this has to be some kind of sign

Historically, my vacations tend to end up being adventurous--again, see my DC Summer Flight Trauma--but I can honestly state that this? Is a whole new level of new.

Halfway between Kingsville and Raymondville, amireal and I were stopped for not changing lanes within one hundred feet of signaling we were going to do so.

To give an idea of how very much I wasn't paying attention, it wasn't until we pulled over and I asked Ami what the hell was happening that I realized we were even being followed by a task force police SUV and was still in a state of wtf--

("What did you do?" "I didn't do anything!" "Are you sure?" Ami stares at me hatefully until the officer comes to my window and smiles winningly while I try to remember how windows work. As one does.)

Ami handed over her driver's license and insurance and then looked for the rental agreement while trying to look non-threatening (I mean, I'm not sure how we could have looked less threatening than blank expressions while listening to the Buffy "Once More With Feeling" soundtrack, which we may or may not have been singing along with). He wandered away with her paperwork, then to my utter horror asked her to get out of the car after stepping into the lane to divert traffic and I watched in the rearview mirror as she got into the police car and closed the door. While clutching three bags on my lap in a non-threatening manner. As one does when one is freaked the fuck out.

Eventually--I mean, this was like ten minutes--the officer came back and asked me for Ami's real name--it was close thing not saying Amireal, let me tell you--and what we were doing and where we had come from and our vacation plans and a short quiz on my home city while I continued to clutch every bag Ami had gone through looking for the rental agreement--before wandering back to his car where Ami was waiting, and another few minutes passed before I got out--non-threateningly--and asked if I could smoke so I could more easily stare at them in case he took off with Ami and left me in the middle of nowhere to die alone since right, my phone was stolen in San Antonio and Jesus Christ, this is not my life. Eventually, Ami returned to the car and I got back in as quickly as humanly possible, and as we drove away, Ami told me about the 100 feet violation--seriously? That's a thing?--and then asked me if I was questioned on our plans.

Ami was questioned on our plans, our most recent location, and whether or not she had cocaine, marijuana, or around twelve thousand dollars cash in the car somewhere to buy them. At which time, I realized next time I played "Never Have I" at VVC, I could take a shot for "Have you ever been pulled over in South Texas on suspicion of having cocaine or large amounts of money to buy it?"

Currently on my pool-facing balcony in South Padre contemplating whether or not Ami or I should risk going out of the condo at any point this week.

Comments

[amireal]

Unfortunately, we only have so much food, so we must venture out at least once, especially if we plan on holing up like gophers fearing shadows.

[percysowner]

That sounds just awful. Glad it's over. I went to Texas once. This does not inspire me to go again.

[amireal]

While terrifying at the time, once I realized what was going on, it was mostly hilarious and understandable, they do have to stop the huge amount of drug trafficking that happens.

[batdina]

this is the single best story I've heard or read or seen in months. I don't get out much, but still ....

glad you're safe. borders are weird, aren't they? (some day I'll tell tales about Blaine Washington; but not yet because even though it was over a decade ago I'm still traumatised.)

[amireal]

It's not that you don't get out much, it's that it's really that awesome a story! I mean really, it's fucking amazing!

[inoru_no_hoshi]

You can get pulled over for that? Man, sometimes you signal and you CAN'T change lanes for a while because of all the other cars. o.o

Also this sounds really surreal; I am not sure leaving the condo is safe. But then you would miss a lot and basically the entire purpose of vacationing. Hmmmmmmm.

[seperis]

We're doing the relaxation thing like whoa. It's so weird, I think, for both of us. There are naps. I love naps.

[ivorygates]

i so very much love the fact that this is not my life. you have no idea.

[seperis]

*amused* It does make a good story, though.

[ivorygates]

You will never lack for small talk at dinner parties....

[grammarwoman]

I'm still trying to figure out the connection between leaving your turn signal on for a while and being suspected drug smugglers. Did they think you were sampling the product and forgot to change lanes or turn off your signal?

Having done my fair share of traveling with fangirl friends, though, I feel your panic at remembering real names. "You mean like her real, real name and hometown? Can't I just tell you how we met online?"

[amireal]

There is no connection, it was just the excuse to pull us over. I'm sure 90% of the time he gets people who don't signal at all and doesn't have to resort to taking apart traffic law to come up with a legit reason to pull people over, but I like signaling damnit, and I didn't get a ticket and warnings don't touch your driving record so it's not a big deal.

[shrewreader]

Oh, that one's easy. (A) what Amireal said, and (b) drug smugglers aren't known for their car electronics skills. You pack the drugs in wherever you can, and then wires connecting blinker to stalk on steering wheel get disconnected. Either your turn signal goes on and won't go off, or, in accordance with Casper's Law ("no amount of money, manpower or knowledge can equal the person you're looking for being stupid"), won't go on at all, giving the cops probable cause.

[seperis]

Uh, kind of want to marry you for that. I forgot that's a common place to hide them.

[serrico]

WHAT.

...probably not the *best* idea to openly refer to you both as Those Texas Drug Smugglers next time I see you at VVC, right? 'Cause I gotta say: I'm TEMPTED.

[seperis]

Try not to make a sign? WELCOME TO VVC SOUTH TEXAS DRUG SMUGGLERS in glitter? Not that you would do that.

....you're out buying the glitter right now, aren't you?

[mercurybard]

Oh, South Texas. Are you going to have to drive through the Sarita checkpoint on your way home?

[seperis]

Going south-north, you gotta pass one of them unless we want to go dirt road, which would be hilarious. I'll report from there!

[out_there]

At which time, I realized next time I played "Never Have I" at VVC, I could take a shot for "Have you ever been pulled over in South Texas on suspicion of having cocaine or large amounts of money to buy it?"

Hee. I'm guessing you and Ami'd be the only ones not drinking to that. I hope. *g*

[seperis]

WE WIN FOREVER.