cracked does this to me

5 Terrifying Trends Currently Overtaking Etsy - fine, I want the murderducklings like you have no idea. It's a perfect storm of everything--and I do mean everything--wrong making itself right by sheer audacity.

Etsy always makes me feel really really lazy. I'm not creating cat (or dog, rabbit, guinea pig) felt for whimsical purses, nor learning the art of taxidermy so one day a historian will cite my work as an example of twenty-first century nightmare art with learned psychologists explaining how humans back then were murderpaths. I don't crochet anything from human hair or cover jars with cadaver skin or in any way risk showing up on a watchlist for future Law and Order ripped from the headlines eps (and I resent this like a lot). Etsy is elite, and when I crochet or knit, it's with yarn that came from a big box store, because I'm a sellout.

I could totally knit sweaters from yarn carded from all the hair I find (is on people's heads okay if it's really cool hair? Yes?) and create the perfect allergy murdersweater that will kill anyone who wears it (dyed with my own freely-shed blood on the new moon, of course). Epi pens come free with any order over $500. Sign up early and you can send me the fur/hair/wool to do it with, no questions asked (please remove excess flesh via boiling first?).

I think there's a market here.

(It's freaking 32 in Texas and I no longer recognize the feeling of warmth. What does the sun look like? Does anyone remember?)

Comments

[out_there]

Those Etsy products are incredibly creepy.

But I actually stopped by to share a link (via magnetic_pole) - Dark Family: VC Andrews and the Secret Life of Girls. So far, it's rather interesting.

[seperis]

Thankyou! I read this a couple of days ago and seriously, that was interesting. I desperately wish someone would do a deconstruction of My Sweet Audrina one day; it's one of the most haunting stories ever written beneath the Gothic banner, because it is horror, and even the reader doesn't see all of it until the end.

[dragovianknight]

Okay, most of that is disturbing, but I honestly don't see what's wrong with felting or spinning fur/hair what comes from things what are not sheep. Though the hairball was...special.

[seperis]

It's the animal dichotomy: pets versus livestock. Taken without context, it doesn't make sense why cat hair is weirder than sheep wool; with pet context, it's like making shirts out of yarn made from your sister's hair or something.

...I wonder if someone does that.

[pensnest]

Aaaaaah!

It was the hamster necklace that made me recoil in horror from my computer. Although on reflection, all the taxidermy is, hmm, disturbing. Considering that my cat has shed enough this year for me to knit an entire replacement cat, the creation of cat hair objects is sweetly normal by comparison.

I still prefer the dragon coat pegs, though.

[seperis]

That hamster head necklace was...special.

[malkingrey]

It's freaking 32 in Texas and I no longer recognize the feeling of warmth.

Warmth . . . it's what I'm going to feel up here in New Hampshire as soon as the average daily temperature gets up to 32°F. Seriously, though, it's all in what a person is used to, and what their wardrobe is optimized for, and how their home/work environment is set up. If it ever got as hot up here in midsummer as it regularly gets in Texas starting around the end of May, people would die. Possibly literally, because houses up here are designed with an eye to keeping heat in, not for cooling things down, and almost nobody has air conditioning.

[seperis]

This. So much this.

Sighs

[pudacat]

Somewhere in the dark depths of my documents, I have a knitting pattern for a dissected rat I bought of off Etsy.

Your offer is a deal at half the price, literally. With no RX insurance, my Epi-pens run $300. I get an Epi PLUS a murdersweater? Between my cats and myself, there's enough shedding to buy two of them.

Re: Sighs

[seperis]

*DIES LAUGHING* It'll be an awesome double-ccat murder sweater! Though I'm thinking if we can get all the allergens be it fur or hair and dye it with peanut butter and shellfish, it would be the ultimate weapon for the do-it-yourself murderer and knitting enthusiast.