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Sunday, June 12th, 2005 06:00 pm
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My fannish manifesto of my active fandoms of choice. If you can beat this for sheer superficiality, you just *try*.
Queer as Folk
1.) Brian naked. Seriously, they must save a *lot* of money on wardrobe with all the flouncing about Brian does with his little Mr. Wriggly. Brian. Naked. Any given episode, a better than average chance of seeing Brian stripping down to beyond the undies. This man? Cannot possibly be eating. I applaud it. Stay with the dry crackers and water!
2.) Nakidity, period. Any. Given. Episode. With sex. This is, in fact, soft porn, but without the attached worry of wandering out of Sweet Dreams XXX with an unmarked brown paper bag in your hands looking around for someone you know to see you.
3.) Did I mention all the pretty nakedness? This cannot be emphasized enough.
4.) At any given time, any two characters on the show could have sex, or could have had sex in the past. It's kind of like a really random drinking game, but canonical! Except for the staight people, who never get laid. Debbie doesn't count. Cause we don't like to think of her having sex, so we block it out. A lot.
5.) If you ever want to know exactly what those positions you've been writing as a slash writer look like, this is the place for you. This can be considered educational. This can also be scarring if it involves Emmett and Ted, so I suggest fast-forwarding through those bits. Trust me, there's lots of warning. Emmett looks constipated every time. Just hit the button.
Smallville
1.) Lex, naked. Once. In the first season. You would'nt think this would be a selling point, but let me point out, I can list the episodes I've seen more than his wrists. His *wrists*. Okay? I can count them *on one hand*. Lex naked is a lot more naked than most people are naked. It's--very. Naked.
2.) There's a better than average chance that there will be mpreg at some point, considering the plotlines already used. You think I'm kidding? I'm so not.
3.) Horrifying old school fanboy friends by reciting in detail why you think Clark would bottom, using examples from the episodes.
4.) Almost canonical incest! There hasn't been this much family trees branching inward since Flowers in the Attic! If Season Four gave us nothing else, and let's face it, it didn't, it gave us that.
5.) Clark is naked. A lot. One might say his manly and waxed young chest is pretty much the one thing SV has going for it these days. We are thankful.
Queer as Folk
1.) Brian naked. Seriously, they must save a *lot* of money on wardrobe with all the flouncing about Brian does with his little Mr. Wriggly. Brian. Naked. Any given episode, a better than average chance of seeing Brian stripping down to beyond the undies. This man? Cannot possibly be eating. I applaud it. Stay with the dry crackers and water!
2.) Nakidity, period. Any. Given. Episode. With sex. This is, in fact, soft porn, but without the attached worry of wandering out of Sweet Dreams XXX with an unmarked brown paper bag in your hands looking around for someone you know to see you.
3.) Did I mention all the pretty nakedness? This cannot be emphasized enough.
4.) At any given time, any two characters on the show could have sex, or could have had sex in the past. It's kind of like a really random drinking game, but canonical! Except for the staight people, who never get laid. Debbie doesn't count. Cause we don't like to think of her having sex, so we block it out. A lot.
5.) If you ever want to know exactly what those positions you've been writing as a slash writer look like, this is the place for you. This can be considered educational. This can also be scarring if it involves Emmett and Ted, so I suggest fast-forwarding through those bits. Trust me, there's lots of warning. Emmett looks constipated every time. Just hit the button.
Smallville
1.) Lex, naked. Once. In the first season. You would'nt think this would be a selling point, but let me point out, I can list the episodes I've seen more than his wrists. His *wrists*. Okay? I can count them *on one hand*. Lex naked is a lot more naked than most people are naked. It's--very. Naked.
2.) There's a better than average chance that there will be mpreg at some point, considering the plotlines already used. You think I'm kidding? I'm so not.
3.) Horrifying old school fanboy friends by reciting in detail why you think Clark would bottom, using examples from the episodes.
4.) Almost canonical incest! There hasn't been this much family trees branching inward since Flowers in the Attic! If Season Four gave us nothing else, and let's face it, it didn't, it gave us that.
5.) Clark is naked. A lot. One might say his manly and waxed young chest is pretty much the one thing SV has going for it these days. We are thankful.
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From:I am less disturbed by Jason getting it on with his mom than I was with the thought of him getting it on with Princess Sparkle Pony. And that's saying something, because Genevieve creeped me OUT.
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From:It makes me happy, in all the wrong ways.
Though agreed.
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From:You forgot the fact that the potential for mpreg is helped impressively by the fact that there are already canonically Clark/Lex love children running around the DC-verse. And really, you wouldn't want to forget something like that. *g*
Linzee
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From:That never stops being funny, does it? Who *thought* of that? And should SV slash fandom send them gifts? I keep feeling like they deserve chocolate or something for that one.
*glows*
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From:So in short...chocolate. Definitely chocolate. Perhaps cookies shaped like little "S"s?
Linzee
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From:okay, if that happens next year I am holding you personally responsible -- putting all those whitnels out into the stratosphere!!!! OMG! because you know if clark gets pregnant it will be Lana's baby. Or... or Lionel's from being inside Clark that one time. I... GYAH *sporks cortex*
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From:If someone doesn't write this, I will cry.
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From:it would be their christmas special, woudln't it? They would call it Messiah or Nativity. The teaser would have Clark dreaming about flying and being knocked out of the sky by a mighty wind. He would fall only to be saved by a flurry of white doves wings. The wings would lay him gently on a cloud and an angel with Lana's face would appear in the air before him. The Lana angel would kiss him chastly on the lips and a golden spark would flash between their mouths causing Clark to gasp. Then the Lana angle would open her mouth and out would come Lois' braying voice saying: "Smallville! Daylight's burning. Time to get up." Clark blinks and the Lana-angel disappears, replaced by Lois standing over him, hands on her hips.
"Lois?" says Clark, pulling the covers up to his chin. "What are you doing here?"
"December twenty fifth, Einstein," Lois says, snidely. "Tree. Plum pudding. Shiny packages with my name on them. Jingling any bells yet?"
"But Lois..." Clark begins. But Lois grabs his covers and yanks.
"Come on Smallville," Lois says, whipping the covers up and away. "Aren't you even a little bit--" And stops, bug-eyed as the camera pulls back to reveal the huge, swollen rise of Clark Kent's belly.
Clark and Lois stare at it for a beat and then, back at each other, to gasp, in unison: "...pregnant?"
CUT TO OPENING CREDITS: Somebody kiiiiiiill meeeee....
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From:Really. None at all.
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From:You make me so happy. So. Very. Happy.
My favorite part is where Clark explains to Lana she's going to be an immaculate mommy.
*hums jingle bells*
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From:2.) There's a better than average chance that there will be mpreg at some point, considering the plotlines already used. You think I'm kidding? I'm so not.
You've convinced me! I'm watching s5!
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From:Done and check.
Next?
*g*
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From:With all the cloning and such that's canonical for the show already, I'm surprised we haven't seen wee Clarklets and Lexitas running about already.
Also, I think that Lex has been under considerable stress these past few seasons, and needs to have at least one massage scene per episode for all of the next season.
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From:Also, I think that Lex has been under considerable stress these past few seasons, and needs to have at least one massage scene per episode for all of the next season.
At least one comfortably naked massage. Yes. He deserves it. I wouldn't think two would be too many, would you? *hopeful*
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E I-eDas?!?!?!?! Here!
From:1. Cavewall lightswitch evil Lex and Jor-El converse, working together to get Clark to rule world with Lex. And royal sex chambers.
2. (something I'd love to write) A span of years looking if Clark and Lex really pretend to be enemies and what they go through to and sacrifice to keep the charade up. And lots of forbidden lovin.
3. Blue Collar t.v.- The Kents are v.v. redneck and redneck Clark has to give Lex the obligatory anal probe.
4. A world of Clex shrimp?
5. Lex and Clark get lost in the woods, really, really lost, and Clark is still trying to hide his powers as they try to get back. Swimming naked in lakes and waterfalls is a must.
6. Lex needs a date for his high school reunion. Much misunderstanding and groping follow.
7. Clark ends up as a child in Metropolis. Becomes a small-time thief. Encounters Lex one day and becomes his bodyguard in more than one way.
8. Lionel finds out about resident alien tries to steal Clark. Lex finds out and steals him first. Excuse for lots of bondage.
9. Lana dies and comes back to get Clark and Lex to heal the rift before she can be sent over. Vourism.
10. Clark has an alien sickness. He must keep drinking sperm to stay alive.
This is fun! *Will think some more*
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