seperis | my plan, as it were, of conquest and devastation

So. Funny moment.

Everyone carries around certain--knee-jerk terrors. One of my biggest is that one day I will get online, and everyone has defriended me and will not speak to me on AIM. And I will be staring blankly at my little AIM buddylist and no one will be there.

I have a plan for this eventuality. I will create a new pseudonym and come back as a newbie eighteen year old who will instantly attach herself to a mentor (ONE OF THOSE WHO BETRAYED HER) and then wreck fandom forever from the inside via a complex yet brilliant series of machinations that will stun everyone. At the height of the terror, I shall reveal myself, dramtically (preferably in a way that will guarantee high readership and legendary status) then flout away to--God, I don't know. I don't have that many hobbies. Though there is always knitting.

My greatest hope is that all the people that destroyed seperis will suddenly and miraculously discover the error of their ways and send me email and winged unicorns to tempt me back and

ltlj will drive down to Austin specifically to have lunch with me and tell me I am awesome.

You now totally see why I became a fanfic writer now, don't you? I am capable of great and powerful drama. I am not capable of great and powerful strategy on the spot, though, so I figured I'd better start working out the plan early. It's still--well, that's it. But I have faith that should this time come, I will prevail. Or I will dye my hair black. get esoteric tattoos, and start writing sad sonnets about

amireal and

samdonne and

miss_porcupine on how they betrayed me.

(and all the rest of you, alphabetically. I have no idea how to write a sonnet, but I have come to the conclusion that if I change my hair color, the talent for bad poetry will soon follow.)

This is leading somewhere. Really.

I was on AIM chatting with Ami and Madelyn, and turned on pandion for ljtalk. No one was there! God, I said. Jenn, Madelyn said in amusement (always in amusement. Am I her monkey? Her playing cymbals monkey? You're all nodding, aren't you?) They are there. So I-well, I don't know what I did, but voila, they appeared!

(or, Madelyn quickly contacted them and said THE RUSE IS UP! SHE WILL DISCOVER OUR PLAN!)

(eyes those on ljtalk suspiciously. I CAN SEE YOU! I AM NOT FOOLED!)

Anyway, that is my night, and my insecurities, and my brilliant plan. I stil haven't picked a new pseudonym. *eyes you all darkly* Swear it never comes to that.

(Also: Lj comments is still being a bitch when I answer comments, but less so than it has been. I wil be answering comments and feedback--God--this week as quickly as I can.)

(I can't figure out how to tag this at all. Do I need a tag for delusional moments? I am scared to check back in my lj and see.)

So long as whatever you do, you do it better than Maria.

Hey, at least she's not from an easily identifiable South American country.

I MIGHT BE WORSE!

You'd have your own sockpuppet call shennaigans if too many people got swayed. YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO STAND IT!

I highly recommend knitting.

*sulks* It would not have the same personal satisfaction.

Consider tatting. That's kinda like knitting, only trickier and you end up with *lace* when you're done.

My mom used to tat?

I learned a lot of profanity from watching her do that. *thoughtful*

Ha! Me too... I still keep a shuttle to mock myself with... although Mom has moved on to a tatting pin... personally, I try to stay away from anything with sharp points... including my mind...

Hence, I personally approve of pre-emptive conquest and devastation plans... hmmm.... just as long as you don't stop writing, right?

You can knit lace. I *am* knitting lace. So - *both* and people think you're doing *magic*.

I don't know. I mean,if the same mind that writes sex pollen fic applied herself to knitting, I'm sure something satisfactory would result. (or something scary)

I-tried once.

*shudders*

I now stick to crochet.

For your research: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonnet

*G*

I BETTER HAVE AWESOME SKIN AND BLUE EYES LIKE POOLS OF WATER.

In my sonnet, you are the heartless villain that broke my heart.

BITCH WHO DESTROYED MY LIFE.

*cries*

If that happens, of course.

AS LONG AS I AM A HOT BITCH WHO RUINED YOUR LIFE.

If I, you know, ever did that.

Excellent plan. Enjoy.

I am sincerely hoping it will be fun. Or at least entertaining.

*crosses fingers*

I think that yes, a tag for delusional moment would be fitting.

*sad* I do need a tag for this do'nt I?

And ha. I read your username *before* I got to your entry about changing your name and had this horrible feeling I'd started sleep friending. Like sleepwalking but less dramatic and requiring more hand coordination.

We don't even know each other, but I suddenly have the burning need to add "destroying seperis" to my interests.

*secure in the knowledge that you'll die of unsanitary cutting techniques before the sonnets reach Z*

I WOULD BE SANITARY! I WOULD CAREFULLY USE ALCOHOL WIPIES TO AVOID DEATH WHILE I CARVE MEANINGFUL PHRASES INTO MY SKIN ABOUT MY DEEP PAIN.

My very own sonnet! Sadly, mine eyes really are nothing like the sun.

I'm trying to decide if your plan is more Wuthering Heights or Count of Monte Cristo... Depends how well you flounce about in full skirts, I suppose.

Ooh. I hadn't--considered.

I think Count of Monte Cristo. I like that one better. And it is also a sandwich, which is always a plus.

*helpless giggle*

Oh, the mental image....

No, no, like amireal said, you come back as a sock puppet, lay waste to fandom, and then use your real identity to expose the sock puppet as yet another fake identity, that you've prepared in advance. Or you could assume the fake identity, and expose yourself, then start all over again laying waste to fandom with the fake identity. Unless that's too much like the first plan. But I'm sure if we flow-chart it out, it'll make perfect sense.

*stares at flow chart* Maybe we need several different color pens?

Maybe some sort of three-dimensional modelling thingy?

Highlighters and those tab thingies that you can use to point arrows or mark places in a book.

My fandom nightmare is that I will manage to annoy everyone once too often and then everyone will defriend me and no one will ever speak to me again and I will miss all future installments of every WiP I am currently reading.

And I have no back-up plan. I must make one at once.

GET A PLAN. IT COULD HAPPEN AT ANY TIME! I am ready for the horror. *nods firmly* My alternate identity BETRAYEDBYFANDOM is ready for action.

Defriended by everyone, I will be reduced to living in a discarded computer box on Joe Flanigan's front lawn. His three sons will use my modest domicile to play take over and destroy the galaxy and then I will have to sleep under his Azalia bushes. Three years in the future, Joe's bull dog, Lucy, will find me and attempt to bury me in the backyard at which point in time someone will notice me "Honey, why is that woman buried in our backyard?" Joe will say, puzzled, and his wife will say "OH, like you don't KNOW why she's in our backyard," and then he'll say "Well, really, no, I have no idea!" and she'll say "That's just like the time you told me you'd never seen that waitress before," and he will say "I thought we'd agreed to never discuss El Segundo ever again," and meanwhile the children will be turning me into a tree fort and then ALL OF FANDOM WILL BE SORRY.

PS: My alternate identity is "YOU'LLNEVERSEEYOURWiPsAGAIN".

Sonnets! Yay sonnets! I'm looking forward to the sonnets. Everyone, go and defriend Jenn NOW!

Oh, can I get a sonnet too (if you ever get to 's', but then I'll have to friend you first, and then betray you... complex. How about sonnets for friends (and starting at the bottom of the alphabet)?. I'm here from your fantastic fic's and rec's pages - thank you! P.S. Reading over your machinations - do you realise that you are really Lex Luthor?

You live in Austin? Damn, if I'd known that I would have offered to take you out for lunch (Madam Mam's??). I love your Smallville fics, it'd be my way of saying thanks.

Unfortunately for you, I live in Japan now. I guess it's the thought that counts...?

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If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers
. -- Unknown, on feedback
BTS List
That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex...
Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
-- pricklyelf, on why Lex goes bad
LJ
Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
-- Teague, reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones"
LJ
Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
Jenn: Because you are an addict.
Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
-- hwmitzy and seperis, on bead addiction
AIM, 12/24/2003
I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
-- anonymous, on terrible writing
AIM, 2/17/2004
In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
-- silverkyst, on wtf
AIM, 3/25/2004
Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
-- eleveninches and anonymous, on things that are disturbing
LJ, 4/2/2004
silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular genetics.
silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
-- silverkyst and seperis, on more wtf
AIM, 1/25/2005
You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
-- Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years
LJ, 3/15/2005
Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
-- Summerfling, on shower sex
LJ, 7/22/2005
It's weird, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
-- revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit
LJ, 2/7/2006
Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
-- cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny
LJ, 4/13/2006
Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
-- deadlychameleon, on class
LJ, 9/1/2007
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Fan Fiction is John Cusack standing outside your house with a boombox.
-- JRDSkinner, on fanfiction
Twitter
I will unashamedly and unapologetically celebrate the joy and the warmth and the creativity of a community of people sharing something positive and beautiful and connective and if you don’t like it you are most welcome to very fuck off.
-- Michael Sheen, on Good Omens fanfic
Twitter, 6/19/2019
Adding for Mastodon.
-- Jenn, traceback
Fosstodon, 11/6/2022

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Base style: Open Spaces by seperis
Theme: New Green by seperis

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