sometimes I horrify myself. oh john.

Thanks to z_rayne, yin_again, and libitina, with their crossovers and their addictiveness, I suddenly have this insane desire to write crossover porn. I mean, the lightest, candiest crossover porn ever. Mostly, I just want to get John Sheppard laid as much and with as many people as possible with little to no actual plot. It'd probably be this weird bar in the midwest--it's always a weird bar in the midwest, you know--where all the universes converge and he'd wander in for a beer and let's face it, he'd end up molested. So. Much.

Currently horrifying myself with John Sheppard/Jean-Luc Picard in a shuttecraft. They both speak French.

Hmm. Kind of like a multiverse game of clue, really.

*rubs eyes* I need more sleep or possibly a mild anti-psychotic.

Comments

[crownglass39.livejournal.com]

Ok, I'd read it...

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I don't even know how it would *work*. I just really *really* want it, darn it.

There's like this list in my head that keeps getting longer.

[nymphaea1.livejournal.com]

I would read that, too. Patrick Stewart has one of the sexiest voices ever so his voice + French + John = happy.

I don't know how it would work, either, but there was that jumper that could time travel in SG-1 so I imagine once you're warping time space maybe you could just happen to find yourself jumping realities too.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Yes. Voice + John + French = happy.

Hmm. Jumper bending reality. It could work.

[khyrra.livejournal.com]

Oddly(or maybe not so oddly), there is a fic about a bar like that, in the Buffy 'verse. You should totally check it out:
http://www.tthfanfic.com/Story-11757/Methos+Tales+from+the+Barman.htm

[seperis.livejournal.com]

You have officially made me the happiest person on lj.

*goes to read*

[auburnnothenna.livejournal.com]

Sometimes you horrify me. Picard? Where's my handy brain wipe device? I need it now. Besides, Picard would probably mug Sheppard for his hair. Or Q would show up and ruin the moment.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I know! I can't even write Picard!

Hmm. Picard/Sheppard/Q. Also works.

[ltlj.livejournal.com]

I'd read it. Picard was hot.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Yes. Yes he was. *thinks about Picard being commanding*

[amireal.livejournal.com]

You could totally do it. There's a quantum thingy device. Yeah. That's it.

[amireal.livejournal.com]

Sheppard/Bashir.

Just because.

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

Heh. Shuttlecraft. I'd read it. Question is, how did Picard get there? Maybe there was this wormhole that transported John to the future, and the Enterprise had to figure out how to open the wormhole to send him home... OR it could be the Guardian of Forever spits John out at Captain Picard's feet, and he can't tell anyone when he gets back, because they wouldn't believe him.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*g* I'd love to hear his explanation, too. *G*

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

There is no crossover human/human porn that I do not approve of.

For the record.

*enables*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*murmurs* Muppets.

[califmole.livejournal.com]

Sheppard/Picard? To die for. Vraiment!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

mmmmyes.

[porntestpilot.livejournal.com]

In case you were not aware, John is the third Mrs. Malcolm Reynolds. Little known fact.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*grins* He'd be good as a companion.

[tex.livejournal.com]

I think you're still distracted by the 140 character limit on Twitter.

Though if you wrote John Sheppard/Duncan MacLeod...that might be fun. *g*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

It's very traumatizing! All--weird. And watching it count down characters!

[girly-curl-3.livejournal.com]

Send him to Callahan's Crosstime Saloon!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Where? *blank*

[green-grrl.livejournal.com]

I'm still liking the idea of SGA/QAF. Because, seriously, John would be Babylon's bottom boy bitch.

However you have not beaten the cracky crossover idea I had in the shower today. *cackle* But I'm not telling -- I must go write it now.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Dear God yes. Well, Brian/John = love.

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

John Sheppard/Lex Luthor

John Sheppard/Methos

John Sheppard/Theora (from Max Headroom)

John Sheppard/Billy Tallent (theirhairissoexperimental)

John Sheppard/Summer Roberts

John Sheppard/Wesley Wyndham-Pryce

John Sheppard/Faith (*rowr*)

John Sheppard/Dominic Toretto

John Sheppard/Simon Tam

John Sheppard/Niki Sanders (OMG, the PRETTY!)

John Sheppard/Jake Green (theirloveispostapocalyptic!)

John Sheppard/Julian Sark (all about the ZPMs, baby. There's even canon in Alias)

John Sheppard/Aragorn

John Sheppard/Remus Lupin

John Sheppard/Abby Sciuto

John Sheppard/Han Solo

John Sheppard/Vala Mal Doran

John Sheppard/Shawn Farrell

John Sheppard/Amanda Tanner

John Sheppard/Veronica Mars

John Sheppard/Beverly Crusher

John Sheppard/Rogue

That was fun!

*eyes you*

[out-there.livejournal.com]

John Sheppard/Simon Tam

Okay, my brain just imploded. Like, completely.

If anyone needs me, I'll be the one in the corner whimpering about how hot the non-existant porn would be.

[libitina]

I totally support those plans!

If there is any way I can encourage you more, let me know.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*dies*

[graycastle.livejournal.com]

you have my unwavering support.

except, uh...sheppard speaks french?!?!? since when? or is this a hot-like-burning assumption that you are making to facilitate the fic? either way, thumbs up.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Joe Flanigan does. Please God let them use it in the show one day.

[apple-pi.livejournal.com]

First I was all distracted by John/Jean-Luc. (oh my god, John would totally make lame jokes about their names being similar, wouldn't he? He'd try, anyway, and Picard would look at him like he's a smear of dog crap on his shoe. And then Picard would think "Well, at least he's pretty," and be nice to John.

VERY VERY NICE.

Then I got distracted by John/Bashir. There's just - there's no bad there. I still have such a crush on him. (Also he's aged really well and he's even HOTTER now than he was during DS9 and... mmm. Yes.)

BUT NOW, oh now. NOW I must have John Sheppard as a Companion in the Firefly-verse. WHY HASN'T ANYONE WRITTEN THIS? He'd be, like the laziest Companion ever, and his years and years of intensive training would basically boil down to Rolls over and takes it from anyone and really really likes it; also sucks cock like he's starving for it, which he is. (Also I think Rodney should be in there somewhere - maybe Kaylee and Simon get married and leave the ship for a few weeks on a honeymoon and Rodney comes aboard as a passenger (he picks Serenity because he sees John lounging around on the boarding ramp while the ship is in port and it temporarily blinds him so he doesn't see that the rest of the ship is a RICKETY DEATH TRAP JUST WAITING TO KILL HIM IN SPACE WHERE NO ONE CAN HEAR HIM SCREAM. And once on board he realizes that (a) Mal is giving him dirty looks for spending all his time hanging out in Sheppard's shuttlecraft, (b) Sheppard, when not being paid to spread his legs, is sarcastic and lazy and does math problems for fun (which makes him, oh my god, fifty times sexier), and (c) he's going to die IN SPACE WHERE NO ONE CAN HEAR HIM SCREAM if he doesn't fix Serenity's... (insert technical term here), which Kaylee would totally have caught, except that she's not there.

So Rodney goes to Mal and says "Hey, your (technical term) is about to go belly up, and I'll fix it for the low, low price of... sleeping with Sheppard."

Hijinks ensue.

...

...Or something like that.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

That is disturbingly hot. DISTURBINGLY SO.

I also am amused by the image of Rodney waking from a lustful haze three days later and realizing HE DID NOT MEAN TO GET ON THIS SHIP.

*wide eyes* I bet you would write this really well.

[yin-again.livejournal.com]

horrifying myself with John Sheppard/Jean-Luc Picard

Oh, god - I'm scarred for life. Can't you just write lifeguards or dogwalkers or something?

*passes anti-psychotic from the super-special stash*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

THIS IS YOUR FAULT. You *had* to write awesome crossover (still working through snakes and lawyers) and it all--it messed up my mind! IT MESSED UP MY MIND. Now all i can think of is John Sheppard and various Flanigan combinations and *yearn*.

*eyes you* You are an evil crack dealer of darkness. And God, good porn.

*bitter*

*still chasing down random crossovers*

[gaffsie.livejournal.com]

it's always a weird bar in the midwest, you know--where all the universes converge and he'd wander in for a beer and let's face it, he'd end up molested. So. Much. Best. Idea. EVER.

[dar-jeeling.livejournal.com]

*blinks* I'm not sure what exactly gets me about this scenario, but I suspect it might be the French.

[quickthorne.livejournal.com]

Send him to Milliways! The Restaurant at the End of the Universe!

Crossovers abound there, man.


(Also, we'd totally read John Sheppard/Jean-Luc Picard in a shuttlecraft. Just to let you know. *is evil*)

[janne-d.livejournal.com]

I'd read that. And all the ones suggested by thepouncer, even the ones where I don't know who the other person is at all. For I have no shame. And I really kind of want to read Sheppard being molested by several fandoms. (I'd add Sheppard/Wolverine-as-played-by-Hugh-Jackman to the list too.)

I think I read something similar ages ago where Q tries to seduce QuiGon and transports ObiWan to a different universe out of the way, and ObiWan then sleeps his way through the casts of Highlander, The Sentinel and SG-1 trying to get back...