so. who's up for masochism?

Icon courtesy of cpt_untouchable. You are about to find out why I am using it.

I'm very bored, at work, and so far, the point of high interest has been discussion on whether or not a a cloud has the potential to be a stormcloud later.

Discussion. Of. A. Potential. Stormcloud.

I have no words.

So. Traumatize me.

Give me badfic smut. Except I want you to write it. One line.

See, me and cpt_untouchable started last night! (it was very late. very, very late. I hope.)



He sweetly slicked the tender, puckered, dark-hued rose of his lover's love chasm with his delicate, slender digits, marveling at the rich, chocolately scent of his blond lover's passion.

And

He shoveled his moist emerald cock into his lover's dark chasm and plowed relentlessly into his rich, loamy moistness, emptying his seed into the humid, fertile heat of his fecund lover.

And by cpt_untouchable (hey, it was not a locked post, I can totally quote):

But lo, the skidmarks spelt his lover's name, calling him to venture forth and plunder the dark, musky cave of their origin.



So. One line. The worst smutty badfic with the most awkward metaphors, unlikely similes, and language that can destroy souls. Come on. You totally want to.

(extra points for sentence length. if there were points involved. i could add points?)

ETA: Added from my earlier entry--by emrinalexander



Rodney gasped as John rippled below him like a field of wheat might have done in the long-ago days when Mesopotamia was still Sumeria and had enough drainage and irrigation to produce wheat which would then grow tall and do the aforesaid rippling in the breeze, which of course was not the reason John was rippling (a breeze that is), but he felt quite pleased with his metaphor anyway. Rodney looking down at his emerald cock reflected that he was really going to have to give up the not-quite-spinach quiches the kitchen staff turned out with alarming regularity and...

"More attention to my dark chasm, McKay and less metaphorical musing," John gasped, even now still rippling, "we have triplets to sow in the unbounded fecundity of the loamy moistness of my incredibly attractive self."

"I'll get the Miracle Grow," Rodney muttered reassuringly into John's not-really-shell-like ear, well, not shell-like at all, unless one could find shells that were really pointed, though he supposed that razor clams might be shaped something like that.



It's like watching The Hustler Food Channel. The Gay Hustler Food Channel. The Sci-Fi Gay Hustler Food Channel.

Comments

[amireal.livejournal.com]

He plowed into the murky depths of his lover's hungry body, his turgid length singing with pleasure.

(I lose points for lack of thesaurus, but I hope I get bonus points for murky depths.)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I am impressed with the murky depths. Very.

Ane also, turgid. That's a money word right there.

[lovelokest.livejournal.com]

"Oh Ray!" Fraser exclaimed as he rode up and down on Ray's hard, greased pole, "Give it to me hard, baby," he said as Ray grunted, "Never gonna think about Stella again," he said as he came, his throbbing member pulsing his hot seed deep within Fraser's clenching depths.

It would be worse, but sadly, class beckons.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

....wow.

greased, pole, throbbing, member, *and* clenching depths.

That? Is a thing of beauty.

[nimnod.livejournal.com]

The soil metaphor make me almost have to throw up out the window of my office. Masterful.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

There's context! Which--might not help. But was inspiring.

http://seperis.livejournal.com/503829.html?thread=12205845#t12205845

[amireal.livejournal.com]

Because I obviously like avoiding my todo lists:

Slowly, he penetrated his other half's virgin, quivering hole, filling it up with his cock's weeping man-sweat.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

...weeping man-sweat?

Dear God.

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

The tribble's silky strands teased his throbbing member, enticing him with trilling vibrations.

John screamed as Rodney thrust his mighty man-spear into his puckering orifice, but in a good way, not like if he'd used a real spear.

*hides in shame now*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

...is John a *tribble*?

That gets bonus points for not only 'mighty man-spear', but also--making me think of tribbles involved in sex.

Wow. I kind of want to die now.

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

Rodney came with the force of a car rolling over a tapioca pudding cup, and with similarly messy results.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*dies*

[twilight-angel.livejournal.com]

"Oh!" Rodney exclaimed as John shoved his ZedPM of love into the hot, damp receptacle of his lover's body, fitting together like the perfect gate address to their own private paradise, and then John's creamy love jizz filled Rodney, so he took it in him like a Wraith taking its fill.

Oh, gods, I can't stand to write any more. XD I need to go clean myself by writing some good smut now.

[amireal.livejournal.com]

*in awe*

The metaphor. Just-- the metaphor. *weeps*

[amireal.livejournal.com]

John's cock soothed away the nightmare, lovingly caressing his insides like buttering a piece of toast.



...I should stop.

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

LOL

[piplover.livejournal.com]

"Oh, Rodney!" John gasped as Rodney's beefy burrito of manhood filled him with the creamy goodness of his milky passion juice.

And

He rode the crests of his passion like a surfer, bucking and shuddering with the white foam of his release.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh my GOD. FOOD PRODCUT COMPARISON! *wide eyes* BURRITO.

...huh. What if you'd gone the sour cream as come route? *mulls* I think that might have destroyed my ability to eat Mexican food.

And the second--oh awesome.

[amandajane5.livejournal.com]

*covers eyes* This is hysterical and horrifying at the same time!

He smoothed buttery **** onto his thick turgid **** and marveled at the tight **** that he would soon be ****.

I suck at porn.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*grins* BUT I CAN SEE THE LITTLE SINGS BEING HELD UP FOR THE STARS!

[justalurkr.livejournal.com]

His every sense calling his true love's name, Jim Ellison bent over his curly-haired love dynamo and swallowed one nipple whole, chest heaving with helpless hopeless man-passion.

As my purple prose is barely reaching violet at this stage in my caffeination, I'm hoping alliteration and punctuation get me through my skid on poor pronoun reference.

WHY DO MY CATS KEEP FORGETTING TO BUY THE DIET COKE???

[seperis.livejournal.com]

SWALLOWING NIPPLES! THAT IS A THING OF GREAT AND POWERFUL BEAUTY.

I WANT TO DIE NOW.

[graycastle.livejournal.com]

...loamy moistness? Dear god.

Also:

John howled like a dog as Rodney's cock plunged forcefully into his virgin opening, penetrating him harder and harder and over and over and faster and faster, throwing his head back as Rodney's scorching hot juices filled his aching hole with the milky evidence of his love.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh *nice*. Extra points for "scorching". I love that *so much*.

[pandarus.livejournal.com]

Ahem.

cracks knuckles

1) Lex's manhood was angry, purple, bald and powerful, much like Lex himself, and he rammed it deep into Clark's tight, virginal doorway of love like his cock was a bullet train and Clark's asshole was a tunnel, making Clark cry tears of startled joy and spurt hot Kryptonian desire-juice all over the clean white Egyptian cotton sheets with the really high thread count at the exact same time that Lex was filling his hole with spunk and tenderly gasping his name."

2) Rodney writhed ecstatically on John's massive totem pole of love, mumbling broken hallelujahs as the handsome dark-haired younger man wrapped nimble fingers around the scientist's throbbing manhood and brought him to a shuddering, creamy completion. Elizabeth looked a trifle disconcerted. This really wasn't the kind of debriefing she'd had in mind.

3) "Harder, faster, longer, more!" exclaimed Rodney demandingly, as Ronon ploughed the scientist's ass with his enormous weapon of desire; it was only when Colonel Sheperd finally yanked Rodney's head back and filled the scientist's voluble mouth with his meaty, military MRT of love that Rodney's cries were finally stifled and his hearty appetitite was satisfied at last.

flees shame-facedly into the night

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

This really wasn't the kind of debriefing she'd had in mind.

LOL!

[janne-d.livejournal.com]

He plunged his pulsatingly tumescent javelin of love into the blonde man's quivering manhole, spitting him on his hungry, titanium-hard length.

Oh dear.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*chokes and dies*

TUMESCENT! YES!

[jaekayelle.livejournal.com]

Rodney bucked and writhed and shuddered like the sex-starved scientist that he was; like a man who hadn't had sex in years -- except for that quicky in the SGC supply closet with the Daniel Jackson look-alike Marine before he got shipped to the Azores and Rodney was exiled to Siberia, but he didn't count that because, really, no one counted in ways like John Sheppard counted on the McKay scale of sex-on-legs; so, now, after having Sheppard gush ferociously like Old Faithful inside Rodney's scorching receptacle of love, no one would ever again spurt enough sex appeal to be a magnet for Rodney's discerning eye.

oy

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*wipes tears away*

That is so very beautiful.

AND LOOK AT THE SEnTENCE OF FOUR LINES! THAT IS MADE OF AWESOME!

[everagaby.livejournal.com]

My soul. It cries.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*pets*

[cpt-untouchable.livejournal.com]

Jenn, can't decide which I prefer. Take if you want. Take it! TAKE IT LIKE A PULSING, TURGID LOVEMUSCLE GREASED WITH PASSIONJUICE.

[lebannen.livejournal.com]

Your icon just made me clap my hands with glee and fall over laughing. Several other comments in this post have had similar effects, though with a touch of horror in there too.

I could be a little drunk, I suppose, but I'm fairly sure it can't make that much difference.

[dovil.livejournal.com]

*reads, dies with laughter*

Rodney's throbbing purple man meat twitched it's eye open and vomitted forth ropes of salty yoghurt juice washing his lovers bowels with copious amounts of scrotum leavings, leaving John's lower intestines filled with love manifested as snow coloured goo.

[in-the-bottle.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God.

I need brain bleach.

[emrinalexander.livejournal.com]

OHMYGOD WHAT HAVE WE STARTED HERE?

[seperis.livejournal.com]

A dark place--a chasm if you will--of shafts of pain pulsating as they comb the depths.......

Oh God. I can't even write a normal sentence anymore.

[order_of_chaos]

I'm sure you've more than sated your desire for badfic already, but:

Moaning so loudly they could hear him halfway across the city, Rodney sank down, impaling himself on Sheppard's thick, pulsating sausage of virility. Or was it, he wondered, fucking himself hard with the throbbing organ, a cucumber? He could never quite decide. Beneath him, John screamed like a banshee and came, filling Rodney with floods of warm, slick sperm-juice.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

...cucumber.

...sausage.

It's like an insane pork based salad.

That is--new. *shocky* very. very. new.

[toft-froggy.livejournal.com]

Rodney lapped at the cock-snot oozing from John's swollen organ, moaning joyfully around his lover's manhood as his mouth was filled with salty effluvia. "Oh god," he dribbled, and John wailed and shot Rodney in the face.

That's all I got. I've grossed out even myself.

[cpt-untouchable.livejournal.com]

Oh. Oh. I just laughed aloud while gagging.

[sobelle.livejournal.com]

WAIT WAIT WAIT... is this a bad-sex-slash Bulwer-Lytton contest?

And if it isn't? It really should be.

It might need corporate sponsorship... say, like Clorox bleach... and maybe Kleenex tissues to mop up my tears of mirth... or maybe that's just ocular fluid?

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

Chlorox and possibly rubbing alcohol, TO BE SURE....

[rivier.livejournal.com]

(Inspired by toft_froggy, I think)

"Spunk me, Sky Stallion!" Rodney screamed in the urgent falsetto of a lusty thirteen-year-old virgin who's just discovered the joys of straddling her aunt's ricketty old Hotpoint during the spin cycle, and John obliged heartily, writing a veritable A La Recherche De Temps Perdu of love all over Rodney's face with each creamy volcanic voiding of his lushly-furred balls.


Truly, though, I'm a pygmy walking in the huge warty shadows of GIANTS here, I tell you. ::awed::

[toft-froggy.livejournal.com]

Oh, wrong. I love it. Lushly-furred is a masterstroke. So is 'creamy volcanic voiding'. You've missed your calling, clearly.

A little belated Sports Night

[hyperfocused.livejournal.com]

"Oh, Casey, please", Dan stroked his 'bat', then gasped, his baseball-gloved hand sticky from his lonely, solo orgasm, which lasted exactly as long as Ntozake Nelson's world record breaking 900 meter run, only (unlike Nelson), Dan had never been tortured, except by the knowledge that Casey would never truly be his.

Re: A little belated Sports Night

[toft-froggy.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAH. Oh, that's in such poor taste. AHAHHAHA...

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

The Future of Fandom encountered a story wherein there was a rape scene and reference to the perp's "bloated fuck-bludgeon".

She shared with me, so I had to share with you. I think this gets way extra points because it was not intended to be parody.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*twitches hard*

I--wow. I could have died happy not knowing that.

*blank*

....dammit.