![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Monday, March 22nd, 2004 09:13 pm
why wario will destroy the world
Last day at work. Off to training. I wish I could say something profound happened, something that made me see this is my True Path, or even that a fight broke out in teh lobby and I got to place bets, but unfortunately, it was a long, slow day. I cleaned out my desk, fit my worklife into a box, and FormerStalkerGuy took it out for me. People expressed amazement that this was my last day.
Partially because I really didn't talk about it. My supervisor was surprised. I would have told her if she'd asked.
Profound Moment
The profound thing happened Sunday night, at which time I braved Warioworld with Child, as he was having Issues with the Two Headed Dragon of Ultimate Stupidity that kicked my ass repeatedly.
This is what I've learned. It's not good.
When I fall into the money-eating pit, I sound like a ten cent whore with language issues and poor impulse control. I had no idea I was capable of that kind of invective, but the sheer level sent those who overheard me screaming it at the television into some really unbecoming hysterics. Child collapsed on the floor, laughing so hard he was crying, and I'd have been so ashamed and horrified with myself if the *censored* ghosts weren't *censored* squeezing out every *censored* *censored* red cent I *censored* earned levels before so I could buy more *censored* *censored* *censored* life to *censored* kill the *censored* *censored* *censored* *censored* two headed dragon.
*CENSORED*
It sounded kinda like that, but with words.
Also, I fell into it eight times.
I love my spam headers. They have taught me many a nifty saying for times like that.
Apparently, I was shouting near the end for the ghosts to keep their filthy hands off my money. But I was more creative. I called into question parentage and sexual habits of both ghosts, for being so greedy, and Wario, for being such a moron as to fall, when my fingers had obviously done all the right things in keeping him from falling.
I yelled at Wario a *lot*. One might say, I didn't stop for long periods of time.
For the record, I didn't know I knew all those words. According to not-so-innocent onlookers, I was yelling extremely limited Spanish and my one true Finnish bit at the television near the end, but I don't consider them reliable, since they were kind of loud with all the laughing and falling on the floor. Hell, for all I know, I was speaking in tongues. I went in with two thousand, left with a thousand. I challenge *anyone* to deal with that maturely.
And you have *no* idea what annoying little digital lizardish things I had to fight to get that money.
In the end, though, I killed the two headed dragon, and I capered, because that bastard was dead and I got the key to something, though I have no idea what it is. But he was dead and I was happy, and this, this is how the cavepeople felt when they brought down the brontasaurus (don't fuck with me about dinosaurs not being around during cavepeople days, *I* have a public school education and I watched the Flintstones). All hanging around their campfires and doing their painting on the walls and random spontaneous sex (we were hygenic cavepeople as well. Again, Flintstones? Right, the water came *out* of a snout, but it was clean) and I guess made houses out of the bones or something. I'm not so sure exactly, but I know it was just like that.
I got off subject.
Here's the other thing I learned from Warioworld.
Ice? Cliffs? Are created by people who have no souls. None. No one with a soul would make cliffs with icy slopes that are impossible by any human means to climb unless you are actually capable of hitting four diametrically opposed buttons all at once. I ignore the fact that Child can do this, since watching him play, I've begun to feel doubt about his actual humanity and all. Because, let's all face it, his fingers are shorter than mine, I have better fine motor control, and yet, I fall and he *doesn't*. Let's just mull that one, okay?
And when you fall off the icy cliff?
Money-stealing bastards.
That's all I have to say about this subject.
Stumble and Fall
If this story doesn't come together, I'm going to kill Justin. I mean, it would solve everything, and also, be easy. Daphne's due date, he can get run over by a bus headed for Las Vegas carrying octogenian PFLAG members going to live it up on the strip. We will have a long, long, long, emotional scene in which Brian, who will be high because, well, he's always high during profound moments, will, in a fit of passion, name the child Justin Taylor Kinney and everyone will break into a musical number with Celine Dion singing My Heart Will Go On, and I will then cut my wrists and just die, because the day I do that, I know I will no longer have a reason to live, as I will be among the soulless ones, making icy mountains for Wario to climb and die on and then fall into money-eating pits and cast doubt on the humanity of Child. Bastard Wario and his not-climbing ass.
That's the plan. Right there.
And don't *even* try to stop me. I have a keyboard and a GameCube and a complete set of bodice ripper romance novels and a scary number of pop MP3s and I'm *so not* afraid to use them.
Partially because I really didn't talk about it. My supervisor was surprised. I would have told her if she'd asked.
Profound Moment
The profound thing happened Sunday night, at which time I braved Warioworld with Child, as he was having Issues with the Two Headed Dragon of Ultimate Stupidity that kicked my ass repeatedly.
This is what I've learned. It's not good.
When I fall into the money-eating pit, I sound like a ten cent whore with language issues and poor impulse control. I had no idea I was capable of that kind of invective, but the sheer level sent those who overheard me screaming it at the television into some really unbecoming hysterics. Child collapsed on the floor, laughing so hard he was crying, and I'd have been so ashamed and horrified with myself if the *censored* ghosts weren't *censored* squeezing out every *censored* *censored* red cent I *censored* earned levels before so I could buy more *censored* *censored* *censored* life to *censored* kill the *censored* *censored* *censored* *censored* two headed dragon.
*CENSORED*
It sounded kinda like that, but with words.
Also, I fell into it eight times.
I love my spam headers. They have taught me many a nifty saying for times like that.
Apparently, I was shouting near the end for the ghosts to keep their filthy hands off my money. But I was more creative. I called into question parentage and sexual habits of both ghosts, for being so greedy, and Wario, for being such a moron as to fall, when my fingers had obviously done all the right things in keeping him from falling.
I yelled at Wario a *lot*. One might say, I didn't stop for long periods of time.
For the record, I didn't know I knew all those words. According to not-so-innocent onlookers, I was yelling extremely limited Spanish and my one true Finnish bit at the television near the end, but I don't consider them reliable, since they were kind of loud with all the laughing and falling on the floor. Hell, for all I know, I was speaking in tongues. I went in with two thousand, left with a thousand. I challenge *anyone* to deal with that maturely.
And you have *no* idea what annoying little digital lizardish things I had to fight to get that money.
In the end, though, I killed the two headed dragon, and I capered, because that bastard was dead and I got the key to something, though I have no idea what it is. But he was dead and I was happy, and this, this is how the cavepeople felt when they brought down the brontasaurus (don't fuck with me about dinosaurs not being around during cavepeople days, *I* have a public school education and I watched the Flintstones). All hanging around their campfires and doing their painting on the walls and random spontaneous sex (we were hygenic cavepeople as well. Again, Flintstones? Right, the water came *out* of a snout, but it was clean) and I guess made houses out of the bones or something. I'm not so sure exactly, but I know it was just like that.
I got off subject.
Here's the other thing I learned from Warioworld.
Ice? Cliffs? Are created by people who have no souls. None. No one with a soul would make cliffs with icy slopes that are impossible by any human means to climb unless you are actually capable of hitting four diametrically opposed buttons all at once. I ignore the fact that Child can do this, since watching him play, I've begun to feel doubt about his actual humanity and all. Because, let's all face it, his fingers are shorter than mine, I have better fine motor control, and yet, I fall and he *doesn't*. Let's just mull that one, okay?
And when you fall off the icy cliff?
Money-stealing bastards.
That's all I have to say about this subject.
Stumble and Fall
If this story doesn't come together, I'm going to kill Justin. I mean, it would solve everything, and also, be easy. Daphne's due date, he can get run over by a bus headed for Las Vegas carrying octogenian PFLAG members going to live it up on the strip. We will have a long, long, long, emotional scene in which Brian, who will be high because, well, he's always high during profound moments, will, in a fit of passion, name the child Justin Taylor Kinney and everyone will break into a musical number with Celine Dion singing My Heart Will Go On, and I will then cut my wrists and just die, because the day I do that, I know I will no longer have a reason to live, as I will be among the soulless ones, making icy mountains for Wario to climb and die on and then fall into money-eating pits and cast doubt on the humanity of Child. Bastard Wario and his not-climbing ass.
That's the plan. Right there.
And don't *even* try to stop me. I have a keyboard and a GameCube and a complete set of bodice ripper romance novels and a scary number of pop MP3s and I'm *so not* afraid to use them.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
From:"OH just go for it, you can't fall off there, there are rails..." As I go flying out into space, stupid Monkey screaming all the way and evil boy twins shrieking in hysterics.
(- reply to this
- thread
- link
)
no subject
From:I had no idea that was even *possible*.
And children who watch and mock? Say, like Child? Are obviously sent here to drive us insane.
I'm going to go get my Justin's Death playlist, that Brian will cry over like a baby at Justin's funeral, that everyone will attend, even Ethan, who will play a beautiful solo and he and Brian will have long, angsty, but strangely meaingful sex.
*clutches playlist close*
Yeah. I'm kinda unbalanced right now.
(- reply to this
- parent
- top thread
- link
)
Oh. My. God.
From:Yep. I think that definitely needs to go in the memories...
(- reply to this
- thread
- link
)
Re: Oh. My. God.
From:I want to sue someone. I don't know who. Possibly the soulless minions. I'm still thinking.
(- reply to this
- parent
- thread
- top thread
- link
)
Re: Oh. My. God.
From:(- reply to this
- parent
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:Have you read Annie Proulx's short story "Brokeback Mountain?" Because OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!! She takes us to school. Us who? Slashers. This woman can WRITE. If you haven't read it, you must. It's in her collection _Close Range_. Please, please, please check it out, and tell me what you think.
*hugs* (I wrote "huts" first. Hee!)
And that's a hell of an update to the SV Slash part of your recs page. How'd I miss it? Thanks for links to all kinds of brilliance I'd missed.
D.
(- reply to this
- thread
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- parent
- thread
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- parent
- thread
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. Directed by Ang Lee.
I cannot wait to see it. It's still in pre-production.
(- reply to this
- parent
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:Hee. I have I don't even *know* how many listed that I need to write out recs for and add. *hugs* We miss you on AIM, chica. Hope eveyrthing is going well in RL!
*hugs more*
(- reply to this
- parent
- thread
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:Good luck in training. :)
*hugs*
(- reply to this
- parent
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- thread
- link
)
no subject
From:It's kind of terrifying. Part of me was sure I was too old to get addicted, and sadly, that is not the case.
Zelda looks *good*.
(- reply to this
- parent
- thread
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:Also excellent, Starfox. It's my favourite. The Sonic Battle one is good too, I have Sonic Heros here now but haven't tried it yet.
(- reply to this
- parent
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- parent
- thread
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- parent
- thread
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- parent
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:I went to read the latest of Stumble and Fall (thank you for that), and followed the link to your other fics. Smallville. Hm..never seen it, kinda heard of it. Well, if it's got boy-sex, I'm interested.
*click*
OMG. Instant addict. I must see this show now if I have to rent, buy or steal it.
I only hope that Lex is as delicious in canon as he is in your fic.
(- reply to this
- thread
- link
)
no subject
From:*nudge* My rec page. The pretty on SV never ends. *happy memories*
(- reply to this
- parent
- thread
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:Thanks for the recs. I've read most of your fics and several from your rec list, and THEN found rhiannon's SV fic. *groan* I haven't slept in 2 days.
Is this normal behavior for a supposed sane person?
Didn't think so.
(- reply to this
- parent
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:Damn you!
And dude, how'd you know threatening us with pop mp3s and bodice ripper romance novels will give me nightmares? Your knowledge of the human psyche is disturbing and scary.
:p
(- reply to this
- thread
- link
)
no subject
From:*G*
I was talking to Joss and I think the ending should involve a violin solo by Ethan, that Brian can cry over as well, adn then long, tender, angsty, meaningful sex and more crying.
*grins* I'm actually going insane now. Stupid Wario.
(- reply to this
- parent
- thread
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:Ethan could be all smug about how he made Brian cry, but then Brian is like, "No, they're cutting onions in the kitchen," and it turns out he's standing on the lesbian's back porch and they totally are cutting onions in the kitchen and Ethan is all like, "Oh." But then they could fuck anyway.
(- reply to this
- parent
- thread
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From::(
(- reply to this
- parent
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From::/
I think I would like E/B sex. Oh! They can bond over Celin Dion's heartwrenching vocals.
*cackles madly*
Dude, you must write this fic now because because there is crying and E/B and it's about art and love and it's going to be so deeper than deep and poignant. :p
(- reply to this
- parent
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:Right up until you threatened to kill Justin.
::narrows eyes::
And then in the comments I saw you're thinking about B/E sex.
::narrows eyes more::
I'll see your pop and your bodice rippers, and raise you John Denver and....
Huh. I really can't think of anything worse than bodice rippers. The Anita Blake novels, maybe? Only probably not, because they're still genre and there's almost gay sex (and maybe actual gay sex, I stopped reading before I got very far). Hmm, this may call for something drastic, like Tom Clancy (bodice rippers for gun enthusiasts).
(- reply to this
- thread
- link
)
no subject
From:They will get married and Lindsay will have another baby for them and they'll name it Justina. And other stuff will happen, like Joss says they'll adopt Claire's kids and Hunter and Gus and have a big, happy family.
Big. And. Happy. With violin solos. Lots of them.
(- reply to this
- parent
- thread
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- parent
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:Except maybe not the crying, because it's Ethan.
(- reply to this
- parent
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- link
)