this is slightly less frantic than the previous version

Dad came home today with a tentative diagnosis of COPD, but the congestive heart failure thing of earlier this year is off the table, which what the hell. Currently oxygen is being prescribed, which would be much more worrying if I wasn't pretty sure at least part of his last couple of months of lethargy and not wanting to do much was due to not being able to sleep consistently due to not feeling he can breathe freely, so I'm hoping this is going to be an improvement. Sleep is magical, this I know as a fact; if he's getting enough sleep, that could maybe change some things.

Um, people who sent IMs and emails--I didn't think I'd want to read them yet but I did at work anyway because work was faily in distraction and thank you for both the great advice and the general well-wishes. It kind of worked beyond words to help me distill what I was thinking and also avoid a sudden rash of TMI postings in comments at sf_drama as I was doing last night or getting snippy with people who commented today on the warnings posts (protip: when you are hyperexamining for tone and suddenly realize you want to make an unironic Godwin reference in a comment, at that point either write some goddamn porn or take a nap. I did both and then had a Thundercloud sandwich and potato salad, since ratcreature's post on the heat gave me a craving).

I don't know yet what I'm going to do about the medication combinations, but he just changed doctors so I may talk to my mom about printed out a complete list of his scripts for the last few years with dates and at least convince her to talk it over with someone who has a medical degree. Since this is a new doctor and a new diagnosis, it might at very least open up a conversation. I really, really want him in physical therapy. I mean, I don't know if we can get grounds for it, but surely a doctor can, and I want him to get that and get an evaluation from a physical therapist on his energy anything else falling under the umbrella of mobility. I do not think all health issues can be cured by exercise; I think seventy-five percent of his could either alleviated or very much reduced, but there's really not a good way to push that when you're constantly exhausted and in pain, and no amount of haranguing will overcome that basic fact of existence.

I do owe my flist for that understanding; enough of you deal with chronic pain that I get that what is possible does not mean what is realistic when it comes to what you can do as opposed to what you should do and sure, maybe it would be healthier to do long walks or whatever all the time, but not necessarily if you're going to pay for it with even more pain, which frankly isn't exactly a plus on health either. I guess that's what you mean when you talk about spoons in how much you have to give may not match how much there is to do. We can find ways to extend his use of spoons, but there's still a limit on how many he has to work with.

In related news, there's a delivery service that delivers local meat and local organic produce that is apparently about the same price as going to central market, which I admit finding out about that is possibly one of the highlights of today. It will be a lot easier to force a radical change of diet if there are fewer opportunities to browse less healthy alternatives and the sheer convenience of it already being in the house will weigh heavily. If research pans out on it, I'll update for those living in Austin if it works out.

Comments disabled only because I'm still a little off-balance, not because all of you are not awesome. I can't figure out if I don't want to talk about it or can't talk about it and until I do, it feels like a really questionable idea to use other people to work out where I'm standing. I mean, I'm pretty sure that's what people pay therapists to do and if how I feel is anything to go by, they deserve that and maybe cookies as a thank-you. I appreciate the collective goodwill and patience of everyone reading this and those who sent reassurance that I didn't realize I needed.