(no subject)

So at work, we have three new employees. We have been trying--and I emphasize the word--to get them access to their computers. Four (FOUR!) security forms, a hundred phone calls, and one temper tantrum later, I am on the phone with help desk to discover that...

a.) despite multiple phone calls over four days (and a tantrum! A good one!), they are still unaware that two of my people don't have computer access and one has no computer at all. They are shocked, amazed, and have asked me every time, why didn't you tell us?

b.) ditto, but for phones.

Every. Call. It's all new and shocking. They give me ticket--ticket is basically a change/complaint/request number--and read it and strangely, only one thing I said gets on there, and always the least important part. Like air.

...I can't believe I just sat here listing off all the parts of a computer to the guy on the phone. I have this horrible suspicion he'll walk in with like, just a naked hard drive and be shocked, amazed that there is no tower waiting. I am in that place.

God, I better say keyboard. God knows what tech thinks people do with computers.

I can kind of see this will not be one of my better work days.

The really depressing, yet amusing part is--this really isn't my job anymore. But on the other hand, at this point? I just want to beat them. And by them, I mean the Privatized Outsourced Much Cheaper Computer Tech People.

...oh my god, they are asking again about whether anyone needs program access. This is what hell is like. It is a guy on the phone with short term memory amnesia.

Comments

[calligrafiti.livejournal.com]

God, I better say keyboard. God knows what tech thinks people do with computers.


Mmm-hmm. Also, "mouse" and possibly "power cable". Because "you mean you want to plug it in?" is probably not what you want to hear at any point today.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh dear God no. I have to still have faith in humanity and assume they know that we need *cords*.

[kernezelda]

Don't forget data cables for network connection. Just in case.

[akacat]

My brain exploded when I tried to calculate the number of ways this can continue to go wrong.

This is what hell is like. It is a guy on the phone with short term memory amnesia.

That sounds frighteningly accurate.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

It's--unreal. I just keep thinking that it has to eventually work out--but I think they can keep this up for *weeks*.

[ms-nerd.livejournal.com]

Are you sure you don't have OUR IT guy working for you? Mine routinely PRINTS out e-mails to show them to people.

Good Luck!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*dies* I can see this happening.

*sighs*

[fanofall.livejournal.com]

Oh, my God. I am so sorry. *sends waves of sympathy* Our IT guys are not that bad -- it's the outside customer reps who need the hand-holding above and beyond the call.

[that_mireille]

*sighs* Considering I knew someone who works IT who did not understand that computers require electricity, or in fact that if the problem is that you can't get connected to the Internet, you can't *download a new modem driver*... yeah. Short term memory loss is hardly a surprise.

[joesther.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry, but this made me laugh just 'cause it reminded me of a place I used to work. So consider it laughing in sympathy. Because that's what it is. It's also seriously *headdesk* worthy.

People like that make me wonder if they need to recharge their brains at night. Oy.

And seriously - did you ask for a mouse? And power cords? And a monitor? Yikes.

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

Is it bad that I'm laughing? Because I've been one of those people and trust me, dumb. Dumb dumb dumb. One of the reasons I became a tech support person was because they were so amazingly dumb that new person =/= functional, complete computer.

Including a network adapter. Seriously, make sure they have that.

[miss-porcupine.livejournal.com]

You should have known you were in trouble when they outsourced to Huit Clos Business Management Systems [JP Sartre, President].

[researchgrrrl.livejournal.com]

When I worked at at an IT help desk (which to this day is why I won't answer the phone unless absolutely pressed to do so), we were the ones who had to try to not only wring out of the user what they needed, but then had to turn around and try to persuade the hardware/network guys (official name: "Desktop Services" with the inexplicable acronym of DTC) to actually provide what the user needed.

Some days, I'd use my best Customer Service voice to inform them all that I needed to put them on hold so I could pull myself together and not totally lose my shit.

Some days? That took longer than others.

[kudra2324.livejournal.com]

laughing so hard here...

[kudra2324.livejournal.com]

uh, not at you, obviously. i have SO HAD THIS EXPERIENCE. do you need cables to connect the computer to anything external? because you're going to need to ask for those as well.

[xoverau.livejournal.com]

My mother was told by her office's ergo people that she has a neck problem because of her monitor. They instructed her to get a new 21-inch flatscreen one. She called up and had a tech run through every monitor the company owned in a list, on which 21-inch flatscreen did not appear. She mentioned it, and he said, "Those are really expensive. How about a regular one that's nineteen?" She said, "I HAVE a regular one that's nineteen." He said, "So what's the problem?"

...

My job has its issues, but I'm kind of glad I'm not working in an environment so packed with people that the upper third don't get air.

[tipsywitch.livejournal.com]

Oh God, welcome to the world of IT. This sounds sooo familiar. I sympathise!

[ladyvyola.livejournal.com]

When I changed jobs with my company, I moved to a different building. I didn't need anything new in the way of hardware or software, just to be plugged in and get access to some new servers. Everything seemed fine...

...until I lost all network access every day around 6 p.m.

No one else did.

Visit after phonecall after trouble ticket from IT. "Do you have an alternate e-mail address so I can send you a link to the database?" "Yes, but AS I CANNOT ACCESS THE NETWORK I CANNOT ACCESS THE INTERNET. AS I TOLD YOU THE DOZEN OTHER TIMES YOU ASKED."

Finally, finally one of them says, "Oh, the guy who sat here before was on the testing network. Every time we try something you get kicked off of it." And then he did something arcane and now I'm fine.

Oh, those boys were so sharp and on top of things. Not.