midday, later than

It was actually kind of funny.

When I woke up this morning, my mouth tasted very--blue. Silvery blue, metal but not blood, but I ignored it and got dressed. By ten, the ache in my cheekbone sent me to our new supervisor, who looked me over with a half smile when I said I could probably last two more hours but I really didn't think I'd make it through the rest of the day. She nodded and remarked she hadn't thought I'd come in today, considering, which made me think, God, did I look that bad?

Apparently, yes.

So I sat down and took twenty five calls in two hours, or about what most of my unit takes all day to answer, bringing me to forty-seven or so, which is how many I usually answer in a day. Part of it was distraction and to make up for the fact I'd be out in the afternoon. Mostly, I'm making my unit look like shit comparatively speaking. And you have no idea how very much I don't care. Could be how tired I am, or my jaw ache, or the fact that the stitches in my gum came out spontaneously at work yesterday and freaked me out--but you know. I don't have time to be mediocre.

I can't take narcotics at work--my attention span isn't great on my best days, and as a friend last night remarked, it's hard to talk to me when I'm up because I can't track multiple conversational topics well. It's--frustrating. I guess it's also a little embarrassing.

But anyway, home, drinking warm milk and trying to check for swelling on my gum and cheekbone.

Right now, more comfort fic. It's a habit. When I feel like crap, I like to make other people feel good. So.

Your Cowboy Days Are Over (Mammas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys) by samdonne

I don't think, even to the author, I've really been able to articulate why this story is right now my favorite, bar none, in any fandom. A lot of it is the worldbuilding, which is extraordinarily rich and detailed, that she made familiar and real so fast it's hard to believe it's not canon. A lot of it is the range of characters used--from Ekaterin and Ben--God, *Ben*--to Kolya, whose extraordinary characterization and utilization still leaves me breathless and a little sad that canon would never take this path. The sheer quality of the writing is a given.

( spoilers for fic )

I thought I'd be able to write more, but instead, I'm going to curl up for a bit until the drugs kick in.