not feeling so hot

Fourth day of enslavement to the pointless fever. It makes no SENSE. I'm not nauseous, not coughing, not sneezing. Just a headache the likes of which has never been reported in human history (I could be exaggerating, but it's EVERYWHERE. I'm used to having one section of my head hurt, nasal areas. This entire skull thing? Not so much), the concentration capacity of a hummingbird on speed, serious levels of lassitude, and a FEVER. Every time it goes up, I bond with cold things, people, objects, what have you. When it goes down, I break into a sweat and itch, then it goes up and for about seven and a half minute, I feel normal before I trip over one hundred again.

This really makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I mean, really. None.

I'm bored. I can't concentrate and I'm bored from the laying around grabbing onto cold objects so....

Intensive navel gazing ahead.



Three fandoms, five stories. Most of the people who are reading this probably have never read the first four stories (yes, except for you two, Vic and Bethy). Trust me, you don't need to. Consider this my anti-rec for all time.

Flight, Voyager, Tom Paris

I hate it with the passion of a thousand firey suns. It doesn't just suck--it's this amazingly twisted ANNOYANCE that I didn't know what I was doing when I wrote it and knew even less when I finished it.

It's stylistic without being--well, good. It's too vague, with too much emphasis on imagery and indirect over explaining what the hell is going on. It fails on every single level a story can fail on. Frankly, I'm amazed anyone got through it and didn't think I was on acid.

However, on the bright side, it was my very very very first slash of any kind, even if only by implication.

Illusions, X-Men the Movie, Rogue, Logan, etc

It suffers from what I like to call the "jenn's teeth hurt" syndrome. Like Absolute Zero before it, when I am in pain, I take it out on whatever happens to be in range, and these characters were the closest things. The first story isn't bad in itself, and should have been kept to that, but I expanded when the enthusiasm level for the first story was so good, and I was all, ooh, you LIKE this? You know, writer's head turned. Hence a backstory. A long, overangsty, painful backstory of pure, unadulterated angst, and the present time stuff was just--dark. Everyone suffers. Seriously, I don't know what the hell I was THINKING. Sex, drugs, more drugs, more drugs, raves, more drugs, almost-underaged sex, Logan possibly as sociopathic as I've ever made him, suicide, self-mutilation, the list goes ON.

It's not even badly written, at least as far as I can tell, but it's so dark and hopeless that by the time I stopped writing it, I couldn't see anywhere this could go other than group suicide. These people were fucked up beyond my ability to deal with them. Seriously, I read it when I need to be depressed. Because it does depress me. A LOT.

One Reason, X-Men the Movie, Rogue, Logan

The thing this story has going against it most is that I was in a pure style phase and bored as hell. And when I say style, I mean, extremely structured--this was something that didn't grow naturally, that I worked at to get to how I thought it should be, without actually taking the time to make sure it was a story there and not a writing exercise. I don't think many people knew what was going on during the story, and frankly, I'm not sure I can tell either. It's just bad. It's annoying that it had a good, relatively solid concept behind it, and if I'd just taken the idea and run with it, it would have been interesting. Instead, this weird hybrid came out and in hindsight, it just does not work.

Just Breathe X-Men, Rogue, Logan

Another to fall into the too-stylish for words category. Too damn much implication, not nearly enough actual content. The idea itself was tricky, but at the time, I'd written enough to think I could handle it, but the structure I chose just doesn't work. And in itself, it didn't really know what it was. Not romance, not happy, this sort of passive dark thing going on that on re-reading drives me crazy. I can see what I was trying to do, but failed completely in accomplishing it.

Syzygy Smallville, Clark, Lex

Okay, I don't dislike it. I'm ambivalent about it. It doesn't start and doesn't end; more along the lines of dropping in the middle of something in progress and then pulling out. I did know what I was doing--the problem is, I don't think the audience knew, which is somehow worse, and I was trying to write in a way that's foreign to me as a writer. It either had to hit someone just right or it simply wouldn't work. I'm almost tempted to say it needs some kind of context to make sense, but I'm not entirely sure that's accurate.

I think, now, that experimenting with archetypes and themes and symbology ALL AT THE SAME TIME when I'm not used to doing any of those is at least a third of the problem. I was seriously playing around with symbolism throughout, and honestly, I think the story fails because I didn't know how to do it well. I still don't--my natural habitat is with anvils and big, obvious roadsigns of coming attractions, so to speak. Even Dust and Jus, both of which were hugely thematic, did it obviously. The religious parallelism in Dust and the hugely WWII/racism thing in Jus were deliberate and supposed to be blindingly obvious--that was most of the point. I really, really wasn't being subtle The second, more interesting to me, is the entire choice thing, which is my own thing--I gave Rogue what I didn't give Lex, a way out and the strength to use it.

Another conversation for another day.


Okay, well, that alleviated the boredom somewhat. I should poll. Since I am gripey and sick, should I give into instinct and torture/kill some characters for fun?

Going to catch up on my friendslist and take more ibuprofen. And more coffee and juice. Caffeine withdrawl is NOT pretty.

Comments

[martianhousecat.livejournal.com]

Since I am gripey and sick, should I give into instinct and torture/kill some characters for fun?

Yesssss. That's an instinct that should always be indulged. Reveled in, even.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

You'll be proud. Livia enabled me to commit serious fictional mass murder yesterday.

Now Clark gets to sort the bodies looking for loved ones!

*happy*

Yep, I'm feeling WAY too good.

I'll second that.

[dossier.livejournal.com]

makes me ever so happy when I kill someone, literarily/virtually speaking of course.

[raya-luna.livejournal.com]

Hey jenn. In somebody's lj the other day you responded to a fic and said that you would like to see an icon with the line "Saving Lex from the dark side, one blowjob at a time". I made 3 (http://www.livejournal.com/users/raya_luna/). I would have just responded to your comment, but I've been all over lj the last few days and I can't remember where it came from.

[rivkat.livejournal.com]

That's a "yes" vote from over here. Be mean enough and you may even get the kinktastic Kryptonian sex secrets story out of me. Or, you know, not.

Torture! What a way to say "I love you."

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*pokes*

What kind of bribe is necessary.

Does Lana's name on a tombstone help?

*hopeful*

Tease.

Syzygy Smallville, Clark, Lex

[(Anonymous)]

I love your writing skills, but with this story I was really unsatisfied. Because it makes no sense to me. But I haven´t read the comics, so I thought, maybe Jenn use the comics canon. I really want to ask: "What is the meaning in this story"

Re: Syzygy Smallville, Clark, Lex

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*nod* I've had splits on my stories before, but Syzygy was the first time where there was an entire camp of people saying "What the hell just happened here?". A re-evaluative moment indeed. *g*

[vampry.livejournal.com]

It sounds as though you may have this bug that's going around...except you don't have the throwing up every ten minutes thing. Which is good, that you don't have it, but it's not typical. Of the bug, I mean, not you.

Ah.

I've still got a cold...or something. I'm coughing and my nose is stuffed. But the cough is better than it was.

Take care of yourself, okay?

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Ohhh! *cuddles*

have soup! And Lexy clones in Very Short Skirts (insert your kink here) serving on silver platters.

Take care! *hugs*

[acampbell.livejournal.com]

Think I had that same headache a week and a half ago. If it's any consolation, it WILL go away, eventually.

Hope you feel better.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*pounce and cuddles* Thanks. You're such a sweetie!

[sinnerforhire.livejournal.com]

Fourth day of enslavement to the pointless fever. It makes no SENSE.

You haven't been hanging out in the Kents' storm cellar, have you?

Since I am gripey and sick, should I give into instinct and torture/kill some characters for fun?
Yessssssssss. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That's the one thing this fandom needs more of.

Feel better, hon!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

You haven't been hanging out in the Kents' storm cellar, have you?

Hey, no one saw me!

And thanks! *hugs*

[penelope-z.livejournal.com]

Actually I liked Syzygy very much. I am not sure if what I understood from it is what you wanted to tell, but I enjoy stories without clear ends of beginnings and a bit of abstraction always makes my day. Linear narrative makes a more satisfying read I suppose, but this had a nice outlandish mood to it and a vague creepiness that I really enjoyed.

Funny how the fics we like the least might be someone's favourites.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*nod*

Again, ambivalent. I know what I was trying to do, so it makes sense to me when I read it--it's kind of like trying to write your own logic problem. I'm not sure if I put in enough or left too much out. Make sense?

Creepiness makes me happy. *sighs*

*grins* Syzygy is weird. I honestly get a kick out of it when anyone sends feedback, either positive or negative, because everyone seems to come away really stratified (I think that's the right word) on it.

*huggels* Thanks!

hmm

[(Anonymous)]

Hi

I hope you're feeling better.

After reading your Smallville slash, I just wished with the force of a thousand suns (oops, overblown image there!) that you'd written some Chakotay/Paris slash. (If I remember rightly, you did write one where it was alluded to but B'Elanna carried off the honours. The colour red sticks in my memory for some reason. Sigh. What might have been...) Don't suppose you feel like writing some now?? (Nah, didn't think so but it was worth a shot).

Re Syzygy: I loved how it unfolded. I had an intense emotional response to it. The only thing I hated was the feeling that I really needed to know what happened next. Maybe people will always feel that way when stories are deliberately left hanging, but this one felt more unfinished than deliberate.

EW

Re: hmm

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Hee! Heels. My first kinkfic! Well, sort of.

*looks proudly at kink* Like leather pants, it has carried me many places in happy ways.

Red by Seema was the sequel, with two more by differnet authors after it. We were an energetic lot.

*grins*

and thanks on Syzygy! See above comment to Penelope regarding the oddness of that story.

*hugs*

One Reason... or really, a lot

[(Anonymous)]

Hi! *waves cheerily*

I just wanted to comment on your "One Reason" story... I like it (don't hit me! *hides behind sofa*). Okay, you're right, it's structured, and perhaps *too* structured, but the idea...? It's good. It's very good.
I've always seen it as either an experiment or an early story, and I don't mind one bit. I've saved it on my computer (here's me hoping you won't mind), because of the idea.
The main points, I think, where it goes wrong, is e.g. the start paragraph. It's too artificial. And when you repeat it at the end, it doesn't work completely either - because of its... well, I don't know. What I said about the first paragraph. It would have worked really *strongly* if you had written something else - or if you'd looked at it again and said: "That paragraph does not work. I need a new paragraph!" (picture this being said with a Buffy - or even better, Willow - voice). The story might benefit from a rewriting, but I understand if you won't - or can't - do it. I'm certainly not applying any pressure.
And what you said about not being able to find out what goes on in the story - not true. At first you're confused, because, yes, you have absolutely no idea what's going on. But it comes gradually, and we have to work to find out why and who and how. I once read a writer's comment (and we're talking *real* writer here - female, by the way) that said that making your reader think for him/herself is the best thing you can do, because your readers will literally love you for it (her choice of words, not mine). That's also a reason that i've saved the story on my computer. I like being spoken to, not to be spoken down to.

So, right, to sum this up: jenn, you're a good writer (yay!), your fics do *not* suck (yay!), and I love you (er... yay?)!

On another, completely unrelated note: some of your links on your X-Men page are broken (so not yay!, that it's not even funny ;), and I'm crying here! Gimme some sympathy! Or just some working links! Yay!)

- Lattara

On a second, not exactly unrelated note: none of what I've said here is a part of a bashing. Yay!