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Thursday, May 18th, 2006 10:58 pm
so one of those days
There was this panic thing today, where I valiantly attempted to not break into hysterics when my mother casually mentioned my uncle and aunt asked about my fanfiction.
I have mentioned Uncle and Aunt in relation to the Thing With the Conversation About Sex Around Christmas While Sister Drove Us To Pick Up a Piano. Yes. Those nice, suburban, really ultra normal relatives.
The thing that kind of terrifes me is twofold. One--oh my God, how the fuck did he find out? How did *they* find out? Like, outside the people in my very immediate family, I do not talk about this. It's the thing I barely discuss with my mother. Because I am scared to death that my mother will question me on how I learned to write gay sex. I just--no. I will never be old enough, mature enough, insane enough to discuss any sort of fictional sex with my mother. We are just not going there.
Huh. I just had a traumatic moment. Hold on.
Anyway, apparently, to just complete this collapse is that my uncle--my nice, recovering-from-cancer, really-nice-with-great-sense-of-humor uncle is--he is Wandering the Net. Somewhere. He is reading fic. He is reading fic and is interested in it. Apparently, he is reading enough to ask my mother for my pseudonym. He possibly--I can't even begin to express my pure, unmitigated horror--is reading in at least one of my old fandoms. If he hits the wrong page, he won't need my psuedonym. The older archives in a few still use my full name.
Wait. What if he falls over some hentai? I mean, not that I wrote any, but it's like, out there, and that's not what you want your uncle to click on when he's looking for like, Star Trek gen or something, you know?
Oh my God. *blinks slowly* I am torn between denying I exist--which will make Christmas interesting--and sending desperate emails to steer him away from anything that will end with him at the next Christmas dinner saying "So, Jenn, you had Superman in bondage gear, huh?"
And I will cry a lot. I mean, after I run screaming. Or have a total collapse of some kind.
...how the hell did he find out? That? Is not something that comes up in casual conversation. Or you know, in any conversation ever.
Okay, done with that.
Day Two Without Madelyn
She forbade flame wars until she got back--and by the way, all fandoms she watches and reads? Those orders are for you, too, so keep zen until she gets back--and it's not like I'm Miss Controversial Subject anyway, though I feel this really weird desire to do a Compare and Contrast--Why Some People Should Be Forbidden Access to John Without a License and Oh My God He Is a Soldier Not a Five Year Old Girl Stop That Crying For His Deep Emotional Pain Shit Already And Give Him Back His Balls--but that would be wrong. I mean, not the sentiment, but you know, being mean. And because I took recs without vetting them first and sometimes, morbid fascination can really screw you up.
Did a complete read of Pru's Visiting Hours and Conflict of Interests here, which was interestingly fun. Mostly because I said for years and years and years or you know, months, that I would read it over my own dead body, because she makes awesome furious noises and possibly blocked me on AIM, so there was that furtive thing going on. I mean, on one hand? I am ashamed I broke. On the other, they kick so much serious ass. Smallville fic, God do I miss you sometimes. No fandom gave me epic passionate terrifying scary unhealthy love like that. Love that could end in puppies, babies, or the destruction of the world on any given day.
Oh yeah. *sighs* It's like worm porn, really.
Hmm. Anyone read anything intersting?
I have mentioned Uncle and Aunt in relation to the Thing With the Conversation About Sex Around Christmas While Sister Drove Us To Pick Up a Piano. Yes. Those nice, suburban, really ultra normal relatives.
The thing that kind of terrifes me is twofold. One--oh my God, how the fuck did he find out? How did *they* find out? Like, outside the people in my very immediate family, I do not talk about this. It's the thing I barely discuss with my mother. Because I am scared to death that my mother will question me on how I learned to write gay sex. I just--no. I will never be old enough, mature enough, insane enough to discuss any sort of fictional sex with my mother. We are just not going there.
Huh. I just had a traumatic moment. Hold on.
Anyway, apparently, to just complete this collapse is that my uncle--my nice, recovering-from-cancer, really-nice-with-great-sense-of-humor uncle is--he is Wandering the Net. Somewhere. He is reading fic. He is reading fic and is interested in it. Apparently, he is reading enough to ask my mother for my pseudonym. He possibly--I can't even begin to express my pure, unmitigated horror--is reading in at least one of my old fandoms. If he hits the wrong page, he won't need my psuedonym. The older archives in a few still use my full name.
Wait. What if he falls over some hentai? I mean, not that I wrote any, but it's like, out there, and that's not what you want your uncle to click on when he's looking for like, Star Trek gen or something, you know?
Oh my God. *blinks slowly* I am torn between denying I exist--which will make Christmas interesting--and sending desperate emails to steer him away from anything that will end with him at the next Christmas dinner saying "So, Jenn, you had Superman in bondage gear, huh?"
And I will cry a lot. I mean, after I run screaming. Or have a total collapse of some kind.
...how the hell did he find out? That? Is not something that comes up in casual conversation. Or you know, in any conversation ever.
Okay, done with that.
Day Two Without Madelyn
She forbade flame wars until she got back--and by the way, all fandoms she watches and reads? Those orders are for you, too, so keep zen until she gets back--and it's not like I'm Miss Controversial Subject anyway, though I feel this really weird desire to do a Compare and Contrast--Why Some People Should Be Forbidden Access to John Without a License and Oh My God He Is a Soldier Not a Five Year Old Girl Stop That Crying For His Deep Emotional Pain Shit Already And Give Him Back His Balls--but that would be wrong. I mean, not the sentiment, but you know, being mean. And because I took recs without vetting them first and sometimes, morbid fascination can really screw you up.
Did a complete read of Pru's Visiting Hours and Conflict of Interests here, which was interestingly fun. Mostly because I said for years and years and years or you know, months, that I would read it over my own dead body, because she makes awesome furious noises and possibly blocked me on AIM, so there was that furtive thing going on. I mean, on one hand? I am ashamed I broke. On the other, they kick so much serious ass. Smallville fic, God do I miss you sometimes. No fandom gave me epic passionate terrifying scary unhealthy love like that. Love that could end in puppies, babies, or the destruction of the world on any given day.
Oh yeah. *sighs* It's like worm porn, really.
Hmm. Anyone read anything intersting?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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From:It is here. It is HERE! I LOVE YOU!
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From:On the one hand- oh my god, I feel your pain; I suspect that my dad has found some of my NC-17 femmeslash fic before, and that is something I just do not want to think about. But on the other hand- I have an essay due in ten hours, I haven't slept, and cracking up laughing reading this post did wonders to improve my mood. :D
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From:Because there are some day I'm almost like smart people but others? Not so much.
I did read the best handjob fic EVER while I was sullenly lurking in my office and having murderous thoughts about creating deliberately cruel forms to be used in the lab. But back the handjob fic, it was SPN (natch) but het! And did I mention the best EVER?
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From:Even if there was that one time in college that one of my guy friends wanted to look at het porn at my place, and I figured the fastest way there was the history links on dad's machine. Fortunately, I didn't find anything that scarred me. In retrospect, I probably deserved to.
...families and the internet just don't mix, do they?
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From:*breathing*
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From:Oh, do I feel your pain. The mother has always known about the fandom thing, but it used to be shrugged off with eyerolling and sighs. Then I started writing, and made the mistake of letting it slip that I'd started writing. Since, she's gotten an odd sort of... pride about the whole thing. It's a little scary, really. Lately, though, there've been several requests to read. Last week I finally broke down and said no outright, and when the inevitable why came, I uttered the words, "Because they're very... adult."
From there, I actually was asked how I learned to write this stuff. *shudder* So not a conversation I wish to have ever, ever again.
May the family be kept at bay, and you not be forced to deny your existence. Maybe plead insanity?
And this?
Oh My God He Is a Soldier Not a Five Year Old Girl Stop That Crying For His Deep Emotional Pain Shit Already And Give Him Back His Balls
Cracked me up endlessly. Thank you.
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From:Insanity sounds good. Very, very good.
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From:*fumes softly*
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From:I've posted recs recently, including SGA.
http://meret.livejournal.com/510224.html
http://meret.livejournal.com/506833.html
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So Pretty When Your Mine
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Re: So Pretty When Your Mine
From:I'm glad you enjoyed it, though!
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Re: So Pretty When Your Mine
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From:That's what I told my mom. Not to tell my uncle, those are rules for her. And so far it's worked quite well.
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From:Why Some People Should Be Forbidden Access to John Without a License and Oh My God He Is a Soldier Not a Five Year Old Girl Stop That Crying For His Deep Emotional Pain Shit Already And Give Him Back His Balls
*ducks*. I CAN'T STOP WRITING ABOUT HOW SCREWED UP HE IS. He doesn't cry, though. Yet. God, I love him.
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From:Crying into his pillow over his existential pain and how no one loves him ever adn he is omgsograteful Rodney loves him? Oh dear God.
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From:The other thing that irrationally squicks me is people crying after sex. I mean, I can kind of see why - release of all kinds, etc - but it makes me think of Mills & Boone novels, perhaps unfairly. I just have to run for the hills.
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From:yes.
*twitches again*
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From:Hum..Hy *Carmilla waves*
A beautiful Stargate SGA fic I 've read in this period is Synecdochic's Freedom's Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Lose
There are Season 2 spoilers and conjecture for the future.
It's raw and beautiful piece of writing.
Go on, trust me.
This is the link:http://synecdochic.livejournal.com/61471.html
Bites
Carmilla
P.s. Sorry for my poor english i'm italian.
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From:Yeah, I read that when it was posted, but thanks!
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From:And I will cry a lot. I mean, after I run screaming. Or have a total collapse of some kind.
That would so be me, too, if even one of my sympathetic relatives found my adult stories. It just opens up a whole realm of awkwardness.
I keep getting into these situations that are completely different, where I have to explain fanfic to people who regard it as something that weird people do, or they want to ascribe all sorts of bizarre motives to the writers, like trying to control the source material or get close to the actors or some kind of power game. It's like they don't want to believe the only motive is just that it's fun.
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From:Here are the stories from the Back to Basics challenge (http://community.livejournal.com/atlantisbasics/10521.html). The vast majority of which are totally awesome. Go! Read!
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From:My fifteen year old son told his scout troop - I repeat - *HIS SCOUT TROOP* I write porn. Like I write het or something!!
Yes I really am that old...
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