the flatiron of iniquity

I had a creepy epiphany today.

No, wait. Let me tell you of my first week as a student again. It's short. I learned how DVDs are burned, what a box is in reference to a computer, that algorithms are the adult version of a thing I had to do sixthish grade where we had to write very specific instructions on how to do something.

Okay. The thing is.

I get a lot more attention with straight hair.

Last week I randomly had some time, did the blow-dry-with-round-brush thing, sat down with the thermal spray, a Chi flatiron, and a hopeful expression. We had straight hair. Nice. My male workmates learned from the last time and complimented, including my boss.

A random older male smiled and said hi in the hall for no good reason. Huh, I thought and went on my way. He did it again the next day.. And then today, and then--yeah. What.

But.

Okay, crazy, this, but keep in mind I have the perceptive ability of, say, Rodney. But--people would look at me. Male people. There seemed to suddenly be a larger number of males in my vicinity. I--was in class today with a guy I *KNOW WAS SITTING SOMEWHERE ELSE* suddenly right behind me (why? THAT SEAT SUCKS. I AM FIVE TEN AND I BLOCK THE VIEW) and in the lab someone--Jesus Christ, I can't believe I'm writing this--did something complex that looked like a wink! I AM FREAKING SERIOUS I NEARLY KNOCKED INTO MY DESK HE IS LIKE TEN OR TWELVE OR TWENTY WHATEVER.

What. The. Hell?

Thirty one years. I've worn things that are illegal in some states, had a short phase where all my shorts could double as underwear (in the name of God do not ask), boots that *should* be illegal, and my freaking hair is the deciding factor on my attractiveness? Seriously? I--don't even know how to process this.

I kept--being torn. Between doing horrifically girly things like pull out the clip and whish-whish the miracle hair around like a commerical and running home and washing my hair. It has to be this and the light brown/heavy blonde highlights.

Life is strange. What if someone--God--asks me out? (this has not happened in more time than I wish to ever explain because people start laughing hysterically and I am a tender and delicate rose of girlpain. Womanpain. Whatever.) I mean, obviously unless they can solve a millennium problem on the spot it's a no (fucking thank you SGA you have forever screwed up how I rate attractiveness in males forever), or a maybe (maybe they are registered to carry a sidearm at all times, or I accidentally say yes becuase they aer wearing a black t-shirt), or--I mean. I used to debate with guys when to let it drop I was a parent (the most fun you can have really, especially that internal debate), but--will I have to debate telling him about the flat iron, I ask you?

Life hard. Staring at flatiron.

Comments

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

See. I had a pair of jeans that used to do that occasionally.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

This is like some kind of strange and dark alternate universe. I am disturbed *so much*.

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

Don't give in! Wear your curly hair proud!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

BUT--

--ATTENTION!

[an-kayoh.livejournal.com]

There's no way I can help you with the girlstuff. I'm still trying to find my deciding factor.

But the sitting behind you in class thing? Ohhhh yes. I'm blind, tall and have a compulsion for sitting in the front row, so if someone sits behind me, I take notice.

Usually in where'smypurse kind of way, though.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*starts laughing*

I wear glasses when I'm in anything I need to read a board, so yeah, I sit up close too.

[juno.livejournal.com]

I have very curly hair. Like insanely curly hair which I wore long. 3 years ago, I had Japanese Thermal Reconditioning. Since that time, I have had more action than I did in the 10 years previous AND I got a $15,000 raise.

I know, right? Totally weird.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

This? Is so bizarre.

How did the reconditioning thing work? Good I take it? How often do you do it?

[juno.livejournal.com]

It went very well. Long straight silky hair. The straight part is permanently straight with no blowdrying or ironing required. The roots grow in curly, of course and so I have to do a little straightening with the iron at about month 3 after the procedure. I usually have it done every 5-6 months. The most important thing is to go to someone that does nothing else but this. You do not want someone that only does it every once in a while - you can damage the hair so badly it looks like straw.

There are 2 major things that suck about it. One thing is that it takes about 6-7 hours for the whole thing. The other part is the cost. It will cost a minimum of $500 and it's not cheaper to get the roots done.

[elaran.livejournal.com]

*is in hysterics*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

IT IS VERY STRANGE.

Well, I mean, for the ego, awesome, but also this weird feeling of wanting to--God help me--flip it around casually.

I am so ashamed.

Well, it's kind of like hair...

[reginagiraffe]

The same thing happened to me when I got my eyebrows and eyeliner tattooed on.

Except I'm married and completely not interested so it ended up being just the slightest bit creepy.

Re: Well, it's kind of like hair...

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*blinks* Really?

*marvels at men* Men are very strange.

Re: Well, it's kind of like hair...

[reginagiraffe]

Men who had barely given me the time of day were suddenly all, "Hey, how *you* doin'?"

It seems to have calmed down now which makes me wonder if it's me or them. I'm not all "hey, check out me and my new face" anymore, now that I've gotten used to it so maybe it was *me* that was flirting more. *shrug*

[(Anonymous)]

Have you considered the possibility that straight hair miht siomply be _you_ and suit you unbelievably well? Like, say Louise Brooks. Who would have looked at her if she had had curly hair, right?

Some people look better with curly hair, others look nicer with straight hair...

*clinging to rationality with both hands*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*hopes to God you are right*

[velena.livejournal.com]

I have curls, and I often have a moral dilemma about straightening. Usually, simple laziness wins out, and I don't straighten, but the number of comments I get when I straighten and get all pretty certainly adds to the siren song of the flatiron.

So, I sympathize. To straighten, or not to straighten?

[seperis.livejournal.com]

IT IS FREAKY.

*nods with you*

[cjandre.livejournal.com]

You cannot possibly go through all of that and then NOT post a picture!

LOL

Come on - I want to see you looking all hot and straight.

...

You KNOW what I mean.

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

DON'T DENY THE CURLS THREE TIMES BEFORE THE COCK CROWS!

No, really, do what you feel comfortable with.

I have gotten plenty of attention when I have my hair open, but then again, I tend to get a lot of attention with my hair tied into a bun as well because I'm, uh, neither shy nor introvert. Although, that one time a guy ran into a lamp-post staring at me, my curls were spilling all over my shoulders *and* I was wearing a cute dress and heels. (Lamp-post bumpage = super-fun)

[ratcreature]

Well, there's all these socio-biologists who tend to explain every cultural thing as evolutionary, and didn't those have this thing about long, shiny hair being a fertility sign or something and thus attractive? Something like that, I mean, they manage to "explain" way stranger things witht their "everything in the status quo has to be because of evolution because we evolved" circle logic...

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

long, shiny hair being a fertility sign or something and thus attractive

Well, this is actually sound. Human head hair is an extreme display organ, on a level with a peacock's tail or the antlers of the Irish Elk (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_Elk). Head hair that is long & shiny is an outrageous amount of constantly-growing protein to keep hanging around and maintained, which is why people who are chronically ill (physically or psychologically) tend to have hair that looks awful. As a measure of overall health it's what we biologists call "unfakeable", so it's intrinsically, naturally sexy.

Curly hair is IMO an adaptation of long hair to hot & humid climates -- it's a way to still have a lot of sexy, hard-to-maintain, exuberant hair without it being too damn hot. But straightening it makes the hair look longer, so it sends a stronger "conspicuously healthy" signal than the same length of hair if it's curled up.

[viggorlijah.livejournal.com]

there was this story in um, possibly Real Simple, whatever! About a woman who was awesome pretty and dyed her hair blonde for a month and went whoa, with the male attention etc. I think it was because she was exotic-striking as a brunette, then classic-pretty as a blonde. Blonde, especially if it's part of a 'standard' look maybe implies you are more approachable? Who the hell knows? WIGS to really test.

You should totally fool around with your hair and do bar charts and so forth. Have FUN with it. Hair is lots of fun! (Be a redhead!)

[trobadora]

Men are weird.

Also? I completely agree with the way you rate attractiveness in males. :-)

[paraka]

I kept--being torn. Between doing horrifically girly things like pull out the clip and whish-whish the miracle hair around like a commerical and running home and washing my hair.
Ok, now all I can think of is that commercial where the woman is at the doctors with a neck brace on telling the story about how she threw out her neck swishing her hair. :P

[logovo.livejournal.com]

*clears throat*

Never underestimate the power of hair. Most guys would normally never mention it in their top 3 things they like to look at in a woman, but my own personal fiels studies have shown that many are atracted to long straight hair. Which... huh?

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

Well, women are too -- that's why male rock stars grow their hair.

[logovo.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, although I'm sort of immune to guys with long hair. I actually prefer short *short* hair :/

[apple-pi.livejournal.com]

*nods* When I was 30 I got boobs.

(My own, not plastic - they just appeared when my metabolism changed a little and I gained a few pounds, for once not in my belly.)

It's - weird. Yes.

[omglawdork.livejournal.com]

The exact same thing happens to me, and I have the exact same argument with myself every time. I actually had a male co-worker tell me once "Why don't you wear your hair straight all the time? It's so much prettier that way." *sigh* Interestingly, male attention paid to me increases with straight hair, but female attention increases with curly hair. Chicks dig the curls, I guess.

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

Don't get a note of difference on hair, but yes, it's always weird when you suddenly get a lot of attention - for me, often when I wear a white dress. No, I have no idea why. The red dresses get attention from both sexes, normally in a 'you look good' compliments way with one sun/peasant-type dress, and one full-length curve-hugging which had men swallowing and girls looking envious as I walked by. Partially because to carry that dress off you have to walk as tall as possible and stride carefully to make sure there is no trailing on the ground or wrapping around your legs - which of course comes off as 'look at me, get out of the way for I am *fabulous*'. But the white dresses? I get grins and whistles and 'hello, cutie' from random blokes. :scratches head: Maybe there's something approachable and non-threatening about white with my skin tone.

[amireal.livejournal.com]

I-- I have this problem. I worry about when I really get organized and back into my exercise routine. I-- I don't think I'm going to think favorably on anyone who hits on me.

It's a thing. Only tangentially related, but I do remember a time that I pulled out the straightening iron and the makeup and pretty shirt and showed up for my required show (to watch) and had people spinning in confusion. Though that also could have been my date. (she was hot, and totally willing to fuck with people's heads *G*)

[fyrdrakken]

I have a bit of a theory -- not really a theory, a proto-theory, a hypothesis in the making -- that a lot of what gets a woman hit on is whether or not she looks like she was making an effort to be attractive or not. Kind of the difference between, "I want you to notice how good I look!" and, "I don't give a shit whether you like what I'm wearing or not." I'm not sure how the straight vs. curly thing fits into it -- I'd get attention when I had my hair down that I didn't get with it braided back, but I may have just connected it with the way that I'd only bother to take ass-length hair out of its usual braid for a Goth club or Ren faire or something like that where I was dressing up anyway.

(That's kind of where my hypothesis is coming from -- no one seems to find me attractive unless I'm making an effort, but it's still me. It's like that Hollywood convention about how the same gorgeous girl is to be viewed and treated as unattractive when she has glasses and her hair back and then everyone gets to react to her as a knockout when she gets contacts and a new hairdo and maybe some makeup and revealing clothes. Same girl, and she was still gorgeous before, but no one treated her that way. Maybe it's just me reacting to the cultural message, "There's no such thing as natural beauty, you have to work at it.")