him on a more rigorous sci-fi and fantasy entertainment schedule.

I love Disney and Pixar like you have no idea. That stuff is *crack*. I never mean to watch, and then it's two hours later and me and Child are sacked on the floor all "Oh heck yes." It's the weirdest thing.

You know, I don't remember *when* I showed him Star Wars. *blinks slowly* It was near the release of the the first prequel, I know that, but...hmm.

It's *great* when they hit sci-fi. He does research. It's *fantastic*.

That stuff is *crack*.

Agreed. We've seen "Lion King: 1.5" numerous times in the past week, and the Meta! Oh dear Lord, the Meta. Goes right over his head, but I'm loving it.

EEK! I LOVE THAT ONE! I got it randomly one day because me and Child are both huge completionists, and just fell in love.

I know, right? It's like all the best parts version of Lion King, plus plot patches. What's not to love?

Heh. My brother who just graduated from high school and my cousin who's going into her senior year both have had facebook pages for a few years. Personally, I think high school is probably Soon Enough, given possible middle school shenanigans involving myspace. I am kind of glad that no one had internet or digital cameras back when I was in middle school, though, granted, boys aren't NEARLY as bad as girls are about that sort of stuff.

I also object to myspace on principle.

Man, digital cameras and camcorders have led to such tragedy.

He's already a fanboy! At 11? You've done well!

There's a good chance our eldest (10) is at this point: During SGA Search and Rescue, when John finds out Rodney's alive, he exclaimed, "All this time he didn't know? The poor thing! His Rodney was alive and he didn't know."

Even our youngest (9), the flaming one, gave him a look of WTF.

Both our boys have blogs, and they post very limited info on them. Rule is they type it up and it has to be reviewed by us first. All online time is monitored because we're mean like that. They have pre-approved sites and have to check with us before they leave them to go somewhere else. If we catch them on a different site, they lose access for a month. Surprisingly, they have been pretty good about this.

Huh. Actually, a blog is an interesting idea. I need to check with his school and see if they have any web programming classes coming up. Working with a blog would be a good way to learn.

Your child appears to be extremely creative and also have a little bit of the devil in him - like his mama (poor Hutto Hippos). I love your stories about him - your house seems like a very, very fun place to be.

He's so good natured it's worrying. Luckily, he fights with his cousins regularly and stresses us with finding new and creative ways to explain how taking out the garbage will lead to his untimely death.

Becoming a Republican ...now that is a threat my daughter hasn't tried yet. Good thing. I'd probably buckle.

I felt a chill myself.

Fanboy Son has Flanigan hair? Srsly?

How can he look at McCain and think Republican = cool??!

He has *very cool* hair. Very thick and kind of works with anything. I've been trying to make it stand up but right now it takes industrial strength gel to get it. Maybe when it's shorter.

3.) Tell him you're not sure about Jacks' feelings for Ianto.

Have i mentioned how you and Child are, like, my ideal parent-child relationship? Because, really, using Jack/Ianto or dinosaur-disliking-Buffy to (try to) get the reaction you want is MADE OF WIN.

Which is why I am here and never ever there.

Out of about 300 employees of my prison, around 100-150 of them have myspace accounts. Which is why I don't want to be on there.

Mind you, someone (svmadelyn, possibly, but it's early in the morning for me and my memory's shot) mentioned that using flicker and myspace and lots of links between them was a good way of hiding your real name (if it had been attached to fannish stuff -- lots of links to stupid stuff will push the fannish mention to the second page of google results, so ta-da, most people won't look for it). So I'm considering getting a myspace (even though I hate it and think it's Stalker101) for that reason alone.

*nods* I was thinking on that too. Luckily, I've googled my name and it's pretty spread out wiht a lot of people. Even in this city, weirdly enough. But it's something to think about.

My daughter is 29, a banker, has never even gotten a speeding ticket, collects CareBear memorabilia, and doesn't know slash from Slash. I don't know where I went wrong. *sobs* How did a fuck up like me raise such a nice girl?

However, it's very easy to whip guilt on her when she forgets my birthday. I scored a major, major Amazon gift certificate this year. (NB: She pulls the same shit on her boyfriend. At least something stuck.)

*dies laughing* Oh awesome.

Is "avoid bumping the bumper cars" the new 21st century rule? I don't understand!

3.) Tell him you're not sure about Jacks' feelings for Ianto.

2.) Announces he wants to become a Republican.

Both of you are really mean.

Profile

seperis

Page Summary

Quotes

If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers
. -- Unknown, on feedback
BTS List
That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex...
Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
-- pricklyelf, on why Lex goes bad
LJ
Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
-- Teague, reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones"
LJ
Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
Jenn: Because you are an addict.
Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
-- hwmitzy and seperis, on bead addiction
AIM, 12/24/2003
I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
-- anonymous, on terrible writing
AIM, 2/17/2004
In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
-- silverkyst, on wtf
AIM, 3/25/2004
Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
-- eleveninches and anonymous, on things that are disturbing
LJ, 4/2/2004
silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular genetics.
silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
-- silverkyst and seperis, on more wtf
AIM, 1/25/2005
You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
-- Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years
LJ, 3/15/2005
Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
-- Summerfling, on shower sex
LJ, 7/22/2005
It's weird, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
-- revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit
LJ, 2/7/2006
Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
-- cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny
LJ, 4/13/2006
Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
-- deadlychameleon, on class
LJ, 9/1/2007
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Fan Fiction is John Cusack standing outside your house with a boombox.
-- JRDSkinner, on fanfiction
Twitter
I will unashamedly and unapologetically celebrate the joy and the warmth and the creativity of a community of people sharing something positive and beautiful and connective and if you don’t like it you are most welcome to very fuck off.
-- Michael Sheen, on Good Omens fanfic
Twitter, 6/19/2019
Adding for Mastodon.
-- Jenn, traceback
Fosstodon, 11/6/2022

Credit

Base style: Open Spaces by seperis
Theme: New Green by seperis

November 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 2022

Page generated Jan. 26th, 2026 02:25 pm

Profile

Links

Page Summary

Quotes

Credit