in want of a sex aid

At the core of me, I'm a prude.

Write about sex, sure. Any day at any time: Rodney, Lex, Clark, Justin, Brian, John can find themselves impaled on anything, organic or not. Especially Brian; I think we can all admit there is not an object that Brian Kinney wouldn't regard as a potential sexual aid. But that's writing.

Girlparts. Such a word to use. Vagina. If there can be a play, I can type the word, vagina. Vagina. Yes.

We're a little--reticent. I don't know where it comes from; I really don't want to know. No matter where I go in fic, no matter the marvelous friends I've made, or the discussions of strange intimate growths or odd foot fungus--I can ask for a thousand opinions on anything up to which collar would go best with Rodney's coloring and should Clark get a kryptonite cock ring?

But I have yet to comfortably ask anyone, "So which of these appendages should I introduce to my vagina?"



It's just not there. It's like a block I come up against hard and fast, because it's not just that conversation that scares me--it's the one after. Do I talk about performance? What worked? What didn't? How? I'm a writer for a reason; extemporaneous speaking isn't necessarily my gift.

Next time I'm around fangirls, will I sit down and someone will ask "So how did that xyz work out?" or maybe think it, and I'll admit I had no idea how to use all the buttons and really, what was with that squeal? How on earth could buttons confuse me? What if I make it start on fire or something? I can do that! I know I could. And the obituary would be horrible and while I'm not adverse to being as one with the family stories (and am a subject of several, I'm pleased to say), I think death by sexual aid isn't one that should be passed on.

(Also, what if it's not supposed to squeal? What does that mean if it does? Did I use it wrong? I could use it wrong!)

Seriously, that's the stuff Children who grow into Mad Scientists have in their background. Not to mention it sounds messy and not terribly dignified. Dancing in my bra on a coffee table wearing a tiara? Awesome. Strange potential Guiness-record death? Hell no.

(I know ten people on my flist who would strategically ask while I'm drinking something.)

It just can't. Go. Well. You see this, right? I can't do it. And part of it is a terror beyond them all--what if mine doesn't work right?

Vagina, that is.

How would I know? Anatomy books and blood vessel mapping are all well and good, but they don't tell you jack about what is supposed to be going on, and I don't trust my doctors. They could be writing a book. I keep thinking of the movie Teeth and sighing, yeah. I mean, not like that, but man, do I understand sudden upleasant discoveries.

So I had this moment of glee today, when someone on my flist posted for opinions on a vibrator! (locked) It was like Christmas! In a way that's not heretical. Recommendations! From people not affiliated with the company! It was awesome! I didn't even start hyperventilating! I love the universe!

I. Love. The. Universe. Please people on that flist. Tell me more.



And that is why I'm happy.

ETA: (still reading, helplessly) I love my flist. They are the most awesome people in the universe!

Comments

[tropes.livejournal.com]

Ever perused Babeland (http://www.babeland.com/)? It's a Good Thing.

Or you could go for something slightly more unusual. (http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.php)

:D?

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I went to a shop in NY with that name, I think. Sadly, my legs were killing me and I couldn't enjoy it as I ought.

Checking second link now.

[joesther.livejournal.com]

You could give Good Vibrations (http://goodvibrations.com/) a try. :)

[lillian13.livejournal.com]

I second Good Vibrations. I made a point of visiting one of the SF shops last year and it was lovely--wide open, well-lit, with one of everything out for you to (I won't say play with...) um, investigate. Had a great time.

[rogue-planet.livejournal.com]

Can I recommend the OhMiBod? http://www.ohmibod.com/

[anjak-j.livejournal.com]

Seriously, they need to make those for other MP3 players...

[daydreamer.livejournal.com]

This is my favorite website (http://www.early2bed.com) -- woman-run, everyone-friendly, and they have a blog with recommendations and testimonials! I've had great experiences buying from them (last time they were a day late shipping something and wrote an apology note on the invoice in sparkly pen!).

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

I love Early to Bed! I'm so glad I live really close to the store.

I may be oversharing, but, I'm complete!

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

I personally, have not had great experiences with ye olde traditional vibrator/dildo type thing. I got a g-spot stimulator and a thing called a "dinky digger" Now. bear in mind that I have tendon problems and wrist problems and for awhile there couldn't do a damn thing by myself.)

(I absolutely recommend handwork, as a primary introduction to thingies, don't overthink it. My first inkling of an orgasm was while I was reading novel and just...letting my hands wander. My first reaction was, "what the hell was that?" and my second was, "OH COOL," and my third was, "Room mate must leave NOW." She didn't. But the next time she did, I was very Enterprising and went where no man had gone before.

I figured, since my sister had a very traumatic wedding night, I needed to know how my parts worked, see? Make friends with your vagina, and she will love you forever.

Until I left my parents house, I did very well with one or two fingers inside and my thumb tucked up in the clitoral hood for indirect pressure. (I can't take direct pressure. Imagine cat quivering upside down on ceiling.) Minimal cleanup.

Okay, tools. As I said, since I'm a big girl, have bad arms & hands, most dildos/vibrators don't do it for me. It's too short, my hands go numb and I get really frustrated. Also, I can't flip the proceedings over to rub off against it because by the time my hands are numb...well...shoot.

I bought this thing called the kegelscisor that's a barbell to strengthen your inner muscles. Something about that, the weight, the bumps on it, and the length of it is excellent for internal stimulation. Sometimes it just has to be there, and my fingers outside can take care of he rest. It has a presence.

It takes a little coordination to do the whole internal/external stimulation thing, but for a fantastic demonstration of how a really good, erm, pounding feels? OMG. And it's stainless steel, so you can just wash it or run it through the dishwasher. (Don't forget to warm it up first when you use it!) Oh, and plus? You can use it as it was intended. If you wanted.

If you're looking for something vibrating to stimulate your outer self I'd go with the hitachi grand-poobah of "muscle massagers." Or one of those little pocket rockets. Again, too much stimulation there can kind of spoil you for the real thingy.

If I had my druthers, I'd buy The Cone right now. It's the hot product and it's hands free and evidently you can do different things with it. It's minimally penetrating, but evidently vibrates like nobody's business.

I'd also check out the website goodvibrations.com.

I'm sure your vagina works just fine, baby. If your muscles completely clamp down and don't want anything in, then we'll talk. That's what my sister did on her honeymoon, and it just took some patience. Now, SHE is a prude.

Re: I may be oversharing, but, I'm complete!

[tropes.livejournal.com]

Hey now. She might have been like me, with total vulvar vestibulitis. Not a prudish bone in my body, but I couldn't even use a tampon until I was in college and even that was after the doctor basically had to break my damn hymen which was REALLY FUN. Penetrative sex was not possible for me until my mid-twenties, and you know what helped me get there?

A FLIPPING DILDO. There you go. XD

(Nowadays, sex can still be painful, btw. But I kinda like it. :D )

[j00j.livejournal.com]

I think the Good Vibrations and Babeland sites both have some guides on selecting things. Early to Bed (http://early2bed.com/pages/home.html) does as well.
In my (limited) experience, it tends to wind up being largely about personal preference, interests, anatomy, etc. once questions that are more universal (e.g. "is it a well-made product?" "is it easy to clean?" "is it safe to use?" etc.) have been addressed. But the guides on these sites can give you some idea of what might suit you, and after that one approach would be to buy one or two inexpensive things, or the "starter" kit sort of thing many of these sites offer?

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Hi; potential TMI alert! *g* Left to my own devices, my favorite toy is a small pink curved sort of thing; it's not representational, just...curvy and smooth and simple, and designed for external use. I adore it. I've found that even when I buy toys designed for penetration, I most often don't use them that way. So. Y'know. Mileage varies, and all that; the best way to figure out what suits you is to experiment.

I'd link you to the one I like, but I bought it at a wee store and can't seem to find it online anywhere. :P It's not entirely unlike this (http://www.goodvibes.com/Item--i-1-2-AJ-0514--m-35), except it only cost about $25.

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

They sold these in drug stores over the counter in the Netherlands one of these times I was there in the last few years. Awesome.

There were no giggling teenagers, either. Admittedly, the description was rather clinical, and the look is v. obviously harmless, but still, it pleased me that *some* societies have come a long way.

[cat-77.livejournal.com]

We have a three-story "superstore" here in MN called Sex World. Went there with my partner, a friend, and her partner. Not bad, clean, lots of selection, all that (at least when we went, it's been a bit). I couldn't find a working link for them though. Sorry. Best part of the trip had to be the tv's playing Anime porn - my partner looked up, cocked her her to the side, and *shouted* out, "He's doing that wrong!" The clerk may have possibly given us free stuff for providing the entertainment for the evening...

[quinn222.livejournal.com]

I posted for opinions a few years ago too and it was really helpful. I like Babeland too but recently I've been invited to a couple of parties where toys are sold. It's all women, it's hysterical and fun and everyone is really open and the ordering process is totally private. In any case I have a silicone rabbit that I like a lot and a like a bullet as well. From what I can tell by what my friends at the parties said most everyone likes a rabbit type and/or a bullet as well. I guess they are standard equipment in the toy chest.

As for the hows and whys, well, that's the fun part isn't it? Play with them and find out what you like. I had a bit of a disadvantage in that I am allergic to latex so had to go with the expensive silicone first.

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

*cough* *tests microphone*

Well. Here's the deal, everyone seems to like something slightly different in this dept. I'll tell you what I've learned...

Silicone is probably the best material. Non-porous, resistant to high temperatures (some are dishwasher safe), non-allergenic. Safe for use with water based lubes (like KY or Astroglide), avoid silicone based lubes, they disintegrate the silicone. Keep in mind, most condoms come with silicone based lubes, except the ones that specify water based or no lube.

Avoid Jelly Rubber. It oozes phalates, and bacteria get stuck in it's jellyness.

Avoid Latex toys. There's no really good way to clean them, you have to use them with condoms.

If you're going to share, you need to look into sterilization techniques and/or condoms. Otherwise, soap and water should work ok, before and after use.

Do not put anything up anyone's butt that doesn't have a flared base.

More info here:

http://www.holisticwisdom.com/how-to-clean-sex-toys.htm

Trust me, they're not scary. Babeland is good.

[risha]

Metal and glass are also good options - easy to clean and no bacteria sticking. And high quality glass dildos are pretty!

[norwich36.livejournal.com]

I have a vibrator review post here (http://norwich36.livejournal.com/100882.html) (and it's not even locked). Though it's not exhaustive, just specific vibrators I have liked, all from Good Vibes.

[toft-froggy.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for making this post! *peruses replies*

[blueraccoon.livejournal.com]

My personal favorite toy store is Blowfish (http://www.blowfish.com). They've got a great selection and very good reviews. Of the toys I own, my favorite is probably the rabbit type--I have a rabbit habit or whatever it's called but there are a ton of them out there.

I continually hear good things about the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Wahl--I want a Wahl--but don't own either of them myself.

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

"Twist & Shout Glass Dildo with Blue Spirals" Wow. I am not sure what to make of this. My mind has been blown.

http://www.blowfish.com/catalog/toys/glass_dildos.html

[libitina]

OH god! I am so not a prude and I will talk about anything - loudly - in a restaurant. But I still can not get a decent sex toy.

Okay, part of the problem is that I'm cheap, so one $60 dildo has to do me for at least three years because I'm not going to spend money on another any time sooner - and $60 tends to be the low end of the scale.

Add to that my charmingly short fingers! SHORT AND STUMPY! I mean, yes they look lovely at the end of my wrist and all, but functional they are not. They have a hard time reaching most prostates and no luck at all on my bits. (and a bit too wide at the hand for the full shebang, you know? Except there was this one guy... that's a nice memory... anyway!)

So sex toys.

I can have a ruler in hand as I peruse a catalog and still have my understanding of the measurement described come out RADICALLY DIFFERENT from the actual product (radically bigger and radically smaller), so it's always a surprise and I have given up on mail order for insertables.

But before the giving up - in college, I fell in love with the jelly textured dildoes. They are squishy enough that you can fudge the size a lot, and the bend with you, so you can turn over without all of a sudden realizing that particular movement with rigid plastic inside was a BIG MISTAKE. They are lovely. And cheap. BUT (you knew they was a but coming, right?) they have a very short shelf life. They plastic will decompose in about a year! And the break down process isn't pretty! It turns into a caustic stinging thing of evil!

So I suck at chronology - for my 21st birthday, my sister bought me a vibrator - because I had bitched about my lack of success in my *cough* endeavors. She bought me this "rabbit-style" vibrator. It has a clitoral stimulator and the shaft rotates instead of just vibrating, which is hella awesome. But I have great trouble putting it inside my vagina because it has a face. No, really, look closer - the shaft is formed like a demure librarian - she has her hair tied back at the nape of her neck and a tasteful string of pearls - and I would be suffocating her! Okay, so for a full product review, I should mention that I did get past this one or two times (but really not much more than that) and while the rotating is lovely, the only thing the clit stimulator seemed good for was getting in the way of just enough penetration - thank you, cock-blocking vibe!

The next one I want to buy is this one (so cute!). But I fear disappointment and lack disposable income. Also, I worry about the lack of sufficient gripping space.

And now for the truly shameful admission. My best dildo ever - an empty deodorant bottle. Seriously, this thing hits everywhere perfectly, and the saddest day of my life (slight exaggeration) was when they redesigned the packaging of Ban roll-on. Luckily, however, it seems to be perfectly dishwasher safe. Huh - you google searching - it looks like they are going back to the old shape... see here. *looks shifty*

[libitina]

Note: those links aren't so much an endorsement of the companies as links to the stores where the device actually would be (was) purchased - see: giving up on mail order.

Also, as an owner of a persian cat - to an owner of rabbits - use condoms. With anything that has any sort of decent friction coefficient to the surface (like most of the silicon I've touched), use a condom. Two seconds after pulling it virginal out of the packaging, there will be cat hair stuck to the head. That, and you don't feel as bad about waiting until you wake up to do a decent wash.

And I had one more point... but I can't remember it, and I really think I've shared enough for now.

Oh, right, this is the internet - oversharing ahoy.

As for bits not working right - solo orgasms for me only work when I am facing down (like on top for missionary). And even then they are sometimes a lot of work for not much result. Sometimes (my) bits are just damn boring uncooperative - but that's not a reason not to have fun just spending get to know you time with them.

[norabombay.livejournal.com]

Er, you know those $100 rabbits?

Really easy to break. Like really easy. The first couple of usages. Leaving you with a sad bit of silicon and a much lighter bank account. I'm just saying. Not that this happened to me or anything.

(ps: Hitachi. Accept no substitutes).

Edited to switch to the porn fish.

[sanj.livejournal.com]

HITACHI. As the nice friendly like-minded total stranger (hi, norabombay!) says. Yes.

My Hitachi Magic Wand is probably the second thing (after my cat) that I would take out of a burning building.

NB: Some people find it a little too boisterous.

Good luck!

[jacquez.livejournal.com]

It's -- so, the thing is, a lot of it is knowing what kind of experience you're looking for. I have a plain dildo, a kind of Borg-like hand vibrator that makes your fingers buzz but is not insertable (the Fukoku power pack (http://www.nighttimetoys.com/massagers/detail/fukuoku-power-pack.php), though I got it from Blowfish), and this thing:

https://pureromance.com/EC_ProductView.aspx?categoryID=22&pid=798 (if the link doesn't work, it is humorously entitled "Ice Ice Baby").

They're all very different, and, hm. It...well, I will tell you about mine, and you can figure out which or any are the kinds of things you might be interested in.

The plain dildo seems to be about average-penis-sized, to me, though I cannot claim to have conducted an exhaustive survey of penises. Suffice to say, I've seen both smaller and larger, and selected this particular toy because it was easy to clean, could be used for butt play as well, and seemed to be a pleasing, but not intimidating, size. It was the first toy I bought, perhaps not surprisingly. I've been quite happy with it. Most notable advantages: pleasantly slippery when lubed up, utterly silent (so no knocking at the door all "what are you doing? what's that noise?").

The power pack is, I find, not all that fun for solo use but kind of fun for fooling around with a partner. I find the buzzing in the hand a little unpleasant, so it's better to use on someone other than myself -- the dissonance of the annoyed hand and the pleased ladybits is not my favorite dissonance.

The Ice Ice Baby is really best for replicating the experience of being held open and pounded by something quite big. I bought it because it rolls and has a side-to-side wiggle. It's fun but LOUD, and you aren't so much pleasuring yourself with it as letting it nail you. I don't think that's BAD -- I mean, I bought it because I wanted something that would DO that that didn't happen to be attached to another human -- but if you are not interested in that, the larger wiggling waggling rolling clit-stimulating vibes might not be what you want.

[bethcarielle.livejournal.com]

I own a few vibrators, most of which were on less expensive side of the spectrum. The mechanics can't really cost all that much to construct a decent vibrator, why so expensive world?

However, cheap does not mean useless. My favorite, very quiet, designed theoretically for G-spot stimulation with a curved tip but works even better on the outside in my opinion is a little pink number I got from GoodVibrations years ago. They don't seem to carry it anymore. Barely five inches long it wasn't fantastic for penetration but perfect for everything outside.

I have a couple of standard basically phallic shaped vibes that are longer and better for penetration if desired but they're hard plastic and hand-numbing and OK but not great. They were my first furtive I'm 18 now sex toy purchases at the local, surprisingly not sleazy, store.

What else. Oh, got a freebie Pearl Drop (http://www.goodvibes.com/Item--i-1-2-AH-0620) vibe from GoodVibes for ordering the G-Twist (see below). Not very exciting and a little loud but good for when you just want to get off now.

My one great foray into the more expensive end of sex toys was the G-Twist (http://www.goodvibes.com/Item--i-12AH85). For all the positive reviews, I was sadly, not overly impressed. The clit-ridge was not in the right place and the shaft was bendy but not in the right way and I just wasn't thrilled.

Perhaps I just need to experiment with it more. However most of the time I find I just want an orgasm and my hands are perfectly capable. They know me well.

I've heard so many positive comments about the rabbit style vibrators and the Hitachi that one (or both!) of those might be on my list next.

[monniesgirl-65.livejournal.com]

I never have very good luck with vibrators but this http://www.sextoysex.com/sex/start/view.html?a=stuff65&pnum=DJ0949-03
has never disappointed.

handiwork

[shusu.livejournal.com]

I'm, haha, more cheap than a prude. Just cheaaaaap. I can't justify the purchase of even the smallest toy when I've got the handiwork down pat. I suspect I am also lazy. Lazy and cheap. I am also petite in more ways than one, and given the dimensions, I suspect most items are like shoes or blouses: the proportions are off. (None of this has stopped me from eyeing some possibilities, but I'm still not budgeting for it. Yet.)

That said, I discovered recently that my most sensitive spot *moved*. Like it used to be here, and then it was there -- and it moved toward the dominant hand (it's my non-dominant hand IRL, but I was always a little ambidextrous). I had to change my method. On the good side, it's a lot more predictable. Otherwise, well, I'm guessing your bits are more normal than mine. So there you have it. My vagina is handed. Now I'll have to find a phallus that curves *just* right... damn it.

Re: handiwork

[ratcreature]

Word on being lazy and cheap and lacking in toys because of that. You are not alone.

Also sex toys remind me of my parents because they saw not fit to store theirs somewhere *not* the general towel closet. I still have an anal beads squick even in fic because of that. (Seriously when I first saw these I realized those must be sex toys somehow like the vibrator, but I had no idea what you'd do with them until years later when I found internet porn, not that I particularly wanted these images with my parents.) Anyway, as a note to parents I'd like to mention that from my experience as a kid, it does not made your children less prudish and veklempt if you are all open and TMI about your sex life. Rather the opposite.

[elucreh.livejournal.com]

I was once in your place.

I bought something called "My First Vibrator."

My advice? Don't. Not at all a beginner's experience. (Thing was fucking eight inches long.) Ask your flist (as you've seen, the Internet Knows Everything), or other people who you trust in such matters.

I'm still just barely learning myself, but clearly I will have to bookmark this page for when I have money again.

[vee-fic.livejournal.com]

I have no great wisdom to provide on sex toys -- except to add a datapoint for those who find penetration fairly boring -- but I feel the need to relate the fact that the one sex toy I own, a fairly boring hard-plastic thing that looks like a psychedelic electric toothbrush handle (wicked cheap), was purchased at a local sex shop with the name Grand Opening.

Great name!! (Too bad it shut down a couple of years ago.)

[cpt-untouchable.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. I'm with you. There's been more unpleasantness than pleasure in my internal experiences. Externals? Happytimes.

Before you buy anything, I suggest reading Treehugger's Guide to Sex Toys (http://www.treehugger.com/files/2006/09/treehuggertv_sextoys.php), for safety information. It makes me so, so angry, the ways women have been led into poisoning our bodies (and, by extension, our children) through everything from toxic (http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/index.php?nothanks=1) makeup and personal care products to phthalate-ridden sex toys. Not to mention all the children's toys made from soft plastics. And ... I am going to crawl carefully down from my soapbox now before this becomes a rant.

In summary: The vajayjay can be a troublesome bitch, many toys on the market are toxic and evil, but sex is natural, sex is good.

[pyrae.livejournal.com]

Oh, I am GOOD at oversharing.

Though I do need physical stimulation of some kind, I've always found the fantasy in my head to be the most important factor in a fantastic orgasm. If I've got a good scenario going, I don't need more than the most basic, rhythmic motion on the clit, and one or two fingers will do for that. No idea if I'm alone in this, though. =/ I've got three vibrators (two of them gifts! My friends and I overshare a bit too) but I've never managed to get off with them because they're so damn distracting. Part of it now is that I just don't have time or privacy to experiment, though, so--like my first orgasm--I imagine that'll just come when it does.

But on a hopefully more reassuring note, it's hard to misuse a vibrator or dildo in any way related to pleasure. Keep it clean, watch your lubes, don't use a butt plug without a flared end--and beyond that, whatever works for you IS the right way to use it. When I did have time to play with vibrators, I couldn't manage penetration but it was awfully pleasant to lay one lengthwise, clit to ass, and get full external vibration. Keep the electric ones away from the bathtub, and I promise you will not die via sex toy. (I am crediting you with the wisdom not to choke on one, mind. Keep a good grip if you're practicing deep throating.)

[shusu.livejournal.com]

Yes! Same boat. There are certain pictures and scenarios that get me off quick as a man, so to speak.

I may die via sex toy talk, though. That last paragraph is like a badsex fic waiting to happen. XD

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

I have oodles and oodles of toys and some have been more happy-making than others. I've got vibrators, dildos, and other stuff a-plenty; I like having my choice based on what kind of mood I'm in at the time. Also, sometimes using two toys at once is deeeeeeelicious.

My least favorite ever was the Rabbit. I don't know if they're all like this but the one I had was too damn intense, no matter what speed I tried. Plus, the pearls didn't do much for me.

I'd highly recommend going into a store rather than ordering online. If I had done that with the Rabbit, I wouldn't have been out all that money. And it's not like I can give a used toy to the Salvation Army or anything!

Is there a woman-run store near you? In my shopping experience, it feels much different going into a woman-run store than a "regular" sex toy store. All of the woman-run stores I've been to (in several states and in two provinces of Canada!) have the merchandise out of the packaging for you to touch and are quite happy to answer all kinds of questions or make suggestions.

My new favorite toy is by Lelo. It's got variable speeds and variable patterns (pulsing, straight-up vibrating, etc.) I love that it plugs in to charge and then unplugs for use - no worries about dead batteries OR cords to get in your way. Easy to clean and to use. But it is expensive.

[nimnod.livejournal.com]

About 2 years ago our local Cosmo magazine actually posted a test of 12 vibrators, along with pictures, and stories of buying and trying them by a range of the female writing and editorial staff. It was mind--boggling bold considered they usually focus on fashion and the sort of sex tips that focus on women in relationships.