seperis | the dark days of hasslehoff

We live in dark times.

Hasselhoff t-shirts - www.tshirtgrill.com - Original printed Hasselhoff t-shirts-three designs

THIS IS ENTIRELY BEST BELOVED'S FAULT. Oh my god, Gmail, I am NOT THIS PERSON. Send Best Beloved the Hasselhoff t-shirt ads! Not me! I am an innocent bystander. I was entirely unaware of Hasselhoff's cult of - I don't know what to call, it precisely, but "ego" seems more appropriate than "personality" - until recently, when sdwolfpup showed me two music videos (one in which Hasselhoff attempts to win the Worst Blue Screening award while holding a plastic fish in his mouth and dancing out of rhythm, and one in which he is wearing a "Don't Hassel the Hoff" t-shirt, which I now realize was fearsome marketing in action). I have not been the same since, although my doctors hold out some small chance of a full recovery for me. My point is: INNOCENT. Also, fragile and not to be randomly subjected to Hasselhoff-related ads.

Did I mock her? No. Well, in my head a lot, but she doesn't yet have cosmic powers and telepathy.

(wait. does she?)

Then. *Then* came my gmail. My poor, poor gmail, that never hurt anyone.

There was an email.

From her.

Mentioning Hasselhoff.

My sidebar now.

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MY GMAIL IS UNCLEAN. UNCLEAN. IT WILL NEVER BE AS INNOCENT AS IT ONCE WAS. This reminds me of the day

svmadelyn blind linked me to a youtube vid that ended up a Hasselhoff music video. I still have traumatic flashbacks.

Okay, pop quiz to satisfy curiosity--open up your gmail, click on a random email, and paste your sidebar ads here. I do not want to be alone.

Quotes

If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers
. -- Unknown, on feedback
BTS List
That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex...
Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
-- pricklyelf, on why Lex goes bad
LJ
Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
-- Teague, reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones"
LJ
Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
Jenn: Because you are an addict.
Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
-- hwmitzy and seperis, on bead addiction
AIM, 12/24/2003
I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
-- anonymous, on terrible writing
AIM, 2/17/2004
In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
-- silverkyst, on wtf
AIM, 3/25/2004
Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
-- eleveninches and anonymous, on things that are disturbing
LJ, 4/2/2004
silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular genetics.
silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
-- silverkyst and seperis, on more wtf
AIM, 1/25/2005
You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
-- Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years
LJ, 3/15/2005
Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
-- Summerfling, on shower sex
LJ, 7/22/2005
It's weird, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
-- revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit
LJ, 2/7/2006
Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
-- cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny
LJ, 4/13/2006
Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
-- deadlychameleon, on class
LJ, 9/1/2007
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Fan Fiction is John Cusack standing outside your house with a boombox.
-- JRDSkinner, on fanfiction
Twitter
I will unashamedly and unapologetically celebrate the joy and the warmth and the creativity of a community of people sharing something positive and beautiful and connective and if you don’t like it you are most welcome to very fuck off.
-- Michael Sheen, on Good Omens fanfic
Twitter, 6/19/2019
Adding for Mastodon.
-- Jenn, traceback
Fosstodon, 11/6/2022

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(From an email planning with friends on how we're going to the Shakespeare Free-for-all tomorrow night. Love's Labour's Lost!)

And I get the Coffee Exposed one all the time. Hilarious, since I don't drink coffee.

*grins*

The coffee thing must be a standard, like real estate or something. Also? I don't think I've *ever* seen that ad and I? Love coffee.

*bitter*

the dark days of hasslehoff

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